Mr InsaneGuy's Truth or Dare: Super Smash Brothers Edition
by Mr.InsaneGuy
Summary: Ted has taken the legacy of hosting these games and moved onto the most famous multidimensional tournament, Super Smash Brothers! Can the Smashers handle the truths? Can they handle the dares? Is Raid: Shadow Legends trash? You decide!
1. Same Game, Different Universe

**A/N: When writing this, I forgot that Smash 4 had DLC characters, and among those were Bayonetta, which everyone treats as a newcomer. Whoops. Hopefully you guys won't get on my case too much about that.**

It was a nice, sunny day in Smash Town. It was time for the fifth Smash Tournament and everyone from previous tournaments was invited as well as many new additions. The old Smash Manor, which had been used previously for lodging in the last four tournaments, could no longer be used to hold all the incoming fighters. Therefor, a little town was built up around the manor, with stores and services like any normal town. The manor was still used as a hangout spot and lodging for those who didn't wish to have their own home, but most everyone had their own house or apartment outside of the old manor. The town was put together with the help of Tom Nook and was managed by the Villager and his secretary, Isabelle. While the loans that Tom Nook gives usually have little to no interest on them, it was still a bit of a burden to pay off.

The Smashers began to arrive one by one in their own unique ways. People from the world of the Mushroom Kingdom arrived via interdimensional warp pipes, smashers from space entered designated wormholes through which they could crossover to this universe and land on the planet from there. Some even learned new abilities that let them teleport across time, space, and dimensions at will to a certain extent, unfortunately for Ness, he has a habit of running into things.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Ness and Lucas yelled as they blinked into existence on the main road and continued running at quick speeds. Ness was leading and while wasn't fast like Sonic or anything, but even with psychic powers, their was little he could do to control himself as he ran into the front of Smash Manor, with Lucas crashing right behind him. They both fell to the ground, covered in a soot-like substance. They both got up and shook it off.

"No offense," Lucas began, "But… can't they send someone else to pick me up?"

"Lucas, this wouldn't be a problem if you'd just learn teleportation," Ness said, "Then you can run into buildings all by yourself,"

Ness and Lucas were currently a little different than how they appeared on their own adventures. Most notably, they were older. Ness had participated in every Smash tournament since the very beginning. This averaged out to just over once a year in his universe, making him eighteen. Lucas had participated since Brawl and was soon to turn fifteen in the coming weeks.

"Is it really that hard?" Lucas asked.

"Oh yeah," Ness answered, "It's worse since I can only learn the alpha version of this kind of teleportation. I imagine if I knew the beta version, I'd just get dizzy, but I also wouldn't have a headache. It's a good trade off," Ness was the more chatty one out of the two while Lucas was arguably the most introverted fighter in the tournament. It was typical for Ness to continue to ramble on while Lucas just listened to one of his few friends at the tournament, "I hope we can stay our normal ages this time, I'm just starting to grow a half decent mustache,"

"I… I didn't notice you had one," Lucas chimed in.

"Lucas, just let me believe," Ness begged as he began to walk inside the manor to sign in. Inside, there were many fighters signing into the tournament. Many fighters were already inside and waiting to sign in. The hero of the wild, Link teleported in and looked very confused as he saw a small man in a spacesuit walking around with several little plant creatures. The two psychics walk up to one of the ones handling the paperwork, this one being Isabelle.

"Hello!" Greeted the anthropomorphic shih tzu, "Welcome to Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, please sign in on this roaster here," She slid Ness a form with all of the names of the smashers and he went to find his name. Once he found it, he wrote his signature next to his name and as soon as he did, a puff of smoke enveloped him. Once it dissipated, he found himself as he was when he went on his adventure five years ago, much to his disappointment.

"Aw man! Why do we need to age down for this? I'm a grown man!" Ness complained.

"Uh… um… I'm sorry for the inconvenience," Isabelle apologized, "It's tournament policy,"

"Besides, you have no reason to complain," said a young boy dressed in green.

"Link? Wait a sec… there are so many of you. You're the hero of time, right?"

"Yep," The young Link confirmed, "Haven't seen ya since Melee,"

"How's it been, man?" Ness asked, "Why haven't you shown up to the last two tournaments?"

"It's been good," The young Link confirmed, "While I was away, I got pretty serious into a relationship, got married, and I'm hoping to have a kid sometime soon,"

"Whoa! Really?" Ness gasped, "You married Zelda?"

As Ness said this, the Smasher known as Sheik happened to walk by, revealed her true face, and laughed.

"Geez, you don't have to be that mean, Zelda," The young Link said.

"I'm sorry Link," Zelda, who was in her Sheik disguise, apologized as she recovered from the laughter, "It's just funny that everyone assumes that,"

"It doesn't make me feel better," The young Link said, "But I got a hot, redhead country girl as a wife. You can't beat that!"

"Yeah yeah," Sheik scoffed sarcastically, "Redheads are awesome. Royalty is snobby and stupid,"

"Exactly!" The young Link said, "And don't you forget it!"

"Whatever kid," The disguised Zelda said as she put her wraps back on, "Enjoy hanging out with the other children,"

"I'm a grown man, Zelda!"

"Are you?" Sheik asked.

"Uh… I'm older than this chump," The young Link said while pointing to Ness.

"Don't throw me under the bus!"

"Sacrifices must be made, Ness,"

"That's what I wanna hear from a legendary hero!" Ness sarcastically blurted.

As Ness and the hero of time bickered, Lucas signed in and was reverted to his thirteen-year-old self.

"I almost forgot," Isabelle mentioned, "I wanted to ask where you both will be staying during your time here at the tournament. The rooms in the manor are free, but we have an apartment complex as well as individual housing. Although those cost a bit of money to stay in,"

Ness looked through the listings of available housing and sighed. "Hey Lucas, do you want to split the cost for a house?"

"My village abandoned the concept of money," Lucas answered.

"Of course," Ness sighed, "I'll take the free manor room,"

"Okay," Isabelle confirmed. She shuffled around behind her table and gave Ness a room key, "You'll be in Room 112, thank you. I can't wait to play with you all in the tournament,"

"I'll take a manor room," Lucas chimed in. Isabelle gave him a key as well, Room 113.

"Well, I'll let y'all settle in," The young Link ended, "I'm gonna go find my latest incarnation and go mess with him a bit. Haven't seen him since Mario Kart,"

"You got invited to Mario Kart!" The psychics blurted.

"Yep!" Isabelle chimed in. "So was me, the mayor, and these kids called inklings,"

"I heard about them," Lucas replied, "They are the shapeshifting squid people, right?"

"That's not important, Lucas," Ness snided, "Why weren't we invited!?"

The young Link shrugged as he went off to do his own thing.

The two psychics made their way to their rooms to settle down. As they opened the doors to their rooms, which were right across from each other, a distraught angel came walking by.

"Hey Pit," Ness greeted, "What's up?"

"Is… Something wrong?" Lucas asked.

"I'm finished guys! Finished!" Pit panicked.

"Dude, you always say that," Ness mentioned.

"But I am, for real this time!"

"Calm down Pit," Lucas comforted, "Breathe, then tell us what happened,"

The angel took a deep breath and began. "There's a witch in the tournament this year,"

"So," Ness scoffed, "Pretty sure Ganondorf is like, evil incarnate or something. What's a little witch going to do?"

"Do you know what this witch does, Ness?! This witch kills angels! And in some of the worst ways imaginable! It like she does it for fun or something!"

"I assure you that what I do is business," a sexy voice chimed in. Pit turned around to find a tall woman with short black hair standing over him with a small red lollipop in her hand, "However, it doesn't mean that I don't derive pleasure from it," The way she spoke was like that of a succubus tempting her victim. Ness was a little enamoured by the woman's look, speech, and mannerisms. Pit jumped back and pulled out his bow, which he split into two, making it dual-wielded blades.

"Come now, little one," the woman smirked, "I wouldn't want to finish you prematurely. Let us wait for the tournament to begin before we find out who finishes on top,"

"So much innuendo," Ness breathed.

"So much… is that hair?" Lucas asked in response to the woman's attire.

"Wh-who are you, witch?!" Pit demanded.

"Call me either Bayonetta or Ceraza, whichever you prefer,"

"Bay-o-netta," Ness continued to fawn.

"I'm off to my apartment now," Bayonetta finished, "I'll let you live little angel, you're much more handsome than the angels I handle," She walked past Pit and grazed his face with her fingers in a flirtatious manner. She walked past the two psychics and after walking a few feet, she turned back around, "I hope you little ones have the stamina to keep up with me in battle," She put the into her mouth and carried on.

"She's about as sexy as Samus," Ness gushed, "Definitely in the top three with Samus and Palutena,"

"Wh-what!" Pit gasped, "Don't say such things about Lady Palutena!"

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Lucas asked Ness.

"Don't bring Paula into this!"

"Anyway," Lucas moved on, "You still look freaked, Pit,"

"Obviously!"

"How about we have a friendly fight," Lucas suggested, "It'll take your mind off things. It does for me,"

"I've always found it a bit ironic that you're the one who always suggests fighting," Ness commented.

"I wouldn't come here if I didn't like the fighting," Lucas replied, "What would I do with prize money anyway?"

"Good idea, Lucas," Pit agreed, "But can we find another person to join in? I don't like three person free-for-alls,"

"Yeah, they do end up turning into two-on-ones," Lucas agreed, "Toony didn't sign in yet so he's not here yet,"

Just as they were pondering this, a girl with orange tentacles for hair and what looked like a super soaker happened to overhear. She beamed and began to speak in some unknown language, which sounded like gurgling.

"Great, another fighter that can't speak, let me try to communicate," Ness suggested. He turned to the squid girl, "We. Want. Person. To. Fight. Do. You. Want. To. Fight?"

The squid girl simply glared at the capped psychic. "I can speak English, asshole,"

"Alright, my bad," Ness apologized.

"Can't you communicate and translate through telepathy?" Pit asked.

"That's kinda Paula's thing,"

"You're one of the fighters," Lucas exclaimed, "An inkling,"

The squid girl nodded "We're squids that evolved to shapeshift thousands of years after humans died out. Spoiler alert, climate change kinda fucked you guys up,"

"I understand," Lucas replied, "I come from a post-apocalyptic world too,"

"You know, we still never found out when that would happen," Ness said, "Thinking of that kinda makes me feel uneasy,"

"Do you have a name?" Pit asked the inkling.

The squid girl answered with a long gargle. The two teens and their angel friend could not begin to pronounce it, but that didn't stop Ness from trying. "Well then," He gargled what he thought was her name. After his poor attempt, the squid girl cringed. Ness continued with his sentence. "How did you get invited to Mario Kart!?"

"I don't know man, but you are making a shitty first impression, bro," the squid girl remarked.

"What'd I say?" Ness asked.

"You don't wanna know, dude,"

"Well if we can't pronounce your name, how about we call you by a nickname?" Pit suggested, "How about… Orange?"

"You are just oozing with originality," the squid girl sarcastically sassed.

"Thanks!" Pit smiled, not picking up on the sarcasm at all.

"Whatever, Orange it is," The squid girl scoffed, "It's better than what that guy called me,"

"What did I say!?" Ness inquired again.

* * *

Red flew to the manor on his Charizard. When he landed, he climbed off of the big, orange fire dragon and recalled it to its pokeball. He was glad that he was finally starting to behave. Charizard rebelled against him before the last tournament and entered alone, locking Red and his other starters out. That pissed him off, but as the Pokemon Champion in Kanto, it's not like he was hurting for money or anything. Still, it'd be fun if he could have joined last year. Now there are so many people he doesn't know, newcomers from the last two tournaments.

As the trainer walked toward the manor, something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned to see what appeared to be a pokemon. It was a white humanoid with a purple tail and some kind of tube connecting his head to his upper back behind his neck. It suddenly hit him. That was the legendary Pokemon, Mewtwo. He then remembered that he still had an unused Master Ball hidden away in his bag. If he could just toss it at the pokemon, it'd be his.

Just as the trainer thought that, however, Mewtwo glared at him and levitated towards him.

"_I know what you're thinking_," Mewtwo telepathically communicated, "_And if you dare attempt to capture me, human. I will kill you without a second thought. This is my only warning_," Mewtwo then hovered into the manor to sign up for the tournament.

Red was thoroughly startled by Mewtwo's threat. He quickly abandoned his hopes of capturing him. It was against the rules to capture opponents during the tournament anyway. Something he had learned back in Brawl after he won a fight against Lucario. Even if he was successful, who's to say that Mewtwo wouldn't just kill him immediately after he called upon him in battle.

* * *

Chrom, Lucina, and Robin came into the manor with an angry piranha plant in a flower pot. Chrom was holding the plant while keeping it a safe distance away from Lucina and avoiding and bites or poison clouds that it could spit. Robin approached Mario, who had just so happened to be near the entrance when they walked in.

"Hi Mario," Robin greeted, "Remember that piranha plant you gave us last tournament?"

"Ah yes," Mario answered, "The one we let a different fighter take care of every year? What's wrong with it?"

"It's…," Robin stopped and thought about what he was about to say, "So, I have more than a few eccentric mages in my army,"

"Go on…,"

"And after a few magical experiments, not approved by me, by the way, the plant began to have a mind of its own. More than the typical piranha plant I've encountered,"

"They aren't usually fully sentient until they reach Petey Piranha size, which takes many, many years… are those legs!?"

Mario pointed to the piranha plant sprouting leafy appendages from the bottom of its pot. The plant dropkicked Chrom and it's mouth fell onto Lucina's head. Lucina freaked out and pulled out her sword, trying to wildly swing at the plant, while Chrom recovered and began to pull it off.

"It's been trying to bite the head off my wife for the past month and a half," Robin sighed, "Anytime we tried getting near it, it would spit up clouds of poison,"

"This is why we should have killed it!" Chrom shouted as he pulled the plant of his daughter's head.

"I didn't want to kill it, because I didn't want to be known as the guy who killed the tournament's pet plant," Robin shouted.

"Bitch! I ain't no pet!" The piranha plant interjected.

"How long has it been talking?" Mario asked.

"This is new," Lucina answered.

The plant kicked Chrom yet again and jumped down to the floor. It walked up to Mario and extended a leafy appendage from it's stem that acted as a hand.

"I'd like to join your tournament," The plant claimed.

"Uh… what?" Mario stammered.

"You heard me, Motherfucker!" The plant argued, "I wanna fight in your tournament. I wanna get me some of that prize money,"

"What would a plant do with money?" Robin asked.

"A lot a things," The plant answered, "A good greenhouse to live in, human flesh, a better flower pot then this cheap little thing. Enough money to emancipate myself from this pedo motherfucker and live on my own,"

"What!?" Robin blurted.

"Bitch! You married your best friend's daughter from the future. Little Lucy just got potty-trained. You weird, man,"

"I hate explaining this," Lucina and Robin sighed.

"About you signing up…," Mario interrupted.

"My bad, man. What do I need to sign?"

"Just talk to Isabelle, the dog lady, and she'll work something out,"

"You can't seriously be letting him join!" The royal family protested.

"This tournament is dubbed Ultimate for a reason," Mario explained, "We want as many fighters as possible. I've even made calls to a few other potential candidates, but I haven't heard back yet. A lot of us fight with our enemies in these tournaments every year, it's not so bad,"

"When I win," The plant smiled as he leaned closer to Robin, "My first meal will be your wife. Don't worry though, you can always marry the younger Lucina. I hear she draws real well for her age,"

"Mario, can you please reconsider!?" Robin complained.

"If you're worried about losing to a plant, then what are you doing here?" Mario smirked. Mario was known to be an all around good guy, but he also liked to rile up the other fighters so that they do their best.

"It's on, plant!" Robin declared.

"Oh, I can't wait!"

"Are you really rivals with a plant now?" Chrom sighed.

* * *

Samus and Wii Fit Trainer were among the first to arrive and sign in. Therefore, they had already gotten done with settling into their living areas and had begun to work out together. In the last tournament, Samus and Wii Fit became fast friends due to their mutual interest in fitness. It quickly became apparent that Samus was more fit than even Wii Fit, but that was due to being infused with Chozo DNA. Wii Fit didn't mind this, because it pushed her to improve even more and while she may never match Samus in terms of physical ability, she can at least have someone to go on runs with.

The two had just finished a run around the newly built Smashtown. They ran past many businesses and homesteads on their path. Many of the shops were simply branches from the Animal Crossing Universe. Shops like T&T Emporium, The Roost Cafe, and Club LOL were present, but there were many other businesses as well. But there were other places. There was a Pokemon center for all the Pokemon to heal and rest up, an all-you-can-eat buffet operated by the Toads of the Mushroom Kingdom, a milk bar, a demonic portal to a real bar operated by a demon or fallen angel (something like that), a gym where everyone can train, and many more.

They got a good look at some of the homes that other Smashers had too. Of course, anyone who was royalty, which was a good chunk of the Smash Brothers roaster, had a nice home. The apartment complex, which both the women resided in, was a nice upgrade to the rooms in the manor. Not to say that the manor was in bad condition or anything, but it's nice to have everything you need, such as a stove, washer, and dryer, all in one space.

The women finished their run where they started, the front of Smash Manor. They were both tired and sweaty, but Wii Fit felt more worn out since she kept up with Samus's fast pace the entire time.

"Wow Samus," Wii Fit breathed, "It's been a while since I had a run that intense. It was almost impossible to keep up with you,"

"You're doing better than any other normal person," Samus said, "I'm infused with alien DNA, I'm kinda cheating,"

"Well, I still want to try to get on your level. That is my goal!"

"I thought you were the fitness trainer,"

"I still am," Wii Fit defended, "I'm going to be continuing my yoga classes with the princesses once everyone has settled in,"

The two women walk into the manor for a drink of water. Along the way, Samus sees her nemesis, the space dragon Ridley. She shuddered as she walked past, obviously annoyed at the fact that she had to deal with that monster during her stay. Wii Fit noticed her frustration. As the women filled their water bottles at the water cooler, they spoke again.

"Are you alright?" Wii Fit asked, "With Ridley and all?"

"I'll be fine, Wii Fit," Samus said just before drinking her refreshing beverage, "It just annoys me because I like to use this tournament as an escape from all the shit I do in my universe. It never bothered me that I didn't win any of the previous tournaments, I think this place is a vacation,"

"It's just work following you around?"

"Exactly! And it pisses me off,"

Just then, Pikachu and Pichu ran over to Samus. Samus always had a soft spot for these electric rodents and her mood immediately shifted. She kneeled down and held her arms out, allowing the pokemon to jump up for a hug.

"How have you been you two?" Samus said in a voice that sounded too cutsey for the hardcore, loner bounty hunter, "It's been forever since I've seen you little Pichu. You're both still as adorable as ever,"

"Pika Pika!"

"Pichu!"

Wii Fit smiled at Samus's break in character. "You always had a soft spot for the Pikachus, haven't you?"

"Pikachu kept following me around after the matches, nuzzling up against me when I sat down in the living room, stuff like that. He grew on me quickly. Then next year, I found out he had a baby evolution and… well they're great. I know! It ruins the image I've built over the years,"

"I think it makes you more relatable,"

"Wii Fit, no one wants to relate to the bounty hunter they hire. It's a purely professional relationship that can't afford to be muddied up by feelings. It's a lesson I gotta keep reminding myself,"

"I'm no psychologist, but that can't be healthy,"

"True, but as long as I got these two, I'll be fine," Samus finished hugging the electric pokemon and got back up.

"Do you want to head down to that bar later, The Gates of Hell?" Wii Fit asked.

"I thought you weren't really a drinker,"

"Not usually, but it's my cheat day and my first day back in the tournament. It'll be fun,"

"I'm down anytime," Samus answered.

* * *

Later that day, a mysterious man walked into the manor and up to the registration desk at the entrance. His appearance was simple. He was a tall, fair-skinned man with short brown hair and brown eyes. He wore a light green shirt and jeans. He was about as ordinary as they came as far as appearances are concerned.

"Hello sir," Isabelle cheerfully greeted, "Welcome to Super Smash Brothers Ultimate… Are you one of the newcomers?"

"Yeah…," The man lied. He looked around himself and realized that they were the only ones around. He pointed his finger at her and a black beam fired from his fingertip. The beam went through her chest and while it didn't appear to do anything at first, she still wasn't wanting to be attacked so soon. She tried to warn him to keep all attacks in the arena, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn't speak. She looked down to see that her body was quickly turning to ash and disintegrating. Her last few moments were filled with pure terror as she had nothing else to do but wait for the disintegration to consume her fully.

Just as she was done fading from existence, her boss and friend, Daniel the villager came walking in.

"Hello sir, are you waiting here?" He asked.

"Yes, I was," The man said, "I'd wish to sign into the tournament,"

"I can help you with that. Usually my secretary Isabelle would help you, but she seems to be out right now," He got behind the desk and shuffled some papers around, "Not that I'm complaining or anything, she needs to take more breaks. I just apologize that you happened to show up while she was doing so,"

"That's fine,"

After a little bit more shuffling around, Daniel was confused. He had at least some idea as to what many of the fighters looked like, but this guy didn't ring any bells. He looked down by the desk and noticed bits of ash around the desk. He looked up and noticed that the man was pointing at him for some reason. He was alarmed by his unusual presence and it was confirmed when the man fired the beam at him.

"You… Isabe-," Daniel muttered as he noticed himself disintegrating starting from the ends of his limbs and moving up.

"Just be glad I'm not shooting you up like a certain alter ego I used to know," The man assured. He referenced something the Villager knew nothing about. The disintegration soon after consumed him completely.

"Well, two down," The man smirked.

* * *

Luigi was busy shopping around at T&T Emporium. This one was better stocked than the one from Daniel's Village, due to the amount of people they have to cater to. The store was essentially your typical, one-stop shop for anything you could need, groceries, clothes, gardening supplies, furniture, and much more. The green plumber was shopping for groceries to stock his house with when he ran in Princess Daisy. He felt his heart rate jump when she greeted him.

"Hi Luigi!" the princess greeted.

"Oh, uh… Hi, Daisy," He greeted meekly.

"Whatcha' doin?" She inquired.

"Just, uh, shopping for groceries. What about you?"

"Same, although this store's get everything. Kinda glad I didn't bring all my coins with me this time. I keep getting side tracked, wondering what I'll get next time I stop by,"

"They do have a lot… By the way, it's good to see you in the tournament this year,"

"Thanks!" She beamed, "Honestly, I just came to kick Peach's ass after she smoked me at our last Tennis game. I can't let her show me up like that, you know?" The two princesses had a friendly rivalry when it came to sports. She didn't go the previous years because she liked to stay up and watch the tournament with Toadette, cheering on her friends like an avid sports fan. However, after she lost to Peach in the Tennis semi-finals, she had been eagerly waiting for the Smash tournament to come around.

"Well, I wish you luck," Luigi said.

"Thanks Luigi," Then she smirked, "May the best person win,"

She made her leave to continue her shopping and browsing trip. Luigi sighed as she watched her walk away. He had always had a crush on the princess, but never had the courage to fully express that. He wasn't sure if she knew about it herself, but to many, it was obvious.

"Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do," teased a singing, gruff voice from behind Luigi, "I'm half crazy, all for the love of you," The plumber turned around to see Solid Snake, someone he hadn't seen since Brawl. The two were unlikely pals back then.

"Snake!" Luigi exclaimed, "I thought you had passed away!" Due to Snake being a clone, he aged much faster than a normal person. When he came to Brawl, he had just over five months left to live. Luckily, while he was in the tournament, the aging was halted and he had his young body again. When he didn't show up for Smash Four, everyone assumed the worst.

"Funny thing about how time works across universes," Snake said, "Apparently my universe is slow in comparison. Really slow,"

"How slow?"

"I got an invite to Smash Four about two weeks after I got back home. Unfortunately, I was away on vacation and by the time I got back, I got the invite for this one. Good way to cheat a few more months out of death,"

That last sentence about Snake's looming mortality made him a little uncomfortable, but he's been known to get real. "It's great to have you back,"

"And it's great to be back, but tell me something, you like that Daisy girl, don't you?"

"Uh… How did-,"

"That look on your face says it all. Tell you what, I'll help you out,"

"Wha- really? How?"

"By challenging you to take risks. Start small. Next time you see her, go up and ask her if she'd like to watch a movie or go to dinner or something. Something simple,"

"Snake! That's a date,"

"I know, a simple one. Women love confidence, Luigi,"

"I… I suppose you're right,"

"Of course I am,"

* * *

It was now beginning to be nightfall and a fifteen-year-old Toon Link scrambled to get to the Manor and sign in before they closed registrations for the day, which would for him to pay for a hotel for the night. Something he wasn't allowing to happen again. He burst through the door only to find no one there. Their was the sign in table that Isabelle would usually be sitting in, as well as bits of ash here and there, but no signs of anything else. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen anyone since arriving. He ran through the town and didn't see a soul.

Meanwhile, Ness, Lucas, and their new squid friend Orange, where teasing Pit about his performance in the previous fight as they were heading back to the manor.

"Not to be mean," Lucas began, "But what was that?"

"Yeah, dude!" Orange blurted, "It's like you just decided to stop using your wings in that last match,"

"I tried to call upon Palutena to grant me the Power of Flight," Pit defended, but nothing happened.

"Just… flap your wings," Orange suggested.

"That's a very sensitive subject for him," Lucas informed Orange.

"Why?" She asked. Pit's face was getting redder, awaiting the inevitable laughter that usually happens when someone finds out he's flightless.

"He flies about as well as a penguin," Ness joked.

"Wait… you can't fly!?" Orange exclaimed.

"Y- yeah…,"

"Oh my God, how'd that happen?," Orange laughed, "Did you barely make the cutoff to go to heaven so they made you flightless?"

"They say every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings," Ness chimed in, "Maybe the person ringing your bell just wasn't loud enough,"

"It's a birth defect!" Pit defended.

"It's alright, my dude," Orange assured him, still sorta giggling from the knowledge of the angel's unfortunate disability, "If it makes you feel better, I can't swim,"

The three immediately stop and stare at her, "But you're a squid!"

"Inklings dissolve in water,"

"...But you're a squid!" They repeated.

"I never paid much attention in science class. Something about how we're made of mostly ink yada yada yada, the water is basically lava,"

The four eventually made it to the manor. They walked inside to see Toon Link pulling his sword out and quickly turning around to investigate the sound. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that they were mostly his friends.

"Thank the Goddesses," Toon Link, "There's at least some people here,"

"And a hydrophobic squid girl," Ness snarked.

"You sayin' I ain't a person?!" Orange replied, "I bet you have something we can pick on you for,"

"Oh! I know!" Pit blurted, "Ness gets homesick really easy,"

"Pit!" Ness yelled.

"Guys…," Toon Link muttered.

"What? Can't make it a week without calling mommy," Orange teased, "Aren't you an adult now?"

"I just turned eighteen a couple months ago!"

"Guys," Toon Link said.

"I don't see anything wrong with wanting to see your mom," Lucas argued.

"Well, of course you…," Ness caught himself before he made another quippy remarks. Just like Pit's wings were a sensitive subject, Lucas's mother was a similar story. He froze before speaking up again, "Thanks, man,"

"Guys," Toon Link stressed.

"Lucas is right," Orange conceded, "That ain't the best I can do to roast him. We'll find something,"

"Try me, squid kid," Ness challenged.

"Guys!" Toon link yelled. The rest of them stopped their bickering and turned toward the young green warrior.

"What's up, Toony?" Ness asked.

"Haven't you guys noticed that there is no one else here?" Toon Link asked.

"No, we've just been fucking off on some of the stages all afternoon," Ness answered.

"Almost everyone was here when we left," Lucas said.

"Well, when I got here. I rush… I mean, walked through town and saw no one," Toon Link explained, "You are literally the first ones I've seen,"

"Do you think we're under attack?" Pit wondered, "It'd explain why I couldn't fly. Maybe they already had Lady Palutena,"

"Is that all you know?" Lucas asked.

"Ash… I see bits of ash here and there," Toon Link responded.

"Ah shit," Ness sighed, "I don't like where this is going,"

"You think they got splatted?" Orange asked.

"If by splatted, you mean turned to ash like that Avengers movie from the future I saw last year, Then yeah," Ness answered.

"Ash!" Pit panicked, "How could go around and turn everyone to ash!? I don't even think Ganondorf has the ability to do that!"

"He doesn't," A man's voice said. It was the man in the green shirt, smiling at the doorway behind them. The remaining Smashers assumed battle positions, ready to face off against the stranger, "I wouldn't recommend that. Resistance is useless," The man slid his right hand up and down his left forearm, mimicking cocking a shotgun. He fired a dark energy ball that hit Toon Link. He, along with Ness and Pit who happened to be nearby, were caught in the ball's explosive blast radius. They were turned to ash instantly.

The remaining two Smashers, Lucas and Orange, ran away from this stranger. They ran deeper into the manor's halls, going past many more ash piles, dropped weapons, and a random flower pot. They took a turn around the corner and were greeted by the stranger yet again. He had his finger ready to fire a beam and he fired the second one of them were visible. This beam hit Orange in the stomach and began the disintegration process.

"Orange!" Lucas cried as he began to ready up his Lifeup power. He caught her as she began to fall over, her legs being mostly ash. Lucas used his powers which radiated a green energy that pulsed through her body. However, this had no effect. He tried Healing and a similar blue energy pulsed through her, but to no effect. Lucas could see the fear on her face as she looked to she most of her body was gone already. She lost the ability to speak as a clear, inky substance leaked from her eyes. She looked to Lucas, knowing that her end was here.

_I'm sorry it turned out like this_

Painful memories resurfaced for the young psychic. He had come so far since that incident, but there were times when he couldn't function with those thoughts swirling in his mind. This wasn't the time to be on the verge of a breakdown and he knew it. The rest of Orange turned to ash, only leaving clumps of ash in his hands. He looked up at the stranger, wondering why he hadn't fired his beam.

"Thinking about your brother?" The man inquired.

"Wh… why…?" Lucas cried, trying to ignore the stranger's inquiry into his mind.

"Because I wanted to play a little game,"

"Well… you win… happy?"

"This isn't the game," The stranger corrected, "This is just something I do before the game. It used to be brutal murder, worse than anything your mother experienced,"

_Lucas! Claus! Go!_

_Mom!_

The floodgates opened and the boy began to loudly cry in front of the stranger. "I… can't…,"

"Tell you what," The man began, "I'll give you one free hit, give me your best shot. It's the least I can do for you being the last survivor,"

Lucas, with tears running down his face, slowly stood up. He held both his hands out in front of him. In a rare moment for him, he turned his sadness to anger as he called upon his strongest version of his special attack.

"PK LOVE!" A blinding flurry of brightly colored hexagons fired out of his hands. These hexagons hit their mark, exploding in more tiny hexagons that eventually dissipated. The man stumbled very slightly and chuckled.

"Wouldn't love to be hit by that," The man quipped, "I like it. However, unlike my previous… associate, I can't be beaten. Just accept this, it'll be painless. I promise,"

The man fired the beam from his fingers, hitting Lucas square in the chest. He fell over, and aside from the pain he felt after hitting the ground, the disintegration didn't feel bad at all. As a matter a fact, the parts of his body that had turned to ash couldn't be felt anymore. If he was in a darker state of mind, like he was after the end of his adventure, he wouldn't have minded going out like this. Hell, he'd feel relieved. He tried to remember that to ease the emotional pain that he suffered as he faded from existence.

* * *

Lucas woke up in his bed in his room in the manor. He looked around the place, nothing was out of the ordinary. The sun was shining through the blinds covering his window, so it was probably sometime in the late morning. He took a peek outside of his room, nothing out of the ordinary here either. Just then, the Smasher Lucas saw, Orange dashed toward his open door.

"Did you have that dream too!?" She frantically asked.

"It felt so real," Lucas sighed.

"So you did have it!"

The two found themselves teleported to the front entrance. Atop the second story stairways, the stranger stood eagerly waiting.

"Hello, I do apologize for randomly killing all of you," The man began, "I figure it's what Bob would have wanted,"

"Who the hell do you think you are!?" Bowser shouted at the man, "Goin' around causing mayhem and destruction. That's my job, dammit!"

"Please Bowser," Ganondorf interjected, "If that was truly your occupation, you could do much better,"

"Who's side are you on!?"

"You've spoken about a game," Mario began, while glaring at the man, "What are planning to do with us?"

"Allow me to introduce myself first. I'm the new Mister InsaneGuy. Although, I'm not one for the formal titles so just call me Ted,"

"What happened to the other guy?" Fox asked.

"Bob? Yeah, he died," Ted answered, "Now, as for the game we're about to play, we are going to play Truth or Dare,"

"All of this power," Bayonetta began, "And you wish to use it to get Seven Minutes in Heaven with one of us ladies,"

"No, that's not what I…,"

"So, he wants to get with the men?" The young Link suggested.

"Ha! Gay!" Ness blurted.

"No! Fucking idiots! This is a game where I subject you to the full force of fanfiction readers, who vary in how weird they come by wide margins, and you must do what they say. I'm just here to facilitate and provide commentary,"

"I can't stand idly by and take part in this," Palutena declared, "I, Lady Palutena, the Goddess of Light, vow to vanquish-,"

"Okay, to Super Hell with ya'," Ted brushed off as he snapped his fingers.

A red portal appeared beneath the Goddess's feet and demonic hands tried to pull her down. The Goddess dispelled the hands using her magic, but many more spawned from the opening and picked up the slack. Pit rushed to try and pull the Goddess out, along with a few others. However, it was pointless. The harder the Smashers tugged, the harder the hands pulled. Soon, Palutena was about halfway in the portal. Ted, snapped his fingers again, launching the Goddess out of the portal and shutting it closed behind her.

"Unlike my predecessor, I can't be killed. I can't be stopped. Just try not to resist for the coming months, and you'll be fine… mostly,"

"Months!" The Smashers complained.

"The last tournament barely lasted a month!" Ness complained.

"Well, too bad," Ted scoffed, "Now for rules. One, Ten truths or dares at a time, per reviewer, per chapter. Two, you can dare anyone in the Ultimate tournament. Probably more considering that's what usually happens when I do these things. Three, No bullshit dares like song dares and the like. It's hard to transfer those into writing well. Four, let's try not to get too pervy here. I'm talking to you, Ac and Gabe!"

"Who?" Luigi asked.

"Don't worry about it," Ted answered, "Now, I'm going to let you all go for now. Do some fighting, shopping, whatever you guys do when demented magical beings aren't taking over. See you all soon!"

**Hey everyone, Ted here! I hope you all enjoyed the intro chapter. Usually, in this genre of fanfic, it's just a guy walks up and starts the game with little context. I hope that with exploring some of the character interactions, I was able to flesh things out and make it entertaining, as well as not complete garbage as far as the writing itself goes.**

**As for the whole age changing rule that was explained with Young Link and Ness, I hope that's not too confusing. How else would Ness be in a tournament five times in a row and not age a day. With Young Link, I just thought it'd be funny if he had already gone through all of his adventures and built a life for himself.**

**And, hey, Snake gets to live longer!**

**Please review, and if you got critiques, I'm open to them!**


	2. The Real Games Begin!

After Ted disappeared, Master hand showed up in his place.

"Where in the hell were you!" Bowser roared.

"That man had me subdued," The Hand's voice boomed, "He's made a mockery of me and this tournament. We must defeat him when he turns up again,"

"How are we going to do that?" Daniel the Villager wondered, "He makes people turn to dust instantly and can even send goddesses to Hell,"

"It's true, the matter is perplexing," Master Hand agreed, "However, we must not give up hope. Robin!"

"Uh, yes," Robin answered.

"You have a gifted mind for tactics. I want you to formulate a plan to defeat him while utilizing all of the fighter's strengths. It's perhaps the only chance we have,"

"Yes sir," Robin agreed.

"Everyone else, I expect you all to train and prepare for that day. I can predict when he'll appear shortly before he actually does, so you can leave that to me," The hand began to fade out of this realm, "Good Luck,"

* * *

Outside the Smash Town Gym, at the tennis courts, The young Link and Navi were judging what appeared to be a tennis match between Toon Link and The Hero of the Wild. Instead of tennis rackets, they had glass bottles to hit the ball back and forth. Toon Link hit the ball that was served by his blue counterpart and he failed to hit it back.

"Fifteen-Love!" Navi announced.

"You call that a swing, Mr. Blue!" Young Link shouted like a cocky sports coach, "Hit that ball like you got a pair!"

Just as they began to start again, Zelda and Sheik walk up to the young Link and watched the game from the sidelines. Once again, Blue Boy missed the ball.

"Thirty-Love!" Navi announced.

"I can't believe an incarnation of me is this terrible!" Young Link shouted.

"Why… are they playing tennis with bottles?" Zelda asked.

"Because, Zelda, if a warrior can master the art of bottle swinging, he can master sword fighting," Young Link answered.

"That makes no sense at all," Zelda replied.

Sheik took off the bindings covering her face, revealing herself as another Zelda once again.

"It's actually more effective than you'd think," The disguised Zelda revealed, "Back in Hyrule, Link comes in once a month to train the troops. Some of my best warriors credit their skills and survival to his admittedly bizarre training practices. Although I think he just wants to watch a game of tennis,"

"Why not both?" The young Link shrugged just as The Hero of the Wild missed yet again, "

"Forty-Love," Navi announced.

"Maybe everyone in your time just sucks!" The Young Link ranted, "Your friends, your allies, your princess…,"

"I don't see why you have to bring me up!" A posh sounding voice spoke from behind. The young Link and the two Zeldas turn around to see yet another Zelda, the Princess of the Wild. She wasn't looking much like royalty since she was covered in oil and grime, like she'd been working on cars all day.

"It's all part of the training, Ms. Blue," Young Link assured, "By the way, why do you… look like shit?"

"Is that really the best way you could say that?" The disguised Zelda asked.

"I've been working with all the wonderful mechanics from across the multiverse," The Blue Zelda explained with excitement, "Tails, Dr. Andonuts, Slippy Toad, Dr. Light, they've taught me so much about mechanisms from their worlds! I helped Slippy replace replace a part on the Great Fox, then I helped Dr. Light adjust Megaman and R.O.B's gyroscopes! I love this place!"

"That… doesn't sound like princess work," The young Link noted.

"Well… I had a hard time learning sealing magic," The mechanically-inclined princess explained, "The Divine Beasts were the only thing that I could work on and feel like I was actually doing something. It soon became one of my favorite things to do,"

"Sealing magic was that hard?" The dressed-up Zelda asked, "I learned that when I was six,"

The blue princess briefly glared at her ancestor before the Hero of the Wild failed to hit the ball back to Toon Link with his bottle.

"Game Point!" Navi announced, "Toon Link wins!"

"You fucked up, Blue Man!" The young Link shouted, "And right in front of your princess too! Maybe you should go lay down and think about what you've done for another hundred years!"

The Hero of the Wild, frustrated at being talked back by a ten-year-old looking incarnation of himself, threw the bottle he was wielding at him in frustration and began to storm off the court. The bottle missed and shattered on the ground near the young Link.

"You broke my damn bottle!?" The young Link yelled, "I can't afford to keep replacing these things on a rancher's salary!?" The young Link began to storm off after the Hero of the Wild, "I may have the body of a ten-year-old, but I ain't afraid to bare-knuckle box you!"

The Zelda in the dress leaned over to Zeldas. "I think I'm beginning to see why he died in my timeline,"

"He died!?" The disguised and blue Zelda exclaimed.

"Legends say the Hero of Time was torn to pieces by Ganon in front of the current princess Zelda herself," She explained, "The Seven Sages were able to seal him away with the full Triforce, but so many died before then. Then the court Wizard wanted to break the seal, so he killed my father, sent most of the descendants of the sages into the Dark World and… it's a long story,"

Toon Link managed to just barely stop the fight between the Hero of Time and the Hero of the Wild by jumping between the two and pushing them away from each other. Just as the two heroes calmed down, Toon Link's friends happened to see him from the sidewalk. The two psychics, angel, and shape shifting squid all waved and hollered for his attention.

"You're dismissed, Toony," The young Link said, "Good job today," The cartoon swordsman thanked his aged-down master and happily ran toward his pals.

"I thought you were training," Pit wondered, "Why were you guys playing tennis?"

"Because he thinks playing with glass bottles will somehow make me a better swordsman than I already am," Toony answered, not believing in the young Link's teachings any more than his blue counterpart.

"How could those possibly relate to each other?" Lucas asked, thinking the entire premise was bizarre to begin with.

"I think I see what OG Link is trying to go for," Ness chimed in, "He's doing the whole Mister Miyagi approach,"

"Who's Mister Miyagi?" Orange asked.

"Karate Kid? Anyone?" Ness asked.

"Ness, nobody knows the movies from your timeline," Lucas reminded.

"Of course you guys don't. When I called the piranha plant Audrey Two this morning, the only person who got the reference was Snake,"

"So, what'd you guys want?" Toony asked.

"Robin wants to discuss our role in the ambush," Lucas answered, "He told us to meet in this bar called The Gates of Hell,"

Orange quickly turned her head towards Lucas. "You didn't say it was a bar!" She blurted, "Booyah!"

"How old are you?" Pit asked.

"Sixteen, the legal drinking age in Inkopolis!"

"But we aren't in Inkopolis," Ness mentioned.

"With a name like The Gates of Hell, do you think they'd care?" Orange asked, "What if it's operated by actual demons? Sin and debauchery is their specialty!"

"Um… hello," Pit spoke, "Angel here,"

"Well, if they do serve us," Toony said, "I suppose I'll join you,"

"You don't seem like a drinker," Lucas commented.

"I hang out with pirates," Toony replied, "Peer pressure kinda handled the rest,"

* * *

The group walked through Smash Town until they came upon a red circle at the entrance of an alleyway.

"Is… this the place?" Pit asked.

"I followed Robin's directions exactly," Lucas said.

The group heard a loud jingle that was most familiar to Ness. The group turned away from the portal to look toward where the sound was coming from.

"What's that music?" Orange asked.

"It's the Camera Man," Ness answered casually.

"Who?"

Suddenly, a man wearing a top hat, glasses, and sporting a big, blond beard fell from the sky. "Pictures taken instantaneously!"

The sudden, random appearance of the Camera Man startled the squid girl and made her overreact a little as she jumped back, bumping into Pit and Lucas just slightly. She pulled out her Splattershot and pointed it toward the man. "What the fucking shit! How the hell did you-,"

"Relax, Orange," Lucas said, "This guy just goes around and takes pictures of Ness and his friends every once and a while. He's harmless,"

"H-how did he do that? Am I trippin'!? And do you know how creepy that sounds, dude!?" Orange continued to freak out.

"It's best not to question the things in our world," Lucas answered.

"I'm a photographic genius, if I do say so myself!" The Camera Man continued. He pulled out a Polaroid camera and pointed it at the group, "Okay! Get ready for an instant memory!" The group got close to each other to prepare for the picture. Orange was practically forced to take part as she was unintentionally pushed into the crowd as everyone else grouped up. "Look at the camera… Ready… Say, 'fuzzy pickles'!"

Just before taking the picture, everyone except for Orange smiled and made a pose. Ness held his arm out and made a peace sign, Pit made a fist pump, Toon Link got out his Wind Waker and posed as if he was trying to orchestrate something, and Lucas simply waved. Orange just stared at the camera with a bewildered look on her face. Sure, she was a shapeshifting squid girl that can't go into water and plays a game about splattering ink all over the ground, and the winner is determined by a cat, but this was just unusual.

"Fuzzy Pickles!" Everyone but Orange shouted with glee.

"Fuzzy... pickles?" Orange hesitated.

The Camera Man took the picture. The flash of the camera briefly blinded the group. As the flash dissipated in their eyes, the man pulled the photo out from the Polaroid and admired his handiwork.

"Wow! What a great photograph! It will always bring back the fondest of memories," The man began to spin around and fly back up into the air, which made even less sense to Orange.

"I can't wait for the photo album to come back," Toon Link chirped.

"I know, right!?" Pit agreed, "Last year's album was awesome!"

"Remember Brawl?" Ness recalled, "He first showed up while we were about to chill in the hot springs,"

"Oh yeah!" Toon Link laughed, "It was after that big argument Lucas and Pit had about the hot spring dress code,"

"And he showed up just as Lucas was dropping his pants," Ness laughed, "He jumped so hard he fell in!"

"For the record," Lucas spoke up, "I still prefer being nude,"

"But that's so weird!" Pit argued.

"You go in fully clothed!" Lucas argued, "That's way weirder than being nude, which is perfectly normal where I come from,"

"Are we… not going to discuss the flying photographer?" Orange spoke.

"At least most people wear bathing suits," Toon Link added, not noticing Orange's concerns about the Camera Man, "I thought being nude was, like, a symbol of innocence or something. That says a lot about you, Pit,"

"What!?" Pit gasped.

"Toony's right," Ness agreed, "If the angel isn't even willing to change into swim trunks… I wonder what naughty thoughts you have hidden in the back of your head. Hell, I probably don't want to know,"

"First Lady Palutena, and now you guys," Pit sighed.

"Seriously, flying camera dude. Follows us around and takes pictures," Orange continued, "Am I the only one who isn't freaked out by this?!"

"You get used to it," Lucas assured her, "The photo albums he sends are pretty nice,"

"I've been getting them for years," Ness said, "Ever since I first began my adventure. Me and the gang like to get together and look back on all the fun times we had,"

"You know what? I'm done!" Orange declared as she stepped onto the circle. "Let's just get drunk and see Robin," She soon disappeared.

"Hopefully not in that order," Lucas smirked.

The rest of the gang walked onto the circle one by one. They reappeared in a gothic-looking bar. Behind the counter there was a wall of liquor. Above the shelves was a red neon sign with the establishments name and a little person with gums in each hand. The man behind the counter was a large, bald, and intimidating dark-skinned man. His head was tattooed and he wore a pair of sunglasses, which added to the intimidation factor.

On the opposite side of the room, Robin, Lucina, and Chrom were at a table, going over the battle plans. They looked up from their plans and greeted them.

"Good, you're here," Robin greeted, "I just wanted to inform you of your roles once everything had started to come together,"

"Alright, what's the plan?" Pit blurted.

"It's essentially a giant ambush," Lucina answered.

"But for this to be as effective as possible, I have devised an order of attack that must be followed to a tee," Robin warned, "Understand?"

The gang nodded.

"Good. The first to attack will be the Ice Climbers. I told them to freeze Ted's feet to the ground," Robin began, "Once Isabelle hooks him with her fishing pole, I want Orange to use the Killer Wail. I don't expect this to kill him yet, but I am hoping that this along with many other distractions dissoriant him. Speaking of which, Ness and Lucas, I want you to use PK Flash. Best case scenario, he dies instantly, but if the worst case is that he starts to cry uncontrollably, that'll still make our job better. Toony, I want you to stay back and fire arrows at Ted. The newest Link has tons of bomb arrows you can borrow from him, just be sure you fire after the flash attack from Ness and Lucas,"

"What about me?" Pit asked.

"Remember how you defeated Hades?" Robin asked, "Palutena informed me that she still had that Great Sacred Treasure beam in her temple somewhere. Palutena will be focusing all of her energy into the beam like last time and by the time it's ready to fire, we should be just about done,"

"Aw yeah!" Pit exclaimed.

"I wouldn't get too excited," Lucina warned, "Even with this extensive planning, we have no idea if this could work. He was able to dispatch of Master Hand with ease,"

"Can someone really be that powerful?" Orange asked.

"Worst case scenario, prey and hope that he dies," Ness remarked, "It worked for me one time,"

"This isn't a joke, kid," Chrom replied.

"Oh, I'm aware," Ness assured, "But that's literally how my girlfriend saved the world,"

While the Yiselie Royal family was baffled by Ness's true story, Orange and Toony walked up to the counter where the intimidating barkeep stood. Toony dropped a bag of rupees down.

"A round for my friends and a double shot of rum for me, Mister…,"

"Rodin," the man replied with his deep voice, which suited the man quite well, "Just Rodin. You can keep your formalities,"

"Well Rodin," Orange spoke, "Two doubles of Wild Salmon 101,"

"Alcoholic," Toony joked.

"We don't got that," Rodin replied, "And even if we did, I still wouldn't let you have any. You dumbasses are underaged,"

"What!?" the two blurt out.

"Before Smash Town was established, one of the first things the mayor here implemented was a minimum drinkin' age. You gotta be twenty-one and I know you two ain't close. Hell, the only one of you that can drink is that angel over there,"

"Thanks but no thanks!" Pit shouted from across the room. He leaned over to Ness. "Can we go now? I don't like this place,"

"Wait, Daniel's the mayor and he's hardly seventeen," Toony just realized, "Why would he set the age so high?"

"Because the minors here do dumb enough shit without any help," Rodin answered, "Apparently some kid jacked a hovercar or somethin' and crashed it into the Manor last year,"

"Who the hell did that?" Orange asked.

"Ness…," Toony muttered under his breath.

"Then the year before that, two of you kids stole a bunch of pokeballs and had a pokemon battle that fucked everything up,"

"Oh… About that…," Toony began.

"So it's your fault!" Orange blamed.

"Hey! Ness was playing too!" Toony defended.

Orange sighed. "I'm going to have a talk with this guy,"

"Y'all can do whatever," Rodin said, "Tell ya' what, convince him to repel the law and you get those drinks on the house. It kinda pisses me off I gotta turn away paying customers anyway. Just don't run up a tab like a certain fat italian motherfucker I know, and I don't mean Mario,"

"You got yourself a deal, Rodin," Orange confirmed.

"Orange! Did you literally just make a deal with a devil?" Pit screamed.

"It's not like he's 'the' devil," Orange retorted.

* * *

The day of Ted's return has finally arrived. Everyone was in the positions that Robin designated and the tactician briefly went over the plan one last time. The plan consisted of disabling and disorienting him then throwing in everyone's most powerful attacks. The plan would have gone perfectly, except, Ted was impervious to any damage he received. This was most apparent when Bayonetta summoned a demon to send the host into Inferno. Ted didn't react at all, he looked kinda bored even. As soon as he was sucked in, he popped right out of another portal he made.

"Alright, with that failure of an ambush out of the way," Ted began, "Let's start the game. If you die, you will be revived… eventually,"

"How can someone take all that damage and not die!?" King Dedede asked.

"Author's magic," Ted answered, "Our first dares come from Gabe2000, a reviewer from two previous games. We here at InsaneGuy Productions appreciate your continued support,"

"Get on with it!" Bowser yelled.

Ted sighed. "Anyway, I'm sure you all may be wondering what this game might entail. Allow to potentially answer these questions with this highlight reel,"

He teleported everyone to the rec room and turned on the large TV. A video began to play highlighting the messed up things that had happened to people from two separate universes. The first part featured what appeared to be flying strippers with swords killing a megalodon over a yacht, which eventually sank into Super Hell. Then it showed a woman with one arm, nude, and chained up ranting about the games before being killed by a man who looked eerily similar to Ted. Other highlights include a woman losing all memories of being evil and eventually falling in love with her nemesis, a Fourth of July celebration, a sentient sock puppet, and a nervous boy who really messed things up.

The second part featured a bunch of people who had been classmates in middle school, brought back together after a massacre to the Queen song _Another One Bites The Dust._ From there, the man who looked like Ted brought a giant tentacle monster back to life, which turned out to be their teacher. A guy with blue hair loses his virginity on a livestream that he didn't set up, eventually him and the woman he slept with met their son from five years in the future. Soon after, everyone in the class was getting hooked up with each other and having children from the future appear. An interdimensional salesman sells the class anomalous items from a place called the SCP foundation that usually kills them, however, one of these items led to a student having 'freaky alien mind sex' and eventually a half-alien child. There was also footage of a multiverse strip club. That part of the video ends with the blue haired boy, who had just gotten back from slaying dragons in another universe, shouted at the old host until his very soul was ripped apart.

"That guy was Bob," Ted explained as he ended the film, "Truth be told, I kinda let him die. I thought it'd make for a fun goal and finale… speaking of finale… I should really get back there. Whatever," Ted flipped through some note cards until he came across an easy dare, "This next dare is simple," Ted said while he summoned forth a large glass container of room temperature water, "Orange, stick your arm in that for about a minute,"

"Fine," Orange scoffed. She glared at the host as she dunked her entire left arm into the water. Once submerged, the arm began to lose its shape as it half-transformed into an orange tentacle. In about fifteen seconds, the water was tinted so orange that it wasn't possible to see her arm.

"Does that hurt?" Lucas asked, "Y-you can grow it back, right?"

Orange pulled out her phone with her right hand and checked the time. "It only hurts for, like, the first few seconds. Then…," She quickly pulled her left arm out of the water, which was now an ink, slimy nub that cut off just below the shoulder, "I don't feel anything!"

The Smashers gasped at the sight of the squid girl's dissolved arm and her nonchalance about the entire ordeal was slightly unsettling. Soon, the ink need to regrow the arm built up in her body. An orange, inky tentacle grew from the nub and formed into a full arm in a matter of seconds. As the regeneration completed, small bits of ink splattered around from the point of origin.

"That's awesome!" Many of the Smashers exclaimed.

"I guess we learned all learned something about squids today," Ted commented, "I'm glad I get to host these educational moments. Now, some lucky person gets to have a glimpse of the world through the sixth dimension,"

Shortly after Ted stated this, Olimar began to see unspeakable images, incomprehensible for human description flash in his vision. Olimar was so overwhelmed by these images that he didn't notice that his space helmet was getting awfully tight around his skull. The Smashers saw as the spaceman's head expanded to the point of filling the helmet, cracking it a little. No further damage was caused to the helmet once signs of damage began to show when his head simply exploded inside, leaving the helmet coated in red and the occasional chunk of brain matter. Olimar's headless body fell down, smashing the helmet, which let the pureed head of the space captain flow out.

The Smashers, even the more villainous among them, were horrified. (With the exception of Ridley, who smirked at the Captain's untimely death) Peach barely managed to avoid vomiting from the sight. Noticing the distress that the body caused, Ted made the body disappear with a flick of the rest.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Daisy shouted.

"I made him see the sixth dimension," Ted explained, "Our three dimensional minds can't comprehend such things and once you start seeing the fifth dimension, side effects such as Exploding Head Syndrome, may occur,"

"Sounds like bullcrap!" Falco argued, "How do we know you didn't just blow up his head on your own?"

"Do you want to see for yourself?" Ted offered.

"Uh… no thank you,"

"Thank you, Gabe. Now we move onto some dares from agarfinkel. I swear I know that name from somewhere! Anyway, we'll need two pairs of sunglasses, a trombone, and an oven for this next dare, as well as Pit and Dark Pit,"

"Why would any of that be needed?" Dark Pit questioned. His tone defaulting to the slightly annoyed tone that he usually has.

"A lot of these dares are basically watching or reenacting something," Ted said, "Who wants to play the trombone and who wants to play the oven?"

"How do you play an oven?" Little Mac asked.

"Maybe… by slamming the door of it?" Pit wondered.

"Pit! You are the Oven Master!" Ted declared.

"Alright!"

"You moron…," Dark Pit mumbled under his breath while he took a pair of sunglasses and trombone from Ted. The two angels walked over to the kitchen. Dark Pit pulled up a chair and placed it near the oven. The angels both donned their sunglasses and prepared to do their dare. Ted turned on the TV in the living room for all the Smashers to watch.

"Alright, and a one, and a two, and one, two, three," Ted announced.

Dark Pit began to play a simple tune on the trombone. After about seven seconds, Pit starts to bang the oven door open and shut, establishing a beat. While Pit did this, he also nodded his head up and down. Seven seconds later, the silly dare was over and the oven suddenly exploded, cutting off the live feed to the living room.

"How did that explode!?" Palutena asked.

"That was me," Ted admitted, "They're fine, they just gotta walk it off,"

Just as Ted said that, the burnt-up angels came stumbling into the living room. They went to their previous seats, where they immediately flopped down into them.

"Palutena, pour rejuvenating potion on all the produce in the manor," Ted dared.

"Oh no!" Palutena blurted, "I'm done with that!"

"Need I remind you of what happens if you defy my dares," Ted reminded.

Palutena thought about it then sighed. "Alright. Remember everyone, always wash your vegetables," She then went into the kitchen to act on the dare. She walked past the blown up oven and to the fridge where all of the produce was.

While she was busy, Ted moved on. "Now we need to watch a video by some Youtuber named Jwittz called '100 Mario Jobs'. I'd like to mention that these types of dares are hard to translate into writing too, but whatever," Ted tuned the TV to the aforementioned video. It started out with a Pokeball releasing a man dressed as Ash Ketchum and a Hoppip floating next to his head. He held out a Pokedex, which the camera zoomed into and the real video began.

"I'm not a fashion expert," Red commented, "But he looks way too old to be wearing that outfit,"

"You're not wrong," Ted agreed.

The video proceeded to list a hundred jobs that Mario had in some form over the years. Mario and his well-educated counterpart, Dr. Mario, were quick to add their two cents.

"This isn't entirely accurate," Dr. Mario claimed, "Maybe across the span of multiple universes, we've had a hundred jobs, but my other self was never a doctor and I never played in all of those sports,"

"And about those sports," Mario added, "They weren't really jobs. We just have a lot of sports tournaments for fun. It's not like we train all of our lives to do that one event in the Olympic Games,"

"Besides, to have a hundred jobs on one resume when we are only a little older than thirty just doesn't look good," Dr. Mario added.

"Don't remind us that we're over thirty," Mario sighed.

"Just wait until we hit forty," Dr. Mario smiled, "That's when everything starts to go south. I hope you like Ibuprofen,"

"Before I move onto other people," Ted continued, "Mario and Luigi, what was it like to team up with your younger selves?"

"Honestly, I've done weirder things," Mario answered.

"Like the time where we went to the Isle Delfino and you had to stop Bowser while on community service," Peach mentioned.

"Or the time when those rabbit people started taking over Mushroom Kingdom," Luigi chimed in, "And we had to shoot our way through them with other rabbits that dressed like us,"

"Or that time where I inhaled all of you and you had to travel through my body," Bowser added.

"I love this life that I have," Mario said, "But being a simple plumber in Brooklyn was much more straightforward,"

"I wouldn't trade this for anything," Luigi smiled.

"I'm with you there, bro,"

A moment later, a familiar honey bear with yellow shorts and a blue backpack walked into the room. From the backpack, a red bird peeked her head out and had a Smash Brothers invitation card in her wing.

"Are we too late for the tournament?" The bear asked.

"Everyone looks settled in," The bird squawked.

"Banjo! Kazooie!" Sonic and The Kongs blurted.

"That's right!" Kazooie declared, "We're back after years of crappy car adventures and doing nothing,"

"You're… not talking about my racing tournament, right?" Sonic asked.

"Oh no," Kazooie said sarcastically, "You guys are soooo much better than Mario Kart and Diddy Kong Racing combined,"

"Kazooie," Banjo interrupted.

"Oh alright, I'll stop. But you have to admit Sonic has fallen quite a bit since the nineties,"

"I know, right" Mario chuckled.

"No one was talking to you, Mario!" Sonic shouted.

"Well, I'd hate to break it to you two," Diddy said, "But we're trapped here,"

"Trapped? By who?" Banjo asked.

"That'd be me," Ted answered, "Don't worry though, I'm a lenient master. I just have one question for you two. How does it feel to work with Diddy and friends after being away so long?"

"It feels great," Banjo replied, "We haven't seen the Kongs in forever and most everyone else looks nice enough,"

"Although that guy looks about as bad as he smells," Kazooie interrupted as she pointed to Wario.

"Garlic makes me strong!" Wario proclaimed as he ate an entire head of garlic whole.

"You eventually become noseblind," Diddy Kong sighed.

"Luckily, I am magical and can disable my sense of smell, "Ted smiled, "I love being overpowered. Now let's move onto AngelZeroEXE's dares,"

"What are we doing anyway?" Kazooie asked.

"Watch and learn," Ted instructed, "Wii Fit, do you have any other names you go by?"

"My real name is Olga, but you can see why I prefer Wii Fit," She replied.

"No kidding," Ted agreed, "Sounds more like an old aunt's name than a personal trainer's,"

"There could be worse, I guess,"

"Lucas, how have you gotten along with Wario after Subspace?" Ted asked.

"Not to be rude…," Lucas began, "But I can't get five feet near him without wanting to gag,"

"Dude, that's pretty rude," Orange commented, "Although, you are totally correct,"

"You're all just jealous because you can't transform into the ultimate, Wario-Man!"

"Is that the best you could come up with?" Palutena asked as she walked out of the kitchen after her dare.

"Wario is already a perfect name!" The Garlic Muncher proclaimed, "Wario-Man adds to the amazing title that is… Wario!"

"Mario… do you know what's wrong with this guy?" Fox asked.

"I do not," Mario sighed.

"Pit, why are you illiterate, when Dark Pit isn't," Ted asked.

"Illiter-what-now?" Pit asked.

Dark Pit facepalmed as he heard his original self's stupid question, "Illiterate means you can't read! You dumbass!"

"Oh… Thanks Pittoo!"

"If that oven didn't explode I'd kick your ass right now,"

"Alright," Pit acknowledged, "To answer your question Ted, I don't know. I tried to have some of my friends teach me how to read, but I don't think I have what it takes,"

"I've tried," Lucas sighed, "You're just easily distracted. Very easily distracted,"

"Mega Man, become a baby," Ted snapped his fingers and the robot shrunk down to the size of an infant, "Samus, Dark Samus, you must take care of him,"

Dark Samus aimed her arm cannon at the baby robot and charged it up, just as soon as the dark clone was ready to fire, the original Samus quickly moved the clone's arm up toward the ceiling. The arm cannon fired a hole through the ceiling.

"Not like that!" Samus scolded. Then she sighed, "I miss being on my own here,"

"Ness, teleport into the Dark World and tell us what it looks like," Ted dared.

"What if I haven't been there?" Ness asked, "Besides, do you know how many Dark Worlds exist across the multiverse?"

"Fine, I'll send you to the Dark World from that the new Zelda Smasher is from, happy?"

"No…" Ness answered, "Zelda, what should I expect?"

"You might turn into a rabbit," Zelda answered.

"Great," Ness sighed as he was teleported to the Dark World from A Link to the Past.

"Now, he probably meant another Dark World, but again, there are so many," Ted noted, "Now for Cloud to smile… C'mon man, smile!"

Cloud awkwardly smirked at the host.

"No, not like that! I want to see those pearly whites you got there,"

Cloud makes an even more awkward smile.

"There you go!" Ted complimented, "I hate it when people tell me to smile too. It's nothing personal, man. Now let's move onto a dare from Kainoavocaliodfan1. Link must fight Master Hand to the death with only a bottle,"

Ted snapped his fingers and teleported the Hero of the Wild to Final Destination, The hand's home realm. Master Hand flew toward the stage but didn't have the enthusiasm he usually had.

"I can't believe we've failed," The Hand sighed, "Now we're being forced to fight and… is that a bottle?"

Link nodded.

"This is just horribly one-sided!" Master Hand ranted, "I mean, the loser goes to this Super Hell that Ted talks about. I'm sorry, Hero of the Wild, I must defend myself.

The fight began. Master hand curled up into a fist and rose into the air, ready to punch the fighter. He went down and Link just barely avoided it. The hand shook off his missed attack and shaped himself into a finger gun. That was when Link remembered the teaching of his previous incarnation.

_If you can defeat an enemy with a bottle, you can do it with a sword_

Link prepared for the hand's barrage of bullets. As soon as he fired, Link swung his bottle and miraculously sent the bullet flying back at the hand. The Hand recoiled in the pain.

"To think Young Link's training actually did something!" The hand ranted.

The rest of the fight consisted of dodging physical attacks and deflecting ranged attacks. The warrior was able to deflect Master Hand's ring attack as well as reflect the beams of energy that shot out of all of his fingertips. It took longer than if he had fought the hand with a sword, but the warrior managed to prevail. With one final deflection of a bullet, the hand was defeated and dragged to Super Hell.

Link suddenly returned to the Manor's rec room after that. The Smashers cheered upon his return. They had been watching the match on the television and were impressed. The young Link emerged from the crowd of Smashers with a smile on his face.

"You've done well, Blue. I knew you had it in ya'," The young Link congratulated.

"You kept saying he was a failure," Zelda interjected.

"No, that's a lie," The young Link lied.

"I remember you ranting about it all day yesterday," Toony mentioned.

"Again, lies,"

"You were planning to make him wear a dunce hat and everything!" Sheik mentioned.

"Fake news," The young Link ended.

"And now we move onto Groundon65's dares," Ted announced, "King K. Rool, Why were you sleeping at Donkey Kong's house. Are you cool with the Kongs now?"

"Yeah," The King confirmed, "Turns out, me and DK got a lot in common. He's a cool ape and Diddy ain't bad either. I returned any bananas I had left, said sorry, and we're cool now. It all happened right after I received some card or something,"

"Bananas are good!" DK smiled.

"Indeed they are," Ted commented, "Especially when ripened to a point where they have brown spots everywhere. Delicious!" Ted took out his phone and quickly looked at something before putting it away, "Hey Bowser, go ahead to the nearest construction site and grab a steamroller. Throw it at some thief looking guy with a mask or something. It's an easy dare,"

"As long as I get to cause carnage!" Bowser laughed before heading out of the manor.

"Robin, Lucina, confess your feelings for each other," Ted dared.

"We… already did that," Robin replied.

"Wait… really?" Ted wondered. He got out a stack of notecards and frantically flipped through them, "Where does it say that!?"

"Remember when we first told my Dad that we were into each other?" Lucina asked.

"I remember insisting that we keep it a secret," Robin sighed.

"Looking back," Chrom began, "If you hadn't of told me while we were in the middle of a war, I probably wouldn't have stopped punching you," He then laughed as he put his arm around his tactician friend, "I'll be honest, I still kinda find it weird you are dating my daughter from the future, but she can't go back to her original timeline and if Sumia is able to look past it, I figured I should. I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry for beating you half to death,"

"At least Lissa was there to heal me," Robin smiled.

"You hear that Prince Charmin'!" The piranha plant shouted, "He wants to fuck your sister, too! You gotta kill him!"

"Shut up, plant!" The two friends shouted.

"What an awfully messy family tree," Bayonetta commented.

"It's easier to explain than the timeline of Hyrule," The young Link commented.

"That's because whenever you tell someone you saved Hyrule," Sheik began, "They think you're crazy because no one remembers you,"

"Who do you think I blame for that?" The young Link retorted.

"I know you'd think you'd become a harem king, but from what you've told me, you had the mind of a ten-year-old boy back then. I think alternate timeline Me did the right thing, sending you back," Shiek claimed.

"I mean… I was declared sexiest man in Hyrule last year," The young Link remembered, "So it's not a complete loss,"

"Luigi," Ted continued, "How do you feel about Luigi's Mansion 3?"

"There's more!?" Luigi whined, "Aww man!"

"Chrom, get revenge on Viridi for insulting you in last year's tournament," Ted dared, "You know what…," Ted opened a green spirewling portal in the air and a little girl dressed in a nature inspired dress fell from it.

"What the hell!?" The little girl screamed, "I was just minding my own business, watching this stupid game from afar, and now I'm pulled in!? Can I at least leave after this? I'm not a Smasher anyway!"

"No, Viridi," Ted answered, "You are staying. Now Chrom, revenge!"

"I don't really have anything to say," Chrom said, "I'm in the game and I have an up recovery. That's about as good of revenge as anyone can get,"

"That's pretty humble of you, Dad," Lucina commented.

"But," Chrom began to snicker, "I didn't think you'd be a little kid,"

"That's not funny!" Viridi argued, "I… I like this form,"

"Pit, Link, Lucina, Zelda, Shulk, you are now full of helium," Ted announced, "The aforementioned Smashers began to float up to the ceiling. Pit was the most ecstatic by this.

"Maybe you should all be dead from this, but I think this is fun," Ted smiled.

"I can fly!" Pit cheered with a very high-pitched voice.

"Ugh! You're floating!" Viridi fumed.

Just then, a roguish young man with unkempt hair and a domino mask was about to walk into the rec room. Just before he could, he was crushed by a steamroller that was sent flying into the manor. Around this time, Ness teleported back from the Dark Realm and, since he was traveling across dimensions, his teleport was difficult to control. He appeared in front of Bowser, who was outside and followed the path of the steamroller's destruction. Shortly after it had killed the newcomer, Ness ran face first into the construction vehicle and knocked himself out cold. He fell backwards onto the ground. Bowser came running in with his hands in the air raised triumphantly.

"That was awesome, Dad!" Bowser Jr. praised.

"Damn right it was!" Bowser boasted, "Who was that guy anyway?"

"That was another newcomer," Mario sighed, "Joker, leader of the Phantom Thieves of Hearts,"

"Well… he looks pretty dead now," Ted commented, "I guess we'll meet him next session. But let's not mourn him because we got dares from Chars. Samus, time to tap into your Chozo roots," Ted clapped his hands and quickly pointed to the bounty hunter with both hands. Samus was then enveloped in a puff of smoke, when it dissipated, she was revealed to have bird wings, a beak, and a cheerleading outfit.

"You look kinda like a Rito," Toony commented.

"What's a Rito?" The young Link asked.

"They evolved from the Zora into a race of flying bird people," Toony answered.

"Hold up! Why would they do that? Isn't your timeline, like, ninety-five percent water!?" The young Link asked, "It makes about as much sense as dissolving squids,"

"Don't ask me," Toony defended, "I'm not a scientist,"

"Anyway," Ted moved on, "Samus, do the chicken dance,"

"How demeaning," Samus sighed as she proceeded to do the iconic dance. During this short time, Lucas walked out of the rec room and used his Healing to make Ness conscious again. Ness woke up in front of a crashed steamroller, with blood pooling at the bottom, and a minor headache.

"Stupid teleportation," Ness muttered under his breath.

"What'd you see in the Dark World?" Lucas asked.

"Hyrule looked like it was in shambles, there were monsters everywhere, I was a large pink rabbit, that's about the gist of it," Ness answered, "Are we done with this game yet?"

"Nope," Ted shouted from the rec room, answering Ness's question.

The two psychics walk into the room once more. "And you guys get mad at me for crashing the Blue Falcon," Ness commented, referring to last year's incident.

"Nobody forced you to steal it!" Captain Falcon ranted, "Do you know how much that cost to fix!?"

"Hey Captain!" Ted interrupted, "Falcon punch yourself in the gonads!"

"Now I wanna see this!" Ness laughed.

"Do you think he'll die from shock?" Toony asked.

The F-Zero racer took a deep breath, but no amount of mental preparation could prepare him for what would happen next. He swung his fist down toward his ball while shouting the punch's iconic name. Flames in the shape of a falcon briefly appeared before contact was made. The force of the punch knocked himself back towards the wall and while it didn't kill him, he backed out from the pain and sustained third degree burns to the pelvic region.

"Ridey, you are a sheep now," Ted declared. The host clapped his hands and quickly pointed to the space dragon. A puff of smoke enveloped him and once it had dissipated, he became a harmless sheep.

"Bahh!"

"Simon, become a vampire werewolf," Ted declared.

"I'd rather die than become a monstrosity," Simon stated while crossing his arms.

"Your choice," Ted snapped his fingers and a fierly portal appeared under the vampire hunter's feet. The man fell into the portal, still crossing his arms.

"It's unfortunate," Richter commented, "But I respect him for standing by our principles,"

"Hey Richter, how are you related to Simon anyway?" Ted asked.

"He's my Great Great Grandfather," Richter answered.

"The more you know," Ted smiled, "Princesses, spout off nonsense about your kingdoms, your lives, and your friends,"

The princess proceeded to do just that. Peach rambled about how her Kingdom's security was always lacking because her subjects are only two feet tall, how Bowser was the embodiment of the definition of insanity, and how the kingdom has too many activities and sports tournaments. Mario could of sworn she said something about him but this was covered up by everyone else rambling. Daisy complained about how lame Sarasaland was and how she was glad she wasn't next in line for the throne so she could live in the Mushroom Kingdom instead. Zelda rambled on about how she will never trust court wizards again and how her Link left to some island with a giant egg. Sheik, the Zelda from the Child timeline of Ocarina of Time, rambeled about how stupid her dad was to trust a guy with the word 'Ganon' in his name. She also ranted about her Link being an annoying braggart, made worse by the fact that literally no one remembers him as a hero anyway. Lucina complained about the constant wars that the Kingdom of Ylisse manages to get itself in, and how their quest to stop Grima was just a months-long game of grabass with the occasional battle or two to break things up.

Lucina, still full of helium, noticed that as she was rambling her voice began to return it it's normal pitch and she began to float back down. Robin and Chrom chuckled at Lucina's remarks on their war party, because they all knew it was true.

"Alright, now let's do some dares by AcTheFilfthyOne," Ted announced, "Welcome back once again, Ac. Sorry to limit your creativity as far as perversion goes, but knowing you, you'll think of something totally depraved. I believe in you," Ted clapped his hands and pointed to Ganondorf, who then became a small pile of fecal matter, "Someone clean that up please. Now for some questions. Link, the floating one, many people say that your Zelda has a nice, tight ass,"

Some of the men that have seen the aforementioned Zelda around Smash Town, such as Snake, Little Mac, Ike, Ken, Wario, and Ness nodded in agreement.

"Do you agree with this?" Ted asked.

Link, who was still floating, nodded.

"You're the only actual silent one aren't you?" Ted asked.

Link nodded again.

"Whatever man," Ted moved on, "Toony! Do you like normal Tetra or her Zelda personality better,"

"That implies a change of clothes was all it took to change her personality," Toony answered, "She was the same Tetra, but the situation was a little too dire for her to be her usual snarky self,"

"So do you like Tetra?" Ted asked.

"From as much as he talks about her, I'd assume it's more than a liking," Ness teased.

"Shut up, Ness! Do you know how many times I've heard you talk about Paula? Too many!" Toony argued.

"Palutena, are you afraid of Joker because he's a god slayer?" Ted asked.

"Not really," Palutena answered, "This tournament has its fair share of god slayers already, and even then, he's not much trouble under a steamroller,"

"Fair enough. Megaman, did you know people ship you and Roll?"

"Ga ga," said the baby Megaman.

"Whoops, I forgot I did that," Ted realized.

"Isn't Roll, like, his sister?" Lucas asked, "I know they're robots, but that's still weird,"

"Hey, fanfic writers care not for the taboos of modern society," Ted explained, "And, by extension, logic. You should see some of the shit they write about you and Claus,"

"I don't want to know what you people write about me and my dead brother," Lucas stated.

Ted threw a Master Ball at Red and the pokemon trainer was sucked into the ball. The ball bounced back into Ted's hand and he looked at it.

"I really wonder what's in these things," Ted asked himself, "Oh well, Wii Fit! You fat now!" Ted clapped his hands and pointed to the fitness instructor. Once the cloud of smoke dissipated she looked like she weighed over two-hundred and fifty pounds.

"I'll change back...right?" Wii Fit asked.

"Yeah," Ted answered, "After you wake up in the morning. Same with everything else really. Too bad you aren't beach body ready because, for this next dare, all the women are wearing bikinis," Ted snapped his fingers and every female in the manor found themselves wearing a bikini that matches their original outfits.

"This Ac fellow really does live up to his name," Bayonetta commented.

Ness nodded in agreement, stunned by the Umbra witch's figure. Orange noticed this and gave him a good bop on the back of the head to snap his friend out of it.

"What!?" Ness exclaimed. Then Ness took a look at the inkling, specifically her chest, "Are you sure you're sixteen?"

"If you're talking about my small boobs, I don't care," Orange replied with a hint of attitude, "I feel bad that you guys only have two arms,"

"Moving on," Ted said, "Robin, declare 'the Harem King is here, bitches' and slap someone on the ass,"

"Uh… why?" Robin asked.

"Because every conceivable universe with you in it has you hooking up with someone from your war party," Ted answered.

"Alright… The Harem King is here… Bitches!" Robin hesitantly proclaimed before slapping his wife, Lucina, on the ass. Lucina jumped forward just slightly and smiled at her husband. All Chrom did was sigh at the sight of this.

"Wario, eat this totally not cursed, radioactive head of garlic," Ted dared as he pulled out a head of cursed, radioactive garlic.

"Jokes on you!" Wario shouted, "I'd eat it anyway!" Wario snatched the head of garlic out of Ted's hand and he took a huge bite out of it. Ted's eyes widened as he realized what would happen.

"Everyone! Evacuate the premises!" Ted ordered.

Nobody wasted anytime as they ran out of the manor. Just as everyone left, every door and window erupted with a noxious cloud of fart gas. The people that were floating on the ceiling were grabbed and taken out of the manor as well. Ted redirected everyone to a nearby parking lot and continued the game.

"Sorry about that everyone," Ted apologized, "We only have a few more reviewers so bear with me… Weren't there supposed to be an army of vegetables?"

Just as Ted asked that question, a large group of sentient produce came running out of the manor. They appeared to be wilting from Wario's gas as they fell over and died one by one.

"Well, that explains that," Ted moved on, "Let's start doing some dares by Volix. Marth, who would you rather be forced to kiss? Ike or Roy?"

"Why?" Marth asked.

"Because dares," Ted answered, "Now choose,"

"I don't know… Ike? I guess?" Marth answered.

"Whatever man," Ted shrugged, "It's not like he dared you to kiss him. It was a would you rather kind of thing. Speaking of questions, Link, do you think you could beat Shiek in a fight?"

Link, who was being held from floating away by Richter, just shrugged.

"I think he could," The young Link answered, "He has mastered the art of the bottle. He is worthy,"

"Link…" Sheik said to the young Link, "Does time travel make you go insane or something?"

"Not time travel itself," The young Link answered, "Just the consequences of it,"

"I've traveled across time a few times and I'm perfectly fine," Ness claimed.

"You aren't the best poster child for that claim," Sheik stated.

"Peach, if you could spend the night with anyone here, platonic or not, who would you like?"

Mario knew this was it. If she said anything but his name, his chances with her would officially be over.

"Well, It'd be Mario," Peach bashfully admitted.

"Wow! What a surprise!" The young Link shouted sarcastically.

"You haven't been here awhile Link," Luigi told him, "A lot of things happened since Melee,"

"But Peach," Mario began, "What about the moon? I mean, I know I acted stupid back there but-,"

"Mario, it's fine," Peach assured, "You're right, you acted ridiculous back there. It was like you'd actually think I'd pick Bowser,"

"Rejected!" Bowser Jr. laughed.

"You're grounded," Bowser spoke.

"I'm sorry sir," Bowser Jr. sighed.

"I know, I was caught up in the heat of the moment," Mario explained.

"I'm sorry for ditching you on the moon," Peach apologized, "I was just tired of that recent kidnapping and wanted to get away for awhile,"

"I'm sorry for overwhelming you back then," Mario apologized.

"Oh God," Bayonetta interjected, "Why don't you just two kiss and make up already?"

Mario and Peach went in for a kiss and the Smashers clapped when their lips met. It was great to know that the air between them was finally clear and their relationship was certain once more.

"Now for PhantomTehCasual's dares. Welcome back, buddy," Ted announced, not really caring for the romantic moment that happened in the parking lot of a hotel, "This is going to get confusing and crazy, so bare with me. Everyone gets one monkey's paw style wish. Go!"

"I… wish I could leave this game and go back home to my family," Ken wished. Just then, a coffin appeared and sucked the street fighter inside. The coffin closed and after some wrestling around, it stopped moving. Then a portal appeared and sent it back to his world.

"Wha-what happened!?" Isabelle shivered.

"It's a monkey's paw wish!" Ness explained, "You gotta be very specific with it, or else it'll screw you over. For example… I wish for a twelve ounce steak that's moist and medium-rare, on a plate with a fork and a steak knife within a couple inches of the plate, along with a bottle of A-1 brand steak sauce, unopened so that there is no possibility of it being watered down or tampered with in anyway,"

Once Ness made his wish, a plate of steak appeared in his hands with the aforementioned utensils and steak sauce. The psychic took his fork and knife and made a cut along the center of the steak. He looked at the insides and noticed that the steak had been cooked all the way through.

"What the hell!?" Ness ranted, "This steak is well done! It's ruined!"

"Yeah… these wishes just make your desires go south all the time. It doesn't matter how you word it. By the way, can I have that?"

"You want burnt steak?" Ness asked.

"Yeah, I prefer it that way," Ted answered.

The psychic handed the plate off to the host while glaring at him. "You disgust me,"

The Smashers learned very quickly that, in order to not die from the cursed wishes, they had to wish for minor, insignificant things that had no bearing on them whatsoever. Aside from a few accidental deaths, the Smashers made it through the wishes, but with nothing to show for it.

"Now, I doubt there is anyway you could defeat Phantom with your wishes," Ted said, "And I also don't want to give everyone a cameo this early so we'll skip that one," Ted pulled out a bowl of jelly beans and set them down on the ground, "We are going to be playing bean boozled, except all the flavors are-," Ted was interrupted by Kirby inhaling the entire bowl of jelly beans and swallowing them all. After he did that, the pink puffball began to feel sick. He laid himself on the ground and whined about his stomach ache.

"I was about to say that the flavors are ten-thousand times more intense, but I think Kirby realized that," Bob remarked, "Now for our final reviewer, 14shiffna. For the truth… alright, who finds Bayonetta attractive on some level?"

Literally every man raised their hands.

"But, why does she wear her hair like a jumpsuit?" Toony asked.

"I find it much more… comfortable… to wear in a fight," Bayonetta answered.

"Alright, now one of you lucky dudes are going to be spending ten minutes in a room with the lovely Umbra witch!" Ted declared. He made a giant wheel appeared that happened to have the names of all the living Smasher men on it. He spun the wheel and once it stopped, it landed on a name, Ness! The psychic, despite catching himself looking at the woman multiple times for much too long, wasn't as thrilled as you'd think.

"Uh… um… what?" Ness mumbled, "I… look thirteen right now… wouldn't...wouldn't that be-," Ted snapped his fingers and Ness was instantly aged up into his young adult self, "Are you crazy!? I have a girlfriend back home! How do I even explain this to her!?"

"I don't think she'd be too happy with your constant staring these past two weeks either," Bayonetta smiled, "Come now, little one," Ness hesitantly followed the woman to her apartment.

"And for the final dare," Ted mentioned, "Orange and Lucas gotta hang out in a room too," The host snapped his fingers and sent them to a hotel room in Smash Town, "Now to end off our first session, Elysium wants us to lock arms and do a kickline,"

"I thought you said those other dares were the last one," Daniel asked.

"I lied," Ted smirked.

* * *

Orange and Lucas, who was aged up to his current age, appeared in a hotel room. Although, this wasn't your standard hotel room. It was decked out with a hot tub, a bottle of champagne on the bedside table, and lit candles that gave off a nice, lavender scent.

"Okay, this is definitely the honeymoon suite," Orange commented.

"Are they trying to ship us!?" Lucas asked.

"Looks like it," She walked over to the bed and flopped in the middle.

"But I… we just met… and-,"

Orange let out a small laugh. "Chill out, my dude. The dare didn't say we had to do anything. Just kick it in the room. That's all,"

"Oh… well… that's good," Lucas took a seat at the foot of the bed. Orange smirked deviously and sat up, which happened to position herself slightly behind him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and leaned close to her.

"Although, I find what you said to be a bit suspect," Orange whispered.

Lucas began to blush slightly as she said this so close to his ear.

"What… do you mean?" He asked nervously.

"I'm just sayin'... You didn't say no,"

"Well… You're… I… I didn't want to go where Simon went when he refused his dare. That's all,"

"Oh, is that so?" Orange teased.

"Y-yeah," Lucas blushed even more.

Orange laughed a little yet again and gave him a good pat on the back. "I'm just pulling your tentacles, dude! You're just a little uptight, you know? Makes it real easy to mess with ya',"

"I get that a lot," Lucas chuckled nervously. He still mentally recovering from Orange's Bayonetta-inspired seduction, "I used to be a lot worse about that. Can't really be like that when you're around Toony and Ness,"

"Speaking of Ness, wonder what he's doin' Bayonetta? Inking each other's Splat zones?"

"Is that supposed to be an innuendo? Because I have no idea what a splat zone is. Is it like those 'Turf Wars' you mention?"

Orange reached over for the bottle of champagne and got two glasses. She handed one off to Lucas while she poured some of the beverage into her glass. "Somehow, I keep forgetting that you guys know nothing about my world. Is there a remote around here? I heard that the TV's here get just about every channel ever,"

Lucas stood up from the bed and grabbed the remote that was placed in front of the television. He sat back down and pushed the on button on the remote. When it turned on, it was on a channel that was not suitable for all audiences. Lucas quickly scrambled to change the channel, but it seemed like channels like this were all clustered together. Orange laughed as Lucas frantically flipped through them.

"I forgot this was the honeymoon suite!" Lucas shouted. After about twenty channels were passed, he passed up what appeared to be a sports channel reporting over splotches of pink and green.

"Go back, I think we found it!"

Lucas flipped back to the channel. It featured two teams of four shooting their color of ink all around with various weapons. Lucas saw some familiar weapons, like the Inkroller and the Splattershot that Orange used in Smash matches, but he also saw weapons that looked like a minigun, a nintendo zapper, and even a bucket. The entire broadcast was in Orange's native language, which Toony had dubbed 'Inklish'. A name much more clever than what Pit nicknamed her. Orange handed Lucas the bottle of champagne as she drank her glass.

"This is Turf Wars," Orange said, "The goal is to cover the stage with as much of your team's ink as possible. Whoever covers the most stage when the time's up wins. Splat Zones is a more competitive game and is basically a King-of-the-Hill type game. There's more, but let's watch,"

The two watch a few matches of Turf Wars together. Orange began cheering on some orange inklings she knew in her native language. Her cheering was infectious and Lucas soon found himself occasional cheering at the television. She went to pour herself another drink, her fifth glass, but she wasn't feeling anything.

"This champagne sucks," Orange ranted, "It's like there's no alcohol in it at all,"

"That's because its non-alcoholic," Lucas answered while drinking his glass.

"What!? How would you know!?"

Lucas got up and pointed to the bottom of the bottle. In big red letters, it said 'non-alcoholic'.

"Uh… I didn't… see that… yeah," Orange lied.

"Really?" Lucas asked, "It's pretty obvious. I wouldn't have had any otherwise… Can you read?"

"What...of course I can!" Orange lied, "I can read just fine,"

"No, I mean, can you read English? I know this is a new language for you, so it's possible,"

"..."

"It's not a big deal, I'm just wondering. It explains a lot actually. Like how you kept picking stages you didn't mean to pick the other day,"

"Fine… you got me," Orange admitted, "I can't read English. I almost feel as stupid as Pit!"

"I imagine you wouldn't be so easily distracted by squirrels," Lucas commented, "I can try to teach you, if you want,"

"Really?"

"Sure. As long as you put more effort into it than Pit ever did. You'll learn something,"

"Thank you, dude!" Orange jumped and hugged Lucas, who blushed upon realizing she was still wearing that skimpy bikini.

* * *

After a long night drinking and catching up with the pilots of StarFox at The Gates of Hell, The young Link stumbled his way out of the bar's demonic portal. He had overestimated his ten-year-old body and drank much more than his body could handle. Luckily he had his fairy friend to guide him back to his apartment.

"S-sorry I'm so wasted… Navi," The young Link apologized, "I sorta… forgot I had a kid's body,"

"You shouldn't be drinking so much anyway," Navi advised, "It's not good for you,"

"I know! It's not like I was drinking like that green-haired lady… what's her name again?"

"Palutena,"

"Palutina! That's it!"

Just as Link went around a corner, he spotted a familiar adult redheaded Hylian. It was Malon, his wife.

"Malon!" The young Link exclaimed, "W-what are you doin' here?"

Just as the Hero of Time asked this, the menacing figure of Ganondorf appeared behind her. In the blink of an eye, he punched her, causing his fist to go directly through her chest. The young Link was too shocked and drunk to react immediately and by the time he stepped up, Ganondorf had already faded into the shadows. The young hero broke out in tears over his deceased wife's body.

"Link," Navi said.

"Why… Why did this happen?" He cried.

"Link," Navi stressed.

"If only I wasn't so drunk… and stupid… and,"

"Hey! Listen!" Navi shouted.

"What is it Navi," Link sobbed.

"I don't see Malon,"

"Huh?"

"I don't see anything you're seeing, Link. I think this may be an illusion,"

"It… just seemed so real,"

"How about we head back home and try to contact her. She does have a Smash phone, right?"

"Yeah… Master Hand gave it to her before we left. Are you sure you don't see anything?"

"I'm sure, Link,"

"I'm still gonna stab Ganondork next time I see him!" He wiped away his tears, "Thanks Navi,"

* * *

Because the manor was still contaminated, everyone either had to get a hotel room or stay with someone who had a home away from the manor. Toon Link was the only one in his circle of friends to have an apartment and he was perfectly fine with his pals staying over.

Toony's apartment was a standard one bedroom dwelling, though it was a bit bigger than you'd think. The place had everything one could need, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a good-sized living room. Washers and dryers were down stairs and free to use. The place came pre furnished, so it didn't have many personal touches, only a couple pictures he had taken with his picto-box of his friends and family back in his world on the wall.

At the moment, it was just Pit in the apartment. Toony told them that he had gone to get something from the docks and left the angel alone for the moment. Since it had been getting late, Pit took a shower and changed into the second set of clothes he had (which were identical to his first set). When Toony finally arrived with two small barrels held over both of his shoulders, the angel was sitting down on the couch and watching TV.

"Hey Toony!" Pit greeted, "What'cha got there?"

Toony sat the barrels down on the counter in the kitchen area. "I know you don't care too much, but man, hanging out with pirates has its perks! Gonzo just got me these barrels of rum,"

The young hero of legend sat the barrels down on the counter. The barrels had a tap on the bottom so all he had to do to serve himself was to put his shot glass under it and turn the knob. He quickly downed the shot and smiled. It tasted better than normal, but also noted that it was somehow stronger,"

"This must be from Tetra's private reserve," He commented, "So she does care,"

"How do you know Gonzo didn't just sneak it out without her knowing?"

"Pit, nobody crosses Tetra...Nobody," Toony paused to pour another shot, "Want some?"

"Toony, you know I can't," Pit whined, "Angels aren't allowed to drink alcohol. Besides Lady Palutena will know if I did,"

"Because she omnipotent and omnipresent," Toony mocked in a doofy voice.

"Yeah…,"

"Dude, I'd hate to burst your bubble. But she isn't the all powerful goddess you think she is," Toony drank his shot and poured himself another.

"How can you say that!?"

"Think about it. If she knew what everyone thought and did all the time, don't you think she'd use that to her advantage. Like say, win last year's tournament or predict the appearance of this Ted guy,"

"Lady Palutena plays fair," Pit defended, "That's why she didn't win last year. And, as for Ted… um…,"

"Ness tells me that you and your Gods are similar to the Greek gods of myth from his world," Toony went on, "Some even have the same names. Many of the tales involving these gods involve meddling in human affairs and their horrible character flaws. These guys could watch over the humans, but they were by no means as all-knowing. That and Palutena kinda strikes me as a bit of a ditz,"

"...If I drink one round with you, will you stop bad mouthing my goddess?" Pit asked, defeated.

Just as Toony served the angel his shot glass and began pouring his own, Ness and Lucas walked into the apartment.

"Ness!" Pit blurted, "Are you alright!? Did she do anything!?"

"Good question," Toony laughed. He was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, "Did you both get lucky? Is Ness a cheater? Does Lucas now have a thing for tentacles?"

"No, nothing happened!" the psychics retorted.

"Me and Bayonetta just talked about our adventures and then… she gave me some advice,"

"What kind of advice?" Toony asked, "Something for Paula…,"

"Sh-Shut up!" Ness shouted.

"Orange just told me about some of the sports inklings play and we watched a few games. They were fun to watch,"

"So no juicy details? Bummer," Toony sighed.

"Have you been drinking?" Lucas asked.

"Yep!" Toony answered, "And I've finally convinced Pit to join us,"

"I never thought that would happen," Ness replied, "Alright! Let's do this!"

"Why don't we call Orange over?" Lucas suggested, "She wanted to drink too,"

"I guess," Toony replied, "I just only have so much booze, ya' know,"

"You have two mini barrels of, I assume, hard liquor," Lucas replied.

Just as the gang was about to call up the hotel room that Orange was staying in. The ground trembled and the lights flickered on and off momentarily. The boys went outside and they were shocked at what they saw. It looked to be a giant dome, seemingly made of various plant matter. The spectral image of Viridi appeared in the sky.

"Don't mind me," The little goddess smiled, "Just establishing an eco friendly home for my stay here. As much as I wanted to, I didn't hit your carbon emitting Smash Town. Your welcome and good night,"

"What a bitch," Ness and Toony say in unison.

"She's not that bad," Pit defended.

"You've told us a little bit about her and what she does last year," Lucas said, "I agree with her stance on humans killing the planet and all, but I don't think genocide is the answer,"

"She got nicer after we defeated Hades,"

"Yeah, but are you alies now?" Ness asked.

"...No, she even recruited Pittoo," Pit admitted.

"Pit loves Viridi!" Toony jokingly sung.

"And… you're in love with an angry pirate captain," Pit defended.

"...You got me,"

**Hey everyone, Ted here! I am so sorry for the long wait. Life gets hectic and some things get thrown to the wayside for a moment. At least I was able to finish this eventually. Although I should really finish Assassination Classroom soon. I've kinda let those guys wonder around in limbo for the past month.**

**I'm thinking that we should go somewhere next chapter. I can be any universe that the Smashers are from. Hyrule Castle, Onett, Mushroom Kingdom, Flat World. Anything is possible, although I do want to hear what you guys have to say about this.**


	3. The Return of Bob! (and Larry)

After Viridi's reset bomb, the squid girl still super jumped her way over to the apartment after hearing about the free booze. Orange wasn't really comfortable sleeping by a bubbling tub of water, which might as well have been acid to her. She was much more content with drinking with her new friends and watching this bizarre Japanese cartoon from the future about a family of people with the same nickname.

Orange woke up in the middle of Toony's living room to the smell of freshly made breakfast. The Inkling rose from the floor to see Ness in his Pajamas hunched over on the coffee table and Toon Link in his blue tunic sleeping up against Pit on the couch. It was a heavy night of drinking for all of them, except for Lucas, who refrained from getting too wasted off of Tetra's private reserve. She looked toward the kitchen and saw Lucas, in his pajamas, cooking up some freshly made omelets for the gang. Lucas glanced over and saw that she was the first one other than him to be awake.

"Good morning Orange," Lucas greeted, "I just finished making some omelets. Help yourself to some,"

Orange yawned. "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour or so," Lucas answered as he used his spatula to place the final omelet away from the skillet and onto a plate, "I had to run to T&T's real fast. All Toony has in his fridge is a bunch of bottles of his grandma's soup,"

"What's wrong with the soup?" She yawned.

"Nothing, it's pretty good actually," Lucas confessed, "But nothing compares to the freshly made omelets mom used to make," Lucas set a plate with an omelet down on the kitchen table for her to try out. Orange, still feeling a bit sluggish, shuffled her way over to the table, sat down and took a bite of the omelet. It tasted wonderful. The egg and cheese meshed well with the ham and vegetables to make for a meal that was almost heavenly.

"Woah," Orange exclaimed, "This omelet kicks ass," She took a few more bites from her meal, "This your mom's recipe?"

"Sorta," Lucas answered, "I've been trying to perfect it for a while now. This is the closest I've come to doing so,"

"If this is the best you can do. I can't wait to try your mom's omelets!" Orange exclaimed.

"Yeah…," Lucas hesitantly said, "About that…,"

"Aww shit, don't tell me she passed on," Orange whined, "I'd feel like a jerk,"

"Six years ago," Lucas sighed as he made his own plate, "It's fine. It's not like you knew or anything,"

"At least you didn't meet him during Brawl!" said a hungover Toon Link, just waking up from his slumber, "That question would have made him cry,"

"Was that really necessary, Toony?" Lucas asked, a bit offended at the swordsman's blunt tone.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," He apologized as he got up from the couch and stumbled into the kitchen, "Not trying to be a dick, man. But… you had problems,"

"I know," Lucas sighed, "... I was there… Breakfast is on the counter,"

"I just… I kinda got to thinking about Grandma and… she's ain't gonna be around forever. I'm really sorry man,"

The psychic and the squid girl stared at the young swordsman with a bewildered look on their face. "Toony, you're still drunk," they said in unison.

"Yeah, I went overboard," He smiled as he to make his plate, "I ain't looking forward to later on. I'm gonna feel way worse,"

"I got a solution for you!" Ness declared. Jumping up from behind the couch.

"Ness, drinking more just… delays the inevitable," Toony replied.

Ness went around the couch and walked up to Toony in the kitchen. "No no no, I have something better," The black-haired psychic placed his hand on the hero's shoulder and a green light pulsed for just a moment. After that, Toony felt just fine, like had woken up after a nice long rest.

"Did you just cure my hangover?" Toony asked.

"I learned I could do that last year," Ness explained, "Really wish I knew that sooner. Are you feeling a bit off, Orange?"

"A little," Orange admitted.

"How about you try it, Lucas?" Ness suggested, "Healing Beta should do the trick,"

Lucas placed his hand on Orange's shoulder and casted the spell. Soon Orange's slight headache and nausea disappeared.

"You are going with me to parties from now on," Orange smiled.

"I don't like big parties… but thanks," Lucas said with a hint of nervousness to his voice.

The four proceeded to make their plates and eat their freshly made omelets. When they were almost done with their breakfast, Pit rose from the couch. He was hardly awake. He felt nauseous, he had a headache and also heartburn.

"Good Morning, Sleepyhead!" Ness greeted, "Did you have fun last night?"

The angel rubbed his aching head. "Why did we have to take a drink every time comic book text popped up?"

"In hindsight, that was a terrible idea," Ness agreed.

"I'm so glad I didn't take part," Lucas bragged, "You were all wasted by the time the second episode started,"

"Did I remember seeing a guy jump out of a horse?" Orange asked.

"That's not even the craziest thing that happened in that show," Lucas confirmed.

"And that was only the first part of the show," Ness pointed out.

"...I feel terrible," Pit groaned.

"Well, I could ju-," Lucas began before Ness subtly stopped him. Pit walked his way to the bathroom.

"Why don't you want me to use healing on him?" Lucas asked.

"He needs to experience a hangover. Besides, it'll be funny when we tell him that we could have cured him in, like, a month,"

"That's not very cash money of you, dude," Orange disapproved.

"If he doesn't experience this," Toony began, "How will he appreciate a hangover cure?"

"See, Toony gets it," Ness smirked.

"The same guy who videotaped you crashing the Blue Falcon," Lucas talked back.

"Hey, I knew it was a terrible idea," Toony defended, "...Which was why I definitely needed to see what would happen!"

* * *

Palutena woke up to find herself on a nice comfy purple bed in a dome shaped room. The wall paper was was a dark purple color scattered with stars. Once the full force of a heavy night of drinking caught up with her, she placed her face and sighed. She knew exactly where she was.

"Not again,"

"I hope this won't be a daily occurrence now that we have a bar in town," said a soft, sweet voice.

Palutena turned her head and saw Rosalina walking into the room with a black Luma. The luma was carrying Palutena's dress, neatly folded. Palutena looked down and realized she was wearing one of Rosalina's spare dresses. The goddess sighed again.

"Was it worse than last year's party?" Palutena asked.

"No, but you did throw up on your dress as the Lumas and I escorted you here," Rosalina answered, "You caused quite a stir when you started saying mean things to Bayonetta. Once she said something about you dancing on a pole, I knew I had to get you out of there,"

"This is why I had to ban alcohol in Skyworld. I cannot trust myself with it. What kind of benevolent goddess drinks herself into a stupor every chance she gets?!"

"Don't beat yourself up too much," Rosalina comforted, "I had some of the Lumas cook up breakfast and," The tone in her voice shifted from comforting to sounding a bit tense, "And… if you want… maybe instead of becoming belligerent in public...you could… drink here. Maybe look out into the infinite cosmos… or something. There's some neat sights out in space,"

Palutena smiled. "You're a good friend, Rosalina. Thank you. I'd love to do that sometimes,"

The Luma placed Palutena's dress on the edge of the bed and they both left the bedroom. Once they were out of range, Rosalina groaned out of frustration.

"Just a good friend?!" Rosalina complained, "How much more obvious do I need to be? I asked if we could go stargazing. Isn't that supposed to be a romantic thing?"

"But… isn't that a normal Tuesday night for you?" The black Luma asked, "And you could have been more clear on your intentions.

"You're right little Luma," Rosalina murmured, "I have to just say it! Yeah. I can do this… a-another day," As Rosalina walked away, a yellow Luma floated over to the black Luma.

"Do you think Mama will do it?" the yellow Luma asked.

"Don't hold your breath," the black Luma answered.

* * *

The man known as Joker woke up and found himself on a bed, in one of the empty rooms in Smash Manor. He could have sworn that he was crushed to death by a flying steamroller and that he really shouldn't be alive right now. He figured that it might have been a 1-up mushroom or some other extra life item from another universe. In all actuality, Ted revives the dead participants in the Truth or Dare game the following morning. Whatever the case, he still had to finish signing into the tournament. On the invite, it mentioned that late arrivals can go down to Smash Town City Hall to sign in. The righteous thief got out of bed, went to his suitcase, and got out his street clothes, a white t-shirt, black blazer, and jeans. He threw those on and headed to town.

As he traversed the town, he saw some of the other fighters going about their mornings. Wii Fit Trainer and Samus were doing a morning run around the town together, Daniel the Villager was going around hitting rocks with a shovel, and R.O.B. and Mega Man were heading down to a laboratory of sorts. It was strange to be walking amongst famous video game characters, although, so was everything else he had done. Just like the first time he wondered into Kamoshida's Palace, being here felt like a dream. If it hadn't been for his sudden construction accident, this dream would have been much more pleasant in comparison.

He made it to Town Hall and he walked right in. At the counter was a happy, yellow, anthropomorphic Shih Tzu.

"Hello, welcome to Town Hall. I'm Isabelle, how may I help you?" She greeted.

"I'm here to sign in," Joker stated.

"You must be Joker, correct?" Isabelle asked. She slumped her head down, "Sorry for such a rude arrival yesterday. No one deserves to be treated like that in Smash Town, not even a villian,"

"I'm… not a villain," Joker corrected.

"You aren't? Well, you don't look bad," She began to tense up, "I just figured that you were because your a thief and… that costume…,"

"We steal the hearts of bad people," Joker explained, "This causes them to have a change of heart and realize the error of their ways,"

"Is that so?" Isabelle breathed a sigh or relief, "Sorry I misjudged you. I'm so glad we don't have another villain. When Ridley signed in… I thought he was going to kill me," She handed him the necessary paperwork and the thief filled it out right there. After he finished, he handed the forms back to Isabelle and she looked them over.

"I like your name, Akira Kurusu," Isabelle complemented, "That should be it, you are officially a fighter. Welcome to Super Smash Brothers Ultimate!"

"Thank you, Isabelle," Joker smiled. He turned to walk out of the building.

"Wait!" Isabelle shouted, "You said you can make people have a change of heart, right?"

Joker turned around, "Correct,"

"We have… a villain here. Worse than Bowser, Ridley, or Ganondorf. He makes us play in this game. If we don't do what we're told, we go to Super… H-E-double hockey sticks,"

"Huh?"

"I know it's too much to ask, but… maybe you and your other Phantom Thieves can steal Ted's heart. We tried to ambush him, but… he's invincible!"

"I'll see what I can do," Joker replied.

The thief walked out of the Town Hall and went on with his day. He spotted a coffee shop called The Roost that he wanted to check out. Along the way, he passed by Orange and Lucas, who were on their way to Town Hall as well.

The boy and the squid walked into Town Hall. Isabelle greeted them and they walked up to the counter. Orange dramatically slammed her hand down on the counter, startling the Shih Tzu slightly.

"Alright, Isabelle," Orange began, "What do I have to do to drop the drinking age from twenty-one to…," She turned back toward Lucas, "How old are ya'?"

"I'm in the body of a twelve-year-old, but I turn fifteen in a couple weeks," Lucas answered.

"To fourteen!" Orange finished.

"You… have to talk to the mayor about that," Isabelle answered, "Last I heard, the request has to be given in writing,"

"In writing?" Lucas asked, "I thought Daniel would be more approachable,"

Orange rolled her eyes. "This is just another one of the Man's dirty tricks to keep the common squid down! I'll play your game though. Can I submit the form in my language?"

"Uh… If it isn't English or Japanesse, I can't help you… sorry,"

Just then, Daniel walked into the Town Hall.

"Good morning everyone," Daniel greeted.

"Hey you! What gives?" Orange demanded, "Why can't I drink booze?"

"I didn't want to be rude but I do smell a little alcohol on your breath," Isabelle interjected.

"Uh… you're wrong," Orange lied.

"Dogs have a good sense of smell, Orange, much better than our own," Lucas explained.

"Don't rat me out," Orange whispered to him.

"They're hearing is also pretty good," Daniel stated.

"Thank you, Mayor," Isabelle blushed.

"I honestly thought Toony or Ness would be leading the charge to lower the drinking age. Master Hand and I came up with this restriction considering their reckless behavior,"

"C'mon, they were perfectly fine last ni- I mean… nothing," Orange blurted.

"We all know you drank last night," Daniel said, "It's not like Smash Town has a jail or anything,"

"You're under aged too, right? Why the hell would you pass a law that doesn't benefit you?" Orange asked.

"Because that's not how a fair public servant is supposed to act. I have to act in the best interest of all people, not just myself,"

"So we ain't gonna change it?" Orange asked.

"... Send in a written request and some signatures from the other Smashers and I'll see what I can do," Daniel offered.

"Can you read anything other than English or Japanese?" Orange asked.

"Honestly, I have a hard time with Kanji," Daniel answered, "But no,"

"Dammit," Orange muttered.

"You know, we could actually use this as a lesson," Lucas interjected, "If you can read, you can write and what's a better final test than that?"

"Dude, not fresh," Orange told him.

"You can't read English?" Daniel asked.

"None of your business! Let's go Lucas,"

The boy and the squid walked out of Town Hall and Orange slammed the door behind her. Daniel went behind the counter, flopped into his seat behind his desk and sighed.

"What an ordeal,"

"Mayor, I wonder. Did you pass the law to get back at Ness and Toony?" Isabelle asked.

"Wh- why do you say that?"

"Well, Ness did crash the Blue Falcon into your room last year,"

"It's not like I was there or had anything too important inside,"

"What about that time Toony killed that Golden Stag beetle you were about to catch?"

When she asked this, Daniel's eye twitched just slightly for a moment.

"I-It's nothing…,"

* * *

The Roost is a coffee shop with a relaxing atmosphere, operated by an anthropomorphic pidgeon named Brewster. Joker walked in and sat at the counter. The soft spoken pidgeon took Joker's order and prepared the cup. Once it was served, Joker took a drink and was impressed. It was on about the same level as the coffee from Cafe Leblanc.

On the other side of the room, Snake and Luigi were at the table drinking their coffee when they noticed a familiar burnette walking into the cafe. It was Daisy! Luigi began to get nervous and looked toward Snake. The man knew that this was his chance.

"You can do it," Snake encouraged.

"I don't know…," Luigi worried, "Shouldn't we be more worried about this Ted guy instead of trying to get me on a date?"

"There you are, trying to talk yourself out of it," Snake shamed, "Go on and say it already. It doesn't even have to be gradious. Just invite her out for lunch or something,"

Luigi took a deep breath and mustered just enough courage to attempt this, "I can do it,"

Luigi walked up to Daisy, who was at the counter a seat away from Joker.

"Hi Daisy," Luigi greeted. As soon as he began speaking, his courage began to drain fast. Joker listened in on the conversation while Snake subtly watched from the other side of the Cafe.

"Hey Luigi, what's up?" Daisy replied.

"Uh… just... um… just trying out the coffee here. I hear it's great,"

"It totally is!" Daisy agreed, "I've been stopping by every morning since I arrived in Smash Town. It's just a nice way to start the day and the place is so relaxing. I can almost forget we're all held hostage by some lunatic,"

"Yeah… but… all that aside. I actually wanted to ask you something,"

"Go ahead,"

"Would you… um… like to go and… do something...sometime? Like go out for lunch?"

"Sure," Daisy smiled.

"Oh well, I understand. I guess I'll… what?" Luigi couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"I haven't tried out all the restaurants in town yet. It'll be fun,"

"Oh… great!" Luigi beamed. He tried to downplay his excitement a little after that enthusiastic outburst. The two had a nice chat for the next few minutes while the princess drank her coffee. By the time they were done, they had established a time and place for their date.

"See you then," Daisy smiled as she walked out of the cafe.

"You too!"

Once Daisy left, Snake stood up and started applauding Luigi. Once he did, Joker turned toward the green plumber and applauded as well.

"It was a little shaky, but it worked!" Snake congratulated.

"Nice job, Luigi," Joker said.

"Thanks guys," Luigi thanked.

* * *

It was a wonderful day in Smash Town. It had been two weeks since the last session and despite the looming threat that is Ted, most everyone was able to have a decent time during the downtime. Matches were held, the manor was decontaminated, and Lucas was helping Orange read _Green Eggs and Ham_.

"I would… not like them… here or...there," Orange read, "I would not like them… any...where. I do not like green… eggs and… ham, I do not like them, Sam-I-,"

Suddenly, the Blue Falcon came crashing through the room, hitting both of the occupants and crashing through the rest of the manor. Lucas's room was left in ruins and orange ink was splattered everywhere. Lucas quickly used Lifeup on himself and healed up.

"Oh God!" Lucas yelled, "Not again!"

He followed the path of destruction in the manor. In the living room, the Blue Falcon was heavily damaged and with the front splattered in ink. Lucas went to check out who was piloting the machine, figuring it was Ness. However, the cockpit opened and revealed that it was Captain Falcon who was in control.

"Captain!" Lucas blurted, "You were driving!?"

The Captain sighed, "Ted dared me to do it. He says we're going to Hyrule next," The Captain noticed the abundance of orange ink on his vehicle, "I know she's pretty durable, but… is she okay?"

"Maybe…," Said Orange's voice. The two look over to the other side of the living room to see Orange's head lying over by the stairway.

"Goddamn!" Captain Falcon blurted.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Orange asked.

"Well...um...you can regenerate, right?" Lucas asked.

"This'll take a while," Orange said. She used her tentacle hair to lift herself off the ground, using them as makeshift legs, "But I'll be fine for-," The Inkling lost balance and fell on her face, "...ow…,"

"Do you… need help?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Nah, I got this," Orange nervously laughed as she tried to pick herself up again. However, it just ended the same way, with her landing on her face, "...Please help," she murmured.

Lucas picked up Orange's head and the three set off to meet with Ted.

* * *

Mega Man had heard about the game starting and made his way to the front of the manor, where everyone was gathering. Along the way, the robot felt strange, as if there was someone watching him. He began to feel this way after his last check up two weeks ago. All Dr. Light did was readjust some settings and installed improved firmware. Nothing out of the ordinary, or so it would seem.

"Hey, Rock! What's up?" A voice greeted. It sound much like Ted's voice, if slightly more deranged, and as far as he could tell, he couldn't sense where it was coming from. It was coming from inside his head!

"What game is this, Ted?!" Megaman demanded to know.

"Woah buddy, calm down," The voice suggested, "I ain't Ted, that asshole piece of shit. No, I am Bob Insaneguy… or the AI copy of Bob. I assume that since I am active, the real me is dead. Glad I saw that coming,"

"What do you want?!"

"I just wanna borrow something for the time being," Bob said, "You… or more specifically, your body. Don't bother resisting. I already managed to sneak into your head during that update, I got full control,"

Before the blue bomber could call for help, Bob initiated the Takeover Protocol. This caused Megaman to jerk his body around a bit before falling limp. After a few seconds, a start up jingle played and the body got back up. Bob had full control. Megaman couldn't even speak to him.

Bob smiled as he continued walking through Smash Town. He took his time, admiring the city's many shops and attractions from across the Nintendo multiverse. He turned the corner to see Smash Manor a short distance away. The West wing of the manor had experienced a partial collapse from the Blue Falcon ramming into it. The Smashers were just about formed up in the front yard, with Ted in sight. Bob, in his temporary body, confidently walked over.

"Aw shit, here we go again,"

Over in front of the manor, Ted began his introduction.

"Hello Smashers, welcome back to our second session of Truth or Dare," Ted announced, "I apologise for having my dates destroy the manor for the second time in a row, but fortunately, no one has to worry about it for the next week. We're going to be spending some time in Hyrule,"

"Aww yeah," The Young Link cheered, "Hey Ted, mind if you age me back up. I got a few… plans with the wife,"

"We're not going to your version of Hyrule, dude. So keep it in your pants," Ted elaborated, "We're going to the Hero of the World's Hyrule,"

"Oh c'mon!" The Young Link yelled.

"I am curious as to what Hyrule looks like thousands of years in the future," Sheik commented.

"Quite a lot has changed, even for the past hundred years of dealing the Calamity," said the Princess of the Wild, "I'd be happy to show you around,"

"I wanna go too!" Blurted the smasher Zelda, "It'll be fun. The three Zeldas traveling across Hyrule, going on crazy adventures together,"

"The land of Hyrule has always been a dangerous place, but the creatures have evolved to be much more dangerous," The blue Zelda warned. She turned her head toward her Link, "Would you mind escorting us, Link?"

The Hero of the Wild smiled and gave a thumbs up.

"That's all fine and dandy," Ted interjected, "But you'll have a mission while you're there, on top of today's dates. Both the mission and location for today's session is courtesy of BornToDream03. Now without further ado, let's go!"

A circle surrounded the entire group and a magical aura enveloped them. In the blink of an eye, they were transported across space and time to the Sacred Ground Ruins, a small ceremonial marker in the middle of a tiny forest. In the distance, was the ruins of Hyrule Castle, now Calamity free.

Ted appeared sitting on the only intact pillar near the center of the ruin.

"You know, I think I'm going to like this gimmick. Jumping around from world to world," The host took in the scenery. He took a deep breath of the fresh summer air, exhaled, and smiled, "Lovely. Now for the dares. We'll start off with a simple dare from Remnant7. Pit, you gotta sell your soul to the devil,"

"That's not simple at all!" Pit screamed.

"Sure it is," Viridi argued, "All you need to do is ask for something you want and sign on the dotted line… oh wait, you can't read!"

"There's got to be another way," Palutena suggested.

"I could just finish the boy off and let the demons in Inferno figure it out," Bayonetta suggested.

"Good point," Ted considered.

"Can't I, like, loan… my soul?" Pit sheepishly asked.

"Luckily, you can!" Ted declared as he stood up on the pillar and put on a set of fake devil horns, "As the sole owner of Super Hell, we offer a variety of soul deals to meet our client's needs. In exchange for a very limited wish, you can rent your soul to me for the next month. You can go about your life normally, but you will always be on call for whatever is needed from you. Besides, if I give you the classic deal, you could have just wished everyone free. I can't have that,"

"How limited is the wish?" Pit asked.

"Honestly, I don't feel like writing up the contract right now. Just tell me a wish and once I confirm it, your time starts,"

"Can I wish to know how to read? I want everyone to stop teasing me about that," Pit asked, "That's small, right?"

Ted jumped down from the pillar in front of Pit. "Your wish will be granted after your loan ends. Now stay still," Ted merely poked the angel on his chest. As soon as he did, Pit collapsed and screamed in agonizing pain. Palutena and even Viridi were concerned for the angel.

"Pit!" Palutena called.

"Don't worry," Ted assured as he put away his fake devil horns, "This is simply standard procedure. Although I recommend moving him away from here for a bit. This can last for upwards to ten minutes. In the meantime, let's transform the Piranha Plant into a Piranha," Ted clapped his hands and the sentient plant turned into a sentient fish with his own tiny bowl of water to swim in.

The Piranha stuck it's head out of the water. "Man, this is some bullshit! Can't I at least swim around in the little stream that surrounds this piece of shit ruin?"

"You know what? Sure," Ted answered. He threw the bowl into the small pool of water that surrounded the center circle, allowing for the Piranha fish to swim somewhat freely.

Bob, who was still using Megaman's body, gave out a disapproving sigh. Ted jumped back onto the pillar and sat down.

"Now it's time for a story about Peach and Daisy, read by Peach and Daisy," Ted announced, "While they read, Wario's gotta eat this spaghetti made by some skeleton named Papyrus or something. I never played Undertale folks,"

Ted made a copy of a fanfiction story appear in Daisy and Peach's hand while also materializing a normal looking plate of Spaghetti. The girls read the story aloud, which seemed to be about them on a beach vacation while Wario took a bite from his meal. His face contorted as a reaction the dish's awful flavor. He didn't want to take another bite of it, but then he remembered something, he carried around a jar of minced garlic for just these situations. He pulled it out, dumped the entire jar onto the dish and mixed it around.

"You carry an entire jar of gar-," Falco began, "Wait… Why am I even surprised?"

Wario took a bite of his garlic covered spaghetti. He could still taste the awful spaghetti which still overpowered the garlic just a little, but at least it was tolerable enough.

The story that the princesses were reading began with them walking down the shoreline. They began talking about Mario and Luigi before the tone of the story quickly shifted to a more sexually charged narrative when Daisy had to read a paragraph about Peach's figure.

"O-kay… I think I know where this is going," Daisy commented.

"Oh no," Peach sighed, "This is so embarrassing,"

"Trust me, I've looked through the dares," Ted assured, "You both don't have it as bad as others… still bad though,"

They finished reading the steamy fanfiction story. Other than being really embarrassing to read, Peach being much more embarrassed than her friend, the story itself was your standard fanfic smut.

"Any thoughts?" Ted asked.

"Has the author ever touched a woman?" Bayonetta asked, "The words used to describe each other's sensitive regions were too clinical,"

"Right!" Daisy agreed, "I don't think I ever use the word vagina unless I'm seeing a doctor,"

"How are you not more creeped out by this!?" Peach panicked.

"Chill Peach, it's not like we're going to be doing that crap for real,"

Ted turned to the hypothetical camera that would exist if this were created in a visual medium. "Now this, is an example of foreshadowing folks,"

"What are you talking about!" Dark Pit called out, "And who the hell are you talking to?"

"Don't worry about it," Ted replied, "Now while the Mushroom Kingdom folks run the Rainbow Road track in a three lap race-,"

"Running Rainbow Road!?" Mario blurted, "That's about... over three and a half miles!"

"Hey man, nothing is a better workout than a long run," Ted smiled as he teleported anyone associated with the Mario games with the exception of the piranha plant, but only because Ted forgot. Ted made a spoonful of cinnamon appear, floating in the middle of the ruined platform.

"Now for the Cinnamon Challenge which I will select one of you to randomly do," Ted pulled out his phone and searched for a random number generator. After comparing the result to the Smash Bros. roster, Chrom was chosen.

"It can't be that bad," Chrom chuckled as he walked toward the floating spoon, "I just eat it?"

"Yep," Ted answered.

"Alright," Chrom picked up the spoon and placed the cinnamon in his mouth. The prince instantly began to have a coughing fit.

"Can't… breathe," Chrom coughed.

Many of the Smashers laughed at Chrom's reaction, even Lucina and Robin, who were nearly in hysterics. Chrom went to the pool of water that surrounded and began cupping handfuls of water to his mouth. Soon his hand was bitten by the Piranha Plant turned piranha fish. Chrom threw the fish back in the pool with anger.

"Get up outta mah water! Mothafucka!" The fish yelled.

"Alright," Ted moved on, "I'm not going to have you discuss a fight between the Terminator and Predator since most of you come from worlds were those movies don't exist. You can all watch the anime Citrus on your own time while you're here. I think your Smash phones are basically suped up smartphones anyway. So that just leaves Cloud to fight ten thousand gummy bear sized Sephiroths. I suppose you can do that off in the grass. It'll add to the challenge," Ted teleported Cloud just outside of the tiny forest that surrounded the ruins and began fighting off the army of Sephiroths that lurked between the blades of grass.

"Oh wait… before I forget," Ted realized, "Red has to transform into a random Pokemon every ten minutes or so and fight Mewtwo. Mewtwo, just knock him out, okay,"

"_A simple challenge,_" Mewtwo noted as Red found himself transforming into the Mushroom Pokemon, Foongus.

"Foongus," Red sighed.

The Psychic Pokemon charged up a shadow ball and launched it at Red, instantly causing him to faint.

"_Pathetic_,"

"Moving on," Ted announced, "These next dares are from Johnathen. Pit, try to woo Viridi,"

Ted remembered that Pit was placed away from the ruins because of his non stop screaming after accepting Ted's deal. Pit walked back to the ruin, relieved that the pain was over.

"That was the worst pain I felt in my life," Pit whined.

"Is that how you start a conversation with a woman?" Ness asked.

"What do you mean?" Pit asked.

"Apparently you gotta try to 'woo' me or something," Viridi said with snark, "If I felt any attraction to you, I'd just go to Dark Pit. He works for me, looks exactly like you, and is not a dweeb,"

"Aww," Palutena smiled, "There goes Little Miss Cactus with her spikes again. I know you have a soft spot for Pit,"

"Stop teasing me like that!" The little goddess demanded, "I don't have a soft spot for that idiot," As soon as Viridi finished that sentence, she felt a painful electric shock throughout her body, "What was that!?"

"You get shocked if you lie during the game," Ted explained, "Honestly kinda miss the frogs. I wonder how Natsu is doi- oh… I left that world frozen in time. I should probably do something about that,"

"Ha! So you do!" Palutena blurted.

"S-so what?" Viridi huffed.

"You know, when you aren't plotting to kill all humans," Pit started, "You're actually pretty great,"

"S-stop it!" Viridi blushed.

"I think you've successfully wooed her Pit," Palutena commented, "Even if she doesn't want to admit it,"

"He didn't successfully do anything!" Viridi shouted.

"Yep, you've been wooed," Dark Pit commented.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Viridi yelled.

"Samus, we gotta know," Ted began, "Who do you like more? Snake or Captain Falcon?"

"...They're both old,"

"Why'd you gotta say that?" the two men sighed.

"That being said… I have slept with both of them. Just once. And I have to admit, I prefer Snake,"

"Ooooo," Ted replied, "Spicy! Now Fox, do a barrel roll,"

"Okay, can I get my Arwing?" Fox asked.

"The dare didn't mention an arwing," Ted noted.

"Then how the hell is supposed to do a barrel roll, jackass," Falco interjected.

"Try to do it anyway," Ted dared.

Fox jumped up and positioned his body to be as parallel to the ground as possible while trying to spin around. Fox was agile, but he wasn't a cat or anything so he ended up falling flat on his face.

"Well, we can't do the next two dares because of the Rainbow Road race," Ted commented, "Speaking of which,"

Ted opened a portal that gave a view of the track. In first was Yoshi, who was already on his second lap. Being an animal built for endurance, this makes since. Leading from behind was Daisy, Peach, Luigi, Mario, and Rosalina in that order. In the back, Wario and the Bowser boys were struggling to keep even a slow pace.

"You can all watch there if you wish, but for now, let's move onto dcfer's dares. Welcome back my dude. He wants me to bring back Bob, but his soul is kinda stuck in the Soul Cairn and I don't want to negotiate with the Ideal Masters to get it back.

"You think you can host a game without me, huh?" Bob spoke up.

"Mega Man?" Pac-Man said.

"Oh, this isn't Mega Man," Bob smirked.

"Hey Bob, what's up," Ted greeted.

"That's Bob!" The Smashers yelled.

"Sorta," Bob answered, "Hey Ted, how'd I die?"

"Nagisa used Soul Tear on you," Ted answered.

"What… when did Nagisa become the dragonborn?" Bob asked.

"When Larry took him on a years long assassination training journey," Ted answered.

"Well… it's good to be back. Or as back as I can be," Bob smiled, "Now I can run this game right,"

"I suppose," Ted shrugged, "dcfer says that with just me here, it's like Death Battle without Boomstick,"

"Ha, that means you're Wiz!" Bob laughed, "What a fucking loser,"

"You forget that I'm the one with the power, don't you. Whatever," Ted snapped his fingers, "There you go, magic powers. Use them as you will,"

"First, let's get myself a better robot body," Bob declared as he morphed the host body into a mechanical version of Bob's old body, which looked like Ted's, but with messy hair, decent sideburns that go past his earlobe, and clothes that make it look like he just rolled out of bed.

"Now for the dares, by me!" Bob announced, "To continue with dcfer's stuff, Pit and Pittoo are now completely in sync. For every move one makes, the other does the same,"

"That's stupid," Dark Pit said while he crossed his arms. Pit, against his will, did the same thing simultaneously.

"Woah, you just made me cross my arms!" Pit exclaimed, "Let me try something," Pit began to do a little, poorly-choreographed dance that Dark Pit was forced to do as well.

"Stop it! This dance sucks!" Dark Pit exclaimed.

"Now to interfere with the races," Bob announced as he jumped inside the portal and onto the track in front of Yoshi's path. Yoshi was on his third lap and showed no signs of stopping. Bob summoned the piranha plant that was currently a piranha in his hand and waved the fish around by his tail.

"What the… Can't breathe!" The Piranha plant gasped, "Need… water…,"

"Yoshi, you want a snack!?" Bob called out.

As Yoshi ran forward, the dinosaur stuck out its tongue, grabbed the fish, and ate him without skipping a beat.

"Now to meet the fat asses," Bob said to himself, "Ted, you got the baddies on your end,"

"How's it feel to have your little game usurped by the guy you let die?" Wolf asked. Ted responded with throwing a pie at his face. Wolf began to scream as he felt his face burning. Through the tears in his eye, he managed to make out what the pie was made with spicy jalapenos.

"What the hell!?" Wolf yelled.

"Oh c'mon, don't be such a baby," Ted scoffed, "You have one eye so it's like you're feeling less pain, right?"

The hosts threw the spicy pies at the villains of Super Smash Brothers. Bob threw pies at the three straggling fatties as they crossed the finish line for the first time. The pie to the face was a way to kick them while they were down. As for Ted, all the villain acted about as expected except for Samus's villains. The pie simply slid down Dark Samus's helmet, doing nothing. Meanwhile, Ridley was only mildly irritated.

Red was healed up and transformed into a Gyarados. Mewtwo appreciated the challenge this time around, but Red was simply to inexperienced at being a Pokemon. Mewtwo was able to make quick work of Red and knock him out yet again.

Soon, the race ended with Yoshi in first, Daisy in a distant second, followed by Peach, Luigi, Mario, and Rosalina in that order. Bob decided to just send the fatties back before they could complete the race since if they waited, the smashers would be here all day.

"What were some of the dumbest things you all have done in the previous tournaments?" Ted asked.

"Pinching Pikachu's cheeks," Samus answered, "Apparently that's where they store all of their electricity,"

"Stepping on Olimar's spaceship before he signed in during Brawl," Marth answered, "How was I supposed to know he was only an inch tall?"

"I look back on how I was basically kid in an adult body during the first tournament and cringe," The young Link answered.

"Getting pregnant with baby Morgan in the middle of last year's tournament," Lucina answered.

"Knocking her up in the middle of last year's tournament," Robin answered.

"What to choose," Ness poundered.

Orange was done regenerating by this point and while she was lethargic from it, she was okay.

"You've done that much dumb shit?" Orange asked.

"Well, there was the time you tried using your friend's bottle rockets," Mario pointed out.

"Using Pichu to charge your GameBoy," Fox added.

"Taking my bike for a joyride!" Wario added.

"Teaching Jigglypuff to draw dicks on people's faces after she puts them to sleep," Daniel added.

"I'm proud of that one," Ness smirked, "Can't believe I didn't think of that sooner,"

"And that's not even including the things you do with Toony," Lucas commented.

"He makes a good accomplice," Ness stated.

"It's not like I can stop him," Toony defended.

"I think I've heard enough," Ted stated.

"Now we can finish those dares from Johnathen," Bob announced, "Bowser, kiss Rosalina,"

Rosalina sighed as she looked toward the giant King Koopa, who was already coming in for the smooch. She received the kiss on the side of her face, much to her disgust.

"You know, my hearts for Peach. But, you're beautiful too," Bowser complimented.

"You're not my type," Roslina replied.

"Hey Sonic," Bob spoke, "What do you think Bowser has to do to get a date with Cream?"

"I remember her spirit sticker," Bowser Jr recalled, "When I'm older, I'm going to kidnap her and make her my bride, just like my dad,"

"And you're going to fail… just like your dad," Sonic snarked, "She won't like you anyway. She's a nice girl and you're rotten to the core,"

"Damn right!" Bowser Jr. grinned.

"You are a bad father," Mario told Bowser.

"You mean… a badass father!" Bowser replied.

"No, just bad," Peach and Mario said in unison.

"And now we move onto 14 shiffna's dares," Bob announced, "Palutena, beat up the two Pits,"

Palutena pondered for a moment. "If I wanted to do this fast and easy, I could just use the power of flight and guide both of you straight into Death Mountain,"

"Y-you're joking… right, Lady Palutena?" Pit worried.

"But, since I'm so benevolent… MEGA LASER!" Palutena aimed a laser at Pit and Dark Pit. It was a bit more potent than usual and caused the two of them to get knocked down and hurt fairly badly.

"Kirby and Lucas," Bob began, "You have Smash phones, right?"

"I don't use it much, but yeah," Lucas answered. Kirby just nodded.

"Go to this website called Reddit, and look for the subreddit r/fiftyfifty," Bob instructed.

Lucas, being in experienced with most electronics, had a difficult time navigating the device. He only really knows how to text, call, and watch the occasional funny video.

"You're still not there?" Orange asked.

"I… think I got it," Lucas answered as he finally made his way to the subreddit.

"Do they not have phones where your from?" Orange asked.

"I wished away most technology when I awakened the dragon," Lucas answered. Orange just stared at him, dumbfounded. He never mentioned waking up a dragon until now but wishing away modern technology was her major hang up.

"Why would you wish technology away!?" Orange roared.

"We ask him this, all the time," Ness chimed in.

"It's a long story, but I was twelve and I believed that technology corrupted people. Later I learned that people can be just as evil without it, but it's not like I can change that now," Lucas turned to Bob, "So what's this… subreddit thing?"

"Let me broadcast your screen on a large spectral image, so we can all play," Bob started. Bob made a fifteen foot tall image of Lucas's screen appeared in front of the Smashers. Right now, it just showed the subreddit's first page, "The concept of fiftyfifty is simple. There are two possible outcomes when you click a link. Either it's a good thing, like cat photos or something nice and wholesome, or it's some fucked up shit,"

"What do you mean by that?" Orange asked.

"Let Lucas tap the first link and we can all find out," Bob grinned.

Lucas tapped on a link that gave him the option of seeing a man impaled by a metal rod or a beautiful picture of a mountain. Just reading that title gave the mild mannered boy a sense of unease as he tapped the link. To his relief, it was a picture of a snow-covered mountain with a forest of evergreens in the foreground.

"Now we gotta do three pages of these links," Bob smiled, "Tap the next one,"

The next link was a choice between a body found in snow and simply 'H'. Lucas tapped the link to see a picture of the letter 'H'.

"Huh, guess we're getting pretty lucky, aren't we Kirby," Lucas said. Kirby responded by smiling real big and waving his arms around.

"You're gonna jinx it," Toony warned.

The next option was of Camilo Villegas cycling by a beautiful mountain or a bike crash victim bleeding out. Lucas tapped the link to see a picture of a woman lying in the road with large gashes where her legs meet her hip. On top of that you could see that her head was bleeding from the blood stains on the ground. Lucas shuddered and so did many of the Smashers, even Ted. Many of the more battle hardened fighters, such as Samus, Snake, Simon, and pretty much anyone from Fire Emblem reacted less disturbed. Bob simply laughed the entire time

"I hope she was okay," Lucas commented.

The first page had a lot of grotesque stuff with very few breaks for cute things. There was a naked man that smeared feces on his face, a hand that was caught in a paper shredder, the aftermath of a plane turbine accident, a shark bite victim, a mostly severed penis, etc. When he got to a link that gave him the option between a collection of Eevee evolution plush toys and a pile of dismembered bodies, the Smasher breathed a sigh of relief when it was just the plush toys.

"Can we stay on this link a little longer?" Lucas asked, "Kirby doesn't want to do this anymore," Kirby was crying into Lucas's shirt, scared of what may come next.

"We aren't even done with the first page," Bob mocked, "Now let's move on,"

The second page was more of the same. Grotesque injuries or medical conditions broken up by the occasional tame picture. The same naked guy who smeared his own feces on his face had another gif of him pooping onto some plastic and wrapping plastic around his head. When a picture of something called the Cumbox came up. Bob pulled up the original reddit post on his phone and began to read it, much to everyone's disgust.

"Why would he do that for three years!?" Lucas asked.

"Hey man, the internet has some interesting people," Bob replied, "Let's move on,"

The next big link was between Sonic the Hedgehog scat porn and a little puppy seeing snow for the first time.

"Please let it be the puppy," Sonic begged.

Lucas reluctantly taped the link and it revealed Sonic and Tails and… you know what guys, I'm not describing this. You can look it up your goddamn self.

"Go back! Go back!" Sonic urged.

"That's… disturbing," Mario commented.

The third page was just as messed up as the previous two and I'm sure I'd have to give this story an M rating if I continue. I'll just say that the last link was between a safe for work picture of Sonic and Knuckles and a not safe for work picture of Sonic and Knuckles. We got the not safe for work version.

"Why is there so much porn of me online?" Sonic sighed.

"Furries man," Bob answered, "They crazy. They'll porn up anything. You, Starfox, certain Pokemon, Isabelle,"

"Me!?" Isabelle blurted.

"Yes, Isabelle. There is porn of you," Bob answered, "I mean, there's porn of everyone online, well except for me, but I'm just not popular. But yeah, porn. It exists,"

"I don't want to think about it," Isabelle whined.

"It's okay Isabelle," Daniel comforted, "It doesn't exist if you can't see it,"

Bob snapped his fingers and made porn images of the two appear in their mind's eye. The two freaked out and ranted but Bob wasn't one to care.

"Another power I learned from Ac's School of Perverted Arcana," Bob commented, "Let's move onto SakuraDreamerz. Joker is going to be given two things, A 1-up Mushroom and a black hard hat that protects him from and construction type accidents… did I miss something?"

"I was crushed by a steamroller the second I arrived," Joker answered while accepting the two gifts, "I'm just glad Morgana wasn't in my bag,"

"Young Link," Bob moved on, "You can't lie about anything,"

"That's fine, I consider myself to be brutally honest," The young Link replied.

"And no being mean to Blue Link over there," Bob finished.

"What! That's bullshit! This guy sucks!" Young Link was shocked once he said that.

"Do that again and it's Super Hell for you buddy," Bob warned, "Robin, here is a drink to make you about as fast as Captain Falcon. Use it well," Bob threw Robin the drink and the mage reluctantly drank from it. Resulting in no ill effects, much to everyone's surprise.

"Richter, Simon, do you think you can teach the art of vampire hunting to anyone?" Bob asked.

"Only those with the wits to outsmart your foes, strength to over power them, agility to out maneuver them, and the constitution to withstand their blows can even have a chance to be a vampire hunter," Simon answered.

"With that said, what about Luigi?" Bob asked.

"What!?" Luigi shouted.

Simon looked the plumber over and quickly dismissed him.

"Not worth my time," Simon judged.

"No need to be so harsh Gramps," Richter said.

"You saw his composure when he went to that castle. He's useless,"

"Oh yeah!" Daisy interjected, "I'll have you know that while Luigi wasn't wrestled around with vampires, he's done more than his fair share of ghost busting!"

"Now Daisy, they have a point. My soul was taken back there,"

"Are you just going to let this guy talk shit on you?" Daisy asked, "You have experience in the Supernatural. So what, vampires might have more tricks up their sleeve, but I think you can do it!"

"Now this woman has the fighting spirit of a vampire hunter," Simon noted.

"You think so!?" Daisy asked.

"It's settled," Bob announced, "Luigi and Daisy are going to be trained to become vampire hunters!"

"That's so awesome!" Daisy beamed, "This'll be the best second date ever!"

"You're thinking of this as a date!?" Luigi shouted.

"Moving on," Bob continued, "Until Pit is done with his deal, Pittoo's gotta teach him how to read… without hitting him,"

"What's the point if he's just gonna know how to read in a month anyway!?" Dark Pit yelled.

"Um… brotherly bonding… just do it because I said so. Now Chrom, how did you crash Palutena's Guidance in last year's tournament?"

"I was still trying to figure out how to use the Smash phone and tried to call home. I accidentally stumbled my way into a celestial group call, don't know how, but I did," Chrom answered.

"Is Cloud done fighting all those Sephiroths?" Ted asked.

Just as he asked that, Cloud came back with a Buster sword covered in squashed Sephiroths. After a short time of fighting them, he realized it was easier to use the side of the sword as a club and squish as many of them as he could. He thinks he got most of them.

"What do you want now?" Cloud asked.

"Draw the first thing that comes to your mind," Bob dared as he handed the swordsman a paper and pencil. Cloud went to a pillar and drew a crude sword, similar to his Buster Sword. As soon as he was complete, the paper flew out of his hands and a puff of magic smoke enveloped it. A full sized sword, that still looked hand drawn, appeared and on the blade a tiny face emerged.

"Hi! I'm Swordy McSwordFace and I'm gonna be your new pal!"

"I hate it," Cloud commented.

Red was healed yet again and turned into a Jolteon. Mewtwo wasn't challenged in the slightest.

"_Such a low leveled foe_,"

"These next dares are from Ac," Bob announced, "I miss that filthy man. And to kick off the filth, Bayonetta, take off your clothes and spend the rest of the day naked!"

"I suppose this was bound to happen eventually," Bayonetta remarked. She removed the hair that covered her body and revealed her nude figure to the entire roster of fighters. Just about everyone, men and women alike, couldn't help but let their glances linger.

"Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer,"

Ness and Toony began to raise their Smash Phones up, but quickly realized the ramifications of doing such a thing in regards to their romantic interests and put them away. The Bowser boys and Wario however, were taking as many pictures as they could. Bayonetta grew tired of their desperate gawking and used one of her wicked weave attacks to punch all three of them.

"Those naughty boys,"

"You are… too cool with this," Palutena commented.

"There's nothing wrong with the female form, Lady Palutena," Bayonetta smirked, "There's no need to be so prudish about it,"

"I'm surprised Master Hand even invited you. You're too sexual for this tournament,"

"Are we really going to continue that argument from last time?" Bayonetta asked in a cocky manner, "I doubt you'd remember it, after drinking away half the bar,"

Palutena glared at the Umbra Witch, before Rosalina grabbed the goddesses shoulder, signaling that it'd be best to calm down.

"I'm kinda surprised this didn't happen last session," Ted said to himself.

"At least it happened now," Bob smiled, "Does it feel like these games just get more and more fucked up with each new target? Whatever… Blue Link, Blue Zelda, fuck right here, in front of everyone,"

"That escalated quickly," Orange commented.

The Princess and Hero of the Wild looked at each other awkwardly and blushed. It's not like the two of them have had much experience in most social activities, intercourse being one of them.

"C'mon Bob," Ted interrupted, "Why do we gotta keep doing Ac's fucked up dares like this? It only encourages him,"

"The man's been with us since the beginning, Ted," Bob lectured, "Back when he was the only one daring the Kill la Kill cast. Is that how you want to treat loyal fans!?"

"But dude, he's overkill!" Ted argued.

"Look Ted, this is why you are better suited to be a co-host. It's shameful that you'd deny this chance for the viewers and the Smashers to watch this happen,"

"Yeah! You tell him, Bob!" Toony and Ness yell. Orange got between them and smacked the two of them in the back of the head with her tentacle hair, "Ow! What was that for!?"

"Well, we have a lot of dares today," Ted argued, "How about they just bang each other off to the side in the forest while we move on. If anyone wants to look, they can look, but let's not let this get in the way of the session,"

"Fine, it's your world I suppose," Bob agreed.

"W-w-we really have to do that?" The blue Zelda asked.

"It's either that or damnation," the blue Link solemnly said.

"Oh Goddesses! He talks!" The young Link exclaimed.

"Why you guys get ready," Bob moved on, "I want young Link to put on the Fierce Deity Mask, get drunk, and then kill himself,"

"What's the point of that!?" The young Link blurted.

"I don't know man, maybe Ac just hates you," Bob suggested.

"Alright, give me the dumb mask," The young Link sighed.

"You… don't have it?" Bob asked.

"No, I honestly believe that everything in Termina was part of some crazy fever dream," The young Link admitted, "Everyone looked like someone I had seen from Hyrule. The ranch in that world was operated by two sisters who both looked like Malon. It was some crazy shit, man,"

Bob snapped his fingers and the Fierce Deity Mask appeared in the young Link's hands. Link put the mask on and transformed into the Fierce Deity. While he was busy transforming, the Hero of the Wild slipped a bottle into his predecessor's bag before going with his Princess.

"Alright, give me the liquor so I can get this over with,"

Bob materialized a big bottle of hard liquor, which the Fierce Deity began to drink from.

"Red, face Buried Alive," Bob dared. A zombie rose from the ground grabbed the knocked out Jolteon that was Red, and began to devour him, "Probably should have done that while he was awake… oh well. Joker, I hope you're dating Haru, because you gotta fuck her!"

Joker's jumped at how sudden this was happening. He was romantically involved with her and has had a few romantic nights alone, but the fact that she was getting involved in the game was a matter of concern for Joker.

"I'll teleport you two to the Honeymoon suite at the Smash Hotel," Ted decided.

"It's got a really nice bed, dude," Orange told the thief.

"Are you sure nothing happened in there?" Ness asked Orange and Lucas.

"Nothing!" The two shout in unison.

"Will she be stuck here after this?" Joker asked.

"Yep," Bob answered, "Lucky you, right?"

"Bob, I think he cares for her as a human being and not just a cumbox," Ted told him.

"Ah, the cumbox. An important part of Reddit history," Bob said.

Bob snapped away Joker to the Smash Hotel, where he was going to have a night alone with his girl, Haru.

"Lucky bastard," Ness complained, "But, then again. I don't want anyone else to be involved in this game,"

"Pit, send nudes to Viridi!" Bob dared.

"What!?" Pit and Viridi blurt out.

"Yeah… nudes… send 'em," Bob encouraged.

The two were as red as tomatoes at this point, blushing as they awkwardly glanced at each other and looked away.

"L-lady Palutena," Pit stuttered.

"Sorry Pit, I can't help you here… although I just thought of this. If you and Pittoo-,"

"Dark Pit!" Dark Pit corrected.

"-were to take these… questionable pictures… wouldn't that mean she'd-,"

"I'd get nudes from both of you!?" Viridi panicked.

"Now, there's nothing wrong with the male form either. It's just not as beautiful as the female figure," Bayonetta said, "Although, I will admit I have a bit of a bias,"

"Get this over with Pit Stain!" Dark Pit scoffed, "Someone turn me the opposite direction. I don't want to be near him while I'm forced to do this,"

The Pits went off in separate directions and copied each other's movements. Soon, Viridi got a few notifications on her Smash Phone and she was not wanting to look at them right now.

"Let's bring Tetra here as well," Ted suggested.

"Four Zeldas!" Bob scoffed, "Hasn't this already gotten confusing?"

Tetra was teleported to the ruin and was still pissed off from a previous argument.

"Goddammit! What now!?" Tetra ranted, "And why am I younger?"

"Hey Tetra," Toony greeted nervously.

"What's going on? Where are we? Why is that bitch naked? And… is that a version of you and me fucking in the woods?"

"Um… long story short. We are all held prisoner by a sick perverted maniac," Toony explained.

"Hey, Bob's the fucked up one here," Ted defended, "And since he's dead. I hardly responsible,"

"That makes no sense!" Fox argued, "You started the game!"

"Anyway Toony, you gotta slap Tetra, grab her face, and make out with her," Bob dared.

"Is this just an elaborate attempt to get in my pants again!?" Tetra questioned, "I told you, we were drunk, we weren't thinking straight. Stop fawning over me!"

"Tetra, this is really a serious thing," Toony warned, "If we don't do this, we will go to Hell,"

"Super Hell," Bob corrected.

"Super Hell? What the fuck kind of bullshit place is-,"

A portal began to open up under their feet and the two began to slowly get sucked in. At this point, Tetra believed him. Toony slapped Tetra across the face, pulled her head close to his, and went in for a long kiss just as the portal was about to consume them. With the requirements of the dare met, the portal simply spit them back out.

"I'll give you credit Link," Tetra began, "You do kiss pretty well,"

"Thanks," Toony blushed.

"Don't go blushing like that… jeez,"

"Mario, eat this mushroom," Bob dared. Bob handed the plumber a mushroom yellow mushroom that had angry eyes and was heavier than it looked. He reluctantly took a bite from it and soon found himself to be as big as Bowser and made of pure muscle.

"Woah," Peach fawned.

"Woah," Mario muttered as he looked at himself.

"Robin and Lucina, this dare is disgusting," Bob warned.

"More disgusting than exhibitionism in front a crowd of seventy people?" Lucina asked.

"Oh yeah… get naked, have a feces throwing fight, then make out afterwards,"

"Are you sure you just aren't taking ideas from the Happy Naked Shit Man," Robin asked.

"Oh no, even I find that revolting and I also find this revolting. Don't worry, shit will be provided," Bob assured.

"I'm just going to go in my happy place and pretend this isn't going to happen," Chrom said.

"Isn't that what you said when you found out Robin and I were getting intimate?" Lucina asked.

"La la la! I can't hear you!" Chrom yelled with his fingers in his ears.

Robin and Lucina went a long distance away from the ruin toward a pile of literal shit to do their disgusting dare.

"With that filth out of the way," Ted began, "We move onto Kainavocaliodfan1's dares. It's a fight to the death between me and Bob,"

"Well, I forfeit," Bob decided, "Mr. Author Magic Motherfucker. If you need me, I'll be at the dive bar," Bob opened a portal and jumped right in.

"That was anticlimactic," Ted commented, "But he does have a point. I can write him out of existence if I wanted too." Ted summoned what appeared to be a closet sized room straight from the sky, "Snake, Samus, you gotta spend seven hours in here, but before you do you gotta drink this," Ted handed the two a vial of pink liquid, which they reluctantly drank.

"...Yeah… this is meth," Snake pointed out.

"Meth!?" Samus exclaimed.

"Sorry, drugging people with hard drugs is more of a Bob thing, but the dare called for it. It's also a very powerful aphrodisiac," Ted warned before he shoved the two into the closet, "Now Mario, spray Peach with Fluud,"

"Okedoki," Said the buff Mario as he fired the portable water back pack at the princess. The water hit her chest a bit too much, revealing the bra that she was wearing underneath.

"Sorry Peach!" Mario apologized as the princess hid her bosom from everyone.

"Now that those dares are done, we got some from PhantomTehCasual," Ted announced.

"How many more of these stupid dares you got left, huh?" Sonic asked.

"Just a few more… okay, maybe a bit more than a few," Ted recanted, "But this guy's only got one dare," Ted read through the notecard that ad the next dare written down and frowned, "Sorry Phantom, I don't know how many Jojo fans are reviewing and to be honest, that final battle in part five threw me for a loop. However, I would say it's about time that we bring back an old friend,"

Just as Ted finished his sentence, there was a knock on the closet door that Samus and Snake were locked in.

"What is it?" Little Mac asked.

"That isn't us!" Snake yelled through the closet door.

"Someone, go ahead and open that," Ted ordered.

Little Mac opened the door. Inside were a doped-up, half-naked Samus and Snake, along with a third person that materialized the second the door opened. The man was a nicely dressed cacasiun fellow wearing a fancy suit with a bowler hat. He was a bit on the short side, about five and a half feet tall. He had that look of a typical door-to-door salesman.

"Hello Smashers, It's always great to have a new customer base," The man greeted.

"Who the hell are you!?" Samus shouted, "And how'd you get here!?"

"Such matters are trivial to a multidimensional salesperson, such as myself," The man said.

"Oh great," Ness said sarcastically, "Just what we needed, a salesman that hides in closets,"

"I understand your skepticism Mr. Anderson, but I am not just an ordinary salesman that deals in household cleaning products,"

"Wait… How'd you know my last name?" Ness asked, "I don't even use it to sign in,"

"Just like I told Miss Aarn, such abilities are trivial to me. I am Larry, an anomalous salesman that specializes in anomalous items. Now, are any of you interested in my wares?"

"No," The Smashers answered in unison.

"Are you sure? I sell only the finest anomalous objects around,"

"No,"

"...please…,"

"No!"

Larry feel to his knees and began to cry, confusing most of the Smashers. "Please buy something! While my new boss was frozen in time, I treated it as a vacation! I blew all my money on expensive beers and nights at the Multiverse Strip Club. And for what!? Just to slide a twenty dollar bill in Hinawa's G-string and be forced to take part in an erotic sacrificial ritual,"

"Hold up… what now?" Lucas asked.

"If she were to wake up… I'd be ruined!"

"Fine, we'll buy something!" Ike interrupted, "Just stop crying!"

Larry shot back up, wiped away his crocodile tears, and revealed what appeared to be a normal, disposable, plastic knife.

"Was that all just an act?" Wii Fit asked.

"Very good, don't you think?" Larry replied, "It's good to have the ability to cry on cue. Anyway, this here is not just an ordinary disposable knife, it is a knife that can slice the fabric of space and time and all that other stuff, allowing for travel across universes. A portal can be opened with just a quick cut in the air,"

"How much?" Daniel sighed.

"I dunno… the fruits of your labor," Larry suggested.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Daniel asked.

"My prices are always a bit… cryptic," Larry replied. The salesman held out his hand for a handshake and Daniel accepting it, sealing the deal. The salesman handed the mayor the plastic knife and along with that, all the nearby apples in the forest disappeared from the trees.

"I look forward to serving you all soon," Larry announced as he left through the closet door he came from. When the door closed, he disappeared in front of Samus and Snake's eyes.

"Aw Larry, what a good fellow," Ted remarked.

"Uh… what was that about Hinawa?" Lucas asked.

"Don't worry about it," Ted replied, "Now for a few dares from Gabe2000. He has a few dares. One is to turn Snake into a snake, and the other is to merge Samus and Dark Samus's mind into one. I'm sure the intention behind the closet dare is ruined now," Dark Samus disappeared and a hissing sound could be heard while a methed-up Samus and Dark Samus hybrid wrestle around in the closet.

"With that said… who'd fuck Palutena?" Ted asked, "Like if you weren't in a relationship already,"

Nearly every man raised their hand. Pit didn't because Palutena was more of a mother/older sister to him. Lucas didn't raise his hand because he thought it'd be strange to have sex with someone much older than him. But the most surprising revelation was out of the ones who did raise their hand, specifically Rosalina. The woman meekly raised her hand, not wanting to be shocked if she lied.

"Rosalina?" Palutena blurted.

Rosalina quickly put her hand down, but the cat was already out of the bag by this point. She was the center of attention in this shocking development.

"I-I-I didn't want you to find out like this," Rosalina mumbled, "I tried to tell you myself… but, I don't get off the Observatory much, so I don't… talk to people,"

"It actually explains a lot now that I think about it," Palutena realized, "Like when you invited me to go stargazing that one night. It felt like you were giving mixed signals. I know it's supposed to be romantic, but isn't that a thing you'd do on a normal Tuesday night?"

"Yeah… the Lumas said that too," Rosalina sighed.

"Don't get upset," Palutena comforted while walking over to her, "I'm open to it,"

"R-Really!?" Rosalina stammered.

"Sure," Palutena smiled.

"I didn't see that coming," Pit commented.

"What do you mean by that?" Palutena asked in a suspecting tone.

"I-I didn't mean it like that Lady Palutena!" Pit defended, "I promise! I just thought you… liked guys,"

"I do," Palutena confirmed.

"Like I've said before, Pit," Ness began, "Your world seems to be a lot like the Greek Gods of myth in my world… and those gods fucked everything that moved,"

"Stop talking, Ness," Pit requested.

"Well, it's neat that Palutena has such a large fan club," Ted began, "Let's have the obligatory strip club dare!" Bob teleported most of the smashers (mainly the ones not dead or occupied with another dare) inside Hyrule Castle. The insides were completely revamped the second they got there. The room was complete with cabana booths, a DJ booth, a bar, and most importantly, a stage with a pole in the center. There was a backroom where Palutena was sent to get ready for her performance.

"Wh-what's going on!?" Palutena panicked.

"Is it not obvious?" Said the Nude Umbra witch walking backstage, "You've been dared to dance on the pole, darling,"

"Oh, no," Palutena sighed, "This is too much,"

"It's not so hard,"

"Easy for you to say! It's like you don't like clothes!"

"I'll have you know, I love to shop for only the finest dresses around," Bayonetta defended, "It just so happens, everytime I buy a new one, a horde of angels have to tear it to shreds. It's almost like they want to see me in the nude,"

"I can't do this," Palutena sighed, "No amount of alcohol will make me comfortable enough to do this,"

"Now that's simply not true," Bayonetta replied, "...Tell you what, how about I go first. It'll give you enough time to drink yourself into a deep stupor and give you the confidence to reveal yourself in front of everyone,"

"Are you sure?" Palutena asked.

"Darling, I'm quite comfortable with showing off the goods. You mustn't worry about me,"

Palutena took a deep breath and went to the mini fridge, which just so happened to have a bottle of whiskey inside.

"I can do this," Palutena told herself.

In the club itself, Ted was up in the DJ booth setting everything up. The Smashers were sitting at tables or cabanas waiting for what will happen next.

"Damn, they're gonna show Palutena stripping," Ness remarked from the cabana booth he shared with his friends, Viridi, Tetra, and Dark Pit.

"Stop getting so excited about this!" Pit requested.

"I can't help if I'm excited Pit," Ness defended, "I have the perverted mind of an eighteen-year-old in the body of a teenager. The science doesn't work out in your favor!"

"Typical human," Viridi scoffed, "Making excuses for their many, many flaws,"

"How are Pit's nudes?" Toony asked.

"Sh-shut up! I'll kill you!" Viridi threatened.

"You better not," Tetra interjected, "If anyone kills Link, it'll be me," Tetra turned toward Toony and made an ambiguous smirk.

"The messed up part is, it's hard to tell if she is serious," Toony replied.

"Hey y'all!" Ted announced from the DJ booth in a typical DJ voice, "It's DJ Crazy Boi in the house! Tonight we are going to put on a divine show for you! Give it up for Palu-," Then he noticed Bayonetta walking on stage, "I mean Bay-o-netta! Looks like we got a two for one special folks!"

Bayonetta walked onto the stage to the song _Candy Shop _by 50 Cent and began to perform a stunning dance. Men and women alike were in awe at Bayonetta's natural strip club dancing ability. Many tipped their world's respective currency onto the stage. Ness ran out of the money he had on hand and went to hunt down an ATM. It wasn't long before he found one and when he put his card in and went through the menus, he was upset about the twenty dollar withdraw fee. He sucked it however, he had more than enough money from his adventures and was willing to tip another fifty dollars to look awesome.

Soon enough, the witch's enticing dance was over. She walked off the stage, refusing to pick up the currency that was tipped to her. Palutena, who had been peeking out from backstage, saw her performance.

"See, it's not so hard," Bayonetta said, "You just need the confidence to get up on the stage

"Alright…," Palutena sighed as she walked on stage.

"Now give it up for the main event!" Ted announced from the DJ booth, "It's Palutena!"

The song _Hot in Herre _by Nelly began to play and the goddess began to dance around nervously while taking her clothes off. Pit put his head into his hands and vowed not to look, causing Dark Pit to do the same action. Palutena was not as confident or as good a dancer as Bayonetta, but she somehow knew her way around a pole and everyone continued to tip. She was glad that the witch went first, it's like she didn't have to do it all alone.

Rosalina meekly walked over to the stage and placed a star bit on the stage. It may have been the confidence boost, the liquor, or the combination of the two, but Palutena kneeled down and kissed the Princess of the Cosmos. Rosalina was stunned.

After the dance, Palutena collected the generous tips that were left behind and her clothes and went backstage.

"Wonderful performance," Bayonetta complimented.

"Bayonetta… thanks for going out there," Palutena thanked, "And… sorry for all the mean things I've said while drunk,"

"It's quite alright," Bayonetta smiled, "Honestly, if it weren't for our roles in life. I could see us being decent friends. I know how much you like to mess around with your angel,"

"Me too," Palutena agreed.

The goddess got dressed, went back outside and Ted was ready to move on.

"Aright!" Ted smiled from the DJ booth, still in character, "Now to continue with the dares. Peach and Daisy, y'all go to the Champagne Room. Your dare is to do full on yuri!"

The two being dared, as well as the two plumbers, were unsettled by this. Some more than others. Peach was shaking in embarrassment much more than anyone else. The Mario brothers weren't too happy with their girlfriends being forced in this situation. Daisy, while not in an ideal situation, kept herself together.

"Calm down Peach," Daisy comforted, "It'll be just like we did in college,"

"You learn something new everyday, bro," the buff Mario commented.

"I guess so," Luigi replied.

Daisy escorted Peach into the Champagne Room and from there, the game continued.

"Yoshi!" Ted announced, "Get on Mario's back and take a ride around the castle. Give yourself a break for a change!" Yoshi jumped on the extremely buff Mario's back and the plumber ran out of the room, "Ryu! Ken! Have a Carolina Reaper eating contest!"

The two martial arts masters were teleported onto the stage, where a table, two chairs, and two bowls of Carolina Reaper peppers appeared. They each began by eating a pepper whole… big mistake. It was as if their mouths were instantly lit on fire. They began to sweat and huff in agony. The winner would be the one who dared eat another pepper. Ryu went to eat another and could only manage to take a tiny bite of it. However, since Ken couldn't continue on. Ryu won, but in the end, they were both losers.

"Aright!" DJ Crazy Boi announced, "Time to murder the Duck Hunt Duo!"

Ridley immediately flew over to the dog and duck and dragged them across the ground, leaving a trail of blood as they left the building.

Ted yawned and jumped out of the booth. "Man, I'm tired. I'm done with the DJ stuff. We got two dares left from Elysium. They're simple. Everyone in this room, who in this room would you kiss if you got the chance? I find it funny I'm asking this question after all that has happened, but whatever,"

"I believe I've said before that this game was awfully juvenile," Bayonetta commented.

"In this room…," Bowser Jr. contemplated, "Nana!"

Popo got in front of his twin sister, ready to use his hammer if Junior get anywhere near her.

"I don't care about everyone," Ted commented, "But I'll be happy with two more answers,"

"Honestly," Daniel began, "I'd kiss Isabelle,"

"M-Mayor!?" Isabelle blurted.

"You furry motherfucker," Ted commented.

"I moved to a village of anthropomorphic animals," Daniel stated, "Obviously, I'm a furry,"

"O-kay," Sonic commented, "So… did you-,"

"No Sonic, I didn't like any of those porn pictures we saw earlier," Daniel answered.

"Just making sure," Sonic clarified, "At least you're not a complete weirdo,"

"The Mayor is not a weirdo!" Isabelle argued. It actually looked as though she was a bit offended by the remark.

"Isabelle, it's fine," Daniel comforted, "I understand where he's coming from. Some people are… a bit depraved,"

"I… just don't like it when people call you names," Isabelle replied.

"Trust me, I can handle the insults. I've gotten more than enough back where I came from," Daniel replied.

"Alright, one more," Ted announced, "Then we can move on to a silly battle royale dare and the reason why we're here for a week. Lucas! Do you have an answer?"

"Why are you asking me?" Lucas asked.

"Because you're quiet,"

"Fine," Lucas huffed, "...orange…," He mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Ted asked.

"...Orange," Lucas answered with greater volume.

"Woah dude!" Orange blurted, "Are you for real?"

"Yeah…," Lucas sighed.

"Don't be so embarrassed, my dude," Orange said, "If it makes you feel better, I'd kiss you out of everyone in our circle of friends,"

"Didn't expect Lucas to be an even bigger weirdo than Daniel," Toony whispered to Ness. Ness ignored Toony's shit talking and turned toward his friend.

"Hey… isn't it your birthday today?" Ness asked Lucas.

"Yeah," Lucas answered.

"Dammit, I forgot!" Toony blurted.

"I can see where this is going," Orange chuckled before going in for a quick kiss with Lucas, "That's your birthday present… Don't get pissed if I don't buy you something nice,"

Lucas simply just stood there, blushing and dumbfounded, trying to process what just happened. It was like sensory overload in a way. Even though he should have realized it considering their circumstances, he didn't expect for that to happen.

"I think you broke him," Tetra commented.

"I-I-I'm… fine," Lucas answered.

Orange laughed. "Like I said dude, you're a bit uptight. But at least you ain't Pit,"

"Okay, the final dare is this… a battle royale where everyone is restricted to wet towels as their weapon. Winner gets a delicious chocolate chip cookie," Ted announced.

"Can we forfiet and get on with this stupid week? King Dedede asked.

"Well… it doesn't mention that in the notecard…," Ted said.

"Then we're out," Tetra declared as she walked away from the room.

"Wait… now, I don't think-," Ted stammered.

"If you're out, so am I," Toony agreed. Toony and the rest of his friends followed suit.

"Well, if you leave… you gotta go around Hyrule and collect Korok seeds. See Blue Link for details!"

Eventually, everyone else walked away. All except for Kirby and Wario.

"So… you're the only two that stayed?" Ted sighed. He tossed the two remaining Smashers wet towels. Wario began by trying to quickly rattail Kirby. Kirby jumped out of the way to dodge it, got behind the fat man, and began to choke him out with the towel around his neck.

"Remember Wario, you can't fart," Ted reminded.

"M...Mercy!" Wario cried.

"Alright, Kirby wins," Ted declared as he pulled out a large chocolate chip cookie from seemingly nowhere. Kirby grabbed the cookie, did his little victory dance, then ate it whole.

* * *

The Smashers asked Link and Zelda about the Korok seeds (This was, of course, done after their impromptu love making session). They were informed that Link had collected about half of them already and that the other half could literally be anywhere. Zelda warned them that the Korok seeds can be found by completing little challenges, which could literally be anything. After the brief explanation. The Hero of the Wild and the three Zelda got a horse from a nearby stable and began their travels till nightfall. At this time, they set up camp just outside of a forest.

The Princess of the Wild took her knight to the side, away from the two other princesses.

"Link," Zelda began, "After today… I think we need to talk,"

Link nodded in agreement.

"No Link. No silence. I… want to hear what you have to say… about our… dare,"

"Aside from the glances from everyone, I had fun," Link answered honestly.

"I… did too," Zelda admitted while avoiding his gaze.

"I figured you liked me for a while," Link spoke, "You scribbled out so much in your diary when you talked about me. But I could still read it,"

"... You read my diary!?" Zelda blurted.

"Um… I didn't realize I was reading it until after the first page or so then there was something said about me… that, and it's a hundred years old,"

Zelda huffed. "I guess I can forgive you. After all you've done for me and Hyrule,"

"...Feel free to bare your soul to me and share the demons that have plagued you," Link said, "That part stuck out to me the most,"

"D-Did I really write that?" Zelda asked, "I know this is strange to say after being forced into exhibitionism, but this is embarrassing… Thank you, Link," As they began to leave the forest, she had one last thing to say, "I understand you prefer to quietly bear your burdens, but… I like it when you talk. Can you do it more often?"

"I'll try,"

When they got back to camp, there was nobody there. Link drew out his blade and looked around. That's when he noticed a blood stained patch of grass by the fire. Just then, several sharp pains pierced the back of his neck and head. From out of the forest, someone had thrown a barrage of throwing knives at the hero, instantly knocking him out. Zelda yelled and that's when Sheik jumped out of the forest and came up behind Zelda.

"Sh-Sheik!? What's going-,"

"There can only be one Zelda," She said, "You are an imposter,"

"We're all Zelda!? What's gotten into you!?"

"Lies!"

The ghost of the champion Mipha appeared and instantly revitalized the young hero.

"It was my pleasure," Mipha said before she vanished.

"I see you're up," Sheik said while holding Zelda hostage, "You got a lot more trick up your sleeve than the Link I know. You're probably better than him. However, if she's a fake Zelda, then you're a fake Link. I already killed the other Zelda that was traveling with us!"

Link took a step forward and Sheik stabbed Zelda in the side with a knife. As his princess cried out, Link could only thing of one thing to do, but it was risky. He used Urbosa's Fury on the insane princess, which consequently shocked his Zelda as well. As they were both paralayzed, Link ran over, separated the two princesses, and quickly disposed of Sheik. He ran back to his Zelda, who fell to the ground and was barely hanging on. He quickly grabbed a potion from his pack and poured it into her mouth, healing her almost instantly.

The princess cried into the hero's chest and the two relocated their camp soon after.

* * *

Ness, Toony, and Lucas were all sitting by the fire outside of the stables, while Orange and Tetra had already rented their beds for the night and were fast asleep. Pit was taken away shortly after they left to do some work down in Super Hell.

"So, Orange huh?" Toony began.

"Stop it, I'm already embarrassed enough as it is,"

"I just didn't expect your tastes to be… exotic like that," Toony finished.

"If you're embarrassed now, just wait till next session," Ness smirked.

"Are you implying what I think you're implying?" Lucas asked.

"Well, considering how so many were dared to fuck each other, I wouldn't be too surprised if something were to happen between you and Orange," Ness elaborated.

"Oh no," Lucas nervously sighed, "You're probably right,"

"There's no avoiding it," Ness continued, "So I want to give you all the tips and tricks I've learned over the years,"

"How do you even know…," Toony began, "Like… how do you know the anatomy isn't totally different? She's not exactly human,"

"Shit… I didn't think about that," Ness considered, "Well, if my advice fails you in certain aspects, feel free to improvise,"

"Why did this have to happen?" Lucas sighed.

* * *

"A knife that can cut holes to other universes?" Daniel said to himself as he looked at the peculiar plastic utensil.

"I don't know Mayor," Isabelle worried.

"Isabelle, you can refer to me by name, you know?"

"Okay… Daniel. But what if it's dangerous?"

"I guess there is only one way to find out," Daniel slashed the air in front of him and created a cut in the air. He grabbed both sides of the tear, and was able to stretch it out into a portal that he could fit through, "I'm going in,"

"Wait! Let me join you!" Isabelle blurted.

The two walked through the portal and into an attic of some kind. It was a bit shabby, but had decorations like someone had lived here before. Most notably, a poster that had a tophat with a burning eye that said 'Take your heart'.

"I think we're in Akira's universe," Isabelle stated, "I recognize the poster,"

"Let's head down stairs," Daniel suggested. The two head downstairs to find themselves in a cafe. Inside was the aforementioned Phantom Thief and a bunch of his friends hanging out. A smaller girl who kinda looked like Orange if she were human, was the first to notice the couple walk in.

"Am I crazy, or do I see Isabelle from Animal Crossing walking around?" She asked the group while pointing at the couple.

"Isn't that a game that only ten-year-olds play," Asked a blonde haired teen.

Everyone in the cafe turned their heads to Isabelle and Daniel.

"Akira? What are you doing here?" Daniel asked.

"What do you mean? I'm visiting," Akira answered.

"Oh right, infinite universes, infinite possibilities," Daniel reminded himself, "We know you from The Super Smash Brothers Tournament,"

"You got into Smash Bros!" The group of friends exclaimed to their leader.

"Smash Bros? What?" Asked an older gentleman behind the counter.

The Phantom Thieves bombarded the two with questions about the tournament and how it was even possible to begin with. They later decided to take the two around the town and show them what Tokyo has to offer.

Little to their knowledge, the portal that linked this alternate universe to Hyrule had closed five minutes after it was created and the plants that were nearby had begun to wither. Eventually, this spread downstairs to the gentleman behind the counter. He began to feel weak and noticed that he felt dehydrated. He looked down to see that his hands were beginning to undergo a strange change, as if he were being mummified. He reached for the phone in a panic but fell over, allowing for the rest of his body to mummify. This effect spread wherever the wind blew, eventually affecting the entire block, and nobody knew until the Phantom Thieves tried to go back to the cafe, only to be stopped by military police.

**A/N: I'll continue this mini plotline at the beginning of the next chapter. This chapter is long enough as it is. Also, is messing with alternate universe Jokers fair game, Ac? I think so.**

* * *

Deep in the depths of Super Hell, there lies a modest dive bar. It's not nearly as nice as The Gates of Hell. The bar is decorated with burnt up or water damaged yacht wreckage from a previous game of Truth or Dare. Many of the world's most evil dead people hang out in this bar, from serial killers to tyrannical dictators. With Pit loaning his soul to Ted, he was put to work as a temporary bartender while the usual demon was on vacation. Bob was just finishing up show the angel the ropes behind the counter.

"All right Pit," Bob began, "That's the Underworld Bar. Before we open, I just wanted to mention this place has a really bad roach problem. If you see 'em, use this," Bob grabbed the biggest frying pan from the stove.

"Don't we use that to cook?" Pit asked.

"It's a multipurpose tool," Bob answered. Then a giant roach crawled across the counter. Bob crushed the roach with the frying pan, wiped most of the roach guts off the counter and placed the pan back on the stove,"

"This place is kinda sketchy," Pit noted.

"Duh," Bob replied.

Just then, a blonde man in an orange prison jumpsuit walked in the bar.

"Bob?" The man said, "I thought you were dead!"

"I still am," Bob answered, "I am merely a metal husk of my former self… So, how have you been Jeffrey?"

"Same old eternal damnation," Jeffrey answered, "Who's the kid?"

"A temp employee. He's filling in for Gabriel while he's away. You're his first customer,"

"I'm honored. I'd like a tequila sunrise, kid" Jeffrey ordered.

"This one's easy, Pit," Bob began, "It's six parts orange juice, three parts tequila, and one part grenadine syrup. You got this,"

Pit gathered the necessary ingredients and pour them into a glass. However he mixed up the order. Instead of pouring the grenadine first, he poured it last. Pit, thinking he did well, slid the glass over to Jeffrey. The man looked at the drink and made an angry grimace.

"This isn't a tequila sunrise. This is a tequila sunset!" He yelled. The man grabbed Pit by his yoga, "I'm gonna kill you, make love to your corpse, then eat it! What do you think about that, Pretty Boy?!"

Pit screamed and in his panicked state, grabbed the roach guts covered frying pan off the stove. He whacked the deranged man in the noggin and knocked him out instantly.

"Oh, Jeffery Dahmer," Bob laughed, "You crazy bastard,"

"Was he really going to try to do the things he said he'd do?" Pit asked.

"Oh yeah, man. You are like his perfect victim too. Fit, young, and your wings would make for a delicious treat,"

"Why does everyone want to eat my wings?"

"But really, you handled that pretty well. I think you'll make a good bartender," Bob hopped over the counter and into a barside seat, "Now just get me three double shots of Turkey 101,"

"Okay… but can you even get drunk? You're a robot,"

"Oh god… You're right!" Bob began to whine. He reached over the counter, grabbed Pit's toga and cried into it, "I-I can't even cry tears! Usually I'd just drink to make the pain go away, but I can't!"

Just then, Osama Bin Laden and Adolf Hitler walked into the bar.

"Bob, you're alive!" Osama exclaimed.

"It's… not a good time," Pit warned.

"I'm not alive!" Bob cried, "I'm a dead man! I'm the brain of a dead man in a machine! This isn't living!"

"Let's leaffe Ozama," Hitler replied in a thick german accent.

* * *

Joker returned to his room the next day with his girlfriend Haru, who he had explained everything to after their romantic night. A black cat with blue eyes woke up from its nap.

"Akira, why's Haru here?" The cat asked.

"Morgana, we have another heist to pull off," Joker declared.

**Hey everyone, Ted here! Again, sorry for the wait. I've just accepted the fact that work always wants something out of me during my off time at this point. It's hard to get into the writing mood when you have to keep going back and forth to work and home. It makes it hard to relax.**

**I know. Excuses, excuses.**

**The knife that Larry sold is something called an SCP. Larry himself is actually based on SCP-1879 and the item he sold is SCP-2207. He even mentioned the Multiverse Strip Club, which is SCP-1472. I had Larry in the last ToD game and I'm glad to have an excuse to bring him back. If you don't know what SCPs are, they're basically fan written articles about strange phenomena.**

**As for the universe we'll go to next, I'm thinking something from the Mother series. Either Onett (Ness's home) or Tazmily Village (Lucas's home). Please tell me where you want to go, even if it's not any of the choices I mentioned. I'd like to make an itinerary.**

**Do you guys want me to refer to Joker as Joker or Akira in my writing. I'm just curious. I think I'll have everyone call him by first name and not his codename. I know that Ren Amamiya is probably the more common canon name for him, but Akira Kurusu just rolls off the tongue better.**

**Other than that, I don't have much else to say. Bob's back… kinda.**

**Thanks for your continued support!**


	4. Wuhu! Fried Angel Wings!

Continuing from last time, Great Deity Link was stumbling up the mountains of Hyrule, looking for a good place to kill himself to complete his dare. Accompanied by Navi, the two wandered around till nightfall, delaying the inevitable while the young Link raised his blood alcohol level.

"I...I don't remember Hyrule bein' dis… YUGE!" The young Link slurred.

"I think you may die of alcohol poisoning before you can find a good cliff," Navi commented.

"Maybe… Imma jus' drinkin' to forgeddaboutit… I jus' remembered!" The young Link took a swig from his bottle of whiskey, which was nearing empty at this rate, "Hey Navi, don't tell Malon,"

"That you had to kill yourself?" Navi asked.

"No… that I've been drinkin' so much. She'll star' to… like… worry and shit. And when she does dat… she get mad,"

"She just cares about you, Link. I mean, to be fair, this is the worst I've ever seen you,"

"I almos' died… on multable… occashions. You forgeddabout dat?"

"Like I said, this is the worst I've seen you,"

The young Link eventually made his way to the top of a large cliff. He looked down at the long drop and felt his hairs stand on end.

"Welp… her' we are," The young Link slurred.

"Yeah…," Navi replied, "I hope Ted revives you tomorrow,"

"Me too," The young Link sighed, "Welp… see ya, friend!"

The young Link jumped off the cliff. He screamed as he plummeted down. Eventually, his body made contact with the ground, breaking multiple bones in his body, rupturing internal organs, and killing him almost instantly. However, a pink fairy emerged from a glass bottle that had been tucked into his bag. The fairy shook some of its magic dust around on the dead deity before flying away. It seemed as though the fairies in this version of Hyrule weren't as potent as they were in Young Link's Hyrule. The hero's injuries were healed fully, but he still felt tender, sore, and had a throbbing headache, but he was alive. Navi flew down to the bottom of the cliff after she saw movement.

"Link! Are you okay!?" Navi asked.

"Ow, fuck!" The young Link said as he held his forehead, "Even the fairies in this world suckass… and I feel less drunk,"

"Well, most of your blood did splatter on the ground when you landed," Navi commented.

"Makes sense," He agreed, "Although, when the hell did I catch a fairy? Did I do it during my drunken walk? Looking back, I don't remember most of it,"

"I think the Link from this world slipped it into your bag," Navi theorized.

"Aww man!"

"What's wrong?"

"I have to thank him now," The young Link ranted.

* * *

Back in the alternate universe that Daniel and Isabelle cut into, it had been three days since they have arrived and things were not looking well for the world. The initial reports claimed that a dangerous chemical leak was killing people in the Tokyo area, but the public had quickly realized that it was a cover up when the area of the contagion grew larger and larger. Mostly following the dominant winds from the Northeast to the Southwest. When reports of mysterious mummification deaths were reported in South Korea and China, the world knew something was up.

Further north in the country of Japan, the Phantom Thieves gang were taking refuge in Akira's home town. Many of the members were still in mourning. Makoto hasn't been able to contact her older sister, Ryuji hasn't been able to contact his mother, Futaba hasn't been able to contact Sojiro, and they can only assume the worst.

Daniel and Isabelle didn't know what to do. They knew the knife cuts into universes at random, so it was unlikely they'd be able to teleport home. The original portal, which had long since closed, was over in Tokyo were the infection began so that wasn't an option. It's not like they could do anything to stop the infection either. They could only comfort the Phantom Thieves as best they could and wait to be brought back to where they came from.

Just then, Bob showed up from a portal. Daniel and Isabelle had mentioned the unusual situation they found themselves in and told them about the two hosts. The Thieves jumped up at the sight of this other-dimensional being.

"Bob!" Daniel and Isabelle gasped.

"Yep," He confirmed, "I'm here to pick you two up. We have all but, like, five korok seeds left and they need as much help as they can get,"

"So you're the guy behind the infection!" Ryuji accused, "Aren't you!?"

"Well yes, but actually no," Bob answered, "You can actually blame Daniel for that one,"

"What could he have possibly done to cause such a widespread contagion?" Yusuke asked.

Bob made a file marked 'SCP-2207' appear in his hand and threw it on the ground. "This should explain everything,"

Makoto picked up the file and started to read through the pages. It described an anomalous knife that could cut portals to other universes, just like Daniel's. However, reading through the test logs show a darker side of the object. Every universe that test subjects traveled to had something wrong with it, chunks of the worlds not existing, everything melting, nothing being able to move, and an incident that was eerily similar to what they found their world to be in now.

"Guys… he's right," Makoto gasped. She could hardly believe it herself, "Every time they use that knife, something really bad happens to the universe they can travel to,"

"You did this!" Ryuji yelled to Daniel.

"I-I didn't know!" Daniel defended.

"You should have never come here!" Ryuji yelled as he kicked the mayor to the ground in anger, "You killed my mom, you fucking bastard!"

"Ryuji, stop!" Akira yelled.

"Don't you see, Akira? We're all fucked," Ryuji explained, "Makoto said it herself. We're all fucked because this guy decided to say hello!" He then kicked Daniel again. This enraged Isabelle and she bit the angered teen's leg. Bob had enough of this and transported the two villagers out of the dying world. As the group had time to think about the full gravity of their situation, things had gotten rather bleak. Many of them, even Ryuji, began to cry in desperation. But Akira, who was mostly level-headed even in the most harrowing circumstances, noticed Daniel's plastic knife on the ground. It seems he had dropped it. The only way they could possibly escape is to use the knife.

* * *

After the Korok seeds were collected, everyone was sent back to Smash Town to wait for another Truth or Dare session. In the meantime, Lucas and Orange were in the middle of one of their reading lessons. There had been some (mostly one-sided) awkwardness between the two ever since the kiss from last session. All of this was compounded by the fact that Ness, Toony, and occasionally Tetra would tease him about the possibility of the two going further. Dispute this, Ness and Toony tried to help their timid friend however they could. However, their help typically devolved into crudely joking about Lucas being attracted to a squid. It wasn't like Lucas could argue either. For some reason, especially after that kiss, he just had a crush on her.

"Ga...nashed," The Inkling read from the book _Where the Wild Things Are_, "Ga… nashed… Lucas?"

Lucas snapped out of his daydream. "Yeah,"

"Dude, you gotta stop spacing out," Orange smiled.

"Uh… sorry," He apologized, "Are you stuck?"

"Kinda, this word looks funny," She pointed to the word 'gnashed' in the book, "I sounded it out, but I don't thing Ga-nashed sounds right,"

"It's another one of those words with a silent letter at the beginning," Lucas answered, "Like Knife,"

"I hate those words," Orange complained, "Knife, Knight, Know, and now Gnashed… what does Gnashed even mean,"

"Just guessing from what else is written, probably grinding your teeth. That word isn't common,"

"I bet it's one of those words dweebs use to sound smart,"

"I wouldn't imagine dumb dweebs to know that word to begin with,"

"You're right… I couldn't imagine Pit using it," Orange joked. Lucas chuckled at the thought of his angelic friend using obscure vocabulary. It simply didn't suit him.

* * *

In Toony's apartment, him and Ness were introducing Tetra to their new favorite drinking game, watching JoJo's Bizarre Adventure and drinking everytime Japanese comic book text flashes on the screen.

"A stand?" Toony wondered after taking another drink, "Does that mean we aren't going to see Hamon anymore?"

"I mean, Joseph knows it," Ness replied, "Maybe there'll be both,"

"I have no idea what the fuck is going on," Tetra commented, "You both shouted like fan girls when those sailors found that coffin and when that old guy showed up. Now these dudes can summon ghosts. Did I miss something?"

"You missed a lot. But this should be its own story," Ness said.

Just then, Lucas walked into the apartment after his tutoring session with Orange. He sighed as he saw them partake in the ridiculous drinking game.

"The JoJo drinking game… again," Lucas sighed.

"Damn right!" Ness exclaimed, "I can't believe anime from the future is this awesome,"

"This show looks stupid, I'm just here for the drinking," Tetra noted.

"So, how'd the tutoring go?" Toony asked.

"Yeah, did you two fuck yet?" Tetra asked.

"Wh- N-no!" Lucas stammered.

"It explains why he 'tutors' her everyday," Ness added.

"Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you guys everyday," Lucas sighed.

"Because we're fun," Toony answered.

"In the same way a freak show is," Tetra snarked.

"Just you wait," Ness warned, "Whether you want to or not, something frisky is gonna happen. And we know you'd like it to happen,"

"Yep, soon you'll be as perverted as us," Toony smiled.

"One of us… one of us," Ness began to chant. Toony quickly followed suit, "One of us, one of us, one of us,"

"Shut up," Tetra scoffed.

"You remember all the advice we gave you, right?" Ness asked.

"Yes, yes, foreplay, find the clitoris, tongue the alphabet, blah, blah, blah," Lucas answered, "Can we stop talking about this!?"

"Hey, don't scoff at that! That shit's important!" Tetra exclaimed.

"Why is she even here?" Lucas asked, "She talks to Orange all the time,"

"You can't trust everything these limp-dick morons have to say," Tetra smirked, "It's useful to have a woman's opinion. I ain't gonna tell her, I promise,"

"Then how's the advice?" Lucas asked.

"In theory, it works. In practice… I dunno... Link could do better,"

"Burn!" Ness exclaimed. Toony merely dropped his head into his hand out of embarrassment.

"Comic text!" Tetra blurted out. The three drank their shots of rum and refilled them for the next trigger.

"Where's Pit, his night job?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah," Toony answered, "Sucks we haven't seen him much recently. I guess Super Hell is always busy,"

* * *

It was a burning, miserable eternity in Super Hell. The air had the usual scent of fire and brimstone, the screams of the damned and the wicked laughs of demons echoed throughout all the realm, and in The Underworld Dive Bar, a Confederate general was rambling on to an angelic, temporary bartender.

"And THAT… is why I think the South will rise again!" Said the old, Confederate general.

"O-kay," Pit responded, trying to be as polite as possible, "That was an… interesting... talk, Mr. Lee,"

The Underworld Bar was popping with activity tonight. Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Al Capone, and Kim Jong-Il, and Osama Bin Laden were playing Poker in the far corner of the place. The bank robbing couple, Bonnie and Clyde were on a date and playing a game of Pool. Elivs Presley, Michael Jackson, and Prince were discussing music and fashion at one of the tables. At the counter, besides Robert E. Lee, Ted Bundy was enjoying a nice pint of beer and waiting on his burger when a giant roach crawled in front of him.

"Let me get that Mr. Bundy," Pit said while he grabbed the skillet off the stove, which still had Ted Bundy's burger frying, and smashed the roach. Pit then grabbed a spatula, retrieved the patty, assembled the burger, and handed it off to the murderer. After that, he cleaned up the giant roach and put the skillet back on the stove.

Ted Bundy took a bite. "You make a good burger, kid,"

"Thanks," Pit smiled.

Just then, a bearded man with a blue collared shirt walked into the bar.

"Hi! Billy Mays he-"

"Shut up, Bill!" Everyone in the bar yelled in unison, Pit included.

Even though Pit had loaned his soul out and works every night in a grimy dive bar, he's learned to enjoy it. The people that visit are usually quite interesting, he gets a lot of compliments (mostly from sexual predators but he's too dense to know it most of the time), and he'll be able to know how to read after his time is done. Dark Pit, much to his annoyance, taught Pit how to read the bottles and labels for everything in the bar. Once Pit knew what was what, it wasn't long before his skill as a bartender drastically improved. Al Capone even says he's a natural mixologist.

After closing time, Pit cleaned the bar up to subpar dive bar standards (He's not allowed to make the bar _too _clean). Once he was done closing, he stepped out of the bar and was instantly teleported back to his room in the Smash Manor. It was about three in the morning and he was tired. He wasn't too happy about having to sleep during the day so he could pull the night shift, but he was almost used to it by this point.

His after work routine typically consisted of going to Big Bang Burger (one of the few restaurants open 24/7), take the meal to go, eat, chat with anyone who happened to be up that late, and take a quick dip in the hot springs before heading to bed. He missed hanging out with his usual circle of friends, but he at least got to know a few of the Smashers better. Meta Knight was a bit of a night owl and Rosalina was as well. The angel initially found it odd that Rosalina and Palutena hooked up, but he wasn't against it. As a matter a fact, he thought they made a cute couple.

As the angel climbed into bed at almost five in the morning, he couldn't help but think about the upcoming session of Truth or Dare. In only two sessions, he was already owned by Ted, at least temporarily. He didn't wish to think about what else could possibly happen and he was much too tired to continue the train of thought anyway. He fell fast asleep.

* * *

Ever since Akira and Morgana came to Smash Town, they quickly noticed that the Town had its own Metaverse. It was an artificial Metaverse set up by Master Hand, so that Joker could call upon his Personal and so everyone could fight in the Metaverse if a match were to take place there. He's even able to use his powers outside of the Metaverse, again, because Master Hand made it so. The Metaverse navigation app even reappeared on his phone. As expected, many of the villainous Smashers had palaces and they could actually walk in and go about stealing hearts as they used to. The two actually stole King K. Rool's heart before they made their official appearance. It was just like the good 'ol days.

But with Ted around, the next target for The Phantom Thieves was clear. Ted had to be stopped. It was a good thing that Haru was here with them because they need all the help they could get. They entered Ted's name into the Nav, but as far as a location and form of distortion goes, they were drawing up blanks.

The three thieves sat around in Akira's room guessing random settings and themes for his distortion. They just about exhausted all ideas by this point.

"Match not found," The Nav notified for what seemed like the thousandth time.

Morgana groaned. "We're just grasping at straws at this point,"

"What could such a man's distorted location be?" Haru asked, "From what you told me, he doesn't seem attached to any one universe. Even if we guess the right location, do we need to specify the universe it is in as well?"

"And if we managed to figure out a location," Morgana chimed in, "There's still the matter of what the form of the distortion is,"

"These are all good question," Akira yawned, "Questions for another day,"

"Deciding to go to bed on your own this time?" Morgana asked, "I've taught you well,"

"I'm only yawning because we've been doing this all evening," Akira clarified, "Although, speaking of bed, I'm going to try to find a bigger one,"

"Why is that?" Haru asked.

"Don't you think a twin bed's too small for two people?" Akira asked with a smirk.

"Uh… Well...I suppose…," Haru nervously muttered while blushing.

"Guess I'll have to find some place else to sleep," Morgana joked.

"Mona-chan!" Haru blurted.

* * *

Bob and Ted appeared in Smash Town once again, gathering everyone at the front of the manor like last time. The two hosts were wearing tacky vacation attire, complete with Hawaiian shirts, straw sun hats, cargo shorts, and sunglasses.

"Hello once again," Ted greeted.

"It's time for another session of Truth or Dare," Bob smiled, "And I'm hosting this time! So prepare for mental tormenting!

"I hope these dates don't involve flinging shit at each other," Robin sighed.

"I had to throw up after work that last dare," Lucina added.

"La la la la la!" Chrome yelled with his fingers in his ears.

"So, we are going to completely ignore the options we gave out last time," Ted announced, "And we're going to be heading to Wuhu Island for this next session,"

"I thought we hated the beach," Bob interjected, "Well, I guess I don't mind it much anymore. I can't feel the humidity… or anything for that matter,"

"C'mon, being a robot's not that bad," Mega Man commented.

"You haven't been a living breathing person" Bob replied.

"Depressing comments aside," Ted moved on, "Let's go," Ted enclosed everyone in a circle and sent them to the beaches of Wuhu Island. This island, featured in the game _Wii Sports Resort _is a five star, tropical resort with a variety of sports and activities to enjoy. The Smashers will be spending the next few days on the island, but they will be dealing with a handful of unexpected guests during their stay.

Over by the lighthouse, a buff, bearded man with pale white skin (and some red stripes) appeared along with a young boy of about eleven years of age, who had a bow and a quiver of arrows with him.

"Father, what just happened?" The boy asked, "What is this place?"

The man looked over the town in the distance. It was unlike any city he had ever seen. He looked to the sky to see some kind of contraptions flying through the sky.

"I do not know, boy," The man answered, "I have not seen a land such as this before... Be on your guard,"

"Yes sir," the boy replied.

The father and son made their way down to the town, preparing for the worst. On the other side of the island, closer to the beach, an old man in a three piece suit and fedora appeared. He looked around, confused by his surroundings.

"I had just returned from Joseph's funeral," the man said to himself, "How did I get here?" The man walked the shoreline toward the town. Little did the otherworldly travelers know, the Smashers were on the beach, near the town.

"Now, we got a lot to cover today, so let's jump right in," Bob declared. He pulled out his notecards and started off with the first dare. Kirby made a pie materialize in front of Kirby, "Throw that pie at Chrom's face,"

Kirby looked at the pie, ready to eat the delicious dessert, but quickly remembered what could happen if he didn't listen to the dare. The puffball, with saddened eyes, grabbed the pie and threw it at the prince's face with a surprising amount of force. It was apple flavored.

"No problem with staring off simple," Bob commented, "Moving on, I want Pikachu and Pichu to meet Ryan Ryn- I mean, Detective Pikachu,"

Suddenly, a Pikachu with a detective's hat and a cup of coffee appeared on the beach.

"Mewtwo! Did you do this again?" Detective Pikachu ranted.

"_I do not know what you are talking about,_" Mewtwo communicated.

"I'd explain why that's important, but ya' know, spoilers," Ted said.

"Spoilers? It's like you're saying I have a movie," Detective Pikachu said.

"Uh… yeah,"

"Yay! I'm famous… and not just because I'm a Pikachu!"

"Next, we will be grabbing Corrin from another universe where he's a woman," Bob moved on.

"Didn't think we'd be genderbending this early," Ted commented.

"Is it really genderbending if it's an alternate reality?" Bob asked.

Bob snapped his fingers and a female Corrin appeared on the beach.

"Huh… so this is me as a girl?" Corrin asked.

"What's going on!?" Fem-Corrin asked.

"Helium," Bob answered.

"Huh?"

Suddenly, Fem-Corrin, Dark Pit, and Marth felt themselves begin to float off of the ground. Corrin, Pit, and Ike grabbed them before they floated away.

"What's with this guy and helium?" Ken asked.

"If I had to guess, a fetish… because internet," Ted answered.

"Link, wear this," Bob dared. He pulled out a Super Crown from his pocket and tossed it over to the Hero of the Wild.

"But only Toadette can use that," Peach commented.

"I made some adjustments," Bob replied.

Link placed the crown on top of head. A puff of smoke briefly enveloped him and, after dissipating, the crown had transformed him into a pretty lady with an elegant, blue dress. Link, along with everyone else, was shocked.

"I bet we won't be seeing the last of those," Ted remarked.

"Especially since you saying that puts the thought in the reader's head," Bob added, "But that's not my problem. Anywho, the next batch of dares come from our good buddy, Gabe2000. For his first dare, he wants everything to be purple. Well, so be it," Bob snapped his fingers and painted the entire island, inhabitants and all, in various shades of purple. On the outskirts of town, the man and his son quickly noticed this change.

"Father! Everything's… purple for me," The boy gasped, "Is it the same for you?"

"Yes," the man stoically answered.

"Is this the work of a god?" The boy asked.

"I am not sure. This could simply be an illusion for all we know. However, it is not outside the realm of possibility… Since everything is colored the same, it will make it easier to be ambushed. Be vigilant, boy,"

"Yes sir,"

Back at the beach, Bob's electronic eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the monochromatic landscape. He snapped his fingers and reverted the change. Lucas looked over to Orange and noticed that her hair color didn't change back.

"Hey Orange, you're… still purple," Lucas told.

"Oh! That's fine! We Inklings can dye ourselves different colors very easily. I'll fix it later,"

"That was starting to strain my eyes," Bob complained, "Next question, is anyone into vore?"

"What's vore?" Isabelle asked.

"Glad you asked," Bob smiled, "I've been wanting to disturb you today. You see, Isabelle, vore is a sexual fetish that involves want to eat or be eaten whole by someone else,"

"Why would anyone like that!?" Isabelle cried.

"No idea. It just goes to show you that you can never be the strangest person on the internet," Bob stated, "I'm guessing no one likes vore then… good. Let's move onto our next truth, why isn't Waluigi here?"

"Yeah!" Wario spoke up, "Why isn't my brother here? You all invited a talking plant, a high schooler, a squid that can't swim, and now, a skeleton guy that's too lazy to come up with a moveset. My brother would kick all of your asses!"

"Now Wario," Mario began, "I want to ask you something. What exactly does Waluigi even do?"

"Doesn't he just come to sporting events and stuff?" Daisy asked.

"You're all just jealous!" Wario lashed out.

"No, we aren't," Daisy responded.

Just then, a Mii pushing an ice cream cart walked over to the group. He was very awkward with his movements.

"Are you… Ted?" The Mii asked.

"I am, are you here to sell some ice cream?" Ted replied, "I'll buy one,"

It's… not that," The Mii muttered, "I know this sounds nuts, but I heard some knocking on my cart. I opened it… then this guy popped out and told me to find you guys,"

Then, the knocking that the Mii mentioned began to come from the ice cream cart. Ted opened the hatch and Larry emerged from the cold freezer.

"Thank you for carting me over, sir," Larry said to the Mii, "Now, I have a product to sell,"

"It's not like that knife is it?" Daniel asked.

"I have something much better than plastic multiverse kitchen utensils, Mr. Foster,"

"Feels weird when he gets your last name, right?" Ness whispered.

"Yeah," Daniel replied.

"I have the cure-all for sadness and it's quite the adorable little fellow, if I do say so myself," Larry continued.

"Hey, can you take Wii Fit's exercise equipment as payment?" Ted asked, "That's another dare we gotta take care of,"

"But I need them!" Wii Fit protested.

"I suppose I could start working out," Larry considered, "Though, eighty percent of all profits go to my employer, Ms. Hazama. Perhaps I can get a yoga ball out of the deal,"

"I guess I'll buy what you're selling if I'm being dared to," Wii Fit huffed as she held her hand out for a handshake.

"That's the spirit!" Larry shook her hand and the deal was made. All of her exercising equipment disappeared and a smiling, beanbag chair-sized, orange blob with black eyes appeared in front of her.

"Now, it subsists in candy and sweets," Larry informed, "M&M's and Necco wafers are its favorite. But do not give it anything caffeinated or carbonated. It will literally bounce off the walls. It loves to get into tickle fights, too,"

"Tickle fights?" Wii Fit commented.

The orange blob moved toward Wii Fit. The second it made contact with her legs, she felt a child-like sense of joy she had not felt in a long time. The blob began to envelope the fitness instructor from the legs up to her neck. She fell back into the sand, laughing all the way.

"Th-this guy is f-f-fun!" She laughed. It was the hardest she's ever laughed. She was beginning to lose her breath soon enough and when she asked it to stop.

"It's basically the essence of joy," Larry explained, "Now, must be off. I'm sure this fellow has plenty of ice cream to sell as well. Farewell!" The salesmen retreated inside the ice cream cart and shut the lid behind him. The Mii that was pushing the cart opened it up immediately after he left and only saw his delicious dairy treats inside. Confused by what he just witnessed, he simply turned his cart around and left the group of Smashers.

"For Gabe's final dare," Bob continued, "All anthropomorphic animals are not anthropomorphic anymore… Should Squid Bitch count?"

"Squid Bitch!?" Orange protested.

"Nah," Ted answered, "We got plans for her later,"

"Hear that, Lucas?" Ness whispered.

"Shut up," Lucas sighed.

With a snap of the fingers, Bob transformed Fox, Falco, Wolf, Isabelle, and Banjo into normal animals. Kazooie was exempt from this due to her simply being a talking bird.

"You still in there, Banjo?" Kazooie asked.

Banjo responded with a soft growl.

"I take that as a yes,"

"Fantastic," Ted smiled, "Let's save one of 14shiffna's dares for later. If we reveal it now, it may fuck somebody over in regards to another dare. Bob, you have the floor once more,"

"Cool," Bob chuckled, "Daniel, you gotta make out with Isabelle,"

"But… she's a dog… like… an actual dog," Daniel protested.

"Did I stutter?" Bob asked.

"Didn't you admit to being a furry a couple weeks ago?" Toony asked.

"Yeah, a furry! Not a zoophile!" Daniel argued.

"It just seems like you're almost crossing that line as it is," Tetra added.

Isabelle growled at Tetra. She couldn't speak out against Tetra's insults, but she had to do something.

"It's okay, Isabelle," Daniel sighed, "Just ignore them," Daniel kneeled down to the Shih Tzu and leaned toward her, giving Isabelle an awkward kiss. Despite being a normal dog, Isabelle found it to be rather enjoyable.

"Ew," Bob commented, "Personally, I find all pets disgusting, so kissing one is just borderline vomit-inducing. Oh well. Olimar, you are now your normal size, and you blend into your surroundings. Try not to get stepped on!" Olimar shrunk down to just over an inch tall. The space man sighed as he looked upon what seemed to be titans among the vast sands of what may as well be a dessert.

"Samus, kill Pikachu," Bob dared.

Samus thought about it for a second, she really did. But she couldn't forgive herself for harming the little guy and she doesn't know if Pikachu would do the same.

"Can I just take the portal to Super Hell?" Samus sighed.

"Darling, it's just an electrified rodent," Bayonetta commented.

"Look at him, could you shoot such… an adorable thing?"

"If it meant not getting dragged down to Inferno, of course. If it weren't for this tournament, I would have already taken care of that little angel over there,"

"Why me?" Pit whined.

Bob opened a portal to Super Hell and Samus simply jumped in. Pikachu and Pichu were very disappointed.

"Don't worry, Shiffna," Ted said, "We have your dare noted. Sometimes, it's easier for me to take some dares and move them toward the end after the session. That's why the Zelda's went crazy last time,"

"That's what I kept trying to tell you two!" Sheik stressed toward the Hero and Princess of the Wild.

"If that's truly the case, then I forgive you," The Blue Zelda responded.

"Although, you didn't have to kill me with that nerve poison," Zelda scoffed, "That was far from painless, you know?"

"Zelda, we were both homicidally insane," Sheik replied, "I'm sure you know some kind of magic that can make me wish I wasn't born or something,"

"Who do we have next on the list, Bob?" Ted asked.

"Don't you make the list?" Bob asked.

"Yeah, but I forget," Ted yawned.

Bob flipped through the notecards and found the next set of dares. "Alright, these dares are from Tales. The first one is for Mario to wax off his crotch hairs…,"

"I'm not looking forward to that," Mario commented.

"...and your mustache," Bob finished.

"Nope! No can do!" Mario protested, "I vowed never to shave my mustache ever since I've grown it out!"

"He's more-or-less okay with waxing his crotch hairs," Ganondorf commented, "But his mustache is where he draws the line?"

"Actually," Bowser began, "Now that he mentions it. I'm curious to see what he looks like without it,"

"Well… it'll grow back in the morning, right?" Mario asked.

"I only revive the dead in the morning," Ted answered, "Changes like that take time,"

"Don't tell me you're considering going to that horrible place to skip the dare," Peach stated.

"Now that you mention it…," Mario started.

"Well, now we know how to torture you," Ted commented, "So at this point, you'll lose your mustashe either way. I'm sure there is a waxing parlor somewhere on the island. Once you're done, get back here,"

"Alright," Mario sighed. He dragged himself off of the beach and into the town.

"This next dare says for Bayonetta to read fanfiction to the young people," Bob stated, "What fanfic though? Usually people narrow it down to a genre,"

"And wouldn't young people to her be pretty much everyone?" Ted asked.

"Now, hasn't your mother ever taught you not to talk about a woman's age?" Bayonetta asked.

"She did," Ted answered, "But, not gonna lie, you look pretty good for being five-hundred years old,"

"Five-hundred!" exclaimed the mortal Smashers.

"Just one of the many perks to my passion," Bayonetta replied.

"Moving on," Bob continued. He snapped his fingers and a flock of angry cuckoos manifested and turned their sights toward Ganondorf. Soon, the man was running and screaming down the shoreline, getting repeatedly pecked at, "Now with that out of the way, Sonic, enjoy being a geriatric fuck," Bob snapped his fingers yet again and aged the hedgehog up to the ripe old age of nintey-seven. The hedgehog felt his knees give out, possibly due to a lifetime of running. If Luigi hadn't caught him, Sonic would of probably broken a hip and died.

"Dagnabbit!" Sonic ranted, "...even the things I say sound old!"

"Life is decay," Ted commented.

"Simon, Richter, did you know Dracula likes being whipped because he's a masochist? Just a fun fact," Bob stated.

"I bet he doesn't hold a candle to Gamagori," Ted commented.

"Oh no, that man was insane," Bob agreed, "Joker, summon Mara!"

Joker groaned at this dare.

"What's wrong with that persona?" Haru asked.

Morgana popped his head out of Akira's backpack. "Haven't you noticed that Mara looks… a bit phallic?"

Normally, only people who had been to the Metaverse and heard Morgana speak are able to hear him as a cat in the real world. However, some people in Super Smash Brothers have the ability to read the minds of animals. Ness was one of these Smashers.

"Phallic? Do you just summon giant dicks? Is that your power?" Ness asked, "I was wondering why you're here,"

"What… you understood Morgana?" Akira asked.

"Reading the minds of other people is hard, but animals, I've seemed to be able to do that since I was ten," Ness replied.

"To answer your question…," Akira paused for a moment, "...honestly… just see for yourself. Persona!"

Akira called forth the Persona, Mara. The Persona manifested as a golden chariot with some kind of tentacle monster riding in it. The head of the tentacle was unmistakably phallic-looking. This caused Ness, Toony, and Smashers of childish dispositions to silently laugh at the thing.

"Dick Chariot!" Toony yelled in a way that sounded like he was referencing something.

"Was… that a Jojo reference?" Akira asked.

"Yeah," Toony answered, "You know it?"

"I read the mangas in middle school," Akira answered, "What part are you on?"

"We just met the Silver Chariot guy," Toony said.

"So… why is your stand a dick chariot?" Ness asked.

"It's not a stand, it's a persona," Akira clarified, "And I'm able to use multiple personas,"

"You do realize that stands and personas sound like the same thing, right?" Ness asked.

"Stands are a manifestation of one's fighting spirit, a persona is a manifestation of the 'mask' that your true self wears," Akira clarified, "That and everyone can clearly see it, while only stand users can see other stands,"

"Fucking nerds," Tetra muttered.

"You've seen the show, too!" Toony argued.

"Only because you had booze, which I gave you!" Tetra argued.

"Ladies, ladies, you're all pretty," Bob interrupted, "Can we move on? Someone has to play the latest South Park Games…,"

"I call that dare!" Ness exclaimed.

"Alright, now this next dare is for Kirby to eat all my porno mags, which don't exist because this is 2019 and the internet exists. Who even has that shit anymore?"

"Korosensei, Okajima, Mataro…," Ted began to list off.

"Shut up, we get it," Bob scoffed, "Princesses, one of you has to do something unladylike in public. We can save that one for later,"

"Speaking of things for later," Ted spoke up, "Little Mac, you have a boxing match with Rocky Balboa later tonight,"

"I beat Mike Tyson," Little Mac smirked, "Rocky should be easy,"

"Last I heard about Mike Tyson, he was out solving mysteries or something," Bob commented.

"This is what happens when you stay up watching Adult Swim folks," Ted commented, "Our next dares?"

"These come from Kainoavocaliodfan1. I'm assuming Mario prefers Peach over Daisy and Rosalina, correct? You two are dating right?"

"We are," Peach answered.

"Maybe we shouldn't have sent him to get waxed," Ted stated, "I think this next dare involves Mario t-,"

Off in the distance, the scream of a famous Italian plumber traveled across the island.

"I guess they got his crotch hairs," Bob figured, "So about the movie…,"

"The Mario Bros Movie?" Ted asked, "Yeah, they can watch it later,"

"We've already watched it," Luigi said, "Snake brought it over from his world during Brawl and we all had a movie night… How did Hollywood mess that up?"

"I have a question though. Are your last names really Mario?" Ted asked.

"We're the Mario Brothers for a reason," Luigi sighed.

"Wait…," The young Link said, "So Mario's name is literally Mario Mario?"

"I don't think our parents were thinking straight when they named us," Luigi stated.

"Toony," Bob continued, "After this, you gotta go on a date… with Ganon,"

"You gotta be kidding me," Toony sighed.

"Note how I said Ganon, not Ganondorf," Bob clarified, "There is a difference,"

"Alright, I have a dare for you Bob," Ted stated, "But it will involve summoning a new fighter,"

"You mean Terry?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Nah, fuck that guy," Ted scoffed, "We have a fighter that's much more anticipated," Ted snapped his fingers and a short skeleton man, wearing shorts and a blue jacket appeared. He looked around and noticed that his surroundings were completely different from Grillby's pub. He soon noticed the Smashers and facepalmed.

"great," The skeleton sighed in lowercase letters, "now i'm here and i'm out a hundred bucks,"

"Why are you out a hundred dollars?" Ness asked.

"i bought a costume so someone could come here in my place," The skeleton replied.

"You were gonna have someone else show up, in your place, for the biggest fighting tournament in the known Multiverse?" Ted asked, stunned that anyone would even consider that.

"that's right," The skeleton replied.

"Whatever," Ted moved on, "Everyone, meet Sans. Sans, meet everyone. Now for the dare…,"

"i thought this was a fighting tournament," Sans said, "not a high school party game,"

"These guys pretty much just took over and subjects us to the wills of weirdos on the internet," Daisy explained.

"Bingo," Ted agreed, "Now Bob, skullfuck Sans,"

"woah, i don't get taken out to a fancy restaurant first?" Sans joked.

"Oh god!" Bob whined.

"Now what?" Ted sighed.

"Not only can I not drink booze… I don't have a functioning dick!" Bob freaked out, "Damn, my cold, metallic robot body! There is no God!"

"guess you could say that he can't get a _bone_r," Sans joked. He looked toward the hypothetical camera, which zoomed in on him, and winked. An appropriate drum roll also accompanied this.

"You know, he's talking about your face right?" Orange asked.

"comedy is an acceptable coping mechanism," Sans defended.

The pun was totally lame and expected, but Lucas was one of the few to visibly chuckle at the joke.

"Don't tell me you actually laughed at that," Toony said.

"I mean… he's a skeleton… and-,"

"Puns are the lowest form of comedy," Ness stated, "Remember that,"

"Actually," Ted said while interrupting Bob's third existential crisis this week, "Gabe gave you the ability to drink booze and feel its effects,"

"He… He did?" Bob sobbed.

"Yes, you big mechanical baby," Ted answered.

Bob snapped his fingers and opened a portal to Super Hell. "I'm going to grab a bottle, be right back!" Bob jumped into the portal which closed behind him, leaving Ted to host for the moment.

"Dammit, Bob," Ted scoffed, "What a drunkard. Anyway, we still have more dares, this time from Agarfinkel," Bob looked through the dares and sighed, "Dammit, I know nothing about Dragon Quest… nothing at all… and this guy wants me to dare two of them. I'll skip these until I do more research. Sorry Agarfinkel. But on that note, if any of you were to have someone from your world in the tournament, who would it be?"

"My brother!" Wario yelled.

"No one cares, Wario," Ted replied.

"I'd like to think Phosphora would make a good addition to the Smash Brother roster," Viridi stated, "That and it would be nice if The Forces of Nature had a stronger presence in the tournament. For publicity's sake,"

"It'd be neat to have Tails or Knuckles here," The elderly Sonic answered, "They're both good fighters,"

"Are you sure it's not because of-," Snake began.

"Now boy, you betta' not be sayin' what I think you gonna be sayin'," Sonic ranted, "If you do, I'm gonna whoop your ass… when I'm young again,"

"I guess the one best suited to fight from my world would have to be Kumatora," Lucas answered.

"I'd say Paula would be most suited," Ness answered, "But, Lucas, if they were fighting with us, we'd be so outclassed. They taught us most of our moves for crying out loud,"

"You know I don't care much for winning or losing these tournaments," Lucas replied.

"Robin, both Corrins, what do you think about Byleth?" Ted asked.

"Never heard of him," They answered. Fem-Robin sounded much higher pitched due to the helium.

"Daniel, next time you see Resetti, I want you to whack him with a mallet," Ted dared.

"Tempting," Daniel admitted, "But I heard he was laid off. Our world is going through a mini-recession of sorts,"

"That's fine," Ted said, "For the next dares, I'm going to send Banjo and Kazooie to fight the Great Mighty Poo inside of the volcano where the smell won't reach me. While we do that, we're going to watch the Sonic movie trailer… Ready… Break!"

* * *

The man and his son made their way into the town. The inhabitants confused them. They acted like normal people, but their heads were cartoonishly too big. However, they were also quite friendly, so there was nothing to be alarmed by.

"This place looks kinda fun, don't you think?" The boy asked his father.

"Perhaps," The man admitted, "But we are still away from home. We have no time for games,"

Just then, they saw a man who looked quite different from the other inhabitants. He was a young, tall man with a strong build. His hair was short, dark and unkempt with parts of his bangs shooting outwards in spikes and he was drinking a bottle of soda outside of a cafe. The father and son approached him, hoping that he'd have more answers.

"You are not from this land, are you?" The dad asked.

"It doesn't look like you two are either," The young man said in a slightly cocky tone, "If you want to ask me how you got here, I don't know. We're in the same boat… Too bad Suzie Q wasn't sent here too. This place looks great for a honeymoon. Don't you agree?"

"You must know something," The dad stated.

"Can't say that I do," The man stated, "Who are you two anyway?"

"I'm Artreus," The boy answered.

"Boy," The dad growled.

The man got up from his chair, did a completely unnecessary pose and introduced himself. "I am Joseph Joestar! But feel free to call me Jojo. Now what's your name?"

"Why must you strike such an odd pose, Joseph?" The man asked, "I am doubting your motives,"

"What motives could I possibly have, old man?" Joseph asked, "I just met you," He then turned to Artreus, "Does your dad trust anyone?"

"For the most part, no," Artreus answered.

"Watch your tongue, boy," the man warned.

"Your next line is going to be 'It is obvious that this man does not know anything of use. Let's go Artreus,"

"It is obvious that this man does not know anything of use. Let's go Atreus," The dad then paused for a moment and realized that Joseph predicted the words that would come out of his mouth, word for word, "Are you a god?"

"No, but I defeated this one guy who could shapeshift into any animal. You might call him a god,"

"I can explain, you two," Mario said with his freshly waxed face.

"Mario?" The dad said.

"Kratos? It's been a while… maybe a lot longer for you though," Mario said.

"You know this guy?" Artreus asked.

"After I killed my father and before I met your mother, I was invited to a tournament where I fought against various fighters from other worlds," Kratos answered, "Mario is from a separate tournament, but I have met him a few times,"

"You seem a lot more mellow, Kratos," Mario noticed.

"And the mustache suited you better," Kratos replied, "Do you know this man?" Kratos pointed to Joseph.

"Not really," Mario admitted, "But I know why you are all here, follow me,"

* * *

Back at the beach, everyone was tending to Sonic, who had just suffered a fatal heart attack from watching his live-action redesign.

"I knew it was bad," Ted stated, "But I didn't think it'd induce heart attacks,"

Just then, Mario, Kratos, Artreus, and Joseph joined up with the group. While most everyone stared at Mario's lack of a mustache. Akira, Ness, and Toony were focused on someone else.

"Joseph Joestar!" The three exclaimed.

"How do you three know me?" Joseph asked, "Are you the ones that sent me here? It doesn't look like it,"

"No, Joseph," Ted interjected, "That would be me. Don't worry though, I'll send you back after three days when this vacation is over,"

"So you're the god in charge?" Kratos asked.

"I like to think I transcend the title," Ted smirked, "I'd like to show you all this video called Racist Mario. I think you'll all enjoy it,"

The video featured a very pissed off Mario racing in Mario Kart, brutalizing killing or maiming various racers, with an extreme prejudice toward non-Nintendo racers. Eventually, Kratos in his own kart catches up to Mario. After eating Toad's head and growing to super size, Kratos manages to slay the giant angry Mario and wins first place with a topless Peach and Daisy and his cartoonishly oversized shoulders.

"Is that how you were before you met, Mom?" Artreus asked.

"It was… slightly exaggerated," Kratos answered.

"Does every fan animation paint me in a bad light?" Mario asked.

"Maybe," Ted answered, "But there's this one guy on Youtube who thinks you're a sociopath,"

"What!?" Mario exclaimed.

"I wouldn't put too much stock in his opinion though," Ted stated, "He thinks Ness and Sans are the same person,"

* * *

From the depths of the Wuhu Volcano, the lava replaced by a bubbling pool of feces with a giant, singing pile of shit as the volcano's boss. Kazooie, with limited help from Banjo due to his transformed state, managed to dodge the handfuls of crap being thrown at them while throwing conveniently placed rolls of extra large toilet paper in its mouth.

"Now I'm really getting rather mad," The Great Mighty Poo sang, "You're like a niggly tickly shitty little tag nut. When I've knocked you out with all my bab, I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!"

"Your butt!? Kazooie responded.

"My butt!"

"Your butt?"

"That's right, my butt!"

"Gross,"

"My butt,"

"I'm not taking part in your kink,"

"My Buuuuuutt!"

Banjo spotted a conveniently placed toilet handle on the opposite side of the volcano. The bear ran toward the handle, while dodging piles of shit being flung at the duo. Luckily, the volcano had walkways that led right to the handle. Once Banjo arrived at the handle, Kazooie pulled it and The Great Mighty Poo began to be flushed down the volcano.

"You cursed bird!" The Poo yelled, "Look what you've done! I'm flushing! I'm flushing!"

"Finally," Kazooie breathed.

Unfortunately, shortly after the Poo had been flushed away from sight, the volcano seemed to clog up. This caused the sea of feces to rise up once more. Once Kazooie noticed this, she instructed Banjo to run get out of there.

Back at the beach, Ted was about to begin his next set of dares, but he heard an earth-trembling rumble.

"I'll be back," Ted said, "I want to go check to see how fast Bob drank himself into a stupor," Ted opened a portal to Super Hell and walked right in, closing it afterwards. Soon after, the volcano began to erupt with fecal matter. The shit exploded out of the volcano, raining down on the inhabitants below. Not even the beach was safe, as a disgusting chocolate rain drizzled down upon the Smashers. Many of them vomited.

After the eruption had concluded, everything was cleaned away as if it had never happened and the two hosts returned. However, Bob was obviously drunk and wearing a pirate costume for some reason.

"Did you really have to wear that?" Ted asked.

"Arrr! Shut up Ted!" Bob yelled, "Drinkin' rum makes me this way!"

"I've never spoken that way," Tetra noted.

"That's just placebo you… whatever," Ted sighed.

"Arrr! What be the next dares?"

"The next dares are from BornToDream03," Ted stated, "Are you sure you can do this?"

"Aye! I 'ave this under control," Bob confirmed. He drunkenly flipped through the notecards and found his first dare, "Wario! Ye shall eat th' flesh o' th' Great Mighty Poo… without garlic!"

Wario was given a plate full of shit which he had to eat. Instead of describing Wario biting into the wet feces, which definitely had corn in there, let's move on to the next dare.

"'n wit' that, let's 'ave a cookin' show. Can I 'ave Pit step up here?" Bob slurred.

"O-kay," Pit agreed hesitantly. He walked up toward Bob, who had summoned an entire kitchen on the beach.

"Today, we be goin' t' be creatin' fried wings," Bob declared. He took Pit by his wings, grabbed a clever, and cut his wings off in one swing. Pit screamed from the pain while Bob went about drunkenly cooking them up as best as he could.

"My wings!" Pit frantically cried, "Why'd you cut off my wings!?"

"Arrr! We need 'em for th' recipe. They be useless to ye anyway," Bob slurred.

"His wings establish a connection with the Gods!" Palutena interjected, "Without them, he'll die!"

"But aren't ye the one who say that th' boy's wings would be tasty?" He asked while preparing the wings.

"That was a joke!" Palutena defended.

"This is why I'm a vegetarian," Viridi commented.

"Aye, I do believe the boy has more dares to do," Bob admitted. He snapped his fingers, and the angel's wings grew from the bloody nubs on his back. While Pit recovered from the shock of having his wings cleaved off. Bob continued to stumble around the beachside kitchen preparing the severed wings with twelve herbs and spices, then eventually frying them into a nice, crispy, golden brown color. Bob handed a wing off to Palutena and the other to Pit for a taste test.

"You want me to eat my own wings?!" Pit exclaimed.

"Technically, it's just one of them," Ted noted.

Palutena, not wanting to be sent to Super Hell, reluctantly took a bite from Pit's fried wing. She honestly didn't know what to expect, but she wasn't expecting them to be absolutely delicious. The savory, extra crunchy skin complimented the juicy, tender white meat that stuck to its bones.

"Rosalina… you gotta try this," Palutena stated in awe.

"Lady Palutena!" Pit protested.

"But… those are Pit's wings," Rosalina argued, "Doesn't it bother you that you're eating them?"

"A little… but they're just that good. Try it!" Palutena handed the fried angel wing to Rosalina and after more convincing, she finally took a bite. It was divine.

"Sorry Pit," Rosalina apologized, "But they're too good,"

"Rosalina!" Pit protested.

"If you won't eat them, I'm sure someone else will," Ted said, "Joseph, would you like a bite?"

"It's just like fried chicken," Joseph remarked, "Sure!"

The man grabbed Pit's fried wing and took a bite, causing him to speak words of praise for the delicious delicacy.

"Hey, do you think we can make more of those?" Joseph asked.

"Not for sale!" Pit yelled.

"Let us move on to th' next dare," Bob announced, "Lucas, ye must take the kraken lass out on a date… without flounderin',"

"Bob means don't panic or stumble over your words," Ted clarified.

"Th' name be Captain Insaneguy! A name ye shan't forget!"

Lucas breathed a sigh of relief. While the idea of a date was terrifying in its own right, it was a much more manageable dare than what his friends had been hyping up.

"So… what do you want to do after this?" Lucas asked, "I know water sports are a no-go,"

"I'll change my tentacles back to their normal color and we can figure things out as we go," Orange suggested, "Not like we'll run out of stuff to do at an island resort,"

"Our pal's going on a date. They grow up so fast," Ness said to Toony.

"So true," Toony agreed.

"Next we 'ave dares from Ac th' filthy one!" Bob announced, "The man wants a fight t' th' death between Kratos and th' goddess, Palutena," The drunken pirate then leaned over to Pit, "I be bettin' against the lass. She stands no chance,"

"No! I know for sure Lady Palutena can defeat that guy," Pit defended, "I mean, he just looks like a human, right?"

"I have killed many gods in my past, angel," Kratos spoke. He then turned toward Ted, "Is this the purpose for me being here? To kill this goddess?"

"Well, she does have a way she can get out of being brutally murdered," Ted brought up, "These dares come from Remnant7, by the way. Anyway, if Palutena and Rosaline go on a nice, romantic date. They are exempt from all dares,"

"We'll take it!" The two blurted without hesitation.

"Well, get out of here then," Ted ordered.

"Can we go home now?" Kratos asked.

"Kratos, just enjoy the free vacation," Ted smiled, "It's a nice change of pace from whatever the hell you two were doing and if you're concerned about your son's training, the island has sword fighting and archery activities,"

"C'mon Father, it'll be fun," Artreus pleaded.

"...Only for three days," Kratos reluctantly agreed, "Nothing longer,"

"Fine by me," Ted said, "Bob-,"

"Captain Insaneguy!" Bob corrected.

"Captain, please go through Remnant's dares first, then we'll cover Ac's,"

"If ye insists," Bob agreed, "Sheik! Walk th' plank t' Super Hell!"

"Sorry Sheik," Ted apologized, "Probably should have better conveyed you were mind controlled and in the transcripts,"

A portal opened up and immediately sucked the princess down into the depths of Super Hell.

Soon after, Lucas, Orange, Ness, Nana, and Popo began hearing a creepy 8-bit song play through their heads. The tune was very unsettling, ringing through their minds and awakening a mild sense of dread.

"If you hear a song ringing through your head," Ted stated, "We're trying to see if Lavender Town Syndrome is real,"

"Lavender Town?" Ted asked.

"Apparently the town's theme has been known to cause suicides with children," Ted explained.

While the song was annoying everyone, Lucas looked out into the ocean. There were times in his life, dark times, where he'd look out at the sea and wonder what would happen if he simply walked in and never came back. These moments had become less frequent with every Smash tournament and now it happens once in a blue moon. That being said, something about the tune made his mind fall right back in that dark place.

Orange thought Lucas was merely staring off into space, so she waved her hand in front of him.

"Hello, you there, space cadet?" Orange asked.

Lucas suddenly snapped out of his mood. "Yeah… yeah…,"

"The next dare is for Pit and Viridi to play forty-nine minutes in Super Heaven," Ted sent down a closet from the sky.

"Arrr! This be my game! Stop tryin' t' mutiny me game!" Bob screamed.

"Super Heaven? What kind of game is that?" Pit asked.

"You're gonna get lucky, dude," Ness whispered to Pit.

"What are you talking about?" Pit asked.

"You're about to have a good time," Toony said.

"If the name says anything, I'm sure it will be,"

"I don't think you get it," Tetra sighed, "When a mommy goddess and a daddy angel, love each other very much, they…,"

"...kiss?"

"No you moron!" Viridi yelled, "They expect us to have sex! Seriously, how dense can you be?"

"How could you have a crush on somebody that dense?" Dark Pit snarked, "That's the real question,"

"Do you want me to fire you?!" Viridi yelled.

"Woah! Aren't you way too young for that?" Joseph asked, "Kinda creepy,"

"I don't expect a filthy human like you to understand that a goddess's true form is beyond your comprehension. This is a form that your puny mind can understand,"

"So why do you look like a kid?" Joseph asked.

"I can change into other forms! Watch!" Viridi instantly aged her normal form up to an age similar to Pit's, "See!"

"You have the ability to change yourself into anything, yet you decide to wear A-cups," Ness snarked. Orange slapped him on the back of the head with a tentacle, "What'd I do?!"

"I...I don't want back problems!" Viridi grabbed Pit by the wrist and led him to the closet. "Let's go Pit!"

"Huh… I… um… what do I… uh"

"The game just says we have to be in their for forty-five minutes. We don't actually have to do anything,"

"Okay… just you and me… in a closet… for almost an hour," Pit and Viridi walked into the closet and shut the door behind them.

"Why can't we change our form?" Artreus asked Kratos.

"The gods from their world may be different," Kratos answered, "How? I do not know?"

"Snake, name a place you want to nuke and I'll make it happen," Ted stated.

"This is my show!" Bob yelled.

"Captain, you're too drunk to handle the nukes!" Ted declared.

"I don't really want to nuke anything," Snake said.

"You have the entire Multiverse to choose from,"

"Surprise me," Snake said.

"Alright, nuke's been dropped," Ted stated, "I wonder what poor universe has to deal with that?"

* * *

In an alternate version of Tazmily Village, Lucas, Claus, and their father, Flint, had just gotten done with another hard days work tending to the sheep. Hinawa had just finished making dinner for the family and had the table made. The Pigmasks were never a thing in this timeline, Hinawa never died, the village was never modernized, Claus was never made into a mind controlled puppet for the pigmask army, and Lucas never awakened his psychic potential. Overall, it was a happy, simple life. As the young men were walking into their home, Claus looked up to the sky to see an object falling from the sky.

"What's that?" Claus asked as he pointed at the object.

The object landed in the village and immediately detonated, killing all of the inhabitants on the Nowhere Islands, thus driving the human race extinct in this world.

* * *

"Since we have so many dares that play out more like a performance," Ted began, "I'll be renting the theatre house and we'll be going through those tomorrow. I will inform any potential performers of their roles after the game. But before then, I need Mario to direct a porno,"

"What?!" Mario exclaimed.

"Starring Luigi, Daisy, Peach," Ted continued, "The finished product must be featured tomorrow during our show and everyone must rate it. If you get less than three stars, it's Super Hell for the rest of the day,"

Mario felt defeated. He lost his mustache, got his crotch waxed and now he has to film his brother having a threesome with their girlfriends. Luigi didn't feel too great about this either. He doesn't want to go in between Peach and his brother and he was having a good time with Daisy anyway.

"Arrr! Now can we get onto Ac's dares?" Bob asked.

"Yes," Ted answered, "Next dares are from Ac… go,"

"Haru, how was it between ye 'n Joker last session?"

"Uh… it was good," Haru answered. Her face was blushing with embarrassment, "Why are you asking me these things?"

"'tis part o' th' show," Bob answered, "Toon Link, yer date wit' Ganon has a slight change o' plans. 'tis a date wit' th' Calamity Ganon 'n Tetra can accompany ye if she wants,"

"Can you help me kill him?" Toony asked Tetra.

"What? Can't do it yourself?" Tetra asked, "Oh right? I helped you kill Ganondorf… without my help, you'll probably die,"

"I could have done it myself!"

"Alright, guess you're on your own," Tetra decided.

"But… the Calamity is, like, a giant monster!"

"Nah, I'm sure you got it," Tetra smirked.

"It's like the size of a small village!" Toony argued.

"Just a small one?"

"You try fighting something that large!"

"Next up! Mega Man must be infected wit' tons o' porn viruses,"

Mega Man began receiving pop ups that included, but were not limited to, horny singles near you, penis enlargement pills, weird porn game ads, live streams, and so much more. Even for a highly advanced robot, he was at his hardware's limit. He received so many popups that he began to slow down until he was eventually frozen by ransomware. Once that happened, he simply fell face first into the sand.

"Aye, death by porn. Wha' a way t' go. However, we musn't dwell on th' fallen. Pit! Ye must do th' most devious, sinful, un-angel-like thin' t' Viridi that ye can think o' while ye're in thar!"

"C'mon!" Viridi yelled from in the closet.

"We all know ye like th' lad!" Bob argued.

"I don't think Pit's kinky enough to anything past vanilla," Ness said.

"You think he knows about going in through the back?" Toony asked.

"...You're thinking about that, aren't you!?" Viridi yelled to Pit.

"There's no backdoor in h-... Wait… that's not what you meant?" Pit suddenly realized what Toony was hinting at.

"Aw shit! He thought about it!" Ness laughed. Toony joined in on the laughter as well. The psychic continued to laugh, almost to the point of running out of breath, "You gotta do it now!"

"Ness! Toony! I will literally kill you two after this!" Viridi screamed from the closet, "You too, Pit!"

"I-I didn't mean to!"

"Our next dare be fer all th' Links must insult each other," Bob announced.

"Easy," The young Link smirked, "Mr. Blue is so weak he needs four giant mechs to help kill Ganon, and that's after he was given a second chance after sleeping on the job for a hundred years. If it weren't for the fact that his Zora ghost friend heals him, he'd already be dead. And, I just learned this a few days ago, the Master Sword has a fucking cooldown! Blue! What did you do to my sword!?"

"You know what?" The Hero of the Wild began, "I'm getting real tired of you. You're a skilled swordsman and what not, but at the end of the day, you're in the body of a ten-year-old. Any gripes or complaints you have against me just sounds like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum because he can't get what he wants,"

"I have what I want, Blue Balls!"

"Except being recognized as a hero," Toony chimed in.

"Fuck you, Toony!" The young Link huffed, "Your little friends with benefits could kick your ass,"

"He's right, you know," Tetra agreed.

"Alright, I think we're done for now," Ted declared, "Enjoy the vacation. We'll have the show for tomorrow. Dismissed," Bob and Ted disappeared. In everyone's hand, a hotel keycard appeared, signifying that they already had rooms available to them. Everyone began to go their separate ways, but a certain old man finally made his way to the group. He recognized Joseph towering above most everyone almost immediately.

"Jojo!" The old man exclaimed.

"Speedwagon!" Joseph, Ness, Toony, and Akira exclaimed.

"Where are we?" Speedwagon asked.

"It's nothing to worry about," Joseph assured, "We just got a vacation for the next few days. It'll be smooth sailing from here,"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Said a bald, African-American Mii with a goatee and an orange shirt.

"Why do you say that?" Speedwagon asked.

"Because there have been numerous people going missing or ending up dead on the island as of late," The Mii explained, "Many report seeing a man walking about at night. Some locals have taken to calling him the Wuhu Vampire,"

"A Vampire?" Simon asked, overhearing the conversation.

"Now, I don't buy into the superstition," The Mii elaborated, "But if that man can use magic like that… well, who knows what could have been done here?"

"Vampire or not, my Hamon can take care of it," Joseph boasted.

"I'll have to round up the trainees after their… done filming," Simon said, "It's about time we go on a real vampire hunt,"

"Should we help, Father?" Artreus asked.

"It seems as though they have enough people," Kratos said, "Although, I suppose we can help if they cannot manage to slay one meger vampire,"

"Either way, be careful at night, understand?" The Mii said.

"That's cool," Toony said, "But I got a date with an entity of pure evil I gotta kill,"

"Bitch, you haven't seen pure evil until your soul's in a robot body and your only option to defeat the final boss is to pray," Ness replied as the two walked away.

"Yeah, yeah, Giygas is scary," Toony said sarcastically.

* * *

On a mesa, far above the ocean, there was a mysterious ruins from an ancient civilisation. The ruins are feared by locals and tourists alike due to the many traps that lay inside. But, deep in the ruins and away from sunlight, a monster was waiting for his time to strike and earn his second chance.

"Akira Kurusu," Said the monster. A well-built, blonde haired man, with stitches around the neck and a star-shaped birthmark on the back of his shoulder, "I must kill Akira Kurusu. Only then can I come back to life,"

* * *

When Lucas imagined going on a date, he thought it would be a typical dinner date. Maybe they'd go bowling or something before or afterwards. What he didn't expect, was falling from a plane that was fourteen thousand feet in the air. Even though he had fallen out of an aircraft once before, without a parachute even, it was not something he found thrilling. Orange, on the other hand, was enjoying every second of the adrenaline rush. When it was time to initiate the parachutes, Lucas felt a sense of relief, but was still unsettled with being thousands of feet in the air.

"Hey! I thought the dare said no panicking!" Orange yelled, teasing the psychic.

"I wasn't panicking because of you! I was panicking because I was falling!" Lucas yelled.

"You should have seen the look on your face!" Orange laughed.

Then the two heard a familiar tune, the tune of the flying photographer. He fell from higher in the sky, without a parachute or any gear related to skydiving. He was somehow able to stand perpendicular to the ground while matching their slowed rate of descent. His hat somehow stayed on his head as he pulled out his polaroid.

"Pictures taken instantaneously!" The Camera Man exclaimed, "I'm a photographic genius, if I do say so myself!"

"I thought this guy just followed Ness!" Orange yelled, "And how is he doing that?"

Lucas merely shrugged as the photographer continued.

"Look at the camera… Ready… Say, 'fuzzy pickles'!"

The man took the picture, capturing Lucas shrugging at Orange with a bit of a smile and Orange still looking confused, presumably at the Camera Man's presence. The Camera Man grabbed the photo as it printed from the polaroid and looked at it.

"Wow! What a great photograph! It will always bring back the fondest of memories," The Camera Man then went up further into the air until he was so far up, he could no longer be seen.

"Do you think he's an alien?" Orange asked.

"I find it easier not to question the things that come from my world," Lucas answered.

* * *

Over in Breath of the Wild's Hyrule, Toon Link was on his 'date' with the Calamity Ganon. He was only allowed to use gear he had used on his adventures. The Calamity was an extremely difficult foe with Toony taking considerable damage and having to use some of his Grandma's Elixir Soup to avoid an untimely death. However, once he landed the final blow on the Calamity, the second part of the fight began. He was teleported outside, up against the Dark Beast Ganon, and instead of a horse, he was given his boat. Noting the uselessness of the boat, he opted to run around the beast and look for an opening.

"I was rude earlier," said a familiar voice, "I'm sorry for treating you so harshly, Link,"

"Tetra!?" Toony gasped.

Suddenly, glowing spots appeared on the beast and Toony fired arrows into them, severely damaging the beast. Through a long series of running, dodging lasers, and gliding through the air, and almost dying multiple times, Toony managed to slay the beast. The sky cleared up and Tetra appeared, unusually happy to see him.

"I knew you could do it, Link," Tetra said softly, "That's what I love about you,"

Toony took a second to catch his breath. "That's… weird of you to say,"

Tetra got up close to Toony and gave him a hug. Toony found Tetra's behavior very odd. Even at her best moments, Tetra is never this affectionatte.

"Is something wrong?" Toony asked.

"What do you mean, silly?" Tetra giggled, "I love you,"

"See, that's the problem. You've never reciprocated my feelings," Toony noted.

"Well, I am now," Tetra said. Though she was starting to get annoyed by Toony's apparent rejection.

"Tetra, I know you well enough to know this isn't you. This has to be one of those mind control dares,"

"So what if it is?" Tetra cried, "What difference does it make?"

"If I can't win you over myself, then I don't want you at all," Toony solemnly said as he pushed himself out of the hug.

"So, you're rejecting me?" Tetra huffed, "Fine… then if I can't have you… no one can!"

Tetra pulled out a knife and lunged to stab Toony, but he grabbed her wrist just before she could stab him in the kidneys.

"Even the normal you isn't so quick to pull out a knife on me," Toony smirked, "Snap out of it, Tetra!"

"No!" Tetra wiggled her way out of Toony's grasp and slashed at him, cutting his tunic and leaving a skin deep cut on his chest. Even though he was certain she was mind controlled, he wanted to handle things as non-violently as possible. However, with Tetra's Yandere-like approach, he had to defend himself somehow. He was hoping that if he could knock her out, the spell would be lifted. As Tetra went in for another stab, Toony barely dodged the blade and punched her in the face. He didn't want to do it, but it felt better than using his sword on her. She fell to the ground, seemingly knocked out.

"Sorry Tetra," Toony apologized, "I don't know what else I can think of. If this doesn't work, I may have to restrain her,"

Tetra opened her eyes and got up from the ground. The right side of her face was in pain, but she was in control once again.

"Don't worry, I'm back," Tetra assured, "I'd never say that mushy garbage,"

"Thank the Goddesses," Toony breathed a sigh of relief, "I don't know what that was, but I'm glad your-," He was interrupted by a swift kick to the balls.

"Thanks for snapping me out of my lovey-dovey murder rampage," Tetra thanked, "But don't ever punch me in the face again,"

"G-g-got it…,"

The two were teleported back to Wuhu Island shortly after.

* * *

Lucas and Orange spent the rest of their time talking about their worlds, going bowling on a hundred pin lane, and decided to end off the night eating at a sushi bar. The sushi bar on Wuhu island is operated by some of the world's most renowned sushi chefs. As expected, the food was delicious but Lucas had to pass on some of the items, considering his date was evolutionarily a common ancestor to some of the dishes server here. This, for some reason, didn't bother Orange at all and she pretty much ordered whatever she liked, even dishes that he knew had squid in them.

"Hey Orange," Lucas said, "You know that what you have there is… squid… right?"

Orange looked at the piece of sushi and back to Lucas before throwing it in her mouth, "Yeah,"

"Isn't that cannibalism?" Lucas asked.

Orange laughed. "I can't blame you for seeing it like that, but we got these kinds of squids back where I come from. Think of it this way, is it cannibalism if you decided to eat a monkey?"

"Why would I eat a monkey?" Lucas asked, "That doesn't sound appetizing at all,"

"Maybe not, but is it cannibalism?"

"I guess not,"

"Same thing with Inklings eating squids!"

"So you don't feel weird about anyone eating this at all?"

"Nope!"

"Guess I was careful for nothing," Lucas chuckled.

"Want some of mine?" Orange offered.

"...If you don't mind,"

* * *

After filming was completed later that night, Simon, Richter, Daisy, Luigi, Joseph, and Speedwagon made their way up to the mysterious ruins. The supposed vampire was rumored to lurk in there. Once they made it to the ruins, they waited for the vampire to gave Luigi and Daisy time to discuss recent happenings between them, Peach, and Mario, but that didn't go far.

"So… about that," Luigi began, "I-,"

"It was a dare, Luigi. I don't want to talk about it," Daisy sighed.

"Over there!" Speedwagon exclaimed while pointing to a shadow in the ruin's entrance. The man stepped forward into the moonlight revealing himself to the vampire hunters. Only Speedwagon recognized the true evil that radiated from the man. He thought that he had been vanquished fifty years earlier.

"What's wrong, Speedwagon?" Joseph asked.

"That man… It can't be,"

"I didn't expect to see you here," The Vampire said, "Robert E.O. Speedwagon,"

"You know this vampire?" Richter asked.

"I do," Speedwagon confirmed, "I thought that Jojo's grandfather defeated him fifty years ago, but there's no mistaking it. Jojo, that man is Dio Brando, the man who killed your grandfather!"

"What!?" Joseph blurted.

Dio laughed to himself. "And Jonathan's body still fits me like a glove,"

"Jonathan's body?" Speedwagon blurted.

"I believe all the Joestar's have the same birthmark, am I correct?" Dio said as he turned around and revealed the birthmark on the shoulder of the stolen body. It was, in fact, Jonathan's body, much to Joseph and Speedwagon's disgust. Once Dio revealed the birthmark, Joseph felt a pain in his own birthmark. A pain so agonizing he had to take a knee right there. He looked at his hands and saw strange, purple, thorny vines wrapped around his arms. He looked up and noticed a strange, yellow man standing beside Dio, although no one acknowledged it.

Simon, Richter, Daisy, and Luigi all went in for an attack while Dio had his back turned. Dio smirked a devilish grin as he called forth his stand's power.

"Za Warudo!" Dio yelled. Suddenly, before Speedwagon's eyes, the four attackers were brutally murdered by their own weaponry. Dio was also right in front of Speedwagon and Joseph, the latter of which was still struggling with the pain that was awakening his stand.

"How is that possible?" Speedwagon quivered, "The second I blinked, all four of them were already dead!"

"That is the power of The World," Dio boasted, "You're awakening to a similar power as we speak, Joseph Joestar. It's called a stand, but yours is one of the weakest," Dio chuckled a bit, "Killing you was child's play. But I have other business to take care of," Dio pushed Speedwagon out of his way and made his way down the volcano.

"Jojo! Are you alright!?" Speedwagon asked.

"These… vines…,"

"What vines?!"

"Don't you see them?" Joseph screamed, "They're all over my arms! And that man beside Dio!"

"What man?"

The pain of awakening the stand began to clear away, "Am… I only able to see them? Is it because I have this… stand power?"

* * *

While impending doom awaited outside, Lucas escorted Orange back to her hotel room.

"I know this was a dare, but I had fun," Orange said.

"Me too," Lucas smiled, "Would you mind… doing this again sometime? Without being dared, of course," This was a rather bold move for Lucas, but considering how well the date went, he figured that it was worth a shot.

"Hell yeah!" Orange exclaimed, "Sounds fun. You're pretty fresh, dude,"

"Heh...thanks," Lucas blushed.

"Thanks for agreeing to go skydiving with me,"

"I'll admit, it's not as bad the second time you fall from an aircraft. Guess having a parachute helps,"

The Inkling girl laughed. "Well, goodnight,"

Lucas briefly remember a previous conversation he had with Ness and Toony about what to do in this situation. Their advice was to push past any nervousness that he probably (definitely) had, and go in for a kiss. Easier said than done. But with Orange accepting his offer for a second date, Lucas was on a roll. He placed his under her chin and gave her a small peck on the lips.

Immediately after doing that, Lucas began to panic internally, wondering if he'd completely messed up. Instead, Orange giggled and blushed. Lucas nailed it. Ness and Toony would be proud.

"Goodnight," He said.

Orange went to her room and Lucas fished around his pockets for the keycard to his room. As he as fishing for it, he felt as though he was walking on sunshine and nothing could stop him. He then pulled it out and noticed that the room number was the same as Orange's. Confused, he went back and knocked on her door. Orange opened the door.

"Did I forget something?" She asked.

"Uh... no," He said, "I don't know if it was a mix up or anything, but we're assigned the same room," He pulled the keycard out of its paper sleeve and a note fell out. Orange picked it up and read it aloud to the best of her abilities.

"This is not a… mix up," She read, "This is the… special… dare. It is pretty… ob-vi-ous what you should do next. Signed, Ted," She finished reading the note, "Did I read that well!?"

"Yeah," Lucas answered, "But now…,"

Their eyes met and all the two could do was clam up as their faces turned red.

"Well… come on in…," Orange awkwardly offered. Despite being the more confident of the two, this was much too sudden for her.

"Y-yes… thank you…," Lucas awkwardly accepted.

They both entered the room together and shut the door behind them.

* * *

Back outside, Akira and Haru were walking back to the hotel with Morgana in tow. They enjoyed the day touring the island, but wanted to go to bed and have a head start for tomorrow. However, fate had other plans. A familiar manga character stood between Akira and the hotel he was staying at. Even though he faced his foes head on without hesitation and without showing fear, Akira was terrified of this particular foe. He knew that at any second, he could instantly be dead.

"Akira Kurusu," Dio said.

"Who's that?" Morgana asked as he poked his head out of the bag.

"Get out of here," Akira warned.

"But wh-," Haru began.

"You heard me! Go!" Akira stressed.

Morgana jumped out of the backpack and both him and Haru ran away from the impending fight.

"So, you know of me?" Dio asked.

"Yeah," Akira answered.

"So you know about The World? It doesn't matter. Unless you can also stop time, whatever you have to throw at me will be useless," The World appeared right beside Dio and Akira was able to see it. Perhaps Personas are a kind of stand.

"I'll have you know, I have a stand of my own," Akira lied, "Persona!"

Arsene was summoned, although Akira meant to summon a stronger persona. Arsene may have been his initial persona, but after Kamoshida's Palace, it began to lose its effectiveness.

"Interesting, I wonder what its ability is," Dio smirked, "No… it doesn't matter. ZA WARUDO!"

Time stopped all around Dio for nine seconds. In that timeframe, he walked up to Akira, punched a hole into his chest, and kicked him. When time resumed, Akira's body flew down the street, whizzing past Haru and Morgana as it slammed up against a steamroller.

"Akira!" Morgana and Haru shouted.

But as the dust settled, the hole in his chest began to heal. This was all thanks to the 1-up mushroom that he'd been given last session. He reached into his backpack and grabbed his black, magic hardhat. He had a feeling he would need it.

Dio approached Akira, who was confidently waiting for him. "This is my stand's power!" Akira lied, "I'll just keep regenerating if you hurt me,"

"I find that hard to believe," Dio said, "It doesn't matter though. This will be the end of you. ZA WARUDO!" Dio used his stand powers to fly up, grab the steam roller, and slam it on Akira. Then he proceeded to repeatedly punch at it while yelling his signature battlecry. After nine seconds was up, the helmet did what it was supposed to do; protect Akira from all construction related injuries. The force that Dio punched into the steam roller for the nine seconds of stopped time immediately knocked it back into his face once time resumed, sending him and the steam roller flying.

Dio was in a daze as he flew back toward the ruins, where Joseph and Speedwagon happened to see him flying by. Joseph used his new found stand ability to grab Dio while he was in the air. Then, he wondered how well Hamon conducted through the purple vines.

"Hamon Overdrive!" Joseph yelled. Hamon energy followed seamlessly through the vines, reaching Dio and causing his body to disintegrate. With that, the Wuhu Vampire was vanquished.

Dio's blood-curdling screams could be heard across the island, signifying to Akira that Joseph had handled the rest. Haru and Morgana ran up to Akira, practically in tears.

"A-akira," Haru cried into his chest as she hugged him tightly, "I thought you were killed!"

"Your luck never ceases to amaze me," Morgana praised.

"I already knew what was going to happen next," Akira smirked.

The three went back to the hotel and took a much needed rest.

* * *

Dio found himself waking up inside of a dive bar that was cobbled together with brimstone and boat parts. Many historical figures that he had read about after his hundred year slumber where there. Behind the counter was an angel, of all things, chatting to two women at the counter.

"So, you've been working as a bartender for the past two weeks?" Samus asked.

"Yeah, it's actually not so bad," Pit admitted, "Half the customers are friendly. As for the other half, I can beat them with a frying pan if they try to do anything weird to me,"

Sheik took a drink from her bloody mary and was impressed. "You know, Samus, he's a pretty good bartender. You gotta try the bloody mary!"

"Heh… thanks," Pit said bashfully, "People say I'm pretty good at this,"

"Pretty good?" Blurted former United States President John F. Kennedy, "I say you're one of the best!"

"Definitely!" Lee Harvey Oswald agreed.

Suddenly, Bob drunkenly stumbled into the bar, still wearing his pirate outfit.

"Arrr! I got good news, patrons. Our bartender, Pit, jus' got laid fer th' first time!"

The patrons of the bar cheered Pit on while the angel tried to hide away in the bar, embarrassed that the announcement was made.

"T' honor th' lad's accomplishment, we 'ave a new, limited time menu item," Bob went behind the counter and cut off Pit's wings once again, causing the angel to scream in agony once more, "Fried angel wings!"

Pit's wings grew back, but he was suddenly swamped with dozens of orders for his savory wings. Apparently, Bob and Ted figured out that fried angel wings were about as addictive as cocaine and would therefore make a good bar food item.

LIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEEEE

The next day, everyone was required to show up at the Theatre House for a series of performances. The first performance was Ganondorf, Bowser, King Dedede, and Master Hand singing as a quartet to the song _We Are Number One_. Nobody in the room knew what LazyTown was, so they just assumed it was some lame song and never expected it to be such a meme.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Ted cheered, "What a terrific performance! Bowser, would you please stay on the stage? Everyone else is dismissed,"

"What now!?" Bowser ranted.

"For our next showing, we feature what I like to call 'Koopa Kitchen'. Enjoy!" Ted announced

The stage magically transformed into the set of a cooking show. Bowser's previous Robbie Rotten outfit was removed and he found himself with his hands and feet tied together. Mario walked out on stage wearing chef's clothes and wielding a clever. The look in his eyes was a mix of sleep deprivation and anger. Peach, Daisy, and Luigi worried for him as he frantically slashed into the Koopa King, much to Bowser Jr's horror. He then began to cook part of him for the rest of the show and once he was done, he hopped off stage and gave the meal to Peach. Peach got a better look at Mario's eyes and it didn't paint a good picture for Mario's mental state. Peach reluctantly ate the Bowser steak that she was served. It tasted pretty awful.

"Ah, violence," Ted remarked, "Just one part of what makes entertainment so entertaining. Now for the next part of what makes entertainment so entertaining, sex!" Mario was placed back on stage, with the blood soaked kitchen disappearing and being replaced with a screen that a projector shined on. Everyone was given a scoring card with five stars on it.

"Now for our next show… Untitled Video… Lazy naming, Mario," Ted scoffed.

The porno tape began and it was very uncomfortable to watch, however, that didn't stop Ness and Toony from riffing on it.

"Woah! The camera's shaky. We're they doin' it during an earthquake?" Ness joked.

"Man, you can tell Mario doesn't want to film this. The focus is all over the place," Toony said.

"Then there's the stars of the film. Seeing Peach and Daisy naked, cool," Ness stated, "Just wish Luigi wasn't there,"

"Yeah… some things are just too good to be true," Toony sighed, "I give it… three stars,"

"Three? I was thinking about two and a half," Ness argued.

The Smashers rated the film honestly, under threat of electric shock, and submitted the scores to Ted. They were automatically tallied up and Ted began to announce the final results.

"With a three point four average score, Mario meets the passing score," Ted announced. Mario breathed a sigh of relief, but Ted wasn't finished, "However, there was no effort put into the title whatsoever, so I will have to deduct half a star. So the new score is two point nine. Sorry Mario, but you needed three stars to live,"

A trap door opened under Mario's feet and he fell down into the depths of Super Hell.

"For our final act, we have the Princess of the Wild singing a love song in a segment I like to call 'Love in the Wild' Enjoy,"

The Princess of the Wild appeared on stage, in sexy lingerie, singing a Hylian song for her world's Link. After all that just happened however, most everyone was just ready for this whole show to end.

During the show, Akira and Haru noticed Ted's increased bravado while announcing the acts in the theatre house. Akira pulled his phone out and opened the Metaverse Navigator.

"Theatre hall," Akira whispered.

It was a match. The Phantom Thieves were one step closer to entering Ted's palace.

* * *

As Cloud left the theatre hall, he ran into a familiar flower girl who was wandering around the town.

"Cloud?" She said.

"Aerith!?" He exclaimed.

"Yes, she's alive," Ted confirmed as he walked from behind the swordsman, "Anyone can be revived in this game, they're just subjected to the same treatment as everyone else. However, I do like to pay the people I dare back in some way. I won't kill you later, Aerith, you get to go back to your world after I'm done here. Keep that in mind, reviewers!"

"Who are you talking to?" Aerith asked. Noting that Ted was talking to the hypothetical camera again.

"He just does that," Cloud explained.

"Hi! I'm Swordy Mc-,"

"Shut up, Sword!" Cloud yelled.

**I hope I can be forgiven for the delays if the chapters turn out to be this long. (48 fuckin' pages, man! That's like two chapters in an actual novel!) I probably could have written in more if I wanted to, but I gotta go to work tomorrow and it's getting kinda late. **

**I'll be honest, I don't know Dragon Quest at all and I've just bought Final Fantasy 7. As far as FF7 goes. It seems like there's this love triangle thing with Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith, however, that's just what I've gathered from Youtube research. I swear, FF7 is like a franchise inside of another franchise.**

**I think our next location for the Truth or Dare will take place inside of a reset bomb. It's technically a stage from Smash and we have an excuse to annoy Viridi. Sounds like fun. I'm not giving options on what place we should do the session because if I did, there wouldn't be dares that may involve the setting itself. Although, I do want to hear suggestions on where we go eventually.**

**Those alternate reality Phantom Thieves may appear later, but they also may not. Who knows?**

**One last side note, I had so many chapter names for this one. My next choice was 'Mario Gets Cucked' but I opted against it.**

**As always, thanks for reading and reviewing folks. It means a lot.**


	5. Sans Versus Ness!

It was a wonderful day at Wuhu Island. It was the last day the Smashers were able to stay on the island and many made the most of it. Daniel and Isabelle tossed a frisbee around together (While trying to forget the fact that they doomed an entire universe), Kirby put an all-you-can-eat buffet out of business, Palutena and Rosaline made heads turn on the beach, and Lucas and Orange were feeling as awkward as ever.

The last two Smashers went to their room for the final night. Once Lucas crossed the threshold into the room, he instantly aged to his normal age. The room only had one bed and, with the two of them not wanting to offend the other, decided not to sleep on the sofa. So they slept on the bed, in their pajamas, as far away from each other as they could. Orange was quickly getting tired of this as she wasn't used to feeling this weird for so long. As they got ready for bed, Orange broke the silence.

"You aren't weirded out by me because I'm an Inkling, are you?" Orange asked suddenly.

Lucas was startled by this sudden question and he verbally stumbled as he tried to respond.

"N-no, w-why are you asking?"

"You know why. We've hardly talked to each other for the past two days,"

"I mean, I kissed you before we knew about that dare,"

"I guess you're right,"

"So… you're not weirded out about… doing it, with a human?" Lucas asked, "Haven't we been extinct to you for about ten thousand years?"

"Twelve thousand," Orange corrected, "And I'm not, oddly enough. I just thought you were… guess that's why I've been distant too,"

"It's my fault," Lucas admitted, "I've just… never been in this kind of relationship before. I wasn't really prepared for that dare,"

Orange giggled a little. "I think you did alright. I guess Ness and Toony gave you decent pointers,"

"How did you-,"

"Tetra told me this morning,"

Lucas sighed. "Of course she did,"

"Looking back, I probably should of seen that coming too," Orange admitted, "Like, six people got laid while we were in Hyrule. Once you admitted you wanted to kiss me, it was all over,"

"Yeah…,"

"That makes me wonder though," Orange grinned, "What makes you like squid girls?"

"I don't know, I just think you're pretty cool," Lucas blurted in embarrassment, "And I'm pretty sure I remember you coming onto me first. What makes you like humans?"

"I dunno, I like your hair," She answered, "No one in Inkopolis has any actual hair and yours is just so soft and fun to touch," She then moved her fingers through Lucas's recently washed hair.

"That explains why you kept messing with it," Lucas smiled, "But thanks. And again, sorry for not talking to you much these past few days. It kinda makes this trip a waste,"

"You know, we can always go for round two when we get back," Orange joked.

"That's not what I meant!" Lucas defended, "It's just… it would of been nice to do more things together around the island, maybe get to know each other a bit better,"

"I get it," Orange agreed, "I wonder what other activity you're scared of on this island,"

"That's it, next time we're going kayaking," Lucas declared.

"You maniac! Are you trying to get me killed?" Orange responded.

"Says the girl who suggested we jump out of a plane," Lucas countered.

The two discussed various topics for a while, breaking down the awkward wall that they had put between themselves. Eventually, Orange yawned and Lucas did the same. It was about that time. The two climbed into bed. This time, they were willing to get close to each other.

"So… I guess this mean we're dating," Lucas stated.

The Inkling cuddled up to the psychic. "Sounds good to me,"

The two soon fell asleep in each other's arms and as soon as the clock struck midnight, they were both teleported to Lucas's room in the manor.

* * *

Haru found herself in a hospital room with Akira and Morgana by her side. She looked down to see that her belly was swollen. She felt what she assumed to be contractions as a doctor walked into the room. There was no reason for the doctor's face to be obscured, yet the only facial features she could make out was a devious grin as the doctor positioned himself at Haru's legs and told her to push. After what seemed like forever, the pain stopped and the doctor revealed a newborn baby girl wrapped in a blanket.

Just then, Haru woke up to find herself in Akira's room back at the manor. It was still very early in the morning, but it seemed as though Bob or Ted teleported everyone from Wuhu Island in their sleep. Akira, who was briefly woken up from his rest due to Haru's sudden awakening, turned over to her.

"Is something wrong?" He yawned, still more than half-asleep.

"Um… we aren't in the hotel anymore… it just shocked me," She lied.

Akira yawned, "Okay, goodnight," Then the thief went back to sleep. Haru eventually laid back down and rested her eyes. As she drifted off once more, she thought about the previous dream. It had to be a dare, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't want that to happen some time in the future.

* * *

The young Link found himself back on Lon Lon Ranch in his normal adult form. He was walking back to his home with two little Hylian boys following him, a redhead and a blonde.

"Dad, can we please go to town with you tomorrow?" The redheaded boy begged.

"We wanna watch you train the knights!" The blonde replied.

Link smiled. "Sorry boys, no can do. We gotta have you two here to work the ranch while I'm away. Grandpa could always use the help. Besides, Hyrule Castle's overrated anyway,"

"Aw man," The boys whined.

Link turned around and kneeled down to speak with the boys on their level.

"Tell ya what. You two are about old enough now. How about I teach ya'll how to use a sword once I get back?"

"Really!?" The boys beamed.

"Sure, but on one condition, no slacking off on your chores. The sooner we get done, the more daylight we'll have to practice. Got it?"

"Yes, sir!"

Link stood back up. "And who knows, maybe one day I can show you two off at the castle and you both can show those knights up,"

The boys rushed back to the house to tell their mother the good news. Link walked into the boys hassiling his wife, Malon. Two little girls, about the same age as the boys and with the same hair colors, were busy setting up the table with Navi following alongside them.

"Mom! Mom! Dad's gonna teach us how to use a sword!" The boys said with excitement.

Malon darted her eyes over to Link, "Are you sure that's such a good idea?"

"C'mon, I was about their age when I learned," Link defended.

"Maybe in that timeline, but I didn't know you until a year later," Malon smiled.

"Navi can vouch for me," Link defended.

"You don't want me to vouch for you," Navi interjected as she appeared from behind the blonde haired girl, "You barely made it out of the Great Deku Tree alive," The whole family giggled at Navi's brutally honest response.

"That's… not what I meant," Link said, "But that's all the more reason I should teach them,"

"Alright, just be safe," Malon warned, "I don't want to see one of our boys eyes poked out,"

"It'll be fine, I'll start them off with bottles,"

"Bottles?" The four kids asked.

"If you can't swing a glass bottle, how can I trust you with a sword?" Link explained.

"How does that make sense?" The redheaded girl asked.

"He just wants to watch tennis," Navi snarked.

The blonde girl snickered at her brothers.

"Shut up, Nomi," The red-headed boy blurted.

"Koda, don't act up before supper," Link said sternly, "Nomi, stop teasing your brother,"

"Dad, is it true that Mom used to call you Fairy Boy?" The red-headed girl asked.

"Navi!" Link blurted.

The fairy flew out the window chuckling along the way.

"Really!?" The boys blurted, "Fairy boy! Fairy boy!"

"Quiet down… or no sword training at all," Link threatened. The boys instantly went quite and took their seats at the table.

"You're not a fairy boy anymore," Malon said while serving the night's meal, "You're my fairy man,"

"Babe, I appreciate the sentiment, but that sounds worse," Link noted.

"Why?" The blonde haired boy asked.

"...I'll explain when you're older, Junior,"

Navi eventually woke up Talon and the whole family ate their dinner together before eventually heading off to bed. Once the young Link laid his head down on the pillow next to his beautiful wife, he found himself waking up in his room at the manor as his ten-year-old self; a complete change in scenery to the hotel at Wuhu Island where he fell asleep and the dream he had just woken from.

The young Link rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It was one of the more vivid dreams he has ever had.

"Man… I really hope we don't have quadruplets," The young Link said, "Also, note to self, come up with better names,"

* * *

Kados and Artreus found themselves off of Wuhu Island, but still away from home when they were transferred to the main hall in the Smash Manor. The God of War was frustrated that his deal had not been met just as Ted appeared behind them.

"Hey Kratos, about that deal I made," Ted began.

"You said we could go home," Kratos stated.

"I did," Ted agreed, "But that was before you two were dared to do something else. Worst part is, we can't do that dare for a month. I already promised the next location was going to be at Viridi's place. I promise I'll let you go after that,"

"You are trying my patience," Kratos stated.

"You didn't look annoyed when you were laying on the beach drinking from a coconut," Artreus mentioned.

"Quiet, boy," Kratos told him. He turned his focus back to Ted, "Now listen here, you may be a god among gods, but-,"

Ted began snapping his fingers at about a hundred beats per minute. Every snap alternated between killing Kratos, and instantly reviving him, leaving him in some kind of agonizing limbo. He's surely been through worse, but at the same time, Ted was doing this while singing the song _Stayin' Alive_. Artreus was in shock at how casual Ted was torturing his father. Eventually, Ted got bored and revived Kratos for the final time. The man had to catch his breath since he had died just under a hundred times in rapid succession.

"Are you alright, Father!?" Artreus asked.

"I am alright," Kratos huffed as he glared down Ted, who faded away from the Smash Manor with a smile.

* * *

Mario, whose mustache was about halfway grown back, was laying on a chaise longue with his hat off.

"Ever since Ted arrived, I've felt… useless," Mario rambled, "Usually when bad things happen and villains run amuck, I'm able to at least do something about it… with few exceptions, but this just isn't like anything else I've encountered. Everyone just goes about their lives when the sessions are over, like there isn't a crazed maniac keeping hostage! I'll admit, I was like that too. But after filming my brother… and the princesses… and being sent to Super Hell. I have to do something,"

Sitting in a recliner next to him, Dr. Mario was taking notes and listening to his alternate self's problems.

"Do you think that you want to do something because, if not, you'll take it out on everyone else?" Dr. Mario asked.

"You're completely correct!" Mario answered, "I know that no one was thrilled to film that, but I,

as much as I'd hate to admit it, kinda what to kick my brother's ass. I haven't spoken more than a few words to him in weeks… I know you had your doubts about this, but I think a therapy session with myself is working pretty well,"

"I still think that I am completely unqualified for this, being that this isn't my area of expertise, and doing this with myself is probably not as helpful as you think," Dr. Mario replied, "I can't really give you any advice to help you. If your Luigi is anything like my Luigi, he'd probably be feeling more guilty about this situation than you are angry. As for the Ted issue, I don't blame anyone for not doing anything after the sessions. There's a concept I heard of in Psych 101. It's called learned helplessness. If there doesn't seem to be any hope in escaping a bad situation, the victim gives up. It explains a lot of cases of domestic abuse and such, but I'm getting off topic. How is Peach?"

"Surprisingly alright," Mario admitted, "We really haven't spoken much about the incident, but I think she likes me with the mustache better,"

Dr. Mario chuckled, "It is one of our best features… Well, in my unprofessional opinion, I think you're okay. Time heals all wounds and I hope that this isn't an exception. While it would be nice to put a stop to Bob and Ted… I just don't see a way out of it. All you can really do is look after yourself and those you care about and hopefully keep your mental health intact. Sorry if this isn't enough, but I think you just needed someone to talk to,"

Mario sat up on the elongated chair and put his hat on. "Don't go telling me I'm sensitive,"

"Hey, anything I say about you could mostly apply to me. One has to set aside such things in medicine for the sake of professionalism," Dr. Mario rose from his chair, "Alright, this unlicensed therapy session is over,"

* * *

Down at the Underworld Bar, Pit was listening to the former president of the United States, John F. Kennedy, talk about his own assassination.

"And THAT is who really killed me," JFK concluded.

"Woah," Pit commented while he was drying off a beer mug, "I can't believe they'd do that,"

"It is how it is," JFK shrugged. He looked at the time on the wall, noticed that it was near closing time, and quickly downed the rest of his pint of beer before he had to return to eternal damnation with the rest of the dead.

Just then, an annoying blue shirted salesman came walking through the door of the bar once again.

"Hi! Billy Mays here! Wanting to order some fried angel-," Pit threw the beer mug that he was drying at the salesman's head and knocked him out cold.

"Shut up Bill!... It's almost closing time," Pit responded.

"You know," JFK began, "You really changed a bit this past month,"

"How so?" Pit asked as he walked to the broom closet.

"Well, I suppose it's expected that an angel wouldn't feel comfortable serving the souls of the damned. But not only have you gotten used to that, you've been able to thrive in this chaotic environment,"

"It's not like my normal life is calm and peaceful," Pit argued as he began walking over to the knocked out salesman with a broom and dustpan. The mug had broken into a bunch of pieces and his current task was to clean it up, "Even before Ted took over Smash Bros, I fought against the forces of the Underworld, Nature, and heck, even aliens,"

"Of course, but I bet you never had to listen to that alien's life story while serving it alcohol,"

"I don't think the Aurum would do that,"

"My point is, you've gotten to know some of the most evil people the world has ever seen and, in some instances, enjoy having them around in the bar,"

"I can't help myself when Osama tells a story, they're usually hilarious," Pit responded as he swept up the broken glass.

"Yes, we've all heard how he was caught on the toilet during the raid. But I'm telling you, you are the average of the people you spend the most time with and with this schedule, I know you haven't had much else to do than eat and sleep,"

"I mean, you aren't so bad,"

"Kid, if you factor myself into that equation, you'd be cheating on your girlfriend with every woman in that tournament of yours," JFK chuckled.

"Viridi isn't my girlfriend!" Pit said defensively, "That was just a dare!"

JFK rose from his seat on the counter and headed toward the door. "If I know anything about these Truth or Dare games our evil overlords host, it'll happen eventually. See ya' around, Pit. Don't let us sinners be a bad influence… Do you need help dragging Bill outside?"

After removing Billy Mays from the premises and closing up shop, Pit was transported back to the Smash Manor. He did his normal routine of taking a dip in the hot springs, picking up a meal from Big Bang Burger, and returning to the Manor to eat it, but as he passed by the kitchen to head into the dining room, he heard someone moving around. Pit peeked into the room to see Viridi eating from a package of Double Stuffed Oreos. She jumped at his sudden presence.

"Hey Viridi… do you not have Oreos at your place?" Pit asked, expecting the goddess to throw a fit.

Viridi's response was noticeably delayed, not unlike like many of the Underworld's heavily intoxicated patrons. "Uh… no, why else would I be here?" The response still had a hint of that signature Viridi sass, but it was heavily mellowed out, unlike the belligerent drunks of Super Hell.

"I guess that was pretty obvious,"

Viridi briefly giggled before catching herself and putting on a lackluster, snarky front. "Well, if that's all you've got to say, I'm going back to my domain,"

She took a few more Oreos for the road and headed toward the exit. As she passed by Pit, he smelt a strong earthy, herbal scent. The scents seem to be normal for the goddess, but they were noticeably stronger. Her eyelids looked heavy and somewhat puffy while the eyes themselves were red. After Viridi passed Pit by, she turned around to see Pit still staring and trying to figure out why she seemed different.

"Stop staring at me, pervert!" Viridi blushed. She quickly turned around and tried to suppress what seemed like laughter as Pit got flustered by the goddess's remark.

"I-I wasn't thinking that! I usually don't have those thoughts!" Pit frantically defended. Once she left, Pit sat down to his burger and fries. He wrote off Viridi's strange behavior as her feeling sleepy and continued along with his night.

* * *

It has been about a week and a half since the vacation to Wuhu Island and Smash Town operated as normal. Speedwagon and Joseph left while Kratos and Artreus stayed (and were given an apartment for their troubles), SCP-999 was affectionately named 'Blobby' and roamed the streets getting into tickle fights with saddened residents, and Ness and Toony were going to Big Bang Burger after finishing part three of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

"What a ride!" Toony exclaimed while him, Ness, and a slightly intoxicated Tetra walked into the restaurant, "That final fight was awesome,"

"And we got two more parts after this," Ness noted.

"Look, I haven't been paying any attention to your dumb show," Tetra started. It was true, the only reason she really watched it was because she lived in Toony's apartment. Even then, she'd only pay attention when she was hammered, "But don't you think that those two having the same kind of ghost, or whatever, was a bit of an asspull?"

"Just wait until you see part five," a familiar voice responded from the corner of the restaurant. The three turned their heads to see Akira and Haru sitting down at a booth with Morgana peeking out of Akira's bag.

"Hey Akira! Haru! What's up?" Ness greeted.

"Nothing much," Akira responded, "Just trying to find the magic words to enter Ted's palace,"

"Akira-kun, shouldn't we be a bit quieter about this," Haru spoke with a hint of concern.

"We don't have to hide here, Haru. Everyone knows we were Phantom Thieves," Akira assured.

"Even still, it would probably best if Ted doesn't find out what your planning," Ness suggested.

"As long as Akira doesn't shout our plan from the rooftops like a certain somebody I know, we should be fine," Morgana chimed in.

"Ryuji-kun wasn't that loud," Haru defended.

"All he did was shout about how we were Phantom Thieves," Morgana argued.

"You're a bit fussier than usual," Ness told Morgana. Ness was one of the few other fighters who could understand him due to his psychic abilities.

"He's fine. Morgana's just upset that Ryuji's gotten closer to a girl he likes," Akira answered.

"I'm not upset!" Morgana defended, "... I just think Lady Ann could do better,"

"No way!" Toony blurted, "For five rupees, I can eat a burger the size of my head!"

"I may have the drunk munchies, but I at least want to try to keep my girlish figure," Tetra commented, "But you go ahead and eat your way into a coma,"

"Sounds good," Ness noted, "But my fat boy days are long behind me,"

"You know, Toony," Akira said, "You have to finish that burger in thirty minutes,"

"Should be no problem for a hard-working swordsman of legend, such as myself," Toony proclaimed.

"You spent the past month watching cartoons," Tetra snarked.

"Heroes need a break too," Toony defended.

"He doesn't know what he's in for," Morgana chuckled.

"Have you done this challenge before?" Ness asked.

"Yeah, I even finished the Cosmic Tower Burger,"

"Don't you have to sign a waiver before you can eat that one?" Haru asked.

"Yes," Akira bluntly answered.

"Honestly, it doesn't surprise me that you could finish that," Ness said, "It's always the skinny Asian dude that wins eating competitions,"

Toony slapped a blue rupee down on the counter and asked to do the Big Bang Burger Challenge. Everyone who was in the restaurant opted to stay and see what would happen, especially Akira, who revealed a smug grin as the waitress arrived with an overly large burger.

"This burger is as voluptuous as a soaring comet burning in the sky. It will not be overcome easily," The waitress said as she set the tray down in front of the cartoonish swordsman.

"You know, this is your chance to back out and not look like a disgusting pig in front of me," Tetra snarked.

"Don't listen to her Toony," Ness advised, "She'll still be cold to you either way,"

"Eh, you're not wrong," Tetra agreed.

The waitress started the timer and Toony dug right in to the burger. Depending on who you ask from the audience, they watched in either awe or disgust as Toony tried his hardest to devour the burger before the time limit. Passersby noticed the crowd of people inside the restaurant cheering Toony on and some decided to walk in and join the rest. Toony chowed down with all his might and managed to go through the burger at a steady pace. Although, as time went on, Toony began to feel the effects of gorging himself. At the twenty-eight minute mark, he had eaten most of the burger; leaving about six or seven bites worth of burger left.

"C'mon man, just a few more bites!" Ness cheered on.

"I… I can't…," Toony bellowed.

"use this to wash down the last few bites," Sans offered as he slid a bottle of ketchup across the table.

"...Ketchup… no thanks…," Toony sluggishly declined.

"more for me," Sans took back the bottle of ketchup and drank straight from the bottle, to the disgust of some such as Haru and Lucas.

"I don't have a snarky remark for this," Tetra said, "You just suck,"

"Are you gonna just sit there and let her say that?" Ness shouted, "You're a hero of legend! Wielder of the great Wind… stick… thingy,"

"You mean the Wind Waker?" Lucas chimed in, "How'd you not know that?"

"Whatever you say, squid casanova," Ness scoffed, much to Lucas's embarrassment.

Toony mustered up the guts to attempt to eat the last few bites of the burger. Each bite became harder than the last as the food piled into his stomach like falling bricks. With only ten seconds to spare, Toony managed to finish the Comet Burger. He immediately sat back in his chair and tried to suppress the urge to vomit. The decent sized audience applauded the young warrior for accomplishing such a tremendous feat and for entertaining them for a while.

"Congratulations!" The waitress cheered, "Since you managed to extinguish to Comer Burger, I present to you the 2nd Mate Badge," The waitress placed a cheap, plastic badge on the table in front of Toony.

"All this for a silly badge… I will never forgive the Japanesse," Toony bellowed.

"Isn't it a bit much to blame an entire country for this?" Haru asked.

"It's okay, that was a Jojo reference," Akira explained.

"I… actually didn't mean to say that," Toony stated, "That just kinda… slipped out,"

"Now that he mentions it," Morgana spoke up, "Aren't we overdue for a Truth or Dare session,"

"Yes we are!" Bob exclaimed as he burst through the door of Big Bang Burger.

"You just HAD to say it," Ness complained to the feline.

"The session's taking place at Viridi's Reset Bomb Forest," Bob announced, "Since this location is fairly close by, you're all walking,"

"I don't wanna move…," Toony complained.

"How else are you gonna burn those calories?" Tetra asked, "Let's just get this over with so I can go to bed,"

* * *

Viridi was in her bedroom chamber, preparing for her beauty sleep. The room's walls were made of twisted branches and vines that allowed for sunlight to shine in during the day. At night, these twisted branches gave off a subtle glow. This bioluminescence allowed for the goddess to walk about her temporary domain at any time of night. The goddess, with her hair let down and in a fitting nature themed night gown, went to her night stand to pick up a cookie that had been sitting there. Just as she finished the admittedly odd tasting nighttime treat, she heard a knock at her door.

"What is it!?" The goddess complained, "Do you know what time it is?"

"Alright, guess I won't let you know about everyone marching in," Dark Pit scoffed on the other side of the door. One of his duties as an officer to the Goddess of Nature was to secure the forest at nightfall. When he saw Bob and Ted marching along the group of Smashers, he figured that he should tell his boss about it.

"Ugh! Are we really starting a game now!? Those guys are so annoying!"

"You didn't eat that cookie yet, did you?" Dark Pit asked.

"..." It was at that moment Viridi realized she messed up.

Dark Pit chuckled to himself. "Your silence is deafening," He then began to walk toward the entrance of the forest but not before laughing and wishing the goddess luck for the problems that will come her way.

* * *

Bob and Ted forced their way through the twisted forest for what seemed like forever, while the Smasher followed from behind. Eventually, they got bored hiking through the dense forest and hacking their way through, so they just decided to teleport everyone to the main hall anyway.

"That was not what I had in mind when I decided to host the game here," Ted commented.

"I dunno Ted, I kinda enjoyed that safari adventure. It really takes your mind off the fact that you're merely a clone of your original self," Bob smiled.

"Stop hinting to the readers to be revived," Ted said sternly, "It's obvious they like to watch you suffer. Well… not specifically you, I mean, we are hosting this game after all,"

"I get it, our readers are sadists," Bob agreed, "Anyway, let's begin this game,"

"Please," Viridi scoffed, "Preferably be done within the next twenty to thirty minutes,"

"That much in a hurry to go to bed?" Palutena asked.

"Of course," Viridi answered, "These dorks are getting in the way of my beauty sleep!"

"I don't care," Bob shrugged, "Let's begin!" Bob pulled out his stack of note cards and read the first one, "These dares come from 14shiffna and it's the question you've all been waiting for! Lucas, Orange, how was that night alone on Wuhu Island?"

"We're doing this already!?" The couple blurted.

"Trust me, these dares get worse," Ted commented, "They always do,"

"Well… we're dating now… so there's that," Lucas shyly answered.

"The real question is, have you done it since then," Ness smirked.

"Why do you have to do this to me, Ness?" Lucas sighed.

"It's what friends are for," Ness smiled, "Constantly giving each other shit just for laughs,"

"I mean, he's not wrong," Orange agreed, "And no, we haven't done it since then. It was kinda too much too fast, you know? Although, my reading lessons usually end with a makeout session now," Orange smirked at Lucas.

"C-can we move on?" Lucas blushed.

"We taught the boy well, didn't we?" Ness said to Toony, who was still recovering from that burger.

"We sure did," Toony agreed.

"You idiots act like you're big pimps but tell us," Tetra questioned, "How many girls have you slept with? I know Link's answer. What about you?"

"What's with the sudden line of questioning?" Ness asked.

"You're one to talk!" Lucas blurted.

"This actually does lead us to our next question," Bob continued, "Toony, Ness, Tetra, why are you three so perverted?"

"I'd say I'm less perverted and more… vulgar," Tetra answered, "Yeah, that's the word,"

"We're teenagers," Toony answered, "It's kinda what we do,"

"As good of an answer as any, I guess," Dr. Mario commented, "Although, as a doctor, I'm obligated to caution you to be safe when partaking in any sexual activity,"

"Oh… Lucas and Orange don't have to worry," Ted commented, "They're both a completely different species. Most of the consequences do not apply. Which is good, because the last thing we need is some kind of half-breed squid freak crawling around,"

"What about Itona and the alien chick?" Bob asked.

"Look, the rules of my reality bend to the whims of me and anyone who leaves a review," Ted explained, "Nothing is going to be completely consistent. But let's just say freaky alien mind sex is different… until it isn't,"

"So… I guess that's one point for interspecies erotica," Toony stated.

"Why does the conversation always come back to me?" Lucas stressed.

"To be fair, you two are kinda the kinkiest ones here if you think about it," Tetra stated.

"We're not kinky!" Orange and Lucas defended

"One of us! One of us!" Ness and Toony chanted to Lucas.

"Can we all stop talking about my newfound sex life… please?" Lucas begged.

"Look, we can all mess with Lucas later," Bob interjected, "But right now, we have a shit ton of dares to get through and I haven't even made a dent. So let's continue! Sheik, Samus, how was the Underworld Bar,"

"The Underworld Bar?" Bayonetta asked, "Sounds like an off brand Gates of Hell, if you ask me,"

"You are spot on," Samus said, "That's the best way to describe it,"

"And Pit's pretty good at making drinks," Sheik added.

"Wait," Palutena interrupted, "Pit, you're a bartender?"

"I am," Pit answered, "I know Skyworld doesn't allow alcohol and I would have told you sooner, but I haven't had time to talk to anyone ever since I started this job,"

"It's okay Pit. I'm just… surprised, that's all," In Palutena's mind, she was wanting to know how good of a bartender he was without breaking the all good goddess persona she lets on.

"Okay, let's see what's next," Bob announced. He began going through note cards and, considering the massive amounts of dares this session, threw out some of the less noteworthy ones, "Look shiffna, I made a promise to myself to never associate myself with TikTok. It's just not worth it. Although I will say that Intro III by NF is one of the better new rap songs to come out this decade, even though it's not really my cup of tea. Alright Lucas, I've hacked your phone and pulled up a story on Reddit. Read it for us,"

Lucas begin to read a story from the subreddit Nosleep called 'Autopilot' (Which I'll be spoiling the ending to so if you want to read it, I suggest you do so). It started with the simple question 'Have you ever forgotten your phone?'. Then the narrator began to describe what is referred to as 'autopilot', a state of mind that occurs when going through a routine series of events and how changes in said routine disengage autopilot mode.

The narrator describes loading his daughter into the car, with the intentions of taking her to the nursery, and going to work on a hot day. The narrator mentions a foul smell in his car as he drives back home. His wife asks where their daughter is, so he goes to the nursery. When he arrives, he sees a sign on the front door telling him to use the side door. Just when he begins to question the excuse of overnight vandalism, the narrator begins to realize what being in autopilot caused him to do.

"Nine hours," Lucas read as a tear began to form in his eye, "That car. That baking sun. No air. No water. No power. No help. That heat. A steering wheel too hot to touch,"

"That smell,"

"I walked to the car door. Numb. Shock,"

"I opened the door,"

"My phone was on the counter and my daughter was dead. Autopilot disengaged," Lucas finished. He pinched the bridge of his nose, making sure that his fingers were rubbing away the tears that had formed in his eyes.

"That was as well written as it was unsettling," Robin commented.

"Indeed," Ted agreed, "The original dare called for scary, but I believe stories like these leave a much better impact,"

"Whatever you want to believe you mediocre-at-best author," Bob scoffed, "Meta Knight, hug Lucina!"

"If you insist," Meta Knight sighed. Lucina picked up the blue ball and gave him a hug. Meta Knight was not amused.

"What do you look like without your mask?" Lucina asked, "A blue Kirby?"

"Yes, now let me go," Meta Knight requested.

"So remember last session when we mentioned some people think Ness and Sans are the same person?" Bob asked.

"vaguely," Sans answered.

"I know it's bullshit, but I have to ask, is it true?" Bob asked.

"i'm a monster," Sans answered, "i never was a human,"

"Why do people think we're the same person, anyway?" Ness asked.

"Allow me to introduce you to MatPat!" Bob projected a floating screen and put on MatPat's Sans is Ness video. In the video, many arguments were made to support the theory that Sans was Ness. The evidence for this theory was weak at best and the two subjects of the video debunked the evidence as they watched.

"how would Frisk know what i looked like as a human if she only saw me as the skeleton i am?" Sans asked.

"Why would I kick it with a Starman?" Ness asked, "One, they were enemies I had to fight. Two, Starmen are robots so they don't have skeletons. And three, I'm pretty sure bone is organic matter that would be affected by the phase distorter,"

While the video played, Viridi began to feel the kind of strange she only wanted to feel in bed or on midnight runs to the kitchen. The goddess was overcome by this wave of anxiety as she wondered if anyone noticed she looked different.

"so we can agree that this fan theory is stupid?"

"Damn right," Ness declared as the two shook hands on it.

"Welp, now that we're done debunking MatPat-," Ted began.

"It's time for a Death Battle!" Bob announced. The Death Battle theme began to play and the Smashers found themselves in another part of the Reset Bomb Forest. It was a huge stone arena in the middle of the twisted forest located at ground level. Every Smasher was in the stands with the exception of two; Sans and Ness, who were in the stone arena. The two hosts placed themselves in a stone announcer's box and spoke to the crowd using microphones.

"Hold up!" Ted announced, "If we're going to be ripping off Death Battle, we're gonna need a sponsor,"

"Already ahead of you," Bob smiled, "Now folks if you're like me, you like a nice, home cooked meal,"

"You're a robot, you can't eat food," Ted noted.

"I know," Bob angrily whispered, "It's for the ad," Bob went back to announce the ad reel like normal, "However, going out to the store, buying stuff off the shelves, making awkward small talk with the store clerk, and picking out what you want to eat that night… all of that stuff's just a hassle,"

"It just sounds like you're socially awkward and lazy!" Falco shouted from the stands.

"If only there was a way that food was brought to me," Bob finished, "Preferably unprepared and at twice the cost of just ordering a pizza,"

"Well, luckily for you, there is Blue Apron! The number one fresh food delivery service in the country!" Ted announced.

"To be fair, how many fresh food delivery services are there, anyway?" Red asked himself.

"Using only the freshest ingredients," Ted continued, "Blue Apron delivers a kit of ready to cook meals straight to your door, along with easy to follow instructions,"

"Plus, the ingredients are perfectly proportioned so it cuts down on waste and you know you're using the right amount," Bob added, "On top of that, you can log into their website and select the upcoming meals that suit your palate, like the Miso-Butter Steaks and Jasmine Rice with carrots and Yu Choy… man, I wish I could eat,"

"That, and you get a sense of pride and accomplishment cooking new and exciting meals right in your own home, but don't just take our word for it. Try it yourselves!"

"As you're reading watching this battle or reading this fic, you can get twenty dollars off your first three meals by going to Blue Apron dot com, forward slash, battle,"

"Seriously, you will love how it feels and tastes to create amazing home cooked meals with Blue Apron,"

"But now, it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!" Bob yelled.

Ness and Sans looked away from the announcer's box and toward each other.

"hey man, i'm not really in the mood to fight," Sans admitted, "i'll throw the match for ya',"

"If you throw the match you go to Super Hell!" Bob announced.

"i hear the dive bar there is alright,"

"We'll grind you into bone meal," Bob added.

"as expected from a place called super hell. i just hope you put it to good use,"

"We'll make you watch the new Sonic trailer over and over again," Bob added.

Sans looked back to Ness. "sorry kid, i tried,"

"I don't want to hurt you either, you seem like a cool guy," Ness admitted, "But a dare's a dare, and I'm not planning on watching that trailer again. May the best man… or skeleton win,"

"very well. but i'm warning you kid..." The pupils in Sans's eyes went dark and the smiling skeleton readied himself, "...you're going to have a bad time,"

"Hey, is that a South Park ref-," Ness was interrupted as he was suddenly forced to the ground with a power similar to telekinesis. As Ness got up, bones jutted out of the ground. These bones impaled Ness's legs feet and lower legs. The pain was so intense, he barely had time to notice the flurry of bones flying his way from Sans's direction, one of which embed itself into Ness's shoulder.

Then, what appeared to be giant, floating goat skulls manifested around Ness. They fired powerful beams of magic energy, which Ness was able to avoid due to the first wave's attack pattern. However, as the first wave unmanifested, the second wave of goat skulls fired their beams in the shape of an 'x', hitting the psychic with full force. The beams seemed to burn away at his very soul as he backed out of the attack and into another wave of beams. He stumbled forward to where he was and on either side of him two larger goat skulls flanked his left and right sides. The goat skulls fired their large beams of energy at him, kicking up a large cloud of dust and debris. The audience looked stared at the arena in awe.

"Now Sans," Bob began, "Is that really your strongest attack?"

"more or less," He answered.

"Do you think he's dead?" Tetra asked.

"He's gotta be," Orange replied, "That attack was insane!"

The dust began to settle and it revealed that Ness was, in fact, still alive! However, he was beyond beaten up. He was using his bat as a cane. His clothing was half burnt, his hat was gone, and his backpack was torn to pieces. He looked toward the shredded backpack, picked up one of the straps, bit down on it, and pulled the bone from his shoulder.

"He's alive!?" The girls exclaimed.

"Yes! I am!" Ness exclaimed unwillingly, referencing Jojo just like Toony did earlier.

"told ya' you were going to have a bad time,"

Ness chuckled to himself in a somewhat manic way. Perhaps it was the adrenaline that was keeping him going. Or maybe it was the fact that his health is so high that it takes about a minute for it to scroll all the way down to zero.

"Is that all you fucking got!?" Ness taunted as he snapped his fingers and a green aura briefly washed over his body, completely healing his wounds.

"here we go," Sans commented.

Ted started playing MEGALOVANIA over the arena's speakers. Ness held out his hands toward Sans. "PK Rockin Omega!" Two flashing, multi-colored neon trapezoids flew out of Ness's palms, spinning around in a circle toward Sans. Sans jumped out of the attack's path just as the lights erupted into an epileptic explosion of red, yellow, and blue light. Sans was completely unscathed, leaving Ness dumbfounded.

"what? you didn't think i was just gonna stand there and take it, did ya'?"

"You dodged that!" Ness exploded, "No one can just dodge PK Rockin'?!"

"No one can deflect the emerald splash!" Akira yelled from the sidelines.

"Was that a Jojo reference that you didn't mean to say?" Haru asked.

"Yes," Akira answered.

"Well actually," Ted interjected, "The chance of missing is calculated based on your speed versus-,"

"Shut up with your stupid math, Ted!" Ness screamed.

"you mad, bro?" Sans smiled as he sent waves of bones, that jutted from the ground, over toward Ness. The psychic was feeling fit enough to jump over these waves with little issue. He ran toward the skeleton and swung his bat, but Sans swiftly dodged out of the way. The battle continued like this for a little while, with Ness bearly surviving volleys of bones and healing when necessary and Sans dodging bat swings like a champ.

"do you feel your sins crawling on your back?" Sans asked.

Ness swung again at Sans, but he dodged. "Don't try to psych me out by mentioning my jack off habits! It's been two months since I've been home!"

"that's... not what i meant… and tmi, dude," Sans said before summoning a goat skull aimed at Ness's legs and firing. Ness jumped out of the way, but was created by another goat skull at the peak of his jump firing its laser. After this barrage of attacks, Ness went in again, but the result was the same.

"you sure like swinging that around, huh?"

"And you sure like dodging… are you sweating?"

"hey, dodging and using magic gets tiring after a while. that, and it's not like i do this much anyway,"

"But you're a skeleton," Ness noted before a goat-skull manifested near him and fired a laser, that he was just grazed by. More goat skulls manifested when ever he jumped out of the way of the previous blast. The two combatants were starting to feel drained.

"What's with the goat skulls lasers?!" Ness asked as he swung his bat at his evasive foe.

"they're gaster blasters, do you like them?" Sans answered.

"I hate 'em!" Ness replied as he dodged the blasts of four Gaster Blasters on all four sides, "Although I know a guy who might be interested in them,"

"wanna hang out after this?" Sans asked as Ness swung again.

"You do realize I'm trying to kill you?" Ness asked as he jumped over a wave of bones Sans summoned.

"so am i," Sans pointed out as he ducked under Ness's bat swing, "what's your point?"

"I guess you're right," Ness replied as he was telekinetically flung against the arena's wall and subsequently stabbed by bones that emerged from said wall.

"i hear you're actually an adult," Sans said as Ness ran toward him, "wanna stop by the gates of hell?"

"I'm still too young," Ness sighed as he swung and missed the skeleton.

"i'll buy a bottle and we can share it while we shoot the shit," Sans suggested as he swung his arm out.

"Really?" Ness replied as he was flung into another wall. This time, Ness knew to quickly jump away from the wall before the bones had a chance to stab him. Sans kept moving his arms in various directions, flinging the psychic in that direction and with bones ready to greet him once he makes contact with the wall or floor.

"sure, you're a good guy. if you weren't, karmic retribution would have already killed you. It really starts to hurt after you kill a bunch of innocent people,"

"If the worst thing I've done was download music and smoke some pot, then I almost feel sorry for any murderer you use this on," Ness replied as he got up from the ground and ran toward Sans. Ness swung at Sans, but missed yet again.

"i hardly use this. i'm pretty lazy. not gonna lie," Sans admitted as he swung his arm out causing Ness to be flung in that direction. However, Ness found himself being flung through a winding tunnel of bones that seemed to go on longer than the arena was wide. He passed by Sans multiple times as he was flung through the tunnel and everytime he passed the skeleton, he had a different expression.

"How are you doing that!?" Ness asked as he was nicked by one of the bones, "Is this teleportation!?"

"it's a shortcut,"

"Can you teach me?" Ness asked as he was finally slammed against the wall, jumping away before the bones could get him, "This teleportation is so seamless!"

"if you can survive this, sure," Sans offered as Gaster Blasters circled around Ness, firing away in rapid succession, causing Ness to run around in circles to avoid the barrage of beams. Sans's left eye began to flash and he flung the psychic all around the arena. The flinging started off fast at first, but as time went on, Ness found himself face planting against the wall or floor at a slower rate. Sans eventually stopped to catch his breath, while Ness healed himself once more. While Ness was physically fine after Lifeup on himself, he was exhausted and he noticed that Sans felt the same way.

"wanna... take five?" Sans offered.

"How would I know you won't just kill me when I let my guard down?" Ness asked.

"hey, i promise i won't do that," Sans held out his left hand for a handshake before thinking about it for a moment and lowering his arm, "i was going to offer to shake hands but-,"

"It's not like I did it recently!" Ness defended.

Sans chuckled at Ness's remark before yawning, "you know, with you surviving all of those attacks like that. it takes a lot of determination," Sans sat down on the ground and Ness walked behind him. Sans peeked over his shoulder, concerned that Ness would bash his skull in while he wasn't looking. However, Ness sat down right behind him, leaning on each other's backs.

"I'd say less determination and more psychic healing powers," Ness yawned.

"hey, if you decide to off me while i'm resting my eye sockets, you can kiss that booze and shortcut training goodbye," Sans warned as his eye sockets began to close.

"Dude, I'm too tired to even ask how a skeleton could close their eyes," Ness yawned as he felt his eyelids start to get heavy.

Before the Smashers knew it, both fighters were fast asleep, disappointing anyone who placed bets on the match.

"Did… did they just fall asleep?" Bob asked.

"Sure looks like it," Ted confirmed.

"So, they both go to Super Hell?" Bob asked.

"Nah," Ted decided, "I feel that this is a good end to the battle,"

"Whatever… softy. Let's move on to the next dare," Bob flipped through the note card, read it, and tossed it out.

"Is it me or does the world-," Ted began

"ZA WARUDO!" Akira and Toony yelled from the audience.

"You guys have been dared to make Jojo references. You can blame KirbyPwnz1234 for that. Enjoy," Bob said.

"Anyway, it's like everyone's been wanting me to watch Naruto but I just don't have the attention span for it. I hardly have the attention span to transcribe these chapters," Ted thought aloud.

"But you sure do spend all your free time playing Three Houses," Bob argued.

"Hey, it's a damn good Fire Emblem game," Ted argued, "Way better than Fates,"

"Agreed," Bob said, "As a matter a fact, fuck you Corrin!"

"What? Why me!?" Corrin yelled at the announcer's box.

"Fates is a stupid ass, waifu simulating game with three different fucking paths for no reason other than to suck money out of my wallet and waste my time. That, and Corrin married his cousin," Bob announced.

"Woah, hold up!" Kazooie squacked.

"Okay, so me and Azura happen to be cousins. I know many worlds find it taboo, but it's not uncommon where I come from. Besides, it's not like I knew that before marrying her and having two kids,"

"Sweet Home Alabama!" The piranha plant sang, "Where the skies are so blue!"

"How do you know that song?" Snake asked, "I don't imagine the Mushroom Kingdom playing Lynyrd Skynyrd often,"

"What? Just because I'm a plant doesn't mean I can't be cultured and worldly," The plant defended, "That's kinda closed minded of you, Snake. That's fucked up. But back to the topic at hand… Sweet Home Alabama!"

"Now's as good of a time as any to move onto our next dares from Groundon65," Bob announced, "The dare said for you to admit you love her, which implies that she'd be here, so she is now," Bob snapped his fingers and a blue haired songstress appeared in front of Corrin. The sudden teleportation certainly startled the woman and she took a second to adjust to her new surroundings.

"Corrin?! Are you alright!?" She seemed to have some second-hand knowledge of what had been going on in the games. This was due to the Smash phones everyone had, which allowed for cross-dimensional communication.

"Remember those delays in the tournament I kept telling you about," Corrin asked, "It looks like you've been wrapped up in it now,"

"Oh no, what is it that we have to do?" Azura whined.

"The man in charge just told me to confess my love to you,"

"Thank goodness," She said as she breathed a sigh of relief, "With this arena and audience, I thought we'd have to make love in front of everyone. Which is strange enough as it is without their being a young boy sleeping next to some skeletal remains,"

"Corrin, we'll move on to the next dare once you say the words on this note card," Bob announced as said note card materialized in his hands.

"I, Corrin," He read, "Believe that incest is indeed wincest. My love for my first cousin, Azura is stronger than the love I have for my sisters. Yes, even more than the one with massive jugs. Roll tide," Corrin lowered the note card and rolled his eyes.

"At least the attention is away from us for the time being," Lucina said to Robin.

"Bowser sing-," Bob began, before he realized that having a near tone deaf Koopa lord butcher a disney song was just a horrible idea for everyone involved, "You know what, never mind. Lucina, Chrom, Cloud, Rosalina, and Akira, here is an obscure Mario power-up,"

The five previously mentioned Smashers were given a yellow balloon with the letter 'P' on it. After a few seconds of being in their hands, the balloon disappeared and they began to swell up like a balloon and float in the air.

"Seriously! What's with this guy and inflation?" Chrom complained with a high-pitched voice.

"Believe me, I want answers too," Ted agreed.

After about a minute deflate and once the power-up completely wore off, they fell straight down onto the hard, stone seats.

"I'll be honest, I don't remember why Ridley would want to get revenge on Bayonetta, but before he dies-,"

"Are you implying that I would lose?" Ridley asked in an offended tone.

"She can summon hair demons for fuck's sake," Bowser pointed out, "You can't defeat a woman with bird DNA,"

"You're regularly foiled by a plumber," Ridley retorted.

"Back to what I was saying," Bob spoke up, "Before you die Ridley, we're going to be moving on to some dares from Tapu cocoa. This person wants you to be a screaming goat," Bob snapped his fingers and the space dragon transformed into a simple goat. Upon trying to vocalize his thoughts, Ridley gave out a hilariously human sounding scream. Bob promoted Bayonetta to face off against the goat and she walked up to her opponent and pointed a gun at him.

"Seems I've gotten off a bit too easy, not that I would ever complain about that," She remarked before firing a single bullet into the goat's head, instantly killing it. The sound of the gun blast suddenly awoken Sans and Ness.

"I should have known we couldn't sleep through this," Ness yawned.

"it won't stop me from trying," Sans yawned before he laid on the ground and closed his eye sockets once more while Ness went back to the stands and joined his friends.

"Little Mac, are you Incineroar's trainer?" Bob asked, "I know that's super unlikely, but apparently there's a cute fan comic where that is the case,"

"No, but now that you mention it, I would like to fight him one on one in a normal boxing match," Little Mac answered. Incineroar roared in agreement.

"Do that on your own time. We have a lot to get through," Bob moved on, "Speaking of which, it's time for Dark Pit and Dark Samus to give Wario a bath… with a fire hoses,"

A hydrant appeared in the stands and the two hoses that lead off the sides of the hydrant found their way in the hands of the dark clones. Wario barely had time to protest before the two opened their nozzles and discharged gallons upon gallons of water at the smelly man.

"Mac and Ganondorf, switch heights," Bob dared. Ganondorf gradually shrank while Little Mac grew to Normal Mac, then finally to Big Mac. Little Mac was quite amused by the change.

"So this is what it feels like to be tall… and not stupid," He commented, refering to the Giga Mac transformation, which he personally didn't like.

As Bob flipped to the next section of note cards, Simon found himself with a new hairstyle. Instead of his long locks, he had a wicked mohawk.

"Nice hair style Gramps," Richter mocked.

"Hey! It's me again!" Yelled a crude sounding male voice coming from Bob's pants.

"Fuck," Bob complained.

"Damn right Bobby Boy!" The voice responded, "Let's get our fuck on!"

"Is that voice coming from Bob's trousers," Bayonetta asked.

"Kainoavocaloidfan1 felt bad for Bob for not having a real dick. He also missed Berry," Ted smiled.

"Berry?" Palutena asked.

"The name's Berry McCockiner!" The voice greeted, "Good to meet ya'! How about we shake on it, if you catch my drift!"

Ness, Toony, and anyone who would be amused by such immature jokes laughed at the overly suggestive name, leaving some, like Pit and Lucas, wondering what was so funny.

"Your old friend sounds like a delightful little fellow," Bayonetta smirked.

"Who are you callin' little!?" Berry protested.

Bob pulled a revolver from his pocket and aimed the weapon at his genitals.

"Woah, what the fuck!?" The dick shouted.

"If I don't remove you now, you're going to take control of my mind!" Bob yelled, "I'm not going to die again, dammit!"

"You know what?" Berry started, "I bet you don't have the balls to shoot me… mostly because they're technically part of me, but also because it's still shooting your own dick. No man worth his dignity can ever justify getting rid of it. Go ahead bitch! I bet you're too much of a pussy to do it,"

Bob pointed his gun away from his crotch. As much as it pained him to admit it, the penis was correct. Even if said penis would eventually overwrite his mind after a month or two, he had a feeling there for the first time since being in his robotic husk. With it, he felt closer to being human than ever before. However, he knew what had to be done.

"Everyone, I ask of you this simple favor. Please shoot me in the dick," Bob pleaded. After Bob's wish, a flurry of bullets, arrows, energy blasts, hadoukens, and a Pikmin all found their way to their target. The pain caused the host to collapse and writhe on the ground. As the soul of the dead Pikmin faded into the air after being caught in the crossfire, it looked like the soul of Berry McCockinner floated into the heavens, where he would eventually be sent down to Hell after the mix up in Purgatory was discovered.

"Don't you think that's a bit too poetic for the damn situation!?" Bob screamed at Ted as the mastermind transcribe the previous events in a notebook.

"I'd hardly call it poetic," Ted remarked, "Anyway, I guess I'm filling in for the time being so let's move onto the rest of this person's dares. Cloud, since I don't think I can personally top transcribing that Sans versus Ness fight and because I know very little about your world, you get to get away with wearing Tifa's clothes,"

Ted snapped his fingers and suddenly Cloud was wearing the outfit of his long-time friend, Tifa Lockhart. He certainly wasn't too pleased about wearing a sleeveless crop top and a mini skirt, although it made Aerith giggle. He couldn't get too mad at that.

"Alright Belmont dudes," Ted moved on, "I am going to send you to another dimension for a vampire hunt. All you need to do is find this one unemotive chick. There'll be a this guy who loves her that sparkles in the sun. That's your vampire!"

"Wait… he sparkles in the sun?" Richter asked, "Like… he doesn't burn at all?"

"Correct, this world is very dumb," Ted confirmed, "And if you see some other guy who's also in love with that chick, kill him too for bonus points. He's a werewolf,"

Ted sent the two vampire hunters away to the world of Twilight. Not the one from a version of Hyrule in the young Link's future, I mean the shitty romance story.

"Now that them Belmont boys are gone, I can summon this guy with no protest," Ted pulled out a sharp fingernail, an eyeball, a rib bone, a ring, and a heart from his pocket. He tossed the parts up in the air and used his magic to set them on fire. As the fire burned, a dark cloud began to form, gradually taking a human shape before clearing away and revealing the figure's identity; Dracula.

The vampire Lord had a way about him that simply radiated fear. Luigi instantly screamed once he realized who he was, but only the bravest of souls dare to not take a few steps back.

"It seems as if I've been revived yet again," Dracula commented in a fairly posh tone of voice, "I suppose I have you to thank?"

"Did you know that bitches love cannons?" Ted randomly asked.

The vampire was confused by the ridiculous question. Surely, he thought, a man wouldn't revive him to ask such a moronic question. "Excuse me?"

"Eerrq wants to ask you if you knew that bitches love cannons," Ted stated.

"It's true," Tetra chimed in.

"Yeah, you are a bitch," Toony joked.

"A bitch wi-," Tetra's comeback was interrupted by a red-eyes, mellowed out Viridi's loud laughter. The Smashers just stared at her, wondering what was up with her before she finally noticed that all eyes were on her.

"It's just… she's a pirate…. And then he… nevermind," Viridi slowly stumbled.

Dracula returned to the matter at hand. "Is there any other reason you revived me?"

"No," Ted simply answered.

"So you decided to revive me to simply ask a question, a question that's not even your own, about 'bitches' loving cannons?"

"Look, I've revived people for dumber reasons. I can kill you if you-,"

"That won't be necessary," Dracula quickly spoke, "No matter the bizarre reasoning, you went through the-,"

"iS tHaT a FuCkInG jOjO rEfErEnCe!" Toony, Ness, and Akira yelled unwittingly.

"Alright, what's your game, mortal?" Dracula asked, cutting right to the chase.

"Truth or Dare, just sit back and watch. I need to continue this," Ted threw on his fake devil horns and turned to Pit, "So, how does it feel knowing that after this session, your contract will be over?"

"Finally!" Put exclaimed, "I can stop chopping off my own wings!"

"Pit…," Palutena said with worry.

"I'm fine Lady Palutena, really," Pit assured, "I had to cut them off so many times that the pain only kinda bothers me now,"

"About that," Ted butted in, "You've been dared to be an incubus, however all the positions have been filled. That, and since you've been such an amazing bartender, I'm renewing your contract. Anything else you want to wish for?"

"Aww man, I was really hoping to see the sun again," Pit whined. He thought for a moment about his next limited wish, "Why didn't I ask for this sooner!? I wish I could fly on my own!"

Ted thought over the request for a second. He didn't just want Pit to simply wish away one of his notable quirks, but the wish itself seemed simple enough.

"How about this," Ted proposed, "You work Thursday, Friday, Saturday and every other Sunday for the next… We'll say three months and you can fly. Hell, I won't even twist your wish this time,"

"Awesome!...Twist my wish?" Pit asked.

"You never specified what language you wanted to learn, so you're learning a random one," Ted tapped Pit on the chest, closing the previous contract and starting a new one. However, the contract's consequence of agonizing pain took hold of the angel and he proceeded to fall to the ground and whine about it. Ted then turned his attention to Akira and Haru.

"Continuing with official Super Hell business ordered by Eerrq, I've been asked to make you two demon lords,"

"Demon lords!" Haru screamed.

"Don't worry, we've abolished the old, monarchy-style system and updated Super Hell's management style in a corporate atmosphere,"

"So, are we middle management now?" Akira asked.

"No," Ted answered, "I'm trying to stick as close to the original dare as possible. Lords owned small parts of a kingdom, so-,"

"That will make us shareholders," Haru finished.

"Correct! Now you will have a small fraction of a percent ownership each, but it does come with a few perks," Ted explained, "All will be elaborated at tomorrow's shareholders meeting, but enough about Super Hell," Ted took off his fake devil horns and tossed them aside, "Red has a swarm of crazy ass yandere fangirls to deal with!"

Ted teleported Red back to his universe and in the town of Celadon City where a group of about ten women, ranging from high schoolers to middle aged housewives, were bickering about their love for the Pokemon champion. One of the more reserved women in this gaggle of women noticed the iconic trainer of their dreams and eventually they all started running after him. Red's Pokemon were all back in Smash Town and with the women chasing him, he didn't have the time to withdraw any from the Pokemon Center so he was defenseless.

"I want your autograph!" One of the younger girls screamed.

"I want your babies!" yelled a woman in her mid to late twenties.

"I want your blood!" cackled a demented college aged woman wielding a knife.

Red wasn't into fan meetups and conventions for reasons such as could never wrap his head around the mind of a rabid fan. He's fine with signing an autograph, but these folks took it too far and without a Pokemon he was trapped in the city with them.

Back at Viridi's Reset Bomb Forest, Ted was pulling Ganonforf's underwear up and over his head, giving him the most atomic of wedgies. After dusting off his hands from his classic bully move, he moved on.

"Hey Zelda," Ted called.

"Which one?" asked the Princess of the Wild, Sheik, and the Zelda from A Link to the Past.

"The blue one," Ted specified, "Anyway, do you like unicorns?"

"I do wish I could see one," The blue princess admitted.

Ted snapped his fingers. "Cool, you have a temporary tattoo of a unicorn on your butt! Here's what it looks like," Ted displayed the image of a unicorn head with a beautiful pink mane, dazzling eyes, and a large phallus where it's horn would of been. The Princess of the Wild shrieked in shock and embarrassment, knowing that that image was now on her posterior and everyone knew about it. The princess hid her face in shame.

"At least it's temporary," she whined.

The Hero of the Wild put his hand on her shoulder, comforting her as much as he could with his limited emotional intelligence.

"And Peach grows the manliest of beards," Ted ended off this set of dares by making Peach grow a beard that puts even Kratos to shame. Peach, of course wasn't too happy about this.

"Mario, how does it feel that seeing that your girl has more facial hair than you?" Ted asked.

Mario merely glared at the host before turning to the bearded princess.

"Bob, are you done crying now?" Ted asked.

Bob, right after his penis's execution, opened a portal to Super Hell on the floor and rolled his way into it. He took the time to fix himself up, get new pants and when Ted asked his question, Bob rose from the depths of Super Hell, refreshed and ready to continue.

"I'm ready!" Bob declared, "Our next dares come from Gabe2000! Bowser is now the size of Ancalagon the Black… who's that?"

"I think it's a huge ass dragon from Middle-Earth," Ted answered.

"How big is it?"

"About… the size of a very tall mountain,"

Bowser was growing at an alarming pace, already three times bigger than usual. To avoid having everyone killed and needing to reset everything after the Reset Bomb Forest was destroyed, Bob opted to teleport the Koopa King a few miles away from Smash Town so he could grow in peace. In a matter of minutes, Bowser was almost as tall as Mount Everest.

"Okay Sonic," Bob moved on, "Your dare is to keep running. Slow down and you explode,"

"And does he have to stay above fifty-five miles an hour?" Snake scoffed, recognizing the movie reference.

"Yes," Bob confirmed.

Sonic immediately began to run off, at speeds much faster than fifty-five miles per hour. The hedgehog didn't mind running around, although he did wonder how long this would go on.

"Next dare… I don't know shit about Warhammer 40K," Bob declared.

"I just started tabletop gaming relatively recently," Ted stated, "Still playing Fifth Edition DnD,"

"So let's just ask this, everyone who did it onWuhu Island, how was it?" Bob asked.

Most everyone who had sex on this island responded positivly, even if they weren't thrilled to share. Palutena commented that she had a wonderful romantic night with Rosalina, something Pit didn't need to hear. Morgana made a snide remark about not being allowed in the hotel room one night, much to Haru's embarrassment. After asking these questions and getting awkward one word responses from Luigi and the princesses, Bob moved his sights toward Pit and Viridi, the latter of whom was staring off into space.

"Pit, Viridi?" Bob asked.

"Aww, I didn't know you two were a couple now," Palutena teased.

"We're not!" Pit blurted, "It was a dare!"

"I dunno, most people usually don't do anal on the first date," Ness laughed.

"That was your fault!" Pit yelled, "You just HAD to mention it!"

"They grow up so fast," Palutena commented to Rosalina, who had not known any of this went down since they left the game early last session. Once Pit realized that she was still listening, a little part of him died.

"I mean, it doesn't seem like she's complaining," Toony pointed out. Viridi was still staring off into space, not paying attention to anything that had been going on.

"Viridi… your thoughts? How was it?" Bob asked.

Viridi snapped back to reality, which seemed pretty hazy, and responded without any knowledge of the previous questions. "Oh… um… good,"

"Uh… no electric shock," Ted commented, "Guess she really did like that bit of Woohoo on Wuhu,"

"Lame joke," Bob replied.

"What!?" Viridi blurted.

"Moving on!" Bob announced.

"Wait! I-,"

"Moving on!" Bob repeated, "I'm just going to answer the fried angel wing question with this. They are our best selling food item in The Underworld. If anyone likes fried chicken, they will love fried angel wings… now it's time for a Zelda and Link orgy,"

All applicable people's eyes widened at such an absurd concept. The young Link, was especially concerned.

"I'm not doing it," The young Link declared, "I don't want to cheat on Malon, I don't think anyone wants to get involved with someone who is in the body of a ten-year-old, and even if those first two weren't a factor, I don't want to chance my dick touch Mr. Blue's,"

"Speaking of age, we're like fifteen to sixteen," Tetra mentioned in reference to herself and Toony, "Pretty sure we should be exempt,"

"Just as luck would have it," Ted butted in, "You three are exempt. Tetra and Toony for age reasons and for the Hero of Time… We could age you to your original age, but I just gotta respect the sanctity of marriage,"

"The sanctity of marriage… what a pussy!" Bob insulted, "So this just turned into a three Zelda, one Link foursome, correct?"

"I guess so," Ted stated, "You four can do that after the game,"

The Hero of the Wild glanced over at the three Zelda princesses. He was in a budding relationship with his Zelda and was concerned that this would cause problems that he was not equipped to handle.

"Since Remnant7 also dared that, let's do his next," Bob decided, "First, we're bringing back another character from the Kill la Kill game,"

"Those were simpler times," Ted reminisced.

"Indeed," Bob agreed as he pulled a freshly washed, pink sock from his pocket and threw it at Bowser Jr., "This is yours now, a sentient sock puppet with the mind of a mentally defeated, murderous psychopath,"

Bowser Jr. put the sock puppet on his hand and once he did, the sock sprung to life on his hand, gained two eyes and began to speak.

"What the hell?" Said the sock in a saddened, high pitched girl's voice, "I-I thought I killed myself!" The sock began to cry, "My life keeps getting worse! I'm a fucking cumsock again!"

"That's… not a bad idea," Bowser Jr. commented.

"How's it been Nui Prime?" Bob asked, "Me? I'm a robot clone so I can kinda relate,"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" The sock yelled in a fit of anger and crying. Bowser Jr. took the sock off his hand and the soul possessing the sock defaulted to an inactive state.

"I know only a handful of our readers will understand these call back," Ted commented, "But boy, do I find them fun!"

"This next dare asks for Kratos and Atreus to play a match of Turf Wars in Inkopolis, however, we will be saving that dare for next session when we go there," Bob declared.

"Inkopolis! Not there!" Orange shouted, "I don't want to do these dares in front of everyone I know!"

"A match of Turf Wars?" Kratos pondered.

"I saw a few games with Nana and Popo on that screen… thing,"

"The TV?" Popo chimed in.

"Yeah! The... tee-vee? Anyway, it's where two teams of four squid people-,"

"Inklings," Orange corrected.

"Inklings," Artreus corrected, "The goal is to cover as much of the arena in their team's ink before the time runs out. It looks kinda fun,"

"Is this what you have been doing besides training?" Kratos asked sternly.

"I mean, that's not all there is on the tee-vee," Artreus meekly replied, "There's... training stuff,"

"We will discuss this later, boy,"

"Moving on!" Bob declared, "It seems like the Belmont boys are done killing gay vampires,"

"Trust me folks, it wasn't worth transcribing," Ted commented, "How much of a fight do you think Edward would put up against Simon and Richter? C'mon!"

"The Belmonts," Dracula muttered, "They are here too?"

"Yeah," Ted answered, "But they're going to another universe to fight Dio from Phantom Blood. I think they'll do better since this guy doesn't have The World,"

"I haven't a clue what you are talking about," Dracula replied.

"I'm just going to say this right now," Ted stated, "Phantom Blood Dio no chance against two of the Belmonts. Let's think about it this way, Dio is a rookie vampire, while Simon and Richter are seasoned vampire hunters.

"All they'd have to do is just swing their whips from a distance," Toony stated, "I'd say the only thing that'll cause problems would be the freezing and his eye lasers,"

"But Dracula's much more dangerous, aren't you?" Ness asked the Vampiric Lord.

"If those two powers are that vampire's only ace in the hole, then I'd have to agree," Dracula stated.

"Next dare… isn't Speedwagon already a vampire hunter?" Bob asked, "I mean, if we're being technical… oh well they've been sent back to their world anyway. Daniel!"

"What's my dare?" The Villager sighed.

"You will be losing these things called hope, compassion, empathy… basically all the qualities that make anyone a decent human being. In its place, we are giving you the need to murder and this Real Knife,"

"uh oh," Sans had an idea of what came next. He sat up from the middle of the arena where he was resting to see what would happen next.

"The only one allowed to kill you is Sans," Bob finished as he snapped his fingers. Thus, making Daniel have an unquenchable bloodlust and a very powerful to help him achieve such things. He turned his sights toward the one nearest him, who happened to be his wonderful secretary, Isabelle.

Isabelle backed away as Daniel slowly approached. His cold, dead eyes stared into her soul and sensed the fear within her. Roy got up from his seat and tried to hold the villager back, but once he laid a hand on his shoulder, Daniel quickly cut into Roy's chest. The attack slashed straight through his armor and a rain of blood gushed out as Roy screamed out before eventually passing out and dying of his injury. Isabelle screamed at the sight of Roy being cut down and her beloved mayor being unfazed by what he had just done. The two were showered in blood and Daniel just kept walking toward her.

"Mayor… I-I know you're still in there,"

Daniel smiled and rushed Isabelle with the knife. Isabelle instinctively looked away and just before the knife was able to pierce her, a bone came flying from the arena, bonked Daniel on the head, and turned completely vaporized him. Isabelle took a peek to find all that remained of her boss was a pile of ash and the knife he wielded.

"Mayor!?" Isabelle cried.

Sans dusted off his hands. "this has been quite the busy night,"

"Why the hell didn't you do that to me?" Ness asked.

"it's karmic retribution," Sans answered, "my attacks get more powerful against those who have done bad things and if i'm not mistaken, didn't he wipe out an entire universe?"

"It was an accident!" Isabelle cried.

"being a hero is a thankless job. why do any of you guys do it?"

"Man, there are just too many fight dares this session," Bob commented, "Some are being cut out, just letting all you reviewers know. If you still want to see your fight dare that I skipped, please resubmit it for the next chapter. I say this because we have a game show to play!"

The arena began to look like the set of a competitive cooking show, with multiple fridges, stoves, and many of the other kitchen essentials. Everyone who could be considered a couple in one way or another were teleported to their own kitchen set. Ted dressed himself up as a chef and began the show.

"Welcome to the first annual, All You Can Eat Couples Cook Off! I am your host! Ted Insaneguy, here with my co-host, Bob Insaneguy! And today we have quite the roster of contestants! First up, the classic Nintendo power couple, Mario and Peach!"

The two of them looked at each other and back at the audience, which were not applauding at all.

"Next, we have Luigi and Daisy!"

Luigi and Daisy pretty much the same thing, as did the audience.

"Please clap," Ted sighed.

Bob clapped his hands from the sidelines. "I'm clappin' Jeb!"

"Dammit… I did make a Jeb Bush reference," Ted said to himself, "Our next contestants hail from the land of Ylisse and through some time travel shenanigans, were able to fall in love, much to her dad's, and his best friend's, protest. Robin and Lucina folks!"

"These next people come from a land that split between super good nation and obviously evil nation!" Bob announced, "These lovers were stolen by each other's nations when they were children and blah blah blah, sweet home Alabama, Corrin and Azura…,"

"These two are really committed to hate us, aren't they?" Azura asked Corrin.

"It seems to be the case," Corrin replied.

"Our next contestants hail from the flooded land of Hyrule. It's Tetra and Toony!" Ted announced.

"We're not a fucking couple!" Tetra yelled while Toony smiled smugly.

"The next couple also hails from Hyrule, but this time far in the future and not flooded," Bob announced, "It's the Hero and Princess of the Wild, Link and Zelda!"

The two of them simply waved to the audience. Link himself, was prepared to tear up the kitchen in any way he could.

"Next is the progressive goddess power couple, Palatena and Rosalina!" Ted announced

A group of five various colored Lumas cheered on their adopted mother and her girlfriend as they waved at the audience.

"Next we have the Super Hell renowned bartender and The Goddess of Nature, Pit and Viridi!" Bob announced.

Viridi was, once again, zoned out and jumped up once the spotlight shined on them. Pit wondered what he'd make. Nothing he's learned how to make at the bar would pass Viridi's dietary restrictions since everything was deep fried in beef tallow at the very least.

"We also have the Phantom Thieves, Akira Kurusu and Haru Okumura, hoping to steal the prize," Ted announced.

"And last but not least, the kinkiest couple here, Lucas and Orange!"

"We're not kinky!" The couple protested.

"You fucked a squid!" The Piranha Plant yelled from the audience.

"Here's how the game works," Ted began, "One person will cook as much food as they can. It can literally be anything they want. The food will be judged by the significant other, who has to eat as much as they possibly can. Who ever eats more food by weight wins. Tell them what the prize is Bob,"

Bob held out a simple box. "It's a box of infinate sex toys!" He began to pull out various toys and toss them aside as he called them out, "Dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, anal beads, handcuffs, gimp masks, and so much more. Anything your perverted hearts desire, Lucas and Orange,"

The two just gave up protesting and rolled their eyes.

"And begin!" Ted declared.

The couples first began by deciding who does the cooking and who does the eating. Some couples decided this fairly quickly, for others it was its own challenge.

"You're eating," Tetra told Toony.

"No way! I'm still full from that burger. Besides, I've never seen you cook before,"

"I haven't seen you do it either,"

"I bet I could make some elixir soup," Toony figured.

"Have you made it before?"

"No… and why are you so concerned about it? Maybe you really want to win that box," Toony smiled smugly.

"Yeah, who needs you when I could have the box of infinate sex toys?" Tetra quipped.

"Alright, that hurts,"

It was soon decided that Peach, Daisy, Toony, Link, Lucina, Azura, Palutena, Haru, Lucas, and Pit would be the cooks for their teams.

Some of the cooks were much better than they let on. For example, Link simply threw ingredients into a pot but always managed to make something that looked delicious numerous times. Peach made a big meal and made sure to include her signature cake, Palutena decided to take another whack at the rejuvenating potion salad, while those with little to no experience struggled.

Daisy and Luigi weren't exactly expert cooks, so it was really came down to who would be able to eat the most. Daisy could manage to make a decent plate of spaghetti, but Toony was having difficulty replicating his Grandmother's soup. He was pretty sure that the soup was supposed to be a much lighter shade of orange than what concoction he whipped up. Tetra waited at her table, worried that whatever he made would probably kill her. Meanwhile, Viridi was mindlessly filling up on chips while Pit tried to think up a vegetarian meal. Pit wondered what was up with her. He ended up going with salad.

The rest were fairly competent in their abilities. Lucas stuck with breakfast items, since they are what he knew best. Azura and Lucina, while they don't usually cook, they are definitely better than their husbands. Around this time, the first batch of meals were completed and the eaters began to chow down, with the exception of Tetra, who took one sip of the elixir soup that Toony made and resisted the urge to vomit. Rosalina was eating her salad when she began to notice that the vegetables were moving on their own. Suddenly, a one-eyed carrot from Palutena's kitchen threw a spoon at the back of her head all while the other sentient vegetables were causing mayhem. Palutena fended the veggies off with the extendable sprayer from the sink.

One by one, the competition gave up. Whether it be from the eaters deciding not to eat another bite or when some unfortunate accident caused by Palutena's vegetables caused the cook to call it quits. In the end, Akira and his seemingly bottomless stomach prevailed.

"And the winner is… Akira and Haru!" Ted announced. Bob handed off the box and the two hosts congratulated them on a job well done.

"At this rate, I might as well just have my own room," Morgana joked.

"Mona-chan! Stop joking about that!" Haru protested.

"Like I said," Ness commented, "It's always the skinny asian dude that wins these things,"

Ted cleaned up the arena in a flash and moved onto the next set of dares.

"Man… we still have dares?" Bob asked, "Have you thought about splitting this chapter into two parts?"

"I've delayed this enough," Ted stated, "I'm binge-writing this shit!"

"Alright, our next dares come from BornToDream03," Bob moved on, "First dare is for Sonic to become much slower and to look like he did in that trailer,"

"Oh god!" Many of the Smasher exclaimed.

"Yeah, that means he might explode," Bob said.

"no," Sans corrected, "he'll look awful!"

"Dark Pit, let's fry your wings!" Bob smiled as he approached the dark angel with a knife.

"You better fucking sta-," Dark Pit began to warn before Bob suddenly teleported behind him and chopped his wings off. Causing a reaction not unlike Pit's when he was in this situation. Bob used his magic to fry them instantly and he tasted them.

"Huh… Ac was expecting it to taste like duck, but it just tastes like dark meat chicken. How lame. Next dare!" Bob snapped his fingers and everyone who was from Fire Emblem, with the exception of Marth and Lucina, found themselves looking exactly like Marth.

"Why does everyone look like me?" The real Marth asked.

"Because you all have similar movesets," Bob answered, "Technically I was supposed to transform Lucina as well, but she's basically Marth with tits,"

"Now how am I supposed to know who to talk shit to!?" The Piranha plant complained.

"Oh, if you accidentally insult Chrom this session, you die, keep that in mind," Ted warned.

"Guess I'll just have to move on to some other chump… Hey Blue guy! I bet that unicorn horn dick on your girl's ass is bigger than yours!"

"You know Chrom, I think I like this plant," The young Link said to a Marth.

"I'm not Chrom," The Marth said, "I'm Corrin, that's Chrom,"

"No, I'm Ike!" The other Marth argued.

"God, this is going to get confusing fast, let's keep going," Ted yawned.

"Our next dares come from Ac, that deviant bastard," Bob smiled, "Bayonetta, make naughty, inappropriate jokes,"

"I lace everything I say with innuendo," Bayonetta argued, "How much more inappropriate can I truly be?"

"Point taken," Bob agreed, "Ken and Ryu, you are now poodles," The two fighters instantly morphed into adorable, pink poodles worthy of any upper class housewife, "Young Link, pick a wall and hump it for seven hours straight,"

"If he was his thirteen-year-old self, you would have to dare him," Navi joked.

"No one said you could talk," Young Link blurted as he found a decent wall, "... even if you're… sorta correct,"

"Princess and Hero of the Wild," Bob continued, "After that foursome, go play porn games of yourselves,"

"They have games like that!?" The blue Zelda gasped.

"Fandoms, they're crazy," Ted commented.

"Man, Ac loves submitting a bunch of dares," Bob remarked, "Let's start doing some that have more of an impact. Let's bring the rest of the Phantom Thieves here!"

A portal opened up about five feet in the air and from below dropped Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke, Makoto, and Futaba. The gang was confused by their surroundings, but once they spotted Akira and Haru, they knew what was in store.

"We're in this game now, too. Aren't we?" Makoto sighed as she got off the ground. Akira and Haru have been keeping everyone up to date on the happenings in Smash Town. They even knew about the battle between Akira and Dio.

"Unfortunately," Akira answered.

"And I'm assuming that guy who has never been in any video game is the final boss," Futaba asked as she pointed to Bob.

"Woah woah woah," Ted interrupted, "Bob is merely a warlock leeching off borrowed power. I'm the boss here. Please continue, Bob,"

"Haru, elaborate on that one dream you had," Bob dared, "You know what I'm talking about,"

The color in Haru's face drained as she realized what she had to recall. It was bad enough that she had to say it aloud, but couldn't Bob have summoned her friends after this dare?

"Before I tell you all about my dream," Haru shyly began, "I just want to say that it may have been part of a dare,"

"What could be so bad about it?" Ryuji asked, not thinking much of it.

"Obviously it's pretty bad if she doesn't want to talk about it," Ann replied.

"Whatever the dream is, we won't judge," Akira assured.

"I will!" The Piranha plant yelled.

"The plant will, but he's not worth listening to,"

Haru took a deep breath and quickly rushed through saying the following, "I dreamed that I was in the hospital and had Akira-kun's baby!"

The Phantom Thieves paused for a moment before Futaba spoke up. "I've always shipped you two, what's the problem?"

"Huh?"

"There's nothing wrong with that," Ann added, "You lovebirds have been together for, what? Over a year now?"

"Not to mention all the crazy shit we've all been through," Ryuji added, "Speaking of, is that kid humping a wall?"

"Not by choice!" The young Link yelled.

"See," Akira assured, "They don't think it's bad. I don't think it's bad. It's okay. Besides… I'd really like that someday,"

"I'd be careful saying that," Ted cautioned, "Pretty much everyone in the last game of Truth or Dare ended up having children and these reviewers will allow it to happen,"

Haru hugged Akira. "Thank you,"

"Now for the next dare," Bob interrupted, "Akira and Haru have to make a porno!"

Both of their eyes widened in shock upon hearing that. Akira was always more calm and collected, but this barrage of dares was starting to get to him. Haru, on the other hand, wanted to leave minutes ago.

"You couldn't just let the two of them have their moment, could you?" Makoto scoffed.

"That's not what we do here," Bob replied, "But if it's of any consolation, it doesn't have to be seen by anyone, so you can use as many of those sex toys as you want,"

"What?" The rest of the Phantom Thieves blurted.

"We won a box of infinate sex toys," Akira explained.

"For real!?" Ryuji blurted.

"Yes Ryuji! For real!" Bob stressed, "Peach, spread this bag of garbage in your hair," Bob teleported a bag of the manor kitchen's trash in front of the bearded princess.

"Ew…," She gagged.

"Ac was originally going to have it be shit, so you lucked out," Bob stated.

"Ac seems to have been mentioning fecal matter a lot recently," Ted remarked, "I guess they don't call him the filthy one for nothing,"

"So for our readers out there, does anyone remember that scene in Deadpool where the guys that were trying to awaken Wade Wilson's mutation stuck him in a chamber that kept him in a constant state of suffocation for days on end? That's basically what we're going to be doing to Ganondorf. Starting now!"

Ganondorf began to lose his breath and as time went on, fell to the ground and was on the verge of passing out when suddenly he was able to catch his breath. Just before he could fully recover, he began to suffocate again and the cycle continued.

"We'll do that competition next time," Bob smirked at the hypothetical camera, "but for now, let's make Meta Knight about twelve feet tall and make every woman's tits a few sizes bigger, because we can!"

Meta Knight grew to new heights and the women grew three bust sizes that day. Now even the girls with the flattest of chests had a sizable rack and the women with sizable racks had boobs that were just too big.

"So this is what having big boobs feels like," Futaba commented, "TBH, not a fan,"

"Yeah, I feel like they'd just get in the way," Orange added.

"Woah! I just realized this!" Ryuji shouted, "You two look way too similar!"

"Now that you mention it," Akira added, "I can't believe I didn't notice sooner,"

Orange and Futaba looked at each other and unwittingly mirrored various movements, such as waving, spinning around, sticking their tongue out, ectertra.

"Freaky…," The two commented.

"We're going to be doing a dare from dcfer next," Bob stated, "Kratos must take a look at everyone's sword and decide which is best,"

First up was Robin, he handed the God of War his signature Levin Sword and the Ghost of Sparta analyzed the sword.

"What is with this sword's jagged blade?" Kratos asked.

"It's a blade that allows me to use lightning magic," Robin replied, "It serves me well up close and at long range,"

"I suppose such a magical blade has served you well for the long term,"

"Actually… I can only use it twenty-five times before it breaks," Robin admitted.

"...Then the weapon is useless… next,"

The rest of the fire emblem sword fighters had fairly good weapons, the Falchions had a good weight to them, as did the Yato. With the exception of Robin's Levin sword, the Fire Emblem crew had a good loadout.

Next were the three Links and their swords. The young Link was the only one who wasn't wielding a version of the Master Sword, so his was automatically inferior. However, Kratos stated that the sword was still of good quality for a blade created by mortals. The Master Swords felt fine in Kratos's hand but The young Link quickly informed the God of War that The Hero of the Wild's version was significantly inferior to Toony's due to the cooldown. Toony's sword reigned supreme among the other Links.

Then there was Shulk's Momado. Kratos criticized the sword for its bulky and strange design. However, when Shulk mentioned that the blade gave him the power of foresight, Kratos figured that it just about made up for any of the sword's downsides.

Then Kirby walked up with his sword as well as Meta Knight's (Which hadn't grown with him). While Kratos found the blades to be a bit too small for his liking, he did realize that they worked well enough for their wielders. Kirby's sword was probably even a good first sword for Artreus if he was being honest.

"So, how's sword is best?" Bob asked.

"They are all fine weapons for the most part," Kratos admitted, "It would be easier to list my least favorites. The Levin Sword, The Hero of the Wild's Master Sword, and the Monado. I do not typically judge a weapon based on appearance, but the Monado simply looks terrible,"

"It has the ability of foresight!" Shulk argued, "It's capable of slaying God!"

"Gods, you say? I do believe that I would be able to strike you down in combat, even with your advantages. I believe that foresight only makes up for the weapons bulky design, therefore canceling the advantages and disadvantages out,"

"Okay, the next dares are from KirbyPwnz1234," Bob announced, "Due to the nature of these dares and the amount of time we've already taken up. We won't be doing all of them. As mentioned earlier, if you really want the dare done, resubmit or ask me to put it on a list. That being said…," The Pillar Men began to play and King Dedede was enveloped in a puff of smoke. Once the Aztec dubstep beat dropped, the smoke cleared, revealing a super buff King Dedede striking a pose. Most everyone was impressed.

"Who do you all think is the strongest Smasher?" Bob asked, "Like, overall and without tournament restrictions,"

"Not to boast, but I'd like to consider myself to be quite high up the list," Bayonetta chimed in.

"I know you have witch powers," Pit stated, "But aren't you just a human? Surely, you'd be overwhelmed by enemies faster than a God,"

"It's not nice to insult a lady, little angel," Bayonetta taunted, "I have more than enough endurance to last a few rounds with some of your biggest Centurions. By the way, sorry about the casualties last week. I was running behind on my angel punishing quota,"

"You aren't supposed to kill the Centurions!" Pit and Palutena yelled, "You signed a contract!"

"Which expired a month after our captor arrived," Bayonetta added, "I can't simply keep the demons of Inferno waiting. They're always hungry,"

"That and I wanted a stockpile of angel wings when Pit finally leaves," Bob added, "By the way, thanks for handling that the other day. Moving on, our next dare has us watching these totally legit speedruns of Ocarina of Time and The Wind Waker. Let's watch!"

The totally legit Ocarina of Time Speedrun by ScottFalco began with The young Link's dream, where a reference to Battle Tendency's opening was appreciated by any Jojo fan. Link then zooms past Saria, collect the sword and the rupees needed for the shield, and stab Mido to get the Great Deku Tree. After eating the head off a Deku Baba, he jumps onto the great Deku tree and jumps inside where he encounters a Skulltula with Sans's face on it. He kills it, jumps through the web floor, does a bunch of other glitchy stuff and flips of Shigaru Miyamoto before sliding over to the dungeon boss, defeating it, and killing himself. Through a confusing series of events, Young Link teleports into the future and slays Ganondorf relatively fast, all while breaking the laws of physics and so much more.

"What just happened?" The young Link asked while still humping the wall.

"That was a speedrun," Ted answered, "

"Yeah, but how can something like that be done in like five minutes?"

Bob shrugged as the hosts moved on to The Wind Waker. Toony was depicted to be much more of a douche in this one. Breaking the Wind Waker and flipping off The King of Red Lions, angrily delivering mail, and yearning for true gender equality. He then zooms his way over to a great fairy pond on a faraway island, then to a submarine where he gets captured by moblins and gets sent to the Forsaken Fortress. After being bird up'd, he awakens in The King of Red Lions boat, where he quickly teleports to another island before flipping him off and flying away.

The rest of the adventure simply get more ridiculous. Tetra appears out of nowhere, Aryll floats away, Ganondorf splashed coffee on Tetra and Ganondorf yearns for true gender equality as well. Tetra and Toony soon find themselves whisked away to old Hyrule onboard The King of Red Lions where Toony greets her while dancing to _Kokomo_ by The Beach Boys.

"So far, this is the only believable part," Toony commented.

Toony quickly finds himself facing down Ganondorf with Tetra, who was creeped about about being changed into a dress while she slept. Toony slapped Tetra on the ass a couple times, regained health, and the video ended with the two beating the shit out of Ganondorf.

"If anything is accurate in this video," Ness began, "It's Toony's undying affection for Tetra,"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a fool in love," Toony rolled his eyes.

"Hopefully this next dare will bring you two a little closer," Bob began.

"As if!" Tetra protested.

"These next dares are from Chars," Bob stated, "Toony, go ahead and spank Tetra a few times,"

"You better not!" Tetra warned.

"You'll both go to Super Hell, where the new Sonic trailer is still playing, by the way," Bob reminded.

"...If you leave a mark, I'll kick your ass," Tetra threatened.

"I'll spank you as hard as you want me to," Toony smirked.

"Ugh,"

Toony went in for a decent slap on the behind. Much to Tetra's surprise, she found it oddly enjoyable. Usually pain wouldn't cause such a response in her, but this had to be another part of the dare, right? (It is). Toony kept slapping a few more times and even he began to notice that Tetra was acting funny. He looked at her to see her blushing and trying to hold back a smile.

"Don't tell me you actually like this," Toony said. Toony was a bit concerned about her. This was unusual for her and he was afraid that another dare was altering her mind again. He turned to Bob, "You did something again, didn't you?"

"I mean, we just made her a little more masochistic," Bob admitted.

Toony ceased the spankings and let Tetra go. "For the love of the Goddesses, stop doing that," Toony requested.

"Fine," Ted decided, "She hates pain like any other normal person. Happy?"

"Yes!" The two answered.

Meanwhile, Sonic was outside of the Reset Bomb Forest and running laps around the mountain sized Bowser, he noticed that it had gotten much harder to run at a decent speed. This is due to a previous dare, therefore he was much more tired than he usually would be. This next dare by Chars would be the end of Sonic. He suddenly slipped, fell, and tumbled below the fifty-five mile per hour threshold, causing him to detonate. Bowser felt nothing more than a simple bug bite at his feet.

"Now that Sonic died for sure, let's get Little Mac to do pull ups over a cliff," Bob dared.

"Extreme training, I guess," Little Mac figured.

"With a car strapped to his feet," Bob finished.

Soon Little Mac was teleported to a cliffside, hanging from a bar suspended over a bottomless ravine. He instantly fell in once the car appeared and wasn't seen for the rest of the day.

Back at the Reset Bomb Forest Arena, Ted was packing up and getting ready to leave. "Okay Bob, I posted those Palutena nudes to Reddit. Make Pikachu kiss an Eevee and we're out of here,"

"What! How did-," Palutena blurted.

"Kiss the Eevee!" Bob yelled at Pikachu while holding the aforementioned Pokemon. Bob lowered the Eevee down to Pikachu's level and the Pikachu gave it a little peck on the check. It was absolutely adorable.

"Alright! We're out!" Bob shouted, "Damn, that was a long one. It's good to be done,"

"I still have to tie off some plotlines," Ted yawned, "I might save some for the next chapter to be honest,"

"That's your problem," Bob taunted, "You're all released!"

Everyone began to go their own separate ways for the remainder of the night. It was currently approaching midnight, so everything will revert back to normal in a matter of hours. However, it was apparent that for most Smashers, this was going to be a day where they slept in.

Viridi felt her spaciness begin to fade slightly as she shuffled her way back to her room. The only thing stopping the Goddess of Nature was a curious pirate who had a good idea as to why she was acting so weird.

"I should of figured you'd be smoking pot," Tetra spoke in the hallway leading to the goddess's room, "Being the Goddess of Nature and all,"

"Wha- How did you-,"

"Like, half the people back there realized you were stoned," Tetra informed her, "So, I was wondering…,"

"Nope, I'm not giving you any!" Viridi shouted, "You stupid humans just want to take every gift of the land and bastardize it just to have a fun time! I actually use cannabis for medicinal purposes,"

"First off, I'm Hylian," Tetra corrected.

"Hylians are just humans with pointy ears," Viridi pouted.

"Also, what the hell does a goddess need to use medicine for? That sounds like bullshit,"

"I use it to sleep at night. If I don't ingest it somehow, I'll stay up all night and plot against the human race… and also Hylians. It's actually a huge problem!"

"Look, I just wanted to ask if you could smoke me out, but I can see you're not interested," Tetra began to walk off, "Sucks, because I can roll a really good blunt, too,"

"Hey now… hold on," Viridi interrupted, "I'll… make an exception... this time,"

"You will?" Tetra smirked.

"But it better be good! I don't want to see any smoke coming out the sides!"

"Bitch, I can do that and make it look pretty," Tetra said with confidence.

* * *

Orange and Lucas walked back to the manor together. The two talked about the events that had just happened, the possibility of starting chapter books, and other little things. It may have been because he was tired, or he had become one of them, but Lucas couldn't help his eyes drifting downwards toward Orange's temporary bust. Orange was far from oblivious to this.

They'd finally reached the manor and began to walk down the halls to their rooms. When no one else happened to be in the halls, Orange spoke.

"I know you've been staring," She smirked. Before Lucas could stubble through with a half decent response Orange continued. "Wanna play the 'em?"

Lucas continued to stumble over his words before he gave up on the speech entirely, opting to respond with a nod. Orange didn't know why, but she found Lucas's general timidness, especially with this, kinda adorable. It certainly clashes with what's normally attractive in Inkopolis, but on that same note, Inklings aren't usually attracted to humans. Orange led him to her room and they spent the rest of the night playing around second base.

* * *

As Ness, Toony, and Akira walked home, they heard the beginning of a song nearby.

"Vocal percussion on whole 'nother level. Coming from my mind!" The song began. Suddenly, Ness began to feel the urge to dance around and do a short moonwalk.

"What's going on!?" Ness yelled.

"Another part five reference," Akira answered.

"Is this a spoiler?" Toony asked as he began to join Ness in his dancing against his will.

"Not really," Akira answered.

Soon the three of them were dancing this strange, funky dance that seemed to be the result of Micheal Jackson and Prince working on a dance. As they were stuck dancing like this, Kratos and Artreus happened to walk by and notice this from a short distance away.

"Father, what are they doing?" Artreus asked.

"I do not know… nor do I want to know," Kratos answered.

**Hey everyone, Ted here! Yeah, I know. I've been having a problem with punctuality lately. I'd say it couldn't be helped, but I dedicated about a good week to beating Fire Emblem: Three Houses twice. In my defense, it's the only Fire Emblem game I can say I'm decent at. (Thank you, Sothis)**

**I probably rushed the aftermath stuff, but I can always continue at the beginning of the next chapter. Can you blame me though, this chapter is over 18000 words!**

**As for the dares, I want to ask a few things of you all if you don't mind.**

**Please list your dares in the form of a list. Not saying that your review has to be just a list of dares, I just have a hard time sifting through paragraphs of words to figure out which dares to do next.**

**Fight dares, competition dares, and react to this (insert thing here) type dares: They're fine, I don't mind them, but if I did all of these kinds of dares this time around, this chapter still wouldn't be done. Please try to keep them to one or two per review. You can always submit more, and I might accept, but this leads me to my next point.**

**Undone dares/extra dares: I try to keep every user at around ten dares per session. If you want to submit more, you are free to do so, but just know that some may fall to the wayside and I could possibly forget them. (I am human after all) PM me if you want me to set up a list of extra dares that can be saved for another chapter.**

**As for some of the reviewers who may have felt jipped this session. It was kinda my fault for taking too long. I'll be sure to do those dares next chapter before I forget.**

**With that wall of bold text out of the way, I just wanted to let everyone know that the next location of the Truth or Dare will be Inkopolis. I'll tell you right now that Orange isn't Agent 3, but she will be in the story. Keep these things in mind when you submit your dares, just in case you want to use the environment around the Smashers for your dares. It's merely more tools in our collective toolbox!**


	6. Off the Hook ft Soma and Ryuk

Deep in the depths of Super Hell, beyond the Valley of Torment and the Lavafalls of Misery, the Underworld Bar was reserved for a private function. This disappointed the damned souls because that grimy dive bar was the closest thing to salvation in this realm. However, this private function was important, at least that's what Ted would want you to believe. It was hard for anyone else to be enthusiastic about a shareholder's meeting when one guy owned ninety-nine percent of the shares.

The three other shareholders in attendance were Akira, Haru, and a redheaded Japanese man named Karma. While the Phantom Thieves have gotten proficient enough in the English language, it was nice to chat with someone who spoke Japanese. The following conversation has been translated for your convenience.

"So, I'm guessing you two were caught up in the game?" Karma asked, "What world are you two from?"

"I was invited to join Super Smash Brothers and was crushed by a steamroller the moment I arrived," Akira answered.

"Oh yeah, you're Joker!" Karma realized, "I didn't recognize you without the mask and I don't really play many video games, my bad. But, I'm assuming Ted roped your friend in as well?"

"Bob was the one doing most of it," Haru said, "But yes. He even took the rest of our friends from our world. How do you know so much about this?"

"I remember seeing you in the highlight reels," Akira stated.

"Yeah, we were the last group they decided to fuck with," Karma admitted, "It resulted in our old teachers being brought back from the dead, most of us having children, me having constant nightmares, and gay clones of me and a good friend of mine coming into exsistence,"

"Guess you and him were someone's favorite ship," Akira teased.

"Yeah, some guy that dressed like the cat from Alice in Wonderland. He was literally insane,"

"If it's of any consolation," Akira began, "We have a way to stop this game once and for all," Once Akira and Haru were made into shareholders, they were given an app that allowed access to Super Hell. Perhaps this app and the Metaverse Navigator were related somehow, because the final piece of the puzzle was automatically filled out in the Nav. The place was they needed was Super Hell, an option they had initially dismissed because it was an entire realm in it of itself.

Karma looked down and sighed. "I wish it were true. We had a hard enough time killing Bob, but he wasn't even the real target. My friend, the guy who fought him, got to see Ted's full power up close. Anything we could have done would have been pointless,"

"But we're not trying to kill him," Haru chimed in, "We're trying to change his heart and have him realize the error of his ways,"

"It's a complicated process to explain, but we go to this Metaverse, steal the physical manifestation of the target's desires, and leave before their Metaverse collapses on us," Akira summarized.

"Maybe I should of played your game because that sounds interesting," Karma smirked.

"Although, I am worried," Haru confessed, "This heist will be our hardest one yet, what if-,"

"Excuse me," Pit interrupt in English, "Would any of you like something before the… thing starts?" The rest of the conversation is in English.

"Whiskey and Coke, please" Karma ordered.

"I'll have a coffee," Haru ordered.

"Make it two," Akira added.

"Alright, but I want to warn you that the coffee pot doubles as an ashtray. Company policy," Pit informed.

"What kind of policy is that?" Haru asked.

"How about soda?" Akira asked.

"Watered down," Pit answered.

"Water?"

"Comes out of the tap, sometimes boiling," Pit replied.

"I've been to a few of these things and the alcoholic drinks are the best things here," Karma commented.

"I hear fried angel wings taste pretty good," Akira joked.

"What did I ever do to you?" Pit whined.

"I'll pass," Haru stated, "Thank you, Pit-kun,"

"It's… just Pit," He corrected, "Where'd you get the 'kun' part from?"

"It's an honorific," Haru explained, "You'd use kun when addressing a male your age or younger in a non-professional setting,"

"I've never been a big fan of them," Karma commented.

"So, it's a good thing," Put smiled, "Well, if you need anything, I'll be at the counter. I'll be right out with that drink, Karma,"

After a short wait, Ted finally showed up.

"Sorry I'm late," Ted apologized, "My normal life has been crazy lately. Let's get this meeting started, shall we?"

Bob suddenly burst through the door in what appeared to be his pajamas, an old t-shirt and sweatpants, and half a bottle of whiskey in hand.

"Why ain't I invited to za meeting?!" Bob slurred.

"Other than because you're drunk off your ass?" Karma snarked.

"Shuddup you… rape enabler!"

"Huh?" Through a wish Karma had at the end of his Truth or Dare, he had no idea what Bob was rambling about.

"The shares that you think you own are really Bob's shares," Ted explained, "You know, the one that's dead. Legally, you're not a person,"

"C'mon, our country gave citizenship to Godzilla," Akira commented in jest, "Giving a robot with a functioning liver shouldn't be that big of a leap,"

"I honestly like to see how far Bob will fall," Ted admitted.

"Ya know what? Screw business! The new season of Bojack Horseman just came out and I think Bojack's gonna come out on top this time!" Bob slammed the door as he left to binge drink while binge watching sad cartoons online.

"Oh shit! I forgot that just came out!" Ted blurted, "Meeting adjourned!" Ted disappeared to his room in reality to do the same, leaving Akira, Haru, and Karma wondering what the point of all this was.

* * *

For the past week or so, Ness, Lucas, Toony, Orange, Pit, and Tetra have been playing Minecraft on hardcore mode (By order of the Bob and Ted). They usually played in Toony's apartment on Nintendo Switches and they played in the same world. They're skins were of themselves, which was kinda neat. As far as skill level goes, Ness and Orange were easily the most capable, considering they come from worlds where gaming consoles exist. This doesn't mean that the rest of the players were completely clueless. Pit, Toony, and Lucas have learned the basics of gaming well enough during the downtime from previous tournaments, meaning Tetra was the only one that really struggled. She'd quit immediately if it weren't for the fact that death in the game means spending the rest of the day in Super Hell (or in Pit's case, extra shifts at the bar).

Despite their struggles, they managed to keep themselves alive long enough to establish a little village for themselves between a mountain range and a dark oak forest, each with their own houses. They weren't anything too fancy, just simple log cabins that they added onto when the space was needed. They had most of the amenities that a Minecraft player would want, such as a Nether portal, enchanting table, brewing stands, horses, farms, and they even managed to cure a zombie villager, giving themselves access to trading. All in all, despite the threat of Super Hell, it was a fun experience that even Tetra eventually enjoyed.

Toony, who was wearing all enchanted iron armor with the exception of a turtle shell helmet, had just gotten back from a mining expedition in the mountain range. Tetra, who was decked out in enchanted iron armor that Toony had helped create, accompanied him. To their joy, they had a decent haul of diamonds that they wanted to craft into new tools. Everyone else had been doing their own thing in-game. Orange and Lucas explored the nearby area to map it out and post it on a wall, Pit out gathering wood, but Ness kept his activities a secret from the group. He occasionally snickered to himself as he went about his secret business, causing everyone to believe he was doing some mild griefing or setting up a prank.

"What are you plotting, Ness?" Lucas asked, calling him out.

"Oh! Me?" Ness replied, "Nothing important,"

"You better not steal my nametags," Orange warned, "I still don't know what to name that donkey I found,"

"That's easy. Donkey," Ness suggested.

"I'm not naming my donkey Donkey," Orange protested, "Who'd do that?"

"It's a character from a movie," Pit answered, "It starred this green guy… Shark?"

"Shrek," Ness answered.

"Ah, that's what I meant,"

Toony and Tetra walked over to their houses to find Ness's character, who was wearing enchanted iron armor with the exception of a diamond helmet, standing nearby. Their suspicions increased further.

"What'd you do?" Toony bluntly asked.

"I didn't do anything," Ness lied.

"Then what the hell were you doing for the past half an hour?" Tetra asked.

"You know, inventory management, crafting, enchanting. I actually got a nice set of enchantments on my sword," He pulled out the enchanted diamond sword, "Sharpness five and Looting three,"

"You do realize anything that results in our deaths will cause us to go to Super Hell, right?" Toony asked.

"Yep," Ness answered.

"And if that does happen, we won't hesitate to kick your ass the next day," Tetra added.

"I'm sure you wouldn't," Ness replied.

"Okay," Toony responded, "Just warning you," Toony walked toward the door leading to his house. He had put down a pressure plate so that the door would open automatically. This was normal. However, once he walked over the pressure plate and stepped inside, Ness smirked.

"Killer Queen has already touched the pressure plate,"

Soon after, the hissing of TNT could be heard inside the house. Toony turned around and ran away as fast as he could, however he was still caught in the blast of the explosion that erupted from underneath the house. As the explosion went off, note blocks could be heard playing a rudimentary remix of a Jojo character theme. Once everything settled, only little bits of Toony's house remained floating in the air, anything he had in chests was now scattered amongst blocks of dirt and wood, and Toony was half a heart away from death. Pit, Orange, and Lucas looked up from their Switches when they heard the explosions to see the color in Toony's face go away and Ness laughing at the results of his little prank.

"What the fuck, man!" Toony yelled, "You almost had me sent to Super Hell! Over a fucking Jojo reference!"

"He even had note blocks too," Orange commented, "That's grade-A trollin' right there,"

"Now my house is blown up and all my shit's all over the place!" Toony continued to rant. He set down the Switch and shoved Ness, who was sitting right beside him on the couch.

"C'mon, you have to admit that was funny," Ness chuckled.

"You realize I was half a heart away from boiling in a cauldron while demons impale me with pitchforks, don't you?"

"I also heard that they got new ball clamps," Pit added.

"And ball clamps! Fucking ball clamps!" Toony stressed.

"Alright, I get it," Ness stated in an attempt to ease tensions, "I'm sorry I almost got your balls clamped. I'll help you rebuild and I'll give you my new sword. We cool now?"

"... I guess," Toony agreed, "...And it was funny…,"

Tetra went into the kitchen to grab a drink while she took her Switch with her. She noticed that a piece of TNT made its way to her house and blew up a small part of her home. The damage was only cosmetic, but as she walked back to her seat on the couch by Toony, she turned and kicked Ness in the balls.

"That's for fucking with my house," Tetra stated as she took a sip from her sweet tea before resuming the game.

Ness writhed in pain for a moment. "Y-you… bitch!"

The three spectators to this event snickered at the events that had just played out. "Aside from the obvious, this dare's actually pretty fun," Lucas smiled.

"I know right! I'm down with playing more games if it means stuff like this happening," Orange commented.

"I wish I could do this more often," Pit commented, "I hate having a job,"

"You and the rest of the multiverse, my dude," Orange replied.

"Wanna watch more of part five after this?" Toony asked as Ness recovered from his cup check.

"I thought that show was a little suspect," Tetra began, "But these latest episodes have been super gay,"

"It's not that gay," Toony aruged.

"A man licked the sweat off the face of another man," Tetra argued, "Need I say more?"

"...yeah, that shit was pretty gay," Toony admitted.

* * *

When she wasn't playing Minecraft, Tetra made it a point to visit Viridi every so often. As the Goddess of Nature, Viridi had an endless supply of marijauna at her disposal and despite this her rolling abilities left much to be desired. Tetra, on the other hand, was a natural and the two managed to become smoking buddies that could tolerate each other. The only other person who knew about their arrangement was Dark Pit, considering he was Viridi's underling, but he didn't really care about anything and he wasn't one for spreading rumors.

The ruthless pirate and the genocidal goddess were enjoying another smoke session in Viridi's room. Tetra, with a blunt in her mouth, tried instructing Viridi on the art of rolling with lackluster results. Tetra looked over the finished product. It was ugly and patched together, but it looked functional at least.

"How do you suck so much at this?" Tetra asked as she passed the blunt to the goddess.

"I usually stick to edibles," Viridi defended. Her normal aggressive tone was a bit more mellowed out due to the wonderful herb, "It's healthier anyway,"

"I don't see you complaining about hitting that,"

Viridi took a good hit from the blunt. "What's wrong with having a little fun?" She said on the exhale.

"Amen to that,"

Viridi passed it off to Tetra. "Y'know, for a mortal, you're… not terrible,"

"Oh, you're just saying that because you're stoned and I can roll for you," Tetra said before hitting the blunt.

Viridi laughed. "You're sooo right,"

"Man, I could really go for some Minecraft right now. I didn't think I'd like it, but I'm hooked. Too bad the world's on Link's console," Tetra handed the blunt, which at this point was a glorified roach, to the goddess.

"What are you two anyway?" Viridi asked.

"Didn't think an uppity goddess would give a crap about a mere mortal's relationships," Tetra replied, "Seriously though, why do you give a shit?"

"I dunno. I see… what does everyone call him? Toony?... Anyways, it seems like he has puppy love eyes on you whenever I see you two together. What a loser. That and the whole spanking dare last time…,"

"I was under some kind of spell or something!" Tetra defended, "I'd kick his ass otherwise! And what about you and Pit? It's been confirmed you have a thing for him. Do you keep his goth twin around just to have a piece of eye candy or something?"

"Dark Pit is an officer in my army. Besides, I'd never go for him. He's an asshole and he thinks he's better than everyone else. I prefer someone a bit more…,"

"Stupid, naive, gulliable,"

"Is it messed up that the only word I can think of is submissive?" Viridi asked after she took a hit from the roach.

"Well… a little bit, not gonna lie," Tetra answered as she accepted the roach, "So when you two were in that closet, were you only mad because you wished the roles were reversed?"

"Not that submissive!" Viridi screamed, "Get your mind out of the gutter,"

"I'm kidding," Tetra laughed, "But if I'm being honest, I kinda get where you're coming from. Link is a fairly attractive guy. He's no doubt accomplished some impressive feats, saved my ass a couple times, all that fun stuff. But man, is he a bit of a dumb dork. Not too dumb and dorky. That's Niko and nobody likes him. But Link… you know, he tried jumping off a cliff to chase after a giant bird that kidnapped his sister,"

"What a dummy,"

"Yeah, but I just had to help him after that. You gotta respect someone that'll travel The Great Sea to save family. I just wish he wasn't so damned in love with me. Then I'd be more interested, ya' know?" She took a hit from the roach then put it out in a nearby ashtray, "Look what you started. Girl talk! I feel disgusted with myself,"

"You were the one rambling,"

"We gotta let Orange join in. I never talk about guys like this with her,"

"This might just be high Viridi talking, but I'm cool with that," She replied, "But, isn't she like an athlete. Wouldn't smoking weed show up in, like, a urine test… or would it be an ink test for her? All I know about Inkling society is that it's powered by renewable resources and that's way better than your world a hundred years in the future,"

"What's wrong with my world in the future?"

"Trains! The beginning of the Industrial Revolution! The end to the balance of nature as you know it!"

"You're getting preachy again," Tetra sighed, "Light that shitty blunt you rolled, will ya,"

* * *

With Lucas's occasional help, Orange finally managed to write a formal request to lower the drinking age in Smash Town. It may have been a bit sloppy and simple, but Orange was able to get the point across while Lucas corrected minor punctuation mistakes. The next day, the two set off to town hall to deliver the request.

"Honestly, I don't even know why you're still doing this," Lucas said to Orange en route to their destination, "Tetra snuggles rum in constantly and I'm pretty sure The Gates of Hell is a fairly high-end place,"

"You got a good point," Orange agreed, "But I told him I'd do something about it, I want to drink something other than rum, and I'd get some free drinks if I do this. Besides, you probably wouldn't be too happy if I just up and quit on our reading lessons,"

"You'd have done better than Pit regardless,"

"That's not saying much,"

"Maybe so," Lucas snickered, "But I'm just glad you've been sticking with it this far. You're able to get through smaller chapter books now without too much difficulty and anymore learning will just come with time,"

"Does that mean we won't be reading together anymore?" Orange asked, "Cuz, I really do like them,"

"Ever since we started dating, they've just gradually turned into make out sessions," Lucas stated.

"And?"

Lucas chuckled. "Those… don't have to stop, you know?"

"Woomy!" Orange exclaimed, "When this request goes through, my dude, I'm buying you a drink,"

"You can't really buy something that's free," Lucas smiled.

"Whatever. You get the point,"

When they arrived, they walked in to see Isabelle standing behind the receptionist desk as usual. Many wonder why she still does this when the inhabitants of Smash Town are essentially in a prolonged hostage situation, but Isabelle has claimed that there is always work that could be done, people that could be moving in, permits that could be renewed, and much more. The neurotic canine simply can't help but to work herself to the bone.

"Hey Isabelle," Orange greeted, "I finally got that request for ya'. Can I drink now?"

"Um… the mayor has to look over it first," Isabelle answered, "Then he has to run it up to Master Hand, then-,"

"We haven't seen Master Hand in weeks though," Orange pointed out.

"I-I'm sorry," Isabelle floundered, "That's just protocol!"

"Bureaucrats," Orange sighed, "Fine. I just hope it doesn't take, like, four to six weeks and stuff," She handed the letter over to Isabelle.

"Have a good day, Isabelle," Lucas said on his way out.

"Thank you and you too,"

The human and the inkling exited Town Hall and walked around town together. During this time, they saw various happenings around the bustling little city. The Princess of the Wild, often hard at work in the mechanic's shop, tuned up the Master Cycle and was riding it on a test ride. Kirby completed all the Big Bang Burger challenges in a mere few minutes. The couple happened to walk past the restaurant's storefront when the pink ball inhaled a towering burger in one gulp. (Which was not surprising at all, if they were being honest) Pikachu and Pichu followed Samus wherever she went, Sonic quickly zoomed by for a brief moment, and Kazooie was in a heated argument with the Piranha Plant.

"It's getting pretty close to the next game," Lucas spoke.

Orange sighed. "Yeah, I'm not looking forward to those guys running around my home,"

"I imagine," Lucas agreed, "But I was wondering, what's it like over there?

"I suppose it's like any other big city. Maybe not as crazy as that New Pork City stage, but I guess I've never been to any human cities,"

"Ugh, New Pork," Lucas scoffed. He didn't have the best memories of the place, to say the least and the fact that she compared Inkopolis to that city made him worry.

"Oh right! You're not big on that type of stuff. It's a great city though, lots of friendly sea creatures, everyone's really into Ink Sports, all that fun stuff,"

"I'm sure it is," Lucas replied, "Do you have lots of family in Inkopolis?"

"I moved there the second I was able to shapeshift. Most of my folks live either in smaller towns like this or out in the country, but me and my older sis have always wanted to get into Ink Sports,"

"So you both played Turf Wars and such together?"

"Not profreshinally. She got this super important job when she left for the city and is always busy. She never really told me what she does, but I guess it's kind of a big deal because she was the one to actually be invited here,"

"You weren't invited to the tournament?!"

"I wasn't actually invited to Mario Kart either," Orange elaborated, "Sis was just allowed to bring others along and she took me after a really long work trip. I came back, got to be one of the best in Ink Sports, but they still invited her. I'm kinda jealous to be honest,"

"So, is she not here because of work?" Lucas asked, "Is that why you're participating in her place?"

"Bingo!" Orange answered, "But I'm sure she's back by now. The tournament wasn't supposed to be this long, you know,"

"Yeah, I wonder how long this Truth or Dare stuff will last. It can't be forever. We know that,"

"Yeah… there's a food truck from Inkopolis that just set up shop here. Wanna check it out?"

"Sounds good,"

The Crust Bucket was a yellow food truck that operated near The Roost. The owner of the mobile establishment was a humanoid shrimp known as Crusty Sean. He wore glasses and a baseball cap backwards, along with multiple pairs of shoes on the smaller sets of legs going down his stomach. The jacket he wore made him look as though he were a fried tempura, but that was merely cosmetic.

Since the place was new, a bunch of Smashers were sitting outside of the immediate area of the truck partaking in the food and drinks Crusty Sean had to offer. Among those still ordering were Pit, Palutena, and Rosalina.

"Doesn't this truck bring back find memories?" Palutena teased.

"Have you two been here before?" Rosalina asked.

"No," Pit answered, "Lady Palutena was just taking about the time I got turned into a giant tempura by this wizard,"

"Woah!" Crusty Sean exclaimed, "That's crazy, dude,"

"Then he tried to eat me," Pit finished.

"Oh dear," Rosalina gasped.

"Tastier than eggplants," Palutena commented.

"Another enemy I'd rather forget," Pit groaned.

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, squiddo," Crusty Sean exclaimed.

"But I wear sandals," Pit replied.

Crusty Sean laughed while Palutena and Rosalina did the same, but more subtly. "I like ya' kid. Tell ya' what. You and your lady friends a free drink of your choice, sound good?"

"Really!? Thanks a lot!" Pit began looking over the drink menu. The food menu had Inklish and English writings on it, but the drink menu wasn't yet translated. As Pit looked over the menu, Palutena and Rosalina looked at each other with confusion. Pit's illiteracy has come up in conversation before. Was he pretending to be literate again?

"I'm stuck between the Special-Charge Shake and the Special-Up Smoothie," Pit commented.

"Can't go wrong with the Special-Charge Shake," Crusty Sean suggested.

"Alright! I'll have that and a Double-Fried Super Shwaffle," Pit ordered.

"Pit… you know what exactly they serve here?" Palutena asked.

"Of course, all I did was just read the menu… Wait… I read the menu!?"

"How'd it take you that long to realize that?" Palutena and Rosalina asked in unison.

"I can't believe I spent a month working in Super Hell to learn Inklish!" Pit exclaimed, still shocked by the revelation he just had, "What am I gonna do with that? It's worthless! Worthless!

"My language isn't worthless!" Orange argued as she walked over with Lucas.

As Pit backpedaled on his previous statements to the Inkling woman, Crusty Sean could help but smile as he was preparing Pit's order. He was glad that he sold his shoe store to operate a food truck. As much as he loved shoes, he loved to bring people together even more. Pit's meal was on the house today.

Meanwhile, back at Town Hall, Isabelle looked over the request while Daniel walked out of his office with a glass of scotch.

"You didn't mention that we lowered the drinking age last week?" Daniel asked.

"I didn't have the heart to tell her," Isabelle sulked.

* * *

**A/N: If something is in curly brackets, typically the names of any of the Inklings (with a few exceptions), it means that they are saying their real Inklish name. Not what is actually said. For example, {Orange} is just a way for Inklish speakers to say her name without calling her by what is essentially an English nickname. Maybe this would have been made less confusing if I had just given them real names, but whatever!**

The Smashers all found themselves in the bustling Inkopolis Square. A giant zapfish looked down upon the city from the highest building. There were a variety of shops, arcades, restaurants, and so much more as they scanned through the Square. But the thing that immediately caught their attention was a giant screen interrupting the usual ad reel to a title sequence of some kind. The title seemed like gibberish to most everyone with the exception of Orange and Pit, who read the words 'Off the Hook'.

"I'll let everyone understand Inklish for now," Bob decided.

The screen then transitioned to show two cephalopod girls. The one to the left was sitting in a chair. She was short, had cream colored tentacles acting as hair that transitioned to pink at the ends. She also wore a little crown on her head. "Y'all know what time it is!" She announced.

The girl on the right was quite different in contrast. She had darker skin, had long tentacles that were mostly plum black with bits of teal at the tips, the tentacles themselves were different from any other Inkling anyone had seen because the suction cups her much more prominent, and the clothing she wore was a bit more revealing than her companion's. She stood behind a DJ's turntable and looked as though she was a bit nervous or something "It's Off the Hook, coming at you LIVE from Inkopolis Square!" She announced.

"What is this?" Pit asked.

"It's the news," Orange replied bluntly, "The one on the left is Pearl and the one on the right is Marina… funny how THOSE names translate well,"

"That chick with the weird tentacles can wear that on the news?!" Ness blurted. Referring to her top.

The broadcast continued. "Check it," Pearl began, "Here are the current Regular Battle stages,"

Marina scratched the disc on her turntable, revealing a stage on the screen between the two, then scratching the disc again, revealing another stage, which happened to be a place called Port Mackerel.

"Ahhhhh!" Pearl exclaimed, "I just love the smell of the salty sea air!"

"But how can you tell it apart from the smell of your teammates' tears?" Marina playfully quipped.

"Woah, burn," Toony commented.

"I think I like that chick already," Tetra commented.

"You and literally everyone else," Orange replied.

Marina scratched the disc a third time and the screen showed a picture of the Smash Brothers logo "This just in!" Marina announced, "It appears that everyone from the Multidimensional fight tournament, Super Smash Brothers, have appeared in Inkopolis Square, including our S+ ranked representative, {Orange},"

"Wasn't it supposed to be on TV a few months back?" Pearl asked, "I want my money back!"

"I wonder why they're all here," Marina wondered.

"Doesn't matter!" Pearl exclaimed, "We're going on the ground! I'm getting my hundred coins back!"

"Pearlie, that's like a drop in the bucket for you," Marina sighed, "Besides, we still haven't announced the Ranked and-,"

"We'll be back with y'all soon but until then-," Pearl jumped out of her chair and Marina pushed the turntable of to the side. The two hosts of the newscast walked forward.

"Don't get cooked… Stay off the hook!" The two hosts finished off with a pose and before the newscast cut off, Pearl quickly ran off stage.

As soon the newscast ended, the Smashers were swarmed by humanoid cephalopods, humanoid jellyfish, and other evolved aquatic lifeforms. They were either excited fans wanting to get autographs from Orange and some of the Smashers that had been in Mario Kart, or angered customers that were hoping to see a kickass fighting tournament. Either way, the crowd was suffocating.

"Can I kill them yet?" Bob asked Ted.

"We want as many people… or sea creatures… as possible to see this session," Ted replied.

Soon, the two newscasters, followed by a jellyfish man with a camera, broke through the crowd and made their way to Mario. The two newscasters stepped in front of the camera and began recording.

"It's Off the Hook, coming at you live from Inkopolis Square where-," Marina began.

Pearl ran up to Mario, who was the main face of the last game that involved multiple universes, and shoved the mic in his face. "Where's my money!? Why hasn't the tournament been televised!? Everyone is dying to know and I want to see weirdos beat each other up! I demand answers!"

"That's not really my call," Mario answered.

Just then, what appeared to be a lime green squid and a light red squid came flying down into the center of the crowd, right by the newscasters. Upon landing the cephalopods assumed the their humanoid forms. The green squid transformed into a form similar to that of Orange's. She had lime green hair, but orange eyes. The octopus transformed into a woman that looked around the same age as the squid. She had those prominent suction cups like Marina did, but her tentacles were shorter.

"Alright! Back up everyone!" The lime green Inkling ordered to the crowd.

"Oh hey guys!" Marina greeted. The light red octopus girl waved.

"You two know Off the Hook!?" Orange exclaimed.

"We'll explain later!" The lime green Inkling replied.

"Guess I should get everyone to a quiet spot," Ted said to himself before teleporting the Smashers, Off the Hook, and the two crowd controllers were teleported to a rooftop far away from the Square.

"What the- how did this!?" Pearl began.

"Don't worry about it," Bob said.

"Hold up, are you the one trying to rob me!?" Pearl accused.

"He isn't Pearl," The lime green Inkling responded. Then she turned to Bob, "This is the douchebag who's been keeping my sister held hostage for the past two and a half months!"

"That's technically me, but Bob's kinda the face of the operation so…," Ted replied.

"Whatever," The green Inkling said while rolling her eyes, "What the hell do you want?" She already knew that there wasn't much she could do about stopping the games from going forward. Like most friends of the Smashers, they were kept in the loop.

"Glad you asked, Agent Three," Bob replied.

"You're a secret agent!?" Orange exclaimed.

"No… that's ridiculous… me, a secret agent. That's just silly," Agent Three lied.

"Agent Three and the Octoling over there is Agent Eight of the New Squidbeak Splatoon," Bob answered.

"Seriously dude! What the fuck!" Agent Three shouted.

"That explains why you're always away on business," Orange realized.

"Sorry I didn't tell ya', Sis," Three apologized, "But that's kinda part of the job. You're not gonna storm off because I lied to you or anything, are you?"

"No, I hate when people in movies do that," Orange replied.

"As I was saying," Bob interrupted, "I'm here to do my little game, hijack Off the Hook's news segment for the day to broadcast it, and also-," Bob pointed to Kratos and Atreus, "These two have to go against each other in a Turf War,"

"But… they aren't cephalopods," Agent Eight spoke.

Bob snapped his fingers and the two were instantly transformed into Inklings. Atreus had a purple buzz cut. Kratos was completely bald but instead had a beard made up of smaller purple tentacles. He still had the iconic red stripes going down his face and chest.

"You look…," Atreus stammered, "eh… being an Inkling doesn't suit you,"

"Beards haven't really been in fashion since The Great Turf War," Marina added, although she was trying to be as polite as possible about it.

"Noted," Kratos spoke.

"You're not taking over our show!" Pearl shouted, "Who do you think you are!?"

"If it's any consolation, I'll offer catering," Bob offered.

"You think you can buy me with food?" Pearl shouted.

"I'll let you have a sample of this chef's cooking, give me a sec," Bob opened up a portal and stepped into a very large room with tons of people gathering at food booths. Behind each booth was a high school student, who was desperately trying to make and market their creations to the crowd in hopes of serving two-hundred dishes and avoid elimination. Bob walked up to a booth where a red-headed teen was quickly cooking up souffle omelets to serve to a growing crowd of hungry customers. Bob took one of these fluffy souffle omelets and disappeared from that plane of existence.

Bob returned with the souffle omelet and a fork. He hastily force fed the bite to Pearl and upon letting the fluffy eggy goodness melt in her mouth, she lost all aggression. She briefly imagined herself bouncing on a giant version of the souffle omelet in little to no clothing (for some reason). While that was going on in her head, everyone else was wondering what was going on with her in reality.

"Pearlie… are you okay?" Marina asked, "D-Did he poison you!?"

"Did you break into the world of Food Wars or something?" Futaba asked.

"Yes I did," Bob answered.

"So, what happened to her?" Pit asked.

"It's simple… she had a foodgasm!" Futaba declared.

"... gross," Makoto commented.

"It's not as gross as it sounds… maybe," Futaba replied.

"'Rina! You gotta try some!" Pearl exclaimed after snapping out of her trance. She grabbed the plate from Bob and fed a bit to Marina, who had a similar foodgasmic reaction.

"Note to self, bring an extra pair of pants tomorrow," Three stated.

"Speaking of tomorrow, I want two teams ready for Turf Wars when we start the show," Bob declared, "I want an entertaining fight. Orange, Three, Eight, you three are responsible for training up the contestants. Other than that, you're all dismissed," Bob and Ted teleported off the top of the building, leaving everyone else behind.

* * *

Everyone gathered to Blackbelly Skatepark for the quick class on Turf Wars. Orange joined Three and Eight at the front of the Smashers while Ted lurked from behind.

"Well, since we got no choice in the matter anyway," Three began, "Let's talk about Turf Wars! Turf Wars, and other Ink Sports, is a very important part of Inkling culture. Based on The Great Turf Wars between the Inklings and Octarians over a hundred years ago, the name of the game is simple. Two teams of four have three minutes to ink up as much of the stage as they possibly can. Whichever team covers the most turf once the time has ended is the winner. Simple as that,"

"You say that these sports are based on actual wars?" Kratos spoke, "Interesting. But I do not see how splattering the ground with one's own blood constitutes a war,"

"I mean, splatting your opponents can help and all," Eight chimed in, "It'll take them out of the fight momentarily and allow for your team to advance. But getting the most splats is typically never the aim of the game here,"

"And it's not like we're just flinging each other's ink around to mark our territory," Orange spoke, "Different colored ink can slow you down when you step in it, force you out of squid form, and damage you until-," Orange placed a splat bomb down next to her sister without her knowledge. It soon went off, causing Three to explode in orange ink and a little squid spirit to float to the nearest respawn point, "That happens!"

"{Orange} was that really necessary?" Eight asked.

"They gotta know what their in for," Orange defended.

"Does that hurt at all?" Artreus asked.

"You get used to it," Eight answered.

Three walked back over to the group, slightly annoyed at her little sister's prank. "Not that you folks need to worry, but if you get splatted too far away from a respawn point, you die. No need to worry about that because this city has 'em everywhere,"

"So, we should probably pick teams," Orange said to Three, "We need to have Kratos and his son play along and I totally don't want to miss an opportunity to play with you,"

"Aww, I missed you too," Three teased.

"You can pick any one of the Smashers to play. They'll be transformed into Inklings so it'll work," Ted announced.

"I already know who I want on my team," Orange exclaimed, "Tetra! Lucas! Get over here!"

Once Lucas and Tetra walked out of the crowd, they were suddenly transformed into Inklings. The change wasn't as drastic as you'd think. Their hairstyles and color remained the same despite them not actually having hair and they had the black color surrounding their eyes. The biggest difference to them was mostly internal. Having no bones and being made up of mostly ink made them feel less 'solid'.

"Girl, this feels way too strange for me," Tetra commented to Orange.

"We're just used to… having bones," Lucas defended.

"We got all day for you guys to get used to it," Orange replied, "Who do you want on your team, sis?"

"Shouldn't we decide who gets me and father?" Artreus asked.

"I'll take ya'," Orange declared, "That cool with you, sis?"

"Sure, I'll take a literal god of war any day of the week," Three replied, "Now, who else should I pick?"

"That tall woman in the blue suit looks like a good candidate," Eight said while pointing to Samus.

"Me?" Samus replied, "I guess I can play," Samus was then transformed into an Inkling with a yellow hair color. The transformation left her shorter than she originally was to match normal Inkling height.

Three pointed to Wii Fit, who was standing next to Samus, "I'll pick you too," Wii Fit was transformed into an unnaturally pale Inkling with purple hair.

"It's like looking at a ghost," Eight commented.

"I know, right!" Orange and Three agreed.

"Hey! I can't help being this pale," Wii Fit responded, slightly offended by their casual remarks.

"Anyway, we got teams," Three moved on, "Now to teach the most important part of being an Inkling," Three turned herself into a blob of her colored ink and emerged from the ink as a squid, "Shapeshifting!"

"It's real easy," Orange butted in, "All you gotta do is… actually, it's so easy it's hard to explain. Know what I mean?"

"If I were to describe how to do it," Eight chimed in, "It's kinda like falling limp, sucking in your stomach, and… popping your ears at the same time,"

Lucas attempted to do the series of actions required to shapeshift, but he fell on his face instead. "Ow," Lucas said in a tone of defeat.

"We'll… work on that," Eight stated, "For everyone else, I don't really see a reason that any of you need to be here. Go enjoy the Inkopolis for everything it has to offer!"

The rest of the Smashers all parted ways while the rest of them learned them learned how to super jump, shapeshift, operate ink weapons, use sub weapons and specials and other essential info that an Inkling would need to know to participate in Turf Wars. By the end of it, Artreus found himself to be really good with a Charger, Kratos prefered to get up close and personal with an Octobrush, Samus felt comfortable with the .52 Gal, Wii Fit Trainer put her athleticism to use and chose the Splat Dualies to roll about, Tetra fancied the Blaster, and Lucas stuck with a simple Splattershot. By the end of the four hour crash course session, they were all competent newbs.

"We all learned quite a lot today," Eight announced, "I'm confident that you will be decent players… in time,"

"Yeah, we'll dominate the game pretty much," Orange agreed.

"If you think so, then perhaps you and {Three} should put yourselves at a disadvantage. Perhaps you could use less than optimal gear along with your worst weapon,"

"Oh no… not that," Three refused.

"I'm guessing you don't want to use the br-,"

"Don't! Don't even say that awful weapon's name,"

Orange leaned over to her sister's ear. "Brellas,"

"You're just as bad with them as I am!" Three replied.

"True, but I don't have such a passionate hatred for 'em either," Orange defended.

"It's decided," Eight declared, "You two will be using Brellas for tomorrow's game,"

"Not cool," Three whined.

"If that's all then me and Lucas are gonna head out," Orange announced.

"Wait… isn't that the guy you were talking about on the phone?" Three asked.

"Yeah, he's my boyfriend," Orange answered. Despite the occasional comments made in jest about Lucas being into kinky stuff, he felt really good when Orange told her sister that he was her boyfriend.

Three rolled her eyes. "Species aside, you've always been into dweebs," That feeling of pride Lucas had just gotten was instantly shot down by Three's remark.

"He's not a dweeb!" Orange defended.

"I heard he only got laid because of a dare," Tetra chimed in. She had been listening to the conversation nearby and wanted to mess with them somehow.

"Tetra!" Lucas shouted as Tetra hid away laughing. Three merely smirked at her younger sister, knowing that they both knew she was right.

"He's still pretty awesome though," Orange defended, "He taught me to read and he has the power to cure hangovers!"

"That's not exactly the selling point of my powers," Lucas commented.

"Whatever he is," Three said, "Human, Inkling or Octoling. Dweeb or not a dweeb. As long as he's not like that last guy you dated. I couldn't stand him,"

"You act like her dating an octoling would be a problem," Eight spoke up.

"I-I didn't mean it like that," Three defended, "I'm still woke,"

"I'm just messing with ya'," Eight laughed.

"Do y'all wanna come back to my place for drinks?" Orange offered, "Oh! I know! I'll invite the gang over and have Pit show us his bartending skills!"

"You have a full bar at your house?" Lucas asked.

"It's technically a penthouse… but yes," Orange answered.

* * *

The Phantom Thieves were walking around Inkopolis and enjoying the sights together. It was an oddly bizarre place for a human to roam around and very few citizens knew how to speak Japanesse or English, but they were still friendly nonetheless. They eventually stumbled upon an art museum, much to Yusuke's excitement. As they were browsing the art, Yusuke couldn't help but admire the Inkling's artwork. He only knew that Inklings were a species that evolved from squids that took the place of humanity twelve thousand years or so ago. But the artwork told much more. From the very first Inkling cave paintings, to contemporary pieces that depicted some of the more famous Smashers like Mario, he was able to learn more about their civilization's history. The styles and progression even seemed to mimic those of the human world. This was a once and a lifetime opportunity for the young artist and he was going to cherish every moment of it.

However, the rest of the gang was wondering why they were even doing all of this. Why were they out having fun when the source of their troubles could be taken care of right away. The only hang up was wondering how an entirely separate dimension could be the location of Ted's distorted desires, however, they knew they must act. This time, an entire city is now at risk to the unpredictable effects that Bob and Ted had on it.

"Look, even though all of Hell is this guy's hangout spot," Ryuji stated, "We have to go in and stop him. We killed a god for cryin' out loud!"

"Look, I understand," Akira agreed, "But what if we fail? This guy is much tougher than Yaldabaoth and if we lose here, it'll be that much harder to go against him next time,"

"We have to case his palace before sending him the calling card anyway," Ann mentioned, "Why don't we just take a peek,"

"If it's too much, we can come back and rethink our plan moving forward," Makoto added.

"Worst case scenario we'll just respawn the next morning anyway, right?" Futaba added.

"We may come back to life after we die here, but I've already died twice and let me tell you guys… I'm not a fan of it," Akira stated, "Although… it shouldn't hurt too at least see what we're up against,"

"So it's settled," Ryuji declared, "We're going to enter Ted's palace,"

"Inari! Let's go!" Futaba shouted over to Yusuke, who was busy admiring a painting of an Inkling woman cradling a little squid, which he assumed to be a baby Inkling, in her arms.

"But… this artwork," Yusuke breathed, "It's an entirely new perspective in the world of art. There's so much to-,"

"We got a heart to steal, dude!" Ryuji shouted.

"Why do you have to announce everything we do?" Morgana asked.

"I'm not that loud," Ryuji, "Besides, no one here understands us anyway,"

"Um… I do," Said an Inkling boy, around Orange's age, with blue hair in a topknot hairstyle, "So what are you guys doing here away from the tournament and why are you stealing hearts?"

"Who's asking?" Ryuji replied.

He began to say a word in Inklish, before realizing that they probably wouldn't understand and noticing that the name he was trying to say couldn't translate well into English. "Ugh… English is hard. Me and the Inkling in the tournament know each other. I actually mistook her," He pointed over to Futaba, "for the girl I know,"

"So you know Orange-chan?" Haru asked.

"Orange-chan? I get the orange part, but-,"

"It's more of a Japanese thing," Ann answered.

"Alright, but whose heart are you stealing?"

Akira got a little closer to the Inkling boy and gave him the lowdown. He briefly summarized the situation the Smashers were in and how they could change people by stealing their 'hearts'.

"So that's what we're trying to do," Akira finished, "Can I trust you to keep this to yourself for the time being?"

"There has to be a way I can help!" The blue Inkling offered.

"We'll be able to handle it… uh… mind if we call ya Blue," Ryuji said.

"Blue sounds fine," The Inkling agreed, "I'll see what I can do here. Good luck y'all!" Blue ran off in a hurry while Futaba pulled Yusuke away from the bronze statues of humanoid lobsters. Once they got together, Akira pulled up his phone and transported himself to The Underworld Bar in Super Hell. The place was closed at the moment and nobody else was in the building.

"This is where Pit works?" Futaba asked.

"It's a dump," Ann commented.

"I think that's supposed to be the point," Haru stated.

Akira then pulled up the Metaverse app. "Ready everyone?"

The Thieves agreed and Akira initiated the transportation into the Metaverse of Super Hell. Upon completion, the bar was what you'd consider to be an upscale establishment instead of an old rundown building furnished with water damaged yacht parts. A shadow version of Pit stood behind the counter, wearing what appeared to be the uniform of a standard theatre usher. He was startled by their sudden appearance, but had no ill intent.

"Oh, hey guy!" Shadow Pit greeted, "Can I get you anything to drink? The shows almost started,"

"No thanks and...what show?" Ann asked.

"I think it was called… um… Less Miserable or… something," Pit answered.

"Do you mean, _Les Misérables_?" Haru corrected.

"Whatever it's called, it doesn't sound too fun," Pit spoke, "But you're welcome to watch. Everyone is," Pit pointed to a set of double doors on the wall opposite to the exit.

"He's right. He doesn't see us as a threat yet," Morgana agreed. Other than himself being bipedal, the rest of the Phantom Thieves looked the exact same before coming into the palace.

"I guess we'll go see what this play is all about," Makoto figured.

The gang opened the doors to a theatre hall with almost all of the seats being empty with the exception of a few on the front row. On stage, a shadow version of Joker, dressed as a dirty peasant, was dragging a large broken mast with the French flag attached to it, dragging along the ground as well. He was dragging this flag to what appeared to be a shadow version of Akechi, the ill-fated rival of the Phantom Thieves, dressed up in a blue prison guard uniform. **A/N: Before anyone else asks, I'm ignoring what happens in Persona 5 Royal. I don't understand Japanese, folks. **Shadow Akira drops the mast at Shadow Akechi's feet.

"Now Prisoner 24601," Shadow Akechi sung, "Your time is up and your parole's begun," He pulls out a piece of yellow paper and hands it to the dirty Shadow Akira, "You know what that means?"

"Yes," Shadow Akira replies in song, "It means I'm free!"

"No," Shadow Akechi replied in tune, "Follow to the letter your itinerary. This badge of shame will show it until you die. It warns you're a dangerous man,"

"I stole a loaf of bread," Shadow Akira sung.

"Not to sound too egotistical," The real Akira whispered, "but casting me as Jean Valjean was a good call,"

"I wouldn't say the same for Akechi being casted as Javert," Makoto whispered back.

"Akechi doesn't quite represent his role as well as Joker, does he?" Yusuke discussed.

"You guys actually know about this… opera?" Ryuji whispered.

"I saw it a few years ago on Broadway," Ann whispered, "It was wonderful,"

"Ryuji just doesn't have as refined of tastes as you, Lady Ann," Morgana smirked.

"Oh yeah, have you seen it?" Ryuji asked.

"I'd see it if they'd allow pets into theatres," Morgana defended.

"Don't worry Ryuji," Futaba assured, "It's not a game, manga, or anime so this is all new to me too,"

"Cut!" Said a slightly distorted voice in an annoyed tone. The actors on stage stopped what they were doing and stood in place waiting for further instruction, "Who's talking during the performance?"

The lights turned on in the auditorium and revealed that there were two people watching the musical. They both turned around in their seats to see what the ruckus was. Before the thieves could hide, they caught a glimpse of the audience members. They were both Ted. On of the Teds looked how he'd normally look in reality, but the other Ted was dressed up as a pretentious, beret-wearing director.

"It's probably just the Phantom Thieves, no need to worry," The normal Ted assured.

"I agree," The Director Ted stated, "But they're ruining the show!"

Despite the trouble they were giving what they assumed to be Shadow Ted, their clothes still haven't changed. At this point, it was concerning that they weren't considered threats.

"You may as well come out," The real Ted called, "I already knew that you'd try to go for my treasure and I can simply kill you where you stand anyway," As the thieves rose from behind the seats, the real Ted pulled out a black notebook and a pencil and began writing in it.

"What's that? Your treasure?" Ann asked.

"This?" Ted asked, "Oh no, it's a Death Note. You're all got about thirty more seconds to live,"

"For real!?" Ryuji exclaimed.

"If I had to fight Dio, then that's the real deal," Akira sighed.

"Phantom Blood or Stardust Crusaders Dio?" Futaba asked.

"Is this the time to be asking such things," Yusuke asked, "Our deaths are imminent afterall,"

"Stupid Inari," Futaba scoffed, "Like I said, we'll respawn tomarrow. That, and I just really want to know,"

"I don't wanna die," Ann sobbed.

"Hey… Akira tells me the first death is always the worst," Ryuji lied in an effort to comfort her.

"No, that first death was over fairly qui-," Akira suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest. He instinctively clenched the area of the pain, but knew that nothing would help. A second later, Futaba followed, then Ryuji, then Ann, then Haru and Yusuke. Morgana watched as all of his friends clenched their chests and subsequently dropped dead to the floor. He waited for his turn, trembling in fear, but it never came.

"You might be wondering why you aren't dead," Ted said to Morgana, "The Death Note only works on humans, so instead I'll just have-,"

Shadow Ted fired a revolver at the cat and instantly killed him.

"A little early on the draw there," The real Ted critiqued.

"Yeah, I know," Shadow Ted sighed, "But thanks for helping me out with those guys,"

"No problem, Shadow Me. Now, what am I to expect after this musical?"

"I was thinking of a performance of _Sweeney Todd_," Shadow Ted suggested, "Starting Chrom as Sweeney Todd, Peach as Miss Lovett, Lucina as Johanna, Robin as Anthony, and the crazy beggar woman is Sumia,"

"Who will play Tobias?" The Real Ted asked.

"...Lucas!"

"I know what I'm doing for the rest of the afternoon,"

As the lights turned off and the play resumed, a shinigami with bulging yellow eyes stood over the dead and chuckled to himself. "Now this is entertainment,"

* * *

The impromptu party at Orange's penthouse was just beginning to die down. The cephalopods in attendance put on music that's popular in their world, including, but not limited to, songs by The Squid Sisters and Off the Hook. Pit worked his skill behind the bar and since he knew Inklish, he was able to read everything on the bottles and actually had an easier time making things than he did in The Underworld Bar. Ness proceeded to get sloshed along with Toony and Tetra while Orange caught up with Three and Eight. Since the cat was out of the bag about Three and Eight being secret agents, they got together and told stories of rescuing the Great Zapfish or saving the world from an evil A.I. The stories left Orange in awe. She knew her sister and her friend were cool, at least when they weren't on a business trip, but now that she knew what those business trips entailed, this put them above and beyond awesome.

Lucas listened to the stories and mingled with everyone. It was a small party with that mostly consisted of the friends he usually hung out with so he was a bit more comfortable than he usually would be in this sort of party environment. Especially after having a few drinks that Pit prepared. If alcohol tasted as good as the drinks Pit created, he'd drink more often. Once the agents were done with their stories (and also arguing about who saved how more times), they wanted to know about everyone else's adventures. Toony and Ness explained theirs as best as they could considering they were about a drink or two away from being passed out drunk. Pit spoke about his fight with Hades and inadvertently revealed to the agents that he can't fly, much to their amusement. Then the question was turned to Lucas.

"So, what'd you do that got you picked for a fighting tournament?" Three asked with a slight slur to her voice, "Curing hangovers ain't really a fight move,"

"You realize someone on your team fights people with yoga moves, right?" Orange asked.

"You get what I mean," Three retourted.

"I don't wanna bring everyone down," Lucas said, "My story's always been a bit of a downer,"

"If that's the case, we won't pry," Eight replied.

"Although, if you want to know something about my story. The villain behind everything was Ness's neighbor who time traveled far into the future,"

"You talkin' 'bout Porky!" Ness jumped. He was on the verge of falling asleep on the couch before Lucas mentioned him, "Man, fuck that guy! It's my fault for not stoppin' 'im sooner... If I eva' see that fatass again, I'll kick his ass!"

"We already did," Lucas said, "Remember Subspace?"

"I'll fuckin' do it again," Ness slurred.

"Now that's friendship," Three smiled as Eight nodded in agreement.

"Speakin' o' Subspace… where 'ere you, Toony?" Ness asked. Ness looked over to see Toony and Tetra had fallen asleep next to each other, "Oh yeah, you ova'slept,"

Soon after, Ness fell asleep as well and the party began to disband. Orange offered everyone who didn't already make themselves at home to spend the night, which everyone accepted. Three and Eight didn't trust themselves to super jump back home without jumping into a garbage can or two after drinking as much as they did anyway. The agents took the spare bedrooms while Pit crashed on a couch that didn't have passed out drunks on it.

"Wanna check out my room?" Orange whispered to Lucas.

"Is this going where I think it's going?" Lucas asked.

Orange grinned and grabbed Lucas by the arm, leading him down the hall to her room. Along the way, they were stopped by Three and Eight, dho were chatting in the hallway.

"What are you two doing?" Three inquired.

"Just… letting Lucas try on some gear," Orange lied, "I want him to look fresh during the match tomorrow,"

"I don't think he's allowed to run around in his birthday suit though," Eight quipped.

"Nice one!" Three exclaimed before the two of them high-fived.

The couple were slightly flustered and embarrassed by Eight calling them out. "Sh-shut up!" They blurted.

"You're both adults. It's whatever," Three shrugged, "Although, with Lucas bring an Inkling, this'll probably be the least kinky night you've spent together,"

"We're not kinky!" Orange and Lucas protested.

"You squids have fun," Three smiled as she walked away with Eight. As they walked over to their rooms, Right had something to say.

"Again, you're implying that there's something weird about Inklings and Octolings hooking up," She pointed out

"{Eight}, I will literally make out with you, right now, if it'll give me a pass on accidental speciesism,"

Eight smirked. "Bet,"

Three wasn't really expecting such a response, but if she had to make out with any woman, there weren't many better options than her.

Back to Lucas and Orange, who were at the door leading to Orange's bedroom. "She knows I'm not really an adult right?" Lucas asked.

"You are here," Orange answered, "In this world, you're pretty much an adult when you can shapeshift, and that usually happens when were fourteen,"

"Doesn't that seem a bit young?"

"Not when the average life expectancy is, like, fifty-five," Orange replied matter-a-factly.

"Fifty-five!" Lucas was shocked.

"It's possible to live for way longer but it's a long process and I can't shoot ink after that. Like, what's the point?" Orange opened the door and behind it revealed a large master bedroom with an armory of Orange's weapons on one side (some of which were missing because she had packed them for Smash). On the other was a large walk in closet that was left open, revealing a wide array of shirts, shoes, and headwear. The walls decorated with splatters of multi color paint. There was a mini fridge by one of the bedside tables. The bed itself we was a King sized bed with blue blankets and an abundance of pillows.

As Orange smiled upon stepping into her room once again, she couldn't help but notice that Lucas was a little bothered by her previous statement.

"Hey, don't worry," Orange assured, "Despite the crap that we've gone through, I'm living my best life,"

"It just seems… kinda short," It seemed like an odd opinion to have considering his previous bouts of depression.

"Sure, but you know what they say, 'carp diem',"

"You mean carpe diem?"

"You're such a dweeb," Orange giggled. The two began to make out and I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

LIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEE

In the redheaded chef's world, it is only a few months after Bob's first interference. He had just qualified to compete in a cooking tournament along with many of his friends and rivals. They threw a party in their dorm to celebrate the victory, but the redheaded chef took a break from it all and stood on the front balcony. He mulled over his perceived loss to another aspiring chef, even though there was much contention between judges over which dish was better.

"Soma-kun," A soft female voice called from behind him. He turned around to see a familiar woman with blue hair done up in two braided pigtails.

"Hey, Tadakoto," Soma replied, "What's up?"

"Um… I just thought you didn't look like yourself, that's all," She replied.

The two discussed how they first met, the preliminary rounds, while thanking and encouraging each other on a job well done. Eventually, the entire gang found their way to the dorm to continue the party with notable characters such as a blonde, tan woman with breasts that defy physics and an upperclassman that was naked with the exception of a pink apron with a cartoon bear head on it. Just as the nude man threw his apron up in the air, revealing that he was, in fact, still wearing a racing swimsuit. A portal appeared and Bob stepped out of it.

The tanned woman, who was yelling in shock at the naked man's antics, screamed (along with most everyone else) when they saw what appeared to be something out of a sci-fi movie.

"Who are you!?" Tadakoto screamed, "Am… Am I the only one seeing this? Soma-kun?"

Soma, who still remained somewhat calm after this appearance, conformed to his friend that she was not crazy.

"My bad for freaking y'all out," Bob apologized, "Usually I don't do that unless I pick you guys for my games,"

"What games?" Soma asked.

"You don't gotta worry about that… yet," Bob hinted, "But I do need your help specifically, Soma Yukihira,"

"It's Yukihira Soma," He corrected, "It's a common mistake for new foreigners to make… wait… how do you know my name?"

"Dude, I just stepped through a portal that linked this universe to a version of Earth inhabited by squid people," Bob explained, "Names are easy," Bob looked toward the hypothetical camera, "And Ted swapped the names around because the Persona gang have their's swapped around in the American releases, so it's consistency. Or so he thinks,"

"Who the hell are you talking too?!" Everyone shouted.

"The audience," Bob states matter-a-factly, "Now let's go Soma, you got food to make for Nintendo Princesses! You'll be back in a matter of hours in this world so you'll be fine,"

"Wha-," Soma stammered before having his arm grabbed by the host and being forced into a portal with him. Before the dorm residents even had time to process what just happened, another portal appeared. This time the portal seemed to stretch the space around a single long cut in the air. Out from the portal popped some tattered and beaten down members of the Phantom Thieves. They were more than a few members light, however. Akira jumped through the portal only wearing a sweaty tank top and shorts while Futaba and Makoto followed, wearing similar light clothing. Upon entering this universe, Futaba immediately broke down into tears due to the apparent stress placed upon this alternate version of the Phantom Thieves.

"Why'd I listen to him?" Akira asked himself.

"Ryuji… Morgana… all of them… gone," Makoto muttered.

"Yusuke!" Futaba cried.

The student chefs all rushed toward the three multiverse travelers, but as the nearly nude man went over, he couldn't help but notice an unusually cold breeze.

* * *

It was the morning of the game and the pop duo, Off the Hook, weren't too thrilled about coming into the studio today. The moment they walked on set they were reminded of the horrifying hostage situation they were in when Bob was ordering crew members around and threatening to kill them. Ted sat back and played on his phone while the Smashers got seated as part of the studio audience. The Turf Wars players were warming up at Blackbelly Skatepark and will be teleported after the match reaches its conclusion.

And yet despite all this, there was one thing that kept the duo from being completely miserable, the amazing aroma coming from the caterer's cooking was something to look forward to.

"That smells so good," Marina smiled, "I can't wait to have more of the chef's food,"

"Later girls, later," Bob informed, "You'll be on in just a moment,"

Pearl and Marina took their usual positions. Soon after, the intro jingle started and they were live.

"Y'all know what time it is!" Pearl announced.

Bob suddenly teleported between the duo. "It's Mr. Insaneguy's Truth or Dare Show, coming at you live from Inkopolis Square! With your host, me, Bob Insaneguy!

"You stole 'Rina's line!" Pearl complained.

"We aren't really in the position to complain, Pearlie," Marina reminded her.

"That's right!" Bob confirmed, "Off the Hook and all the fighters in Super Smash Brothers are my hostages! They gotta do whatever weirdos on the internet say or suffer the consequences,"

"What kind of internet weirdo?" Pearl asked.

"The fanfiction enthusiasts," Bob answered.

Pearl and Marina screamed while Bob pulled out his notecards. "We have quite the show lined up for you folks. We're going to be starting off with a short game of Turf Wars before we get to our main event, but first, a message from our sponsors,"

Ted walks into the camera's view. "Hi, I'm Ted. With all the concerns over privacy and protection online. You need an extra layer of protection to keep your information safe,"

"Whether you want to search for something that's banned in an authoritarian country or you just wanna look up some Viridi Rule 34-" Bob continued.

"Wait, what?" Viridi muttered.

"You can always count on NordVPN," Bob finished. While the real hosts did the ad reel, Marina got out her phone.

"A VPN stands for virtual private network. With it, it'll encrypt your data and keep it safe from advertisertizing companies and hackers," Ted said.

"It doesn't just work on computers," Bob spoke, "It works on phones and other devices too. With a simple push of a button, you are protected from those pesky hackers,"

"And… done," Marina said.

"Done with what?" Pearl asked.

"Hacking NordVPN," Marina replied.

"A fellow hacker, I see," Futaba smiled.

"Well shit…," Bob paused, "There goes our sponsorship money,"

"While we look for a new sponsor, let's tune into some Turf Wars!" Ted announced. The video feed for anyone tuning into Off the Hook cut to Blackbelly Skatepark, where the teams were talking amongst themselves about the match to come.

"All right dudes," Orange briefed, "We're gonna win this if you just remember that inking turf is more important than getting splats. That being said, if we can take mid, we'll have an early advantage. Tetra, Lucas, you both can go on the offensive with your weapons. Artreus, you try to stay back. Remember that your shots can corner enemies. Use that to your advantage,"

Orange gave a few more last minute tips until it was time for both teams to step on the respawn panel. Lucas liked that Orange was usually very happy-go-lucky, but when it came to competition, especially in the realm of ink sports, she had that drive to win. It's what makes her a good opponent to fight in Smash.

"And remember, the winner is usually decided in the last thirty seconds of the game anyway. Keep up the pressure till the end!" The combatants all assumed their squid forms and rested until the announcements began.

Eight, who was overseeing the match with the cats Judd and Lil' Judd, began to read from a pre-written note card. "Welcome to the Mr. Insaneguy's Turf Wars Exhibition Match. Today, we have a sibling rivalry going on. {Orange} and her sister, {Three}, will each be leading a team of total newbs," She went off script for a moment, "Seriously, these dudes just became cephalopods yesterday. Would the teams please rise?"

The teams shapeshifted back into their humanoid forms. Everyone on Orange's team was dyed orange while Three's team was dyed purple. They all wield their weapons of choice and waited for the countdown.

Once it hit zero, the games began. Both teams began shooting wildly around spawn and toward the center of the stage. Artreus gave their team the team a slight advantage with reaching the center, since his charger allowed a large trail of ink to be spread, allowing for a clear path. On the other team, they were doing much of the same thing. Kratos found it odd to be flinging his weapon in the air without hitting anything, but he knew this was the goal of the game.

Team Orange reached the center first but from there, most of the match was a constant struggle for the center. Orange was experienced at these sports, arguably one of the best, even with the brella used at a disadvantage, but her sister was no slouch either. Despite her complaining, she adapted her tactics to be more on the defensive, using the brella to shield her teammates from attacks.

It also didn't help Orange that their team simply had more fighting experience. Samus is a galactic bounty hunter and Kratos is literally a God of War. Even with Wii Fit having little fighting experience outside of the tournament and a few boxing lessons, Team Purple was still a formidable foe. At just over a minute left, all of Team Orange was splatted at around the same time. This was bad because they'd lose a lot of turf, but it was still possible to come back from this. Once _Now or Never_ began playing over the speakers, they respawned. Orange charged forward with Tetra and Lucas following close behind. Atreus followed in the rear.

Once the team started making progress in enemy ink, Artreus noticed some ripples in the purple. He charged his weapon and sure enough, his father jumped out to greet the Lucas and Tetra with an inkbrush. They were only slightly covered in ink before Orange could get her brella up and by the time she did. Atreus took the shot. It was a direct hit and Kratos exploded, leaving behind a splatter of Orange ink.

Soon, the rest of the team appeared. Wii Fit immediately charged in, rolling past ink being shot her way and trying to find an opening in their defense. Meanwhile, Three launched her brella, offering Samus a moving shield to get closer to their enemy. Between the two of them, they hope to sandwich their team in a barrage of ink.

However, Artreus was still there. He repositioned and fired a shot, breaking the line created by the brella and stopping Samus in her tracks. Samus had to either leave squid form or momentarily hop out of the ink to continue swimming in the brella's path. She choose to hop out, Tetra saw with and started blasting. Samus was damaged by the ink and if it hadn't been for her ink resistant gear, it might have been a splat. Next course of action was a temporary retreat. She hid behind a wall while Tetra chased after and tried to land the finishing blow. Samus managed to be successful and took the spare second to recharge her ink tank, however, there was one thing Samus wasn't expecting. The blaster can hit around corners.

While Samus was splatted, Lucas and Orange tried to take care of Three and Wii Fit. Wii Fit had just gained the ability to use her special and did the rookie mistake of trying it immediately. Just as she pulled out the Tenta Missile Launcher, Lucas splatted her. It was a matter of time before Orange and Lucas got the drop on Three and as she was blocking Lucas, Orange landed the final hit to her sister. By the time they had taken care of the team, Kratos was respawning. They made quick work of taking back the center. There was some resistance in the final seconds, but in the end, it didn't matter.

Admittedly, it was a close match. Looking at the map from a bird's eye view, it was hard to discern the winner. Luckily, Judd and Lil' Judd naturally had an eye for this kind of thing. With an area coverage of 48.4% and 49.3% for each team. Orange's team barely got the victory. Team Orange cheered as the victory theme played played for them.

Kratos walked over to Atreus. "I still do not quite understand the point of this game. I find the main objective to be ridiculous. However, I still believe you did a good job, boy,"

"Thanks Dad," Atreus smiled.

"Don't get too smug," Three told Orange, "It was a close match,"

"Aww, is someone being a sore loser," Orange mocked.

"Sounds like you're being a sore winner," Three remarked.

"Now, back to Mr. Insaneguy," Eight announced.

"Oh, right," Orange realized.

Everyone was teleported back the studio audience. Kratos, Artreus, and the rest of the non-cephalopods were reverted back to their original forms. Bob pulled out his notecards and began to start the real games.

"That was great and all, but it took us quite a while to get here folks,"

"Ten thousand words and I haven't even transcribed everything from earlier yet," Ted chimed in.

"Let's start this session off with some dares from Tales," Bob announced. Bob snapped his fingers and the cameras cut to Kirby, who was in the audience, growing what appeared to be a rainbow afro. The pink ball was initially alarmed, but once he saw himself in a reflection on one of the unused monitors, he was as happy as he usually was, "Not many people can pull off the rainbow afro and we're glad you can. For our next dare, Ryuji has to say the word 'fuck',"

"Fuck…," Ryuji said bluntly, "Why's this a dare?"

"You tend to avoid saying it, for some reason," Akira noted.

"It's surprising considering how you're foul-mouthed you are," Morgana sassed.

"Don't start this early, cat!" Ryuji warned.

"By the way, some people can hear the cat talk," Ted said to the camera, "You know though, why don't we have Morgana talk to everyone? Let's be inclusive!" From this point on, Morgana can be understood by everyone.

"I'd like that," Morgana agreed, "Better company than this guy,"

"Why you-," Ryuji growled.

"Moving on!" Bob continued, "Makoto! You're drunk now. Like, really drunk… you probably won't remember too much,"

Makoto suddenly felt a wave of warmth wash over her. As this happened, she felt a bit more 'loose', some would say. At first, she was alarmed and a bit ticked off at the fact that she was essentially drugged, but once the booze fully kicked in, she let out a decent laugh. Who knew being drunk would feel so fun?!

Her friends noticed the sudden shift in her demeanor and were a bit worried for her.

"Are you alright Mako-chan?" Haru asked with concern.

Makoto put her arm around Haru and leaned a bit on her as a drunk person would. "I'm doin' aight, Haru," She slurred, "I used to not see myself getting like this, but now… it's not so bad,"

"Should we be concerned that you'll develop a dependence?" Yusuke asked.

"...Nah!" Makoto smiled.

"That's not a good sign," Akira said to himself.

"Futaba, bitchslap Yusuke," Bob dared.

Futaba, who was sitting in her chair like a certain weirdo detective off of a popular anime turned toward the young artist and slapped him across the face, leaving a big red mark on his cheek.

Makoto drunkenly laughed at the display along with Ryuji. "Dude! She got you good!" Ryuji laughed.

"It's concerning that you had no second thoughts whatsoever," Yusuke said to Futaba.

"It's just a slap, Inari," She defended, "Besides, I'm not trying to die again. It hurts,"

"Told ya'," Akira said smugly.

"Next dare!" Bob moved on, "Chrome will be temporarily sexually attracted to his toothbrush,"

"How the hell does that work?!" Chrom blurted.

"I don't know," Ted replied, "But we have a slideshow that might help,"

On the television between Pearl and Marina, a slideshow featuring Chrom brushing his teeth with his toothbrush played to the song _Freek'n You _by Jodeci. Everyone who had seen a few episodes of Jojo part five found the slideshow more humorous than the rest of the Smashers, but the message of the slideshow came across to everyone. Chrom awkwardly laid his blade across his lap. Robin realized what this meant and couldn't help chuckling.

"What's so funny now?" Lucina asked. She understood the slideshow was supposed to be seductive but she is sometimes a bit slow to understand some things.

"Well…," Robin said, "You're dad is… at attention,"

"What do…," She finally got it, "Ew! Why'd I ask!?"

"Snake, enjoy chainsaw arms," Bob declared as the man's forearms morphed into the gas powered cutting machines. Although they weren't on due to the excess noise it would make in the studio.

"These next dares are from Kainovocaloidfan1," Bob announced, "He wants to personally tourture me with sharp objects and explosives. Too bad for him, we're booked on guest stars and I can't feel pain,"

"Really?" Pearl smiled. She swiftly jumped up and tried to stab Bob in the kidney with a knife she had on her person. The blade went through a few layers of artificial skin, but not much deeper than that. Bob hardly reacted and Pearl pulled the knife out to find that the blade was covered in oil.

"You're a robot!?" Pearl panicked.

"Why does A.I. always gotta be evil?" Eight sighed.

"I originally died a while ago," Bob explained. He made a flask materialize in his hand and took a swig from it, "Don't remind me,"

"We still need to throw bombs at him!" Makoto pointed out.

"You're a lot more fun drunk" Ryuji said to her.

Makoto glared at the blonde. "Shudyup Ryuji,"

"She told you," Ann giggled.

"That was hardly a burn," Ryuji protested.

"But she is right, we do need to blow you up a bit," Ted informed Bob.

"Do your wo-," Bob was interrupted by Ted launching a round from a grenade launcher at the robotic host's chest. The shockwave of the blast knocked Pearl and Marina away but Bob took the full brunt of the blast. Once everyone had recovered, they found Bob lying on the ground with his chest cavity exposed, revealing a series of complex mechanisms and what appeared to be a human liver, of all things. Bob operating system was going through recovery mode and that left him out of commission for the time being. Ted dragged the metal man off to the side and took his place.

"We apologise for that," Ted said, "We'll give Bob a second to recover from that, until then, I'm taking control. Now to continue where we left off, all the Links and Zeldas get these cards. Ted passes out green cards with two arrows going opposite directions. Ness leaned over to see what Toony got and recognized the card.

"You gave them a reverse Uno card?" Ness spoke.

"Not just any reverse Uno card," Ted clarified, "You don't know this because the meme has yet to be created in your world, but the reverse card holds immense power. Capable of reversing the effects of something back at someone… Now that I think about it, it's probably not a good idea to be passing them out, but whatever, Bayonetta and Sonic switch bodies,"

The two aforementioned fighters had their minds swapped. They had their personality and mannerisms, but their voices were that of the body they inhabited.

"Woah!" Sonic exclaimed in Bayonetta's body, "I feel weird being so… naked,"

"How can you say that when you literally run around in just your sneakers?" Bayonetta asked in Sonic's body.

"Does this mean I get to use your weird hair powers?" Sonic asked.

Suddenly, a portal appeared and a wicked weave fist punched Sonic and knocked him a few feet away. "I guess not," Bayonetta smirked.

"Ow!" Sonic whined.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Bayonetta taunted, "It was merely a love tap. Do you think I'd get rough with my own body?"

"Depends on the context," Sonic joked.

"Now that we're done with those dares, we have… another ad reel!" Ted announced, "Phantom Thieves, are any of you familiar with Raid: Shadow Legends,"

"Yeah!" Ryuji answered, "I've been playing it since we got here," Futaba glared at him, "What?"

"Really Ryuji? I'm disappointed in you," Futaba lectured, "Mobile games are trash,"

"It looks like a console game though. You like consoles, right?"

"Yeah, but it's just like any other pay to win mobile game garbage,"

"C'mon, I haven't spent that much on it and I've gotten pretty far. Back me up here, Akira,"

"She's right, Mobile games are trash," Akira stated.

"Ryuji, Futaba, shill the game for the audience," Ted dared.

"What!? I can't compromise my beliefs. Not on this issue!" Futaba declared.

"Look, I have to model for products that I don't use or believe in all the time," Ann stated, "It won't hurt to get out there and read a script or something,"

"But… I'll be on live TV," Futaba meekly said.

"You… kinda already are," Marina pointed out as she pointed to a camera aimed at her. Futaba immediately hid behind her seat.

"God, it's not like the people watch will remember this long," Ted scoffed.

"What do you mean by-," Three tried asking.

"If you do this, you won't die," Ted offered.

Futaba slowly rose and walked to the front of the set with Ryuji. They both positioned themselves with the television between them and footage of Raid: Shadow Legends began to play.

"Alright! We're here to talk about this innovative RPG called Raid: Shadow Legends," Ryuji began.

"Almost as innovative as RPGs like The Elder Scrolls, Diablo, the Mother series, early tabletop games," Futaba interjected with snarkyness.

"Thank you! Somebody gets it!" Ness shouted.

"What even is the Mother series anyway?" Ryuji asked.

"Boo this man!" Ness shouted, "C'mon Lucas, you gotta help represent!"

"You're the only one bothered by it," Lucas replied.

"As I was saying," Ryuji continued, "It's taking the world of mobile gaming by storm. It's got, like, thirty million somethin' downloads and an almost perfect rating in the app store,"

"I bet half of them are bots," Futaba scoffed.

"The graphics are so cutting edge, it looks like your playing a console game,"

"Early PS3 at best," Futaba mumbled.

"It's got a story mode, PvP, tournaments, and hundreds of characters to choose from,"

"None of which have character development,"

"Can't you at least say one nice thing about the game?" Ryuji asked.

Futaba thought about it for a moment. "That's impossible,"

"Look, just finish the ad. Say something about bonus gold if you click on a referral link or something,"

Futaba groaned. "You get fifty thousand gold if you click on the referral link in the description of this video,"

"We're on TV," Pearl said.

"Alright, then on your official website or something. Have fun pushing the auto battle button in this 'immersive' game," Futaba then raised her arms in the air, "PC master race!"

The two thieves left the front of the set and returned to their seats.

"I just got back with the people who develop Raid," Ted announced, "We aren't getting money from them either. But I'll allow you to live because I agree, Mobile games are trash,"

"Whatever," Ryuji scoffed.

Bob, who was still laid out on the ground with the front of his chest missing, woke up in recovery mode. The various sensors that his robotic body used to sense the outside world were malfunctioning in a way that made him experience the world as if he were dizzy. He may have been broken, but with Ted's magic, he was able to instantly repair himself. His sensors recalibrated and he was back in full operation.

"Are you back?" Ted asked.

"Fuck you," Ted cursed.

"You're fine. Here's the next dares," Ted walked over and handed off the stack off note cards to Bob. Bob got up and took his place in the middle of the Off the Hook set and read the next dares.

"Alright, we got dares from Ac. I guess now is as good of time as any to see what Soma's got in the kitchen. I've asked him to make something that you could all enjoy in your seats. Something compact,"

Soma entered the room with a few inkling stagehands pushing carts with bowls of some kind of steak and rice dish. "What do we have here, Soma?"

"I decided to go back and revisit a previous recipe I've created. The Chaliapin Steak Don!" Soma said with confidence.

The Smashers walked up to the cart and each took a bowl for themselves. As Kratos and his son took their bowls, he couldn't help but notice the wonderful scent the dish gave off. He was one of the first to take a bite and his mind was blown.

He momentarily found himself back in the days of his youth. Long before the days he ascended to Godhood, back when he was a simple Spartan soldier. He remembered how it felt to come home after a long day of brutal training to a warm meal. It made him feel nostalgic in a sense.

"This meal…," The god muttered, "It seems to be such a simple dish and yet… it is better than any meal of the gods. The tenderness of the meat… the flavor of the sauce… and the rice… do I taste plums?"

"Yes!" Soma answered, "I used pickled plums paste in the don's rice,"

"Such an amazing balance of flavor," Kratos continued.

"Wow, I've never seen you like this before," Artreus spoke as he took a spoonful of the don, "I guess it must be that good," Artreus was correct in his assumption as the boy felt the flavor cover his mouth. He couldn't stop eating.

Everyone ate the dish and the taste was as close to orgasmic as you could possibly get. Mild mannered princesses found themselves scraping the bowl for the last meager spoonful of rice. It was a meal that simultaneously asked to be savored, yet beckoned one to continue. The smashers showered the young chef in praise.

Soma took off his headband and shouted, "Glad you liked it!"

"Lucky bastards," Bob scoffed, "You and your ability to taste. At least I can't taste how terrible booze is,"

"Sounds like you're just trying to make yourself feel better about not having any of your humanity," Falco quipped.

"Fuck you, Falco,"

"So… can I leave now?" Soma asked, "I have a tournament to compete in,"

"You sure you want to leave now?" Ted asked, "The Mario Brothers are literally right there,"

"I've never been into video games," Soma answered.

"Told ya we should have gotten Cooking Mama," Bob whispered to Ted. He then turned back toward Soma, "Well, a deal's a deal, I'll take you home," Bob opened a portal and as he walked through it, he sensed the temperature drop the second he put his foot through. Bob pushed Soma away from the portal before he could enter, "Something's up!"

"What?" Soma asked.

"It's pretty cold,"

"How cold?"

"Zero degrees," Bob answered.

"That doesn't sound so bad,"

"Zero degrees… Kelvin,"

"Uh… what?"

"no way, that's physically impossible," Sans remarked, "nothing can be absolute zero. there's always heat coming from somewhere that warms up the molecules in the air… unless… the entire universe has somehow gone cold,"

"Gone cold?" Soma muttered, "What about my friends?"

Sans shrugged. "don't know what to tell ya, kid. at absolute zero, even the molecules in the air don't move. i hate to say this, but your friends… well, they aren't alive anymore,"

Soma was devastated. He clenched his fists in rage. "What. Did. You. Do?"

"I didn't turn the thermostat on your universe down, if that's what your asking?"

"My friends… my dad… everyone I knew is now dead," This was as far away from cooking experience that Soma could possibly be. He wasn't equipped to handle something like this. Bob got bored with Soma's eventual breakdown and decided to end it early. He shot him in the face, on live television, without a second thought. Many of the staff and crew were horrified by the live execution, including Pearl and Marina.

"Why'd you kill him!?" Marina whined.

"He had nothing to live for," Bob replied nonchalauntly, "I did him a favor. That and I kinda want to see how Ac reacts to this. Speaking of Ac, we still gotta do his dares," Bob teleported the dead chef's body off the set, "So Tetra, Ac and KirbyPwnz1234 are curious about how you acted in your princess persona. They say you seemed more docile than normal,"

"Now that you mention it… oh hell no! You ain't doing that to me," Tetra protested.

"You shall now be that alternate persona!" Bob dared.

Tetra, in a borderline panic, threw up the reverse Uno card as Bob cast his spell. The spell came back to Bob as he screamed in the shining light that enveloped him. When the light went away, Bob was dressed up as a princess.

Bob giggled girlishly. "Well played, Tetra," Bob was suddenly overridden by a back up program. His face turned expressionless. "Initiating personality retention protocol!" Bob snapped out of his trance and looked down to see that he was a princess, while the Smashers laughed. "I hate Uno. Young Link, I'm assuming you want to reverse Uno card me into sitting on a sizzling grill for ten minutes,"

"Uh… yeah,"

Bob made a grill appear and he sat on top of it. Since he couldn't feel pain, all it did was slowly burn away at the dress he was wearing. "And Toony, I assume you want to reverse Uno card your way into not kissing Tetra and groping her butt,"

"Uh… no," Toony replied, "Why would I say no to that!?"

"I now really want you to give up those cards," Bob answered.

Tetra leaned over to Toony and while they kissed, Toony reached around to grope Tetra's butt. He was always happy to do stuff like this and being sober is a bonus.

"You're lucky you're… somewhat attractive," Tetra said in an effort to save face.

"Whatever you say," Toony smiled in contentment.

"Princess and Hero of the Wild," Bob continued, "Make out, with tongue, for an hour,"

"That sounds awfully long," She commented. Link just shrugged. The two left the audience to do the dare and everyone moved on.

"Orange, eat a small portion of yourself," Bob dared.

"Woah! What the fuck!" Orange blurted, "Are you crazy?!"

"You eat squid anyway," Bob argued.

"You do!" Ness and Toony said in surprise.

"Lesser evolved squids," Three clarified, "But we don't go full blown cannibalism,"

"Auto-cannabalism," Ted corrected.

"I guess the easiest way to do this is to get a haircut," Orange remarked, "I hate getting them. They hurt so much,"

Bob used his fingers and made a snipping motion with his fingers. As soon as he did, Orange's tentacle hair was cut down neck high. The severed tips reformed to make rounded off tentacles as she screamed from the pain.

"I HATE HAIRCUTS!"

"Beauty is pain," Pearl remarked.

"I dunno. I like growing my tentacles out," Marina said.

"I wasn't talking about you 'Rina. I love your hairstyle,"

"Aww, thanks Pearlie,"

"Stupid haircuts," Orange muttered to herself.

"If it makes you feel any better," Lucas said, "Your new hairstyle looks cute,"

Orange, despite the mild headache that the haircut seemed to have brought on, couldn't help being flattered by Lucas's compliment. "Thanks," She blushed. She grabbed one of her amputated tentacles off the ground, "Wanna bite?"

"Why would you offer that!?" Lucas gasped. Orange giggled as she took a bite from the tentacle. It was surprisingly okay all things considered.

"You gotta admit," Eight said to Three, "They look adorable together,"

"Sure, in a dweeby kind of way," Three agreed.

"I think at this point, that's expected," Eight agreed.

"Pit, here's this slightly bladed riding crop," Bob said. He motioned for Pit to show up at the front of the set, along with Viridi, and gave the riding crop to Pit.

"Uh… what do I do with this?" Pit asked, "And why'd you bring Viridi over here?"

"You must whip Viridi's bare bottom with this, making sure you leave a couple marks," Bob explained.

"I wish the roles were reversed now," Viridi angrily muttered to herself.

"What was that?" Pit asked.

"Nothing! Just… Let's get this over with!" Viridi lifted the back off her dress, revealing her butt and the black panties she wore underneath. Pit hesitantly and softly whipped Viridi a few times. The knowledge that his goddess, his friends, and millions of Inklings across Inkopolis made him more than nervous.

"That's not gonna leave a mark," Bob stated, "You need to hit harder,"

"Harder?"

"Ugh! Just give my ass a hard whip or two so I can stop doing this!" Viridi demanded.

Pit gave her booty a good thrashing and left a couple of lashes that could possibly turn into scars. Viridi left down her dress, glared at Bob, and marched back to her seat with Pit. She tried to sit back down, but the whipping was harder than she anticipated, making sitting uncomfortable for the time being.

"I'm so sorry Viridi!" Pit apologized profusely, "I-,"

"It's fine," Viridi huffed, "It's not like you wanted to hit me or anything. I just wished you stopped sooner… I'm going to get some ice,"

As Viridi walked away Palutena leaned over toward Pit. "I would have thought she'd yell at you. All things considered, she seems to be warming up to you,"

"Even after that and… uh…,"

"Doing it in a closet on the beach," Tetra stated. She was sitting in the row in front so she could eavesdrop on the conversation.

"Tetra!" Pit blurted.

"Yes, even that," Palutena said, "I think by the end of this, you'll actually have a girlfriend,"

"Isn't she our enemy? And also, what do you mean by 'actually'?"

"Don't worry about that," Palutena assured, "And I've been thinking, if you two start dating, maybe we won't have to fight The Forces of Nature,"

"Well… I'll admit that she's pretty and not so bad once you get to know her, but how do I go about asking her out?"

"Ugh! You already banged her and she's shown interest in you," Tetra blurted, "Just walk up to her, ask if you want to date or something, and she'll probably say something like," She began to mock Viridi's voice, "Ugh! I guess I could do worse! Trust me, she's into you,"

"Thanks Tetra," Palutena said, "That was a bit more crude than I would have put it, but I suppose it gets the point across,"

"But maybe you should wait before asking her," Rosalina, who was sitting by Palutena, suggested, "You did just whip her a bunch of times,"

"Bowser Junior, did you bring Nui Prime?" Bob asked.

"Who?" Bowser Jr. replied.

"The jizzsock,"

"I left it in my room back at the manor,"

"Well, here it is," Bob teleported the cum stained sock from Bowser Jr's bedroom to his lap, "Now we have a few dares for her. So, if you will…,"

"Wait, you want me to put my hand in there?" Bowser Jr asked.

"Yes, it's the only way that we can talk to her,"

"That sounds gross," Bowser Jr remarked.

"Son, how much have you been using that thing?"

"Um… a lot,"

"Fine, we can make this work," Bob sighed. He made a small cactus in a jar appear and set it by Bowser Jr, "Put the sock on that,"

"She'll yell… a lot more than usual," Bowser Jr warned.

"We have a lot of dares for her. One of which should keep that in check," Bob assured. Bowser Jr. then obliged and put the sock over the cactus. Suddenly, the sock sprang to life. She screamed in agonizing pain until Bob cast a quick spell.

"You know, this isn't too bad," The sock smiled, "As a matter a fact… this is the happiest I've been since the games," A tear began to form in her eye, although I ain't gonna say what it's made of, "I love you, Prickly!"

"What's wrong with her?" Bowser Jr asked, "She's never happy,"

"She's in love with the cactus," Bob explained, "Nui, we have a few dares for you,"

"They better not rip me away from Prickly!" The sock raged, "I may just be a sock, but I can scream forever damn it!"

"Only because I believe it'd be gross for Giga Bowser to use you, you can stay on the cactus," Ted said. Bowser felt as though he's dodged a bullet.

"We want you to read the Bible, cover to cover," Bob dared, "That'll take awhile, but for now, you can be a model in Yusuke's new painting,"

"You want me to paint a sullied sock puppet on a cactus?" Yusuke asked.

"I only have little bastard teenagers to blame for violating me!" Nui corrected.

"Yes, Yusuke," Bob confirmed, "And make sure it's as disturbing as possible. It's due by the start of next session. But for Ac's last dare, Ryuji's gotta bridal carry Ann,"

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" Morgana shouted.

"What's wrong dude, I just have to carry her," Ryuji said, "Easy enough,"

"Yeah, but it's a bridal carry!" Morgana said, "What if you're both forced into marriage or something?"

"Morgana, you worry too much," Ann giggled. She seemed oblivious to Morgan's intentions for protesting the dare, "It's not like the dare told us to get married,"

"To be fair, this wouldn't be the first time a surprise wedding happened," Ted pointed out.

"Hope you're not so weak that you can't carry me," Ann smiled at Ryuji.

"I dunno, you have been eating a lot of chocolate recently," Ryuji said. Ann huffed at Ryuji's rude, but expected remark while Akira and Futaba looked at him with a face that basically said 'Dude, what the fuck was that?'. Ryuji was able to carry Ann fairly easy.

"Does this work for you?" Ryuji asked.

"It's alright," Ann answered.

"I was talking to Bob!" Ryuji clarified.

"We're done with Ac's dares, you can set her down," Bob said.

Ryuji did just that. Futaba suddenly jumped up from her seat and pointed to Bob, "Your next line will be 'Now our next dares are from KirbyPwnz1234!',"

"Now our next dares are from KirbyPwnz- what!?" Bob blurted.

Futaba then looked around, curious as to what just happened, "Did I just make a Jojo reference?"

"Yeah, that happens every once and a while now," Ness explained.

"Oh, I'm not complaining," Futaba clarified.

"Anyway, you all gotta get your asses kicked by Kirby with One Punch Man powers. Something about revenge, I guess,"

Kirby became so inconceivably powerful that he lost all of his rainbow hair. The pink ball of puff was now able to annihilate anyone with a single punch if he chooses. However, Kirby wasn't a vengeful soul. He may have not won the Smash Bros tournament since the first one, but all he wanted at the moment was more of that Chaliapin Steak Don. He walked over to the cart and inhaled it along with the leftover dons.

"Uh… is he going to fight?" Bob asked.

"While Kirby is immensely powerful, he is still just an infant," Meta Knight explained, "How many infants do you know activity seek vengeance?"

"Fine," Bob sighed, "We've had too many events in this chapter anyway. What else we got here?" Bob went to the next notecard, "Oh! This!" The screen between Pearl and Marina switched over to a loop of a shirtless Dr. Robotnik dancing in his laboratory with another shirtless individual (I don't know how that guy is) while the lighting changes colors. At the top of the screen, the words 'You know you love it' were flashing as well.

"That's… something I could of gone my entire life without seeing," Sonic, who was in Bayonetta's body, said.

"He's certainly not the most attractive fellow," Bayonetta, who was in Sonic's body, remarked, "And that's not even taking into account the dancing,"

"You know you-," Bob began.

"No!" The Smashers shouted.

"Seriously though, can we get this off the screen?" Pearl asked, "This is terrible,"

"He said to play it for an hour," Bob answered.

"Well damn it," Pearl growled.

"Wait, we got a lot more dares that require the TV," Ted spoke up, "Turn this shit off,"

"Fine, we'll do his next dare," Bob sighed, "We're watch Anime in Minutes by Gigguk. Let's watch the Sword Art Online video… maybe the No Game No Life one too,"

"Ugh, SAO! Really?" Futaba complained.

"What? I've seen it before," Ryuji said, "It ain't bad,"

"Ryuji, stop disappointing me," Futaba said.

The Anime in Minutes series is essentially a mini abridged video summarizing and poking fun at the entire series the video is about. Anyone who had seen the anime in question can agree that the video pretty much encapsulated what the show was all about. In the No Game No Life video, there was a Jojo reference that was mistaken by one of the characters as a Personal reference, much to the Phantom Thieves amusement.

Bob looked at the next note card. "Hey Ted, this notecard cuts off. It says to look up rule, then it doesn't say the number. Can I just assume he meant Rule 34?"

"That's what I assumed you do, anyway," Ted replied.

"Freek'n You slideshow time!" Bob announced as a slideshow of various Rule 34 pictures appeared on the screen. They ranged from pinups to hardcore, straight to gay to futanari, vanilla to disgustingly perverse. The pictures included everyone in the audience, including Off the Hook, Three, and Eight. After the slideshow, it was kinda hard to look anyone in the eye.

"I just want to pour bleach in my eyes," Ness whined.

"The images will never escape your mind," Bob teased.

"Go fuck yourself," Ness replied.

One of the jellyfish crew members walked up to the set with Larry and Fernando, a younger Hispanic man in similar attire to Larry, following them. "Sorry to interrupt, but these guys were inside our broom closet and they want to do an ad,"

"Larry, Fernando, how's the new boss?" Bob asked.

"No offense, but Mrs. Hazama is a much better employer," Larry answered, "We don't have such strict quotas,"

"And that leads to higher employee satisfaction and, in turn, productivity," Fernando added.

"Yeah yeah, just plug your business then pay me," Bob scoffed

"Are you a fan of objects associated with Eldritch horror?" Larry pitched to the camera, "Or perhaps you're a fan of the Dr. Wondertainment line of products,"

"Maybe you want to experience an anomalous phenomenon, but can't travel to that location due to a lack of universe travelling capabilities or budget constraints,"

"Well we have a solution for you!" The salesman said together.

"Coming to an interior door near you, Door-to-Door Anomalies has what you need!" Larry announced.

"We at Door-to-Door Anomalies have a wide variety of products and services we offer and the best part is…," Fernando said.

"You don't pay with money!" The two said in unison.

"Our next offer, which is an in-studio exclusive, are tickets to the Multiverse Strip Club. Act now and you get this free dildo with a dream," Larry pulled out a small stack of strip club tickets and a green tentacle dildo. Toony and Ness looked toward each other, wondering who should inquire about the offer. They didn't really want to because of the bonus gift. Tetra realized this.

Tetra rolled her eyes and raised her hand. "What do you want?"

"The clothes off your back," Fernando offered.

"No, fucking perv!" Tetra refused.

"This wasn't supposed to go like this," Fernando whispered to Larry, "I thought Ness or Toony would take the bait,"

"I told you the strip club was incentive enough, you didn't need to add the dildo," Larry whispered back.

"Well, surely you'd take a few of your friends with, am I correct?" Fernando asked, "Perhaps they could donate a few scraps of cloth?"

"How about shirts?" Toony asked.

"Did you really have to say shirts?" Ness whispered to Toony.

"I'm not the one who has body issues," Toony whispered back.

"I don't have body issues. I just look chubby at this age," Ness whispered.

"For the love of the Goddesses, just hand your shirts over so we can get these guys to leave!" Tetra interrupted.

"I'll need one more shirt though," Fernando stated.

"Lucas?" The three of them asked.

"I don't want to go to a club," Lucas argued, "Why would you think I'd go?"

"C'mon man, it'll be a guys night out… and Tetra, but I forget she's a chick half the time anyway," Ness said. Tetra knocked the wind out of him in response.

"You… bitch…," Ness whined.

"You kinda deserved that one," Toony said.

"I'll go," Orange spoke up.

"Why?" Lucas asked.

"I just like parties," Orange bluntly stated, "And I like watching you get all nervous,"

"Atta girl!" Tetra cheered.

"Ugh… I guess," Lucas reluctantly agreed. The boys took off their shirts and handed them off to the salesman. Fernando gave Tetra the tickets and the tentacle dildo.

"And if you Smashers wish to visit a store front, I have my own little shop in Smash Town," Fernando informed.

"I didn't approve of that!" Daniel protested.

"Mr. Foster, you're not as in charge as you think you are," Larry remarked, "Now, if you'll excuse us…,"

"Hold on, I require compensation," Bob demanded.

Fernando tossed Lucas's shirt at Bob. "That's your cut,"

"Why was I expecting cash?" Bob asked himself as he burned the shirt in his hands.

"Here Orange, I don't want this," Tetra tossed the tentacle dildo over to Orange, who was not thrilled about being gifted a sex toy on live television, "Why are you so freaked out, isn't that vanilla for you?"

"Uh… you're not wrong, but aren't you forgetting that we're on TV!?"

"I thought getting ad money would be easy," Bob sighed, "Oh well, we may have one more sponsor later. But for now, it's time for Remnant7's dares,"

The tall, lanky creature from Ted's palace phased through the ceiling, shocking everyone in the audience. However, Futaba and her anime knowledge felt the need to call bullshit.

"Hold up, we can't see a shinigami unless we touch a death note,"

"I made you all touch it while you slept last night," Ted answered, "Had to stay up real late too because Lucas and Orange were-,"

"None of your business!" The two shouted.

"And through the art of special effects, we're able to insert our guest in the livestream in high definition," Bob continued, "So the squids at home can understand what's going on. Take it away, Ryuk,"

The shinigami chuckled to himself. "For those of you who don't know me, I'm Ryuk. I am a shinigami, or a god of death. I was asked by Bob here to hand out a couple of death notes and after just killing the last guy who entertained me, I was happy to oblige,"

"Do you think Light became a Shinigami after he died?" Futaba asked.

"I don't know? If so, I haven't met him," Ryuk answered.

"Would the Death Note be able to kill Saitama from One Punch Man?" Futaba asked.

"I don't even know who-,"

"If you take the Shinigami eye deal, is it always on or can you temporarily turn it off?"

"Kid, if you ask me another question, I will write your name down in my Death Note," Ryuk warned.

Futaba tensed up at the thought of dying again and hung her head low. "Stealth mode engaged," She whispered.

"Good," The Shinigami pulled out two death notes, "I'm only going to be giving away two of my death notes,"

"Why would you need more than one?" Daniel asked himself.

"But, there are a few things to keep in mind before I hand these out," Ryuk warned, "If you write the name of another human in one of these death notes, they will die in forty Earth seconds. If you don't specify a cause of death, it'll be a heart attack. Also, if you use the death note, you won't go to Heaven or Hell when you die,"

"So, question," Robin spoke up, "Many people share the same names all around the world. How would this notebook tell the difference?"

Ryuk chuckled, "I guess I forget because it's second nature to me, but the answer is simple. You need the human's name and face to kill,"

"Wait… that means we can kill Ted!" Roy exclaimed.

"You think Ted Insaneguy is a real name? What are you, stupid?" Ted laughed, "It's obviously an alias," Suddenly, Ted's phone began to ring, "Hello?... Alright… Yeah, I'll be over there to sign the contract… yeah, we'll get some of the more bookwormy types to read off the information… Thank you, goodbye," Ted hung up the phone, "Alright, we got an Audible sponsorship! I'm going down to their corporate office to sign some legal stuff. Be good everyone,"

Bob and Ted disappeared and Ryuk chuckled some more. "I actually have a solution to your problems,"

"The Shinigami eye deal!" Futaba exclaimed.

Ryuk opened up his death note, got out his pen, and glared at Futaba. Futaba stood down once more. "Anyway, there is a difference between the eyes of a human and the eyes of a Shinigami. That difference is that a Shinigami can see the name needed to kill a human above their heads, along with their remaining lifespan. I could tell you all how much longer you have left to live, but that's no fun,"

"So, what is this Shinigami eye deal?" Snake asked, "What's the cost of it?"

"It's a deal exclusive to owners of a death note. The price is half of your remaining lifespan," Ryuk answered, "If you were supposed to live for another forty years, it'd be twenty. A year turns to six months,"

"That settles it then," Snake said, "I want one of your death notes,"

"Snake, are you serious!?" Luigi exclaimed.

"I was given six months to live," Snake said, "This tournament and Ted's meddling has let me live past that timeline, but my days are still numbered. If I were to leave the tournament and go back to my world, I'd have maybe three months left. A month and a half is a small price to pay for everyone's safety,"

"Well, that's quite noble of you darling," Bayonetta complimented, "But I want a death note for purely selfish reasons,"

"Why?" Fox asked, "You're one of the most naturally powerful people here,"

"I'm especially interested in the Heaven or Hell clause. I don't plan on dying or slacking off on my angel killing quota anytime soon, but in case I decide to take a day off, I'd like knowing that my soul won't be dragged to Inferno,"

"Very well," Ryuk said as he handed off the death notes then looked to Snake, "You sure you want to make the deal?"

"Absolutely," Snake answered.

Ryuk chuckled again. "I'm already enjoying this game,"

Snake saw a flash of red cover his entire field of vision. Once the flash went away, he saw names and numbers above everyone's heads. He glanced over to the Off the Hook duo. Above their heads were a string of Inklish characters and a number that constantly counted down. For Pearl and Marina, thirty and thirty two years respectfully. Awfully short, he thought, but he had no knowledge of the average lifespan of these cephalopods. He turned around toward the audience of Smashers and was initially overwhelmed by the names and numbers.

Mario Mario, about fifty-seven years. Samus Aarn, eighty years and change. Palutena, Pit, and Rosalina Estrella, forty thousand, thirty thousand, and ten thousand years. Lucas, Ness Anderson, and a string of Inklish characters indicating Orange's name. Seventy, Sixty-three, and Sixty-eight years. The Toon Link, Young Link, and the Hero of the Wild (Who all don't have surnames), eighty-four, ten, and seventy-six years. Having this kind of knowledge on who would die seemed wrong.

Then Bob and Ted appeared again. Bob had nothing over his head, probably because he was a robot, but Ted wasn't immune to the eyes of a Shinigami. His name isn't what you'd initially expect from a white dude and he found it odd that such an all powerful being only had over fifty years left, but that didn't stop Snake from quickly jotting down his name.

"I see someone made an eye deal," Ted remarked, "Funny how you think that'll kill me. You think I'd allow anyone here to get a death note without taking precautions. I can bend reality to my will here,"

After forty seconds, Ted didn't die. Snake figured that this would be a possibility, but at the same time, if he didn't try, someone else of noble heart would of and the cost for them would have been greater. Snake was upset, but satisfied with his sacrifice.

"Alright, back to the show!" Bob announced, "Lucas, Orange, next time someone dares you to have sex. Orange must assume her squid form and treat Lucas like a woman in a hentai,"

"I… don't want to picture that," Lucas commented.

"Using squid form during sex? Now that's weird!" Orange commented.

"Now, for a look into another reality," Bob turned the television on the set to the video of a log cabin.

"That's my house," Lucas exclaimed, "Why are we looking there?"

"Woah, you weren't kidding when you said you didn't have technology," Orange commented.

A beautiful woman with long brown hair and a simple red dress emerged from the cabin. Lucas's eyes lit up.

"Is that… your mom?" Orange asked.

"Yeah," Lucas answered.

"Boys! Dinner is ready!" Hinawa called out. The video cut to Lucas, Claus, and their father, Flint, walking toward the house. Lucas's canine companion, a chocolate lab named Boney, darted out of his doghouse. Lucas couldn't help but shed a tear at this image. He was looking at what could have been if it weren't for Porky's meddling. A sense of melancholy came over him, but deep down, he had a bad feeling about this.

Snake did as well. He initially wondered what he blew up a few sessions ago, but pushed it to the back of his mind. That was the point of picking a random location in the Multiverse after all. Once the video cut to a portal appearing up in the air with a nuclear warhead falling down, it was confirmed.

"What's that?" Claus asked as he pointed to the warhead in the sky. Once it landed, a ball of burning plazma appeared in its wake a distance away. Everyone was instantly blinded by the sudden intensity of the light and before they knew it, Lucas's entire family was on fire. The family huddled together, scared, blind, confused, and in agonizing pain. A few seconds later, a wall of wind faster than a hurricane knocked over their home. The burning logs flew at the family and ended their misery. The camera panned upward and focused on the horizon, where the iconic mushroom cloud began to form.

Many of the Smashers were horrified. Orange glanced over to Lucas, who seemed to be zoned out in a way. He didn't seem entirely focused on the video now. He was sweating, breathing rapidly, his eyes were more watery, and he appeared to be muttering to himself.

"Stop stop stop stop," Lucas quietly muttered, "You are over this… I thought you were over this," Images of his family being on fire mixed around in his mind with old memories of the mecha-drago biting into his mother and the lightning reflecting off his Franklin Badge and killing his brother, forming a cocktail of panic inducing imagery.

"Lucas?" Orange inquired.

Ness jumped up to tend to Lucas as best he could. "Lucas. Lucas. Stay with us, man. It's okay. Everything's fine,"

"I… I was better. I thought I was better now," Lucas whined.

Ness patted Lucas on the back. "We all have bad days, Lucas. Step out, get something to drink, come back when you're under control,"

"Take as much time as you need," Toony added.

Ness walked Lucas out of the set. Once Lucas was out of the room, Ness turned toward Bob.

"Didn't that give you Terminator 2 vibes?" Bob asked.

"Shut the fuck up!" Ness yelled.

"What! I thought you'd get it," Bob said.

"Why the hell do you two do this!?" Ness ranted, "Why the fuck do you go around and cause misery for everyone you come across!? What's the purpose in that!? And you!" He points to the camera, in an attempt to communicate with the reviewers of this game, "What's your fucking problem!?" Ness noticed that his fingers were much more knifelike than he initially realized. He turned to Bob, who was giggling at his dumbfounded reaction.

"We get it, Edward Scissorhands, messing with your friends is wrong," Bob mocked, "I'm tired of your ranting so we'll take a quick break to turn Bowser into an Octarian and freeze you. Courtesy of smasher5," Bowser turned into a giant octopus and Ness found himself frozen in a block of ice, "I'd make Lucas do it, but he's kinda being a bitch right now," Bob telekinetically stuffed the frozen Ness into a freezer and sent him back to the manor.

"He's obviou-,"

"Orange, you're not gonna win this," Toony warned.

Orange took a breath and swallowed her pride, "Alright…,"

"Great, let's move on," Bob continued, "Luigi, eat a shit ton of candy. You were supposed to steal it from children on Halloween, but I was late to that, so go rob a convenience store. Bob teleported Luigi out of the studio and in front of the Inkling equivalent of a 7/11, "And Olimar… eat your Pikmin,"

"I can't take off my helmet without dying," Olimar stated, "Oxygen is deadly for me,"

"I guess this is where you leave," Bob took out a flute and played a quick tune. Suddenly, all of Olimar's Pikmin sprang up and if they didn't have mouths already, they formed. They began to dance around the small space captain.

"Oompa loompa doompety doo! This game's not fair, it's sad but it's true! Oompa Loompa doompety dee! The depths of Hell are waiting for you!"

A white Pikmin started to sing. "What do you do when you cannot breathe air!"

Then a purple Pikmin followed up. "Making you want to cry in despair,"

Then a red Pikmin chimed in. "What do you think of you little own race?"

The rest of the Pikmin joined in "Isn't Hocotate a disgrace?"

Then a blue Pikmin chimed in. "The game was rigged from the start,"

Then the Pikmin all sung in unison once more as a fiery circle appeared around Olimar. "Oompa Loompa doompety da! This tournament just isn't for you! Your punishment is overdue! Like us Oompa Loompa doompety do! The portal to Super Hell opened and Olimar fell in screaming. The Pikmin all followed afterwards but the yellow Pikmin briefly stayed behind to end the song. "Doompety do!"

The Off the Hook duo looked at each other. "I feel like that's a reference to somethin'," Pearl remarked.

"And I think we'll call Gamagori next session. Just a brief appearance though," Bob said, "Are we done yet Ted? It feels like I've been here for a month,"

"Tell me about it," Ted remarked.

"Next dares are from Ba'al," Bob yawned, "Hero of the Wild, Slap your Zelda on the ass," He did just that with little issue, although the Princess of the Wild was a little annoyed at the fact that she was sexualized so much by the reviewers.

"Bayonetta, give tips to for women to please their partners in bed,"

Bayonetta was still in Sonic's body at this point in time. She began to go over a few tips to please both men and women. Objectively, they were wonderful tips worth trying. But this was all being told by someone who currently looked and sounded like Sonic the Hedgehog at the moment, so it was strange, to say the least. Once Bayonetta was done, Daniel fell back in his chair as a sapling that suddenly appeared in his mouth quickly grew into a full sized tree. Isabelle cried out, distraught over the amount of times Daniel has died in this game so far.

"Kirby, eat every other member of the Phantom Thieves and see what powers you get. I'll send Yusuke back here,"

Kirby first set his sights on Ryuji. Kirby opened his mouth and the puff ball inhaled him with no issue, even as Ryuji tried to get away. After swallowing him (and popping him back out, in Super Smash Brothers fashion), Kirby gained Ryuji's blonde hair and his skull mask.

"Pu-sona!" Kirby yelled out.

"That was so adorable!" Futaba exclaimed.

"He's so cute," Haru added.

Kirby demonstrated this power by getting a shotgun and firing it in the air.

"I like it," Ryuji commented.

Kirby went through the Phantom Thieves one by one, swallowing them and absorbing their power. Each transformation typically had Kirby with the same hairstyle and mask as the corresponding thief. Futaba's power allowed Kirby to temporarily hack the live video feed and replace it with a video of Kirby doing his victory dance, Makoto's power gave Kirby a miniature version of her initial persona, Johanna, to ride around on. Swallowing Morgana gave him a yellow scarf and made his head look similar to his, while his power was the ability to heal people. Yusuke's power allowed Kirby to quickly paint a composition that was strikingly similar to the Sayori, but instead of the woman looking at a baby, the baby's face was replaced with Kirby's. Haru's power gave Kirby access to an axe, along with making him look like her. Kirby smiled an unusually sadistic smile before Ryuji interrupted.

"Oh no! No no no!" Ryuji blurted, "We're not doin' that,"

Kirby bowed his head in sadness. Suddenly he felt the urge to garden.

"Apparently sadism carries over," Bob remarked.

"Sadism!?" Haru exclaimed, "But I'm not a sadist! Right everyone?"

She turned to her friends to back her up but they were all hesitant to come to her defense.

"I remember you saying that you liked hearing shadows plead for their lives," Akira pointed out.

"D-Did I really say that!?"

"Yeah, during one of our long rides in Mementos," Morgana remembered.

"Then there's the... evil laughter," Makoto drunkenly blurted.

"It was more of a sinister giggle," Ann corrected.

"Can we please stop talking about it!?" Haru begged.

"Up next… another competition!" Bob groaned, "I still need to find time to make these losers survive an SCP facility and orchestrate another blowjob contest!"

"Another!?" The Smashers yelled.

"And dcfer is asking me about things I have little knowledge of," Ted added, "Makes it hard to accurately transcribe… hint-hint,"

"Who haven't we done yet? BornToDream03," Bob said as he flipped through the notecards, "Honestly not many, Dedede already isn't sexy and I think the final dare will meet the requirements for his second dare,"

"How dare ya'!" King Dedede ranted, "I would've been irresistible if you hadn't taken away my ripped body right after I got it!"

Just then, Lucas came walking back into the studio audience. He was wearing a white shirt with the Off the Hook logo on it that he had found and was carrying a bundle of similar shirts in his hands. He took his seat right by Orange.

"You alright?" Orange asked.

"Yeah," Lucas replied with a deep breath, "It was just a panic attack,"

"Just a panic attack!?"

"Really, I'm fine," Lucas assured, "Although I mistook a bottle of vodka for water and now I'm a little tipsy. Probably should of realized it'd be hard to find here. Speaking of which, I figured you'd want some," Lucas unravel the bundle of shirts and revealed a half-full bottle of vodka and handed it off to her. He tossed the shirts over to Toony and he was going to do the same for Ness but noticed he was gone, "Where'd Ness go?"

"He was frozen," Toony answered as he put the shirt on.

"Okay, a few more reviews to go," Bob continued, "We got a few from Tapu cocoa. Looks like Dark Pit and Dark Samus get to ride around on fire trucks with rocket boosters. Odd combination,"

The two dark clones were teleported into said fire trucks and took a joyride around Inkopolis. They quickly realized that they phased through anyone they could have possibly ran over. Dark Pit took advantage and frightened as many of the sea creatures as he could.

"Incineroar is now and Ice and Dark type with the appropriate aesthetic," Bob dared. The Pokemon found his red patches of fur turning blue and his fiery belt turn to ice. He wasn't used to feeling this cold.

"Richter, you're bald," Bob announced.

Richter's hair suddenly fell off his head, causing the vampire hunter to become distressed.

"I guess you can consider this payback from last time," Simon laughed.

Bob replaced the window pane looking at Inkopolis Square, which had a crowd of sea creatures peering inside to see the show/hostage situation, into a wall of solid diamond. "Alright Little Mac, you can punch super hard now. Punch a few holes into this diamond wall,"

"How hard?" Little Mac asked, "Would I still be able to break a diamond wall?"

"Do you want me to play the Oompa Loompa flute?" Bob asked.

"Fine, I'll try," Little Mac sighed. Little Mac put everything into his punches and was able to bust through the diamond wall with ease.

"Huh, I guess diamond is breakable," Futaba remarked.

"Muda Muda Muda Muda!" Toony was compelled to repeat.

"Ora Ora Ora Ora!" Futaba repeated.

"Oh? You're approaching me?" Toony asked.

"I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer," Futaba quoted.

"Oh ho! Then come as close as you like," Toony said.

"Great, there's more of you being dared to repeat that show," Tetra scoffed.

"Dared?" Futaba asked, "No, I was just playing off of him,"

"That makes it worse,"

"Alright, raise your hand if you're gay," Bob dared.

"What if you're bisexual?" Palutena asked.

"Keep your hand down for the time being," Ted replied.

Rosalina was the only one to raise her hand. The galactic sorceress was a bit embarrassed to be the only one at first, but suddenly Marina and Eight were electrocuted.

"Owch! What was that!?" Marina cried.

"You didn't raise your hand, so you got shocked,"

"I thought we weren't involved in this question!" Eight defended.

"Well you are," Bob confirmed, "Now bisexuals, raise your hand,"

Bayonetta, Palutena, and Pearl raised their hands while Chrom and three were shocked.

"Why the hell did I get shocked!?" Chrom asked.

"Maybe your toothbrush is a guy," Robin joked.

"That is correct," Bob confirmed.

"Well, this explains a lot," Three commented to herself.

"I didn't expect to awaken you to anything," Eight replied.

"Are you two dating!?" Orange interrupted.

"Wha-!" The two muttered.

"Because honestly, I've always thought you two were way too close," Orange continued.

"Well… we did kiss last night," Eight replied, much to Three's embarrassment. Orange couldn't remember the last time her sister was this red in the face.

"Hey… Pearlie," Marina began.

"Yeah, I'll go out with ya'," Pearl answered.

"Yes!" Marina began to cheer, before she realized she didn't ask the question, "Wait! I didn't even ask yet!"

"I just knew you would," Pearl smiled.

"No gay dudes?" Ted asked, "Oh well,"

"I heard Ness say one of his friends was gay,"

"Alright, now for Groundon65's dares," Bob moved on, "Shulk eat this blimp fruit," Bob tossed a big blue fruit to the swordsman and as Shulk ate it, he noticed that he began to swell up in size and float in the air. The air slowly came out of his mouth, guiding him in the opposite direction of where he was blowing until the fruit's effects wore off and he fell.

"Groundon, buddy, until you explain why you dare someone to be inflated every session, I'm going to assume it's a fetish," Bob warned, "Now Toony, are you familiar with Baby Shark?"

"Ugh… the little kids at my village used to always annoy me with that song. I'm at least glad Aryll stopped eventually," Toony answered.

"Well, you gotta sing it and be sure to do the little dance too," Bob dared.

"I refuse!" Toony exclaimed.

"Are you sure? If you do this dare, then I got this other dare by Ac that says you get to snuggle with Tetra-,"

"Alright! I'll do it!" Toony agreed.

"Didn't take much to change your tune," Tetra remarked.

Toony got in front of the cameras and went through the entire Baby Shark song, dance moves and all. Toony was real satisfied with himself once he was done.

"You do know that song just killed any sex appeal you could of had, right?" Tetra asked.

"So you're saying I had it in the first place," Toony argued.

"Yeah… but it's dead," Tetra repeated.

"But you said I had it,"

"Motherfucka'! What'd I just say!?"

"Hey Chrom, is Sumia your wife?" Bob asked.

"Yes," Chrom answered, "... You're not going to tell her about toothbrush, are you!?"

"Oh my…," Lucina sighed.

"Roy! Don the Super Crown!" Bob dared. Roy was given a super crown, which he then put on top of his head. A puff of smoke enveloped him and he turned into a beautiful red headed princess with a magnificent blue dress.

"I don't like this," Roy remarked.

"At least you're not Bowsette," Ted commented.

"Huh?" Bowser the Octarian said.

"Don't worry about it," Ted ordered.

"And for our final dare of the day!" Bob announced, "Thank fucking God! What are we at Bob? Over twenty thousand?"

"Indeed," Ted replied as he went back to fill in gaps in the story he had left for later.

The lights in the studio dimmed and the spotlights focused on Orange. Bob walked to where she was in the audience and began the intense final dare.

"Alright Orange, this final dare from Gabe2000 is all about you," Bob announced.

"Well fuck," Orange muttered.

Bob handed her a remote with two buttons on it. "This remote right here, will determine the fate of Inkopolis, for if you press the top button, the entire city will flood and millions will die. I don't even think the respawn panels will be of much help,"

"Alright, not pushing that," Orange commented.

"But wait!" Bob said before she pressed the bottom button, "If you press that button," The TV turned to a video feed of Tazmily Village, "Lucas's village will go up in flames. And yes, this is his universe,"

Orange glanced over at Lucas. He felt uneasy about the ultimatum she was given. "You're a fucking asshole, you know that?" Orange barked at Bob, "Haven't we gone through enough?" She thought about what she could do some more, "I don't wanna pick, just send me to Super Hell. I don't care,"

"I'll just push both buttons once you're down there," Bob informed her.

Orange growled in frustration. She couldn't burn Tazmily Village down, especially after seeing Lucas break down after watching that nuke. But on the other hand, millions of sea creatures will die if she chose to flood Inkopolis. She thought long and hard over it, but in the end it simply made sense to burn Tazmily down. Even ignoring her bias toward the city, flooding Inkopolis was going to cause more death regardless of how you looked at it.

In a way, she didn't want it to be the case. Orange didn't want to hurt Lucas. He didn't deserve that and neither do the people he knows back in his universe. Just when she was starting to realize this little relationship they had might have more potential than she had initially realized, she had to throw it all away. She let out a few tears, but didn't dare look Lucas in the eye.

"Sorry… Lucas," Just as she pressed the bottom button, a blue Inkling came through the giant hole in the diamond wall. He was decked out in all sorts of Ink weaponry, like he was some kind of one-squid-army.

"Blue?" The Phantom Thieves exclaimed.

"Wait, you know that dweeb?" Three asked.

"I'm not a dweeb, I'm here to save-," He was suddenly interrupted by a massive stream of water gushing in through the hole, dissolving him completely. Pearl was close to the hole and got damaged a little bit before Marina pulled her away and ran to the opposite end of the room with her. Orange looked up at the video feed of Tazmily before it cut out due to technical difficulty. The village was perfectly fine. She could have sworn she pressed the bottom button.

Bob manically laughed. "I lied!" He shouted, "They were both gonna flood Inkopolis anyway!"

Orange was too terrified to notice that the water was rising to her ankles and dissolving away at her until Lucas held her up. Other Smashers helped the other cephalopods stay above the water, but why was Lucas helping her?

"guys! follow me! i know a shortcut out of this," Sans announced. He ran to the door that led out of the studio and everyone followed. Suddenly, everyone found themselves in the main hall of Smash Manor.

"There you guys are!" Terry called out, "Where have you been? I've been here for almost a day now,"

Terry noticed the orange squid girl crying over her home being destroyed. Mario shuffled over to the new fighter. "Now's not the best time. I'll explain everything,"

Back in Inkopolis, Bob was dumbfounded and the water was up to his knees.

"Did you know he could do that?"

"What?" Ted asked, "Teleport about a hundred people with his shortcut or teleport across universes?"

"Yes!" Bob answered.

"Wanna finish off this live show?" Ted asked.

"Not yet, we need to tell the viewers the weather. Ac?"

The live feed cut to a man whose face was concealed by a hood and only revealed his mouth. He wielded a scythe, which he used as an ore to paddle the flooding city of Inkopolis.

"It's flooding!" Ac yelled.

"Thanks Ac," Ted finished.

* * *

Back at the manor, the cephalopods, minus Orange, were watching the news covering Inkopolis's destruction. They watched in horror as former Inkopolis News hosts, Callie and Marie, flew over the in a helicopter and reported on the damage below. The death toll is estimated to be over eight million, over ninety percent of the population of Inkopolis and about ten percent of the overall Inkling population. Marina was in tears, Pearl and Eight tried to comfort her, and Three was simply in shock. All that hard work she put toward keeping Inkopolis safe and all she had to show for it was a dead city.

She couldn't blame her sister for what had happened. She'd been set up from the start to destroy Inkopolis and there was nothing that could have been done. Yet, emotions are sort of getting the better of her and, for some reason, she feels the need to blame her. Three considered it best to leave her little sister alone for the time being. Not only due to her misplaced resentment, but because Orange doesn't want to be bothered in the first place.

The manor was left in a very saddened mood after that. Only time will tell how things turn out.

**Hey everyone, Ted here! A month and a half, 23,000 words, and 69 pages later (nice), I finally get done with this chapter. Hoo boy! I had a lot I wanted to do with this given the material I had to work with and I think I did a decent job incorporating it into the chapter, I even added some stuff that I came up with on the spot. (For example, the Pikmin Oompa Loompas) Sorry I kinda skipped out on the outro, but I got a few intro ideas for next chapter already.**

**Again, I definitely skipped some dares. Some reviewers more than others and I apologize, but can you blame me? I'm sure you could, but look at this stuff. It probably would have been better to make this a two parter, but that's just not how I roll. Again, if you want me to do dares that I skipped, resubmit. I won't even count those dares toward the limit so you can go above ten if you want. That rule is pretty much a guideline anyway.**

**As for the location of our next session. I was thinking we go to Tazmily Village. I'm sure Gabe wouldn't mind mentally torturing the poor squid some more. If you have places you want to go to, feel free to suggest them along with any dares you want to be down while there.**

**And yes, Multiverse Strip Club Part 2 will be a thing, eventually. I don't think anyone's in the mood for it after what just happened.**


	7. Sans and Kratos Versus The Yule Man

**This event happens in the beginning of the next ToD Chapter. This one's for you Phantom.**

After Kratos and his son arrived back to their home, the plan was for things to be business as usual. The first objective was to fix up the cabin, which had been abandoned for months after brought into the game. While the luxuries of Smash Town were nice, Kratos felt it best to go back to the ways he was used to.

Atreus was bummed out by having to work on what everyone else called a holiday, but to his father, everyday was practically a holiday in Smash Town. Kratos had grown tired of his son's complacency in training. Instead of training, the boy often played with Nana and Popo with Kirby joining in more times than not. While Kratos had to respect his son's newfound friends for being accomplished fighters at such a young age, they were far from the ideal Spartan warrior.

After a long day of gathering wood and repairing the home, the two sat around the cooking pot and waited for dinner to be ready. As soon as they were about to serve themselves a bowl of stew, someone knocked on the door.

"knock knock," said the voice.

Being cautious, Kratos grabbed his axe. "Stay here, boy," Kratos ordered. Kratos approached the door, "Who is there?"

"boo," The voice replied.

"Boo? Boo who?" Kratos asked.

"no need to cry, it's only a joke,"

Atreus chuckled at the silly joke that his father fell for until he glared at him, causing him to shut up. The grizzled god opened the door. On the other side was a short, smiling skeleton man with a blue hoodie. Usually, if anything like this happened to show up on Kratos's door step, he'd just swing his axe and be done with it. Unfortunately, he somewhat knew this monster.

"hey, how's it going?" Sans asked.

"What do you want, skeleton?" Kratos asked in an annoyed tone.

"a couple buddies of mine are having a christmas party tomorrow. one of them has a little girl and we figured it'd be fun to invite atreus and the ice climbers. what do ya' say, wanna stop by?"

"I will be declining this invitation," Kratos bluntly said as he rudely shut the door on Sans. However, Sans swiftly put a foot in the door. Kratos then opened the door again.

"are you sure? we'll have a lot of food there. torial makes a delicious butterscotch pie and my brother, papyrus, finally made spaghetti that's somewhat decent,"

"I feel as though this feast won't not be worth my time," Kratos commented.

"Please Father!" Atreus begged, "It's not like we're going to be doing anything else,"

"You have been slacking in your training," Kratos argued.

"It's not like this week off will help,"

"In a week's time, you went from being an incompetant hunter to an archer I'd be glad to have on my side," Kratos stated, "A lot can be done in a week,"

"Well… that was different,"

"i know someone who'd make for a really good sparring partner for the kid," Sans stated, "she's not a god like you are, but i imagine it's good to mix things up every once in a while,"

"Perhaps," Kratos agreed.

"so, will we expect you two to show up?"

Kratos glanced back at Atreus, who was hoping that Kratos would say yes. He knew he should say no and be done with it, but then the next week was going to be long and full of arguing.

"Will there be wine?" Kratos asked.

"sure, we can get some,"

Kratos sighed. This was going to go against his better judgement. "When should we arrive?"

"i'd say around noon-ish is when most everyone will be there,"

Kratos turned to Atreus. "If I take you to this. You better work hard on your training. Not just with me. We are held hostage in a town full of experienced fighters. I expect you to learn from them as well,"

"I will! I promise!"

"We will be there," Kratos told Sans.

Atreus jumped up and cheered. "Thank you Father! And thank you Sans, for the invite,"

"no problem kid. see you two tomarrow,"

* * *

The next day, Sans picked up Kratos and Atreus and guided them to his world and to Toriel's house. Ever since the barrier had been broken, humans and monsters have been living in peace together. Most of the monsters moved out of the Underground and took up residence in the surface world, Sans's friends included. Toriel's home was a quaint two story cottage, a little off the beaten path, in the clearing of the snowy forest. Outside of the house, Atreus could see what appeared to be Nana and Popo making a snowman with another child in a purple coat.

"Hey guys!" Atreus called out. The children stopped what they were doing and immediately ran to greet him.

"Atreus!" The Ice Climbers exclaimed, "You came!"

"Yeah, against all odds," Atreus remarked.

"We can leave anytime," Kratos responded.

"Sorry," Atreus quickly apologized.

"Hi Atreus," Said the child in the purple coat. She was a girl, probably a year or so younger than Atreus, "I'm Frisk,"

"Nice to meet you," Atreus replied, "Is this your house?"

Frisk nodded. "Yep, me and my mom live here,"

"i'll leave you kids here to play," Sans stated, "if you need anything, us grown-ups will be inside. have fun,"

Atreus joined the others in their activities while Kratos and Sans began making their way to the door.

"now, i know what you're thinking," Sans said to Kratos, "why is the son of a spartan warrior having so much fun playing in the snow?"

"So you have the power to read minds?" Kratos spoke. Though he said it in his usual tone of voice, he said it in jest.

"nah, i've just played your games," Sans replied, "i'm not going to tell you how to parent. it's not really my business. but, it's okay for your kid to be a kid, you know?"

"Easy for you to say, coming from a world where there isn't danger lurking around every corner,"

"i know we're all pretty nice here, but it wasn't always the case,"

They reach the front door and walked inside. They are greeted by a goat woman wearing a purple robe.

"Hello, you must be Kratos," The goat woman greeted. She extended her hand for a handshake, "I'm Toriel, nice to meet you,"

Kratos shook Toriel's hand. "Likewise,"

"Sans told me that you didn't really want to come, but I promise you, once the food is ready it'll all be worth it. How about you boys get inside now. It's freezing,"

Kratos and Sans stepped into the warm, cozy cottage. Inside, various other monsters, from a fish-like humanoid to a yellow reptile creature, were chatting amongst each other and having a jolly ol' time. Once Kratos stepped inside, everyone stopped and stared.

"Is something wrong?" Kratos asked.

"maybe they're wondering why you're shirtless in the middle of winter," Sans joked.

"How about we introduce ourselves to our guest?" Toriel suggested.

A tall skeleton man wearing some kind of battle uniform with a cape jumped up from his seat. "Hello shirtless human! I am the great Papyrus! It's good to meet you!"

"Hi… I'm Asgore," Said a large, goat man.

"Oh my God," muttered a yellow, reptilian creature in a lab coat.

"What is it Alphys?" Asked a fish-like woman with an eye-patch.

"T-t-that guy's from a video game…," Alphys meekly replied.

"No, I'm from Sparta," Kratos corrected.

"I'm in front of a celebrity," Alphys smiled as she hid her face from the god.

"Sparta? That's real human history, right?" The fish-like woman asked Alphys.

"Y-yes…," Alphys replied.

The fish-like woman jumped up on the coffee table in excitement. "That's awesome! Warriors from Sparta are so hardcore! I'm Undyne and I'd like to spar with you!"

"Maybe later," Kratos said.

"for those of you who haven't played god of war," Sans began, "this is kratos. i invited him and his son over here because i thought they could use the company over the holidays,"

"It does not matter to me," Kratos replied.

"he may be a bit of a grinch, but i assure you, he's a decent guy,"

"Are you sure you know me from those video games?" Kratos asked.

"I'm sure you'll get along with everyone just fine Kratos," Toriel assured, "Make yourself at home while I go and finish up Christmas dinner,"

"Can we help?!" Undyne and Papyrus blurted.

"NO!" Toriel yelled. She quickly collected herself and reiterated in a more polite tone, "Uh… I can handle it from here, but thanks for the offer,"

Toriel left the living room and headed toward the kitchen, leaving Kratos to converse with the strange monsters Sans calls his friends. Kratos felt a little out of his element as he sat down in an armchair facing toward everyone else. Despite being monsters, everyone seemed so friendly. Too friendly. Not in a way that made him think he was being set up for an ambush or anything. But in a way that made him think that most of these monsters would not survive a day in his world. Sans probably could, after seeing what he was capable of, and potentially Undyne, but not for much longer.

The monsters quickly flooded the god of war with questions and comments. Alphys bombarded him with questions that were left unanswered by the video games he had starred in. Asgore tried asking Kratos about his preference of flowers. Papyrus bragged about himself and his so-called amazing feats of puzzle crafting, and Undyne asked about what it was like fighting as a warrior in Sparta. So far, the fish was lady was the most tolerable, if only for her interest in his homeland.

* * *

Outside of the cottage, Nana and Popo were using their ice powers to create pieces of an igloo so that Frisk and Atreus could construct it. Frisk wondered why they'd live in igloos if they were made of ice, so they decided to show her how warm the inside of an igloo can get. The structure was about halfway complete when Frisk saw what appeared to be a tall, lanky man standing just beyond the boundary of the forest clearing. Frisk, being the always kind and caring girl that she is, set the block of ice down and walked over to greet the figure.

When she was about halfway there, Atreus glanced over and noticed the mysterious figure as well as Frisk haphazardly walking toward it. He ran out to Frisk and stopped her from continuing to approach the figure. Once he did this, the figure walked out of site.

"Do you even know who that is?!" Atreus spoke.

"No, that's why I wanted to say hi," Frisk replied.

Nana and Popo ran over to see what was going on.

"What happened?" Popo asked.

"She was going to walk over to some strange guy in the woods and say hi to him," Atreus explained.

"What's wrong with that?" Frisk asked.

"What if he was a weirdo that, like, wanted to hurt you or something," Nana asked.

"Most of my monster friends tried to hurt me at least once,"

"What!?" The other kids exclaimed.

"Yeah! Mommy used fire magic on me when I first tried to leave the dungeon. Then Uncle Papyrus tired to capture me for my soul. Then Undyne tried doing the same thing. Then Mettaton had me on a TV show where he tried to kill me. Oh and Asgore tried to take my soul too,"

"Then why are you friends with them?" Atreus asked.

"Because they're nice if you get to know them," Frisk replied.

"But they tried to kill you!" The Ice Climbers stressed.

"They didn't REALLY want to kill me," Frisk elaborated.

"Sounds like you just got lucky," Atreus replied.

"Most of the monsters in the Underground were nice though," Frisk said.

"But we're not underground, are we?" Atreus asked, "If I see that guy again, I'll shoot him with my bow and arrows,"

"But what if he's a good guy?!"

"What good guy stands in the forest without any clothes on and just watches people?" Popo asked.

"Exactly!" Atreus agreed.

"Well, now I'm a bit scared to play out here," Nana said, "What if that guy is still watching?"

"But we haven't finished the igloo," Frisk whined.

"If there's a creepy guy in the forest, then I don't want me or my sister to be out here," Popo firmly stated.

"I guess we can go inside," Frisk whined, "But dinner won't be done for a long time,"

The children all headed indoors, with Frisk being the most disappointed out of the group. When they arrived inside, the smell of Christmas dinner filled their nostrils. They glanced over to the living room to see Kratos still answering questions from Undyne about Sparta. The god of war was obviously annoyed, but as he slipped on his glass of wine, he noticed that the questions and Papyrus's shrill voice were beginning to bother him less and less.

"back inside so soon?" Sans asked.

"Do people usually stand in the woods and watch this house?" Atreus asked.

"People? No, not them," Papyrus answered.

"did you see someone out there?"

Frisk nodded. "He was pretty far away, but I could tell he was really tall and skinny,"

"Frisk was trying to say hi to the guy," Popo scoffed.

"What if he was nice?!" Frisk insisted.

Kratos stood up and approached the children. "You cannot expect everyone you come across to have good intentions, little girl. In fact, it is more than likely that they do not,"

"But everyone's good," Frisk replied, "At least a little bit. Deep down,"

"Such naivete," Kratos scoffed. He then turned toward Atreus, "Where is this man?"

"He left," Atreus answered

"If that man tries to approach you will ill intentions, stand your ground, but do not hesitate to get me if things get worse,"

"Yes sir," Atreus replied. Frisk looked a little disheartened by this order.

"Woah, you can't just give a kid that kind of responsibility," Asgore protested.

"The world I'm from works much more differently than yours, goatman. I trust that my son can handle a single target,"

"W-well, maybe the kids should stay in here for now," Alphys suggested, "Just to be safe,"

Everyone agreed and went back to what they were doing before the children interrupted. Sans pulled Kratos into the kitchen soon after.

"hey, i understand that everything in your world is constantly trying to kill you, but that doesn't mean that it's the same here,"

"You think I don't know that?" Kratos asked, "You don't actually agree with the little girl, do you?"

"hey, i'm not saying that. that guys sounds like a creeper," Sans clarified, "i just wanted to say that frisk is just… incredibly nice… to a fault even. we're all trying to teach her not to talk to strangers and stuff, but she's not good about it. in her defense, it really was her kindness that saved us all from the underground, but…,"

"What, skeleton?"

"if things get heated, can you try not going full on god of war. you know, for the kids,"

"I only do what is required to win a battle,"

"If he does threaten us," Toriel spoke up as she turned away from the oven, "I'm sure we can keep them at Bay until the police arrive,"

"i know, I just don't want the kid to see something… gross,"

"If this is all you have to talk about," Kratos spoke, "Then I'll-," Kratos suddenly remembered the other monsters in the living room where still there and he really didn't want the yellow reptile to start talking about this thing she called anime, "Actually, do you have more wine?"

* * *

Once Kratos had consumed a sufficient quantity of alcohol, he began to find the monster tolerable. Some of them were even alright to be around. Kratos and Undyne had a delightful discussion about their preferences of weapons and armor, which resulted in a friendly, but heated argument between light and heavy armor. She was also a really good pianist.

Alphys talked ad nauseum about this anime called 'Mew Mew Kissy Cutie'. Kratos wasn't interested, but since she was together with Undyne and he was still buzzed, he let her go on longer than normal. Papyrus was still annoying, even with alcohol clouding his judgement. He loudly bragged to everyone about puzzles he'd create and 'feats' of heroism that Kratos would call him out on for whatever reason. Sans would always shoot Kratos a look of disapproval anytime Kratos was a bit rude to his brother, but Papyrus would always shake it off with a 'Nyeh Heh Heh' and move on.

Asgore's pacifist philosophy didn't really jive with Kratos's worldview, but he could at least respect him for trying to be a good King to his people, even if he was a coward. He eventually asked about Atreus's mother, which Kratos replied with a heavily abridged version of the story of their travels. Kratos cracked a visible smile when he recalled how Atreus helped in the fight against Baulder.

Atreus enjoyed his time with the other kids as well as some of the monsters. Between the kids, Sans, Papyrus, and Alphys, they all took turns playing Super Smash Brothers on Switch. Sans always taunted after getting a KO, much to his brother's frustration. Atreus wasn't really proficient with gaming considering where he came from, but he still had fun playing as Link and messing around with the assortment of items that spawned in.

"Why aren't you on here Sans?" Atreus asked while looking for another character on the character selection screen.

"because i'm a mini skin," He replied as Frisk selected the Sans from the Mii Gunner menu, "i honestly don't know why they'd invite me if this was all they'd do in the game,"

"Because you're awesome Uncle Sans," Frisk replied.

"nah, my moveset would suck. i'd only be armed with whoopie cushions, some socks, and skeleton puns,"

"You've failed to mention those…," Kratos paused as he tried to remember the name, "Gaster blasters,"

"What's a Gaster blaster?" Frisk asked.

"to you, practically harmless," Sans answered.

Soon, Toriel had finished up dinner and it was a sight to behold. Along with the classic holiday Staples, such as ham and turkey, their were some unusual entrees and desserts thrown into the mix, most of which involved snails in one way or another. It wasn't the most elegant feast he'd taken part in, but it was certainly leaps and bounds above what had been the usual for him.

Eventually, the party began to die down. With everyone's bellies full, the party-goers mellowed down a bit. Sans had been drinking a bit more than everyone else, simply out of habit, and was cracking jokes with Toriel. Undyne, not wanting Asgore to repeat the embarrassing incident where he got drunk and begged Toriel to get back together with him, opted to drive him home. Alphys, of course, tagged along as well.

Kratos's buzz had about diminished a bit by this point, so he decided to get himself one last glass of wine before the night was over and drink it outside. Atreus soon followed him.

"So, aren't you glad you came?" Atreus asked.

"It was more enjoyable than I had anticipated,"

"Only because you drank a bunch of wine,"

"Perhaps," Kratos agreed, "Other than that little incident, I assume you had fun,"

Atreus nodded. "I just wish I had more friends my age back home,"

"They get in the way of your training," Kratos reminded, "...But I suppose your mother wouldn't mind every once in a while,"

"Yeah… I miss her,"

"Me too,"

Kratos took a sip from his glass then handed it over to Atreus.

"You sure?" Atreus asked.

"It's better than the other one we shared,"

Atreus took a whiff of the wine. "Smells better too," The boy took a sip from the glass and gave a slight 'ahh'. Just as the boy handed the glass back to Kratos, Papyrus stepped outside with Sans riding piggyback.

"Sans! What did I tell you about drinking too much?" Papyrus scolded.

"nah to do it… but i did it anyway!" Sans hiccupped.

"You never listen!" Papyrus ranted, "Just like how I always tell you to stop leaving socks around the house!"

Toriel then stepped outside to see off the skeletal brothers.

"Bye Sans, bye Papyrus!" Toriel said, "Please, be careful out there!"

"like he can catch me," Sans smiled.

"You can hardly walk straight!" Papyrus argued as the left the clearing.

"Those two always crack me up," Toriel giggled, "Anyway, would you both like to spend the night here? The other children will be and I figure with all the wine you drank, you could use the rest,"

Kratos was fine. He could hold his liquor pretty well. But he was he was getting a bit sleepy and their ride to this universe was currently drunk and being hauled away. Then Kratos glanced over to his son, who looked ready to beg him to stay. He really was spoiling the boy as of late.

"Thank you, Toriel," Kratos said, "We'll accept your hospitality,"

"Yes!" Atreus cheered.

"Remember what we talked about, boy,"

"I will," Atreus then ran up to meet with his friends.

"Why don't you wear a shirt outside?" Toriel asked.

"I can handle the cold," Kratos yawned.

"Nonsense! You know what, I think I'll make you sweater,"

"That isn't necessary,"

"Oh, of course it is. I feel bad for not having any gifts for you and your son. I'll get to work on them tomorrow and have Sans deliver them to you when I finish,"

"Excuse me… them?"

"Yes. One for you and one for Atreus! It'll be perfect!"

"I keep telling you that-,"

"I think I'll get started now! Goodnight Kratos. Guest bedroom is on the second floor, last door to the left," Toriel closed the door and went to her room to get started on the sweaters.

"Their hospitality," Kratos spoke to himself, "It's annoying… but I think I prefer it,"

* * *

The kids were attempting to pull an all-nighter, staying up with the aid of video games, movies, and lots of soda. But as it usually goes, some eventually begin to nod off. Nana was the first to fall asleep and soon after she did, Frisk began to nod off repeatedly before eventually giving into fatigue. Popo and Atreus were the last ones remaining and they mostly stayed up by playing a variety of Switch games, but even that wasn't enough to keep them up till mourning.

Atreus let out a long yawn and Popo followed suit.

"I don't think we can make it," Atreus said.

"C'mon, don't give up too," Popo begged, "We got about two and a half more hours until the sun comes up,"

"All the more reason to go to bed," Atreus argued as he set the controller down.

"Fine, I guess there's next time," Popo yawned as he powered down the system. They turned around to get to their sleeping spots on the floor, but something caught their eye in the window. The boys screamed when they realized that this was a person, which had the girls awake and screaming too. The light coming from the television revealed the man to be very old, scrawny and having a long, unkempt beard. The look in his eyes as Atreus shot an arrow at him were those of a madman.

The man dodged out of the path of the arrow and it broke a hole in the window. Toriel and Kratos came rushing into the room soon after.

"What's going on?!" Toriel asked.

"It's him, it's the guy!" Atreus explained, "He was just outside the window,"

"He was!?" Nana exclaimed.

Kratos, with his axe in hand, looked out the window. The only way he could of been watching from outside would be if he were hanging from the window sill. Kratos opened the window.

"Stay here, boy," He then jumped down to the ground. A fall from a second story window was nothing to him. He quickly noticed footprints in the snow. Even from the little light he was getting from the full moon, he could still infer some clues. The tracks were definitely humanoid, first of all. Second, considering how far away each step was from one another, he could tell he had ran away, but also that he was tall, or at least had extremely long legs.

Kratos followed the tracks for quite a way. Leading him deeper into the forest until he could hardly see the house anymore. By this point, the trail mysteriously went cold. He searched around for any other clues, but with the limited lighting, the investigation wasn't going to continue until morning. Frustrated, Kratos made his way back to the cottage.

When he made it back to the clearing, further evidence of intrusion was obviously apparent. A large, red pentagram had appeared in the time between Kratos's chase and his return. Judging from the color, the pentagram was colored with blood. In the middle of the shape was the body of a goat. While he wasn't sure of the significance of the symbol, he knew that whatever it meant couldn't be good. Kratos relayed the information to Toriel and she made a few calls to Sans and Undyne, who showed up later that morning.

Sans took the Ice Climbers back to their world. While a fully armored Undyne, Kratos, and a very sleepy Atreus stared at the pentagram. Kratos had made sure to dispose of the goat, at Toriel's request.

"What does this symbol mean?" Atreus yawned.

"Considering it looks be be written in blood, it can't be good," Kratos replied.

"That is totally a transmutation circle of some kind," Undyne answered, "It can be used to practice alchemy and do some really cool stuff," She then summoned her spear and raised it triumphantly in the air, "Anime is real!"

"Anime is not real," Alphys said, who had also tagged along.

"I want to believe," Undyne whined.

"That's a pentagram," Alphys explained, "In this world, it's usually associated with satanic cultists. Now, that makes me wonder… w-what's going on?"

"Perhaps the residence of this home are the next targets for a sacrifice," Kratos suggested.

"T-that's unsettling," Alphys shuddered.

"So, we go find these cultists, then we kick their butts," Undyne suggested, "Sounds easy,"

"It is wise to never underestimate an opponent," Kratos lectured, "You never know what tricks they may have up their sleeve,"

Sans showed up, seemingly out of nowhere as he usually does. "so, are we any closer to solving the mystery, gang?"

"They're probably satanic cultists," Undyne said.

"or high school kids that played a messed up prank," Sans replied, "but in all seriousness though. we should probably get to the bottom of this,"

"Agreed," Kratos said.

"wait... you're staying? i sorta thought you'd just leave. we appreciate the help and all, but this doesn't concern you, you know,"

"This hunt is for the boy," Kratos said.

Atreus yawned. "I'm so tired,"

"I shouldn't have to remind you that proper sleep is vital," Kratos scolded, "Your weariness is your own punishment. Possibly death. Now let's go," Kratos took Atreus into the woods to search for the man. Undyne and the others stayed behind to guard the home incase another attack happened while they were away.

Alphys leaned over to her friends. "He's a total tsundere,"

"yep,"

"I know, right!" Undyne exclaimed.

* * *

After days of tracking the man, they were hardly any closer to stopping him. Atreus would occasionally spot him while roaming the forest with his father, but by the time they caught up to where he was, he had seemingly vanished. Sightings around the cottage became more frequent during this time and soon Frisk was barred from leaving the house. Eventually, as the new year approached, the sightings outside suddenly stopped. In their place was the sounds of footsteps in the attic. Kratos had checked the attic numerous times and each time it yielded no results. Often times, an unpleasant smell permeated throughout the home. The stench was so vile that incense hardly covered the odor.

Kratos soon decided that, through one way or another, the entity had infiltrated the home. Sans, Papyrus, and Undyne offered to keep watch over the home in shifts while everyone else slept. Kratos and Atreus took to sleeping in the guest room while Frisk stayed with Toriel in her room. The other guests simply crashed on the couch while the one on watch would roam about the house, following the sounds in the attic and listening out for other unusual noises. This went on for so long, that before they knew it, they'd completely skipped New Year's and the holiday away from the game was nearly over.

On the final night before they had to go to Tazmily Village, it was nearing midnight. Sans had been up for a while and was soon going to get Papyrus to cover for him. All of a sudden, he felt a hard whack to the head and he was out like a light. Papyrus had just happened to of woken up and noticed a seven and a half feet tall, lanky old man in a loincloth standing over his brother. He had a large burlap slung over his shoulder.

"AHHHHHH! UNDYNE! IT'S HIM!" Papyrus yelled.

Undyne, who was sleeping inside her armor, immediately jumped into action. The wicked old man merely grinned. Undyne threw a barrage of spears at him, but he was able to dodge them all. The man retaliated by swinging the sack at the armored warrior. It hits he on her right side, knocking her out of the house through the front window.

"Halt evil-doer!" Papyrus shouted, "I, the great Papyrus will-," Just then Kratos jumped down the stairs and punched the man square in the jaw, knocking him away from Papyrus, "I'll… just see how Sans is doing,"

The fight made its way outside. Undyne soon rose up from the ground and started throwing her spears at the man yet again. However, the man's quick reflexes allowed him to not only dodge the spears again while holding back Kratos, but he had managed to take a spear with his free hand and throw it back at her with blinding speed. The spear managed to penetrate the armor and partly embed itself into Undyne's side. Not enough to be lethal, but it certainly hurt quite a lot.

"You… you have the power of a god," Kratos accused the man, "Who are you?"

The man gave out a deranged laugh. "Well, Ghost of Sparta, if you must give me a title. You have plenty to choose from," The man charged at Kratos and slung his sack around, "Krampus, Santa Claus, Nick… but you can call me… the Yule Man,"

Kratos grabbed his axe and swung at The Yule Man. A few blows land but did little to nothing against him, confirming in Kratos's mind that he is at least beyond a mere mortal.

"Good lord! You're rather annoying. You know that!?" The Yule Man ranted. Suddenly, a spear flew into the Yule Man's thigh. He yelped a bit, but treated it as a minor annoyance for the most part. The Yule Man glanced over to see Undyne holding herself up with her spear. She was bloodied and her armor was breaking apart, but her determination kept her from calling it quits.

After a few blows traded with Kratos, which knocked him away from the home a bit, The Yule Man went toward Undyne.

"You're just a little fish in a big pond!" The Yule Man screamed as he charged at the wounded warrior, "This fight is beyond you!"

"I don't care if it is!" Undyne yelled, "I'd rather die fighting than coware to a punk like you!"

"Very well!" The Yule Man jumped up and slung his sack down her. But before contact could be made, Kratos jumped in the way and shielded the blow. However, this left him disoriented just long enough for the attacker to slip away. Undyne could only catch a glimpse of his blinding speed, but it looked like he was heading toward Toriel's room.

In Toriel's room, she was trying to comfort Frisk. Assuring her that everything would be alright. Frisk was a brave girl considering what she'd gone through to free the monsters of the Underground, but the chaos inside and out of the place she called home was unlike anything she'd experience. Suddenly, the Yule Man burst through the window. With a quick punch, she stunned Toriel long enough for Frisk to be vulnerable. Once that had happened, the Yule Man grabbed her by the collar, opened the burlap bag, and threw her inside.

"Mommy!" Frisk cried as the bag was cinched shut.

"Frisk!" Toriel shouted. With new found energy, Toriel threw bolts of fire at the kidnapper. The Yule Man dodged them with ease and pulled out a twisty, sacrificial knife, which he used to slash at Toriel's arms. This broke her concentration, leaving the man just enough time to kick her down to the ground. He dropped the bag on the ground and grasped the knife with both hands, thrusting it toward Toriel's neck. Toriel caught the man by his wrist, inches before the blade would of made contact with her flesh.

"I really want to get a quick ritual out of the way," The man maniacally rambled, "Perhaps I shall slather the door in your blood, harvest your organs, and use your head as a centerpiece,"

The Yule Man's rambling led him to be vulnerable to an attack from the young Atreus. He fired an arrow into his shoulder blade, then ran up and used his bow to smack him in the face. This hardly fazed the Yule Man. He redirected his attention toward the young boy and stabbed him in the kidney with his blade instead. Atreus screamed in pain as the Yule Man rose up, kicked Toriel off to the side, and grabbed a hold of him.

"You're just a bit too old to be a worker, but I suppose we could use you for," The man began to chuckle, "Spare parts," The man opened the bag and just as Atreus was about to be stuffed inside.

"Atreus!" Kratos and his Spartan rage kicked into overdrive as he jumped through the window and threw a flurry of blows at the man, with no regard to collateral damage. He punched him well out of the building.

Back downstairs, Undyne had managed to limp her way back into the living room. Even after the injuries she had sustained, she'd still pursue the Yule Man if Kratos hadn't ordered her to stay back. Once she entered what remained of the living room, she found Papyrus kneeling over Sans and crying.

"P-papyrus," Undyne muttered.

"He… He'll wake up… won't he?" Papyrus cried, "Won't he!?"

"Papyrus, he's-,"

"He's still knocked out!" Papyrus finished, "My brother's okay! Even if his skull is cracked o-open and… and…,"

From another universe, Bob and Ted were watching the events of this battle unfold.

"Dude, don't you think making Papyrus cry is a bit too much?" Ted said as he transcribed the events.

"Nah," Bob scoffed, "Besides, he'll be back in the morning and everything will be fine,"

"But Papyrus is crying," Ted stressed, "I feel like a dick!"

"Dude, you really gotta stop being so soft on these guys. This is not what Truth or Dare is about,"

"This isn't even a real ToD chapter!" Ted protested, "This is just an idea that I had to make up for screwing Phantom over for the past few chapters. Seriously, his dares are really chapters, if not stories, in their own right," Ted glanced over at the time on his watch, "I know we usually bring the dead back at around breakfast, but it's twelve o' one. Technically, he can be brought back,"

"Do whatever man," Bob yawned, "This is your story,"

Just as Undyne was about to explain that Sans was no more, the lights in his eye sockets began to glow once more. His injuries were suddenly cured and, most importantly, Papyrus was relieved.

"Sans? How'd you-,"

"I knew you were sleeping!" Papyrus cried, "I knew it…,"

"hey, don't go cryin' yet," Sans said, "where's the guy? did we beat him?"

As he asked, Undyne heard the sounds of crying children upstairs. More than just one or two cries, too. The three made their way up the stairs and followed the noise. They turned toward Toriel's room to find Frisk, Atreus, and Toriel, as well as six other kids that were either as old as Frisk or younger. The younger children were bawling their eyes out, but one little boy simply had the look of shellshock on his face.

"What's with all the human's?" Papyrus asked.

"They… They just all climbed out of the back with Frisk when I opened it," Toriel explained, "I don't know where they came from,"

"kids, any of you, where did you come from?"

* * *

The Yule Man is a formidable foe indeed. He had the speed of Balder and quite the reach with his long arms. Getting within the Yule Man's range was dangerous, since he could hit you before you could hit him. The fight had gone on longer than Kratos had anticipated. If he threw all caution for the residents of this world out the window, he felt as though he'd be done by now. However, he didn't know if Undyne was covered under the morning revival and didn't want to take that risk when he blocked that hit. Though it was a well executed block, the force of the swing did bear some load on his spine. To a god, this is no big deal in the long run, but right now he was aching.

"You're looking a bit worse for ware, aren't you Ghost of Sparta?" The Yule Man taunted.

Kratos threw his axe at the man. The weapon spun around, slashing his side before coming right back. "Do not call me that,"

As the Yule Man continued his barrage of attacks while maniacally laughing, an arrow flew into his back. He turned around to see Atreus had showed up and fired the shot. "Just go ahead and give up now!" Atreus shouted.

"Or else what, you damned brat!?"

"Or else you'll get dunked on," Atreus replied.

"Dunked?" The Yule Man questioned.

Bones suddenly jutted out of the ground where the Yule Man was standing, stabbing into his feet and calves. The bones did more than just burn his very soul, they ate away at it, giving those parts no chance of returning. Sans stepped forward in front of Atreus. His left eye glowed bright as he stepped forward.

"i got it from here, guys," Sans declared.

"I thought I killed you!" The Yule Man ranted.

"oh, you totally did," Sans admitted, "but i don't feel like going into detail with scum like you," Sans's eye sockets went completely dark for a moment, "you're going to have a bad time,"

Sans used his magic to fling the Yule Man all about the forest, making sure he smashes through as many trees as he possibly could. Once he had enough of throwing him around, he flung him into the air. As he was airborne, Gaster blasters formed all around him and followed him, blasting away at him as he fell. Once the Yule Man was within range, Sans slammed him to the ground, pinned him there with more bones that jutted from the ground, and summoned the largest Gaster blaster anyone had ever seen just above him. The blaster fired, emitting a blinding light and a thunderous boom that could be seen and heard for miles.

Kratos and Atreus, after recovering from the ringing in their ears and mild blindness, looked at where Sans fired the beam. A giant crater was all that was left of the Yule Man. There was no trace of him to be seen. The Spartan and his son looked toward Sans's way just as he collapsed from exhaustion.

"Sans!" Atreus yelled.

The two rushed over, but looked to still be breathing. Kratos carried Sans back to what remained of Toriel's home. The home was in shambles. Either extensive repairs had to be made or perhaps they should just tear the whole thing down and start anew. Kratos noticed the group of unfamiliar children that Toriel was trying her best to comfort, but something told Kratos that a pep talk wasn't going to help.

"Sans! Is he alright!?" Papyrus asked.

"Yes," Kratos answered, "He collapsed after taking care of the Yule Man… What's with the children?"

"While Frisk was in the bag, she found some new friends," Papyrus answered, "Although… I don't think they want to be her friend. They're crying too much,"

Undyne, who was now out of her armor and patching herself up, spoke up, "We'll talk later,"

As the sun rose and Sans awakened from his slumber, Kratos soon found out that the Yule Man had kidnapped all of these children after slaughtering their families. If it hadn't been for everyone here that night, Frisk would have suffered the same fate as all the other children. There was no telling what would happen to her if he had gotten away.

"Are you alright, Sans?" Kratos asked.

"heh… using my actual name for once?"

"I feel you've earned it," Kratos replied.

"i'm alright. maybe i should actually work on my magic stamina more since the timelines won't be all messed up anymore,"

"Why haven't you?"

"because, for the longest time, i figured that their wouldn't be a point in trying anyway. but, after hearing about what that guy did, it didn't matter if the resets would stop or not, i just had to stop him. sorry if i kinda stole the kill from you,"

"I didn't need your help, but I appreciate it all the same,"

"What's going to happen to the kids?" Atreus asked.

"toriel and the rest of them will be working with the cops to find their next of kin. if that doesn't work out for any of them, i'm pretty sure the old lady will take 'em in,"

A distressed and worried Alphys ran up and hugged Kratos out of nowhere, "Thank you! T-Thank you for protecting Undyne!" She cried.

"She was foolish, taking on a foe that was beyond a mere monster," Kratos scolded

"you're such a tsundere," Sans joked.

**Is this what I should be publishing instead of another chapter of ToD? Probably not, but I read the SCP-4666 article and, despite it being way out of season by now, I just had to do something with it. Don't know how a God of War/Undertale crossover came into mind, it just happened.**

**As for the main chapter, it's about halfway-ish done. Considering the fallout from the flooding of Inkopolis, the intro stories are a bit more drama filled and that's a bit harder for me to get right in my eyes. That's my excuse anyway (That and liquor) **

**Sorry if you saw the update and expected more ToD stuff, but if I put this in the main chapter, I'd probably reach 30000 words and that's just stupid.**


	8. Overdue in Tazmily

It was a normal, if not slow, night at The Gates of Hell. The mood that the last session had cast upon everyone was still in full swing. Many of the good Smashers just weren't able to shake the fact that millions of Inklings died and they couldn't do anything to stop it. The Inkopolis natives took this harder, naturally, but Orange took it the hardest of all. After a few hours of drinking hard liquor alone, straight from the bottle, she found herself passed out, face down on the counter with a bottle in hand. Orange had been plagued with nightmares that only an alcohol-induced slumber in Rodin's bar could silence.

Lucas and Three appeared in the center of the bar. This has quickly become a routine over the past few days and, frankly, it was getting on Three's nerves.

"My Cod," Three sighed when she set eyes on her younger sister. A pool of drool had begun to form on the counter and was close to dripping down, "How much did she drink this time?"

"She managed to kill an entire bottle," Rodin replied. He took a puff from his cigar, "Get her outta my bar before business picks up,"

"I'll just use healing and then we'll-," Lucas began.

"She's not gonna learn if you keep curing her hangovers," Three protested with a tone of frustration.

"Learn what? Not to be depressed about destroying an entire city?" Lucas pointed out, "On some level, I get it,"

"Whatever," Three scoffed, "Just help me grab her,"

The two grabbed Orange and carried her all the way back to her room at the manor with little difficulty. They placed the drunken Inkling in her bed and just as Lucas was about to cast Healing, Three glared at him and he stopped. The two exited the room shortly after.

* * *

Orange found herself on the docks of Smash Town. It was late evening and the sun was beginning to set. In the harbor were various boats and ships that belonged to various Smashers. In front of her was Lucas, who looked to be yelling at her, but all sound seems muffled and distorted to her. Yet, she was reacting to it as though she understood completely. A few moments of clarity throughout the muffled speech offered some insight into what exactly he was yelling about.

"...you almost took away everything else I had… … … how can I trust you… … it doesn't matter what happened, you intended it…,"

Orange tried to explain herself, but Lucas had enough.

"I don't want to see you again!" He yelled as he pushed her off the docks and into the water. She struggled to stay afloat as her body dissolved. She cried for help but Lucas just stood there and watched. As the moment death would have been official, she woke up in her bed. She was just about as hungover as one would expect. She glanced over at her bedside table to check the time; 3:12 am. Another night's rest cut short by awful nightmares. At least she didn't have the one where Lucas morphed into a tentacle monster and crush her to death or any variant of the dream involving murderous octopus monsters for that matter.

For the next few hours, Orange just laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling, and dwelled on the things that she'd done. She knew, deep down, it wasn't really her fault, but that wasn't enough to sway her mind into feeling better about the whole ordeal. She feels awful for opting to burn down Tazmily Village, but if she opted to flood Inkopolis instead, she'd feel the exact same way she does now. There was nothing she could do, but she kept asking herself, what if?

* * *

Ted had gathered all the Smashers and sent them back to the ruined Inkopolis and, at the request of Remnant7, had them rebuild what they could. Ted admittedly did most of the heavy lifting, draining the water beforehand and reviving all the deceased citizens. The cephalopods that were brought to Smash Town last session were ecstatic and the good-aligned Smashers were happy to lend a hand however they could. The heavier Smashers, like Donkey Kong and Bowser, helped with clearing up large bits of rubble and carrying building supplies. Daniel and Isabelle helped with the aid of anyone who happened to be literate in the Inklish language, went through the original blueprints for the buildings in order to ensure everything was built back and up to code. The revived citizens of Inkopolis helped out in the rebuilding of the city as well.

Orange was feeling a bit better by this point. Everyone was alive and the damage of the flood was actively being fixed. Her sister, upon finding out Inkopolis would be saved, stopped holding a grudge against her. However, she still didn't want to talk to anyone about the incident and stayed away from many of the other Smashers, especially Lucas. She could feel the angry stares by disgruntled citizens who didn't know the full story of the flood piercing through her heart. Everyone close to her could easily forgive her for being in such a position, but what about the average citizen? It's likely that her reputation in Ink Sports would take a massive hit as a result of negative public opinion.

She had a lot more on her mind as she helped hang sheetrock in one of the stores on Inkopolis Square, but she suddenly found herself in a plain room with Lucas, Yusuke, Isabelle, Azura, Terry, Lucario, Fox, Zelda (from the fallen hero timeline), and Pac-Man standing against the walls. In the corners of the room were video cameras and loud speakers. The speakers turned on and a voice began to speak.

"While Ted is doing his thing and helping with a happy dare, I figured you all can help me with another dare that caught my eye," The voice was obviously Bob, although it was strange that he wasn't speaking with them directly.

"I do not like the sound of this," Yusuke said calmly.

"Oh no!" Isabelle panicked, "What's the dare going to be now?! Will the room fill up with water?! Will the walls come closing in on us?! I just want this to stop!"

"I have no idea what's going on," Terry said, "So… this isn't part of Smash either, right?"

"Hey Orange" Lucas greeted, "Are you okay?"

"...yeah," She answered. This was a half-truth. She was relieved that Inkopolis was on it's way back to normal, but her place in the city was uncertain. She was also still bothered by Lucas being so concerned for her. Her dreams keep telling her that he should hate her and yet, he's always there if she wanted to talk, although she never took the offer.

"This dare comes from 14shiffna and-," the announcement was interrupted by the sound of a sudden rush of wind.

"Where. Is. She?" Said an unknown, pissed off voice.

In a security room monitoring the plain room, a ten foot tall tentacle monster, with a black spherical head, beady eyes, and a menacing grin, had Bob wrapped up in it's yellow tentacles. The monster wore a teacher's cap and a robe. In the room with them were the famous Squid Sisters, but they were tied up at the moment. Bob was calm about the whole ordeal.

"Korosensei, how'd you get here?" Bob asked.

The monster named Korosensei slammed the host against the walls at supersonic speed. The Squid Sisters were in awe at this feat.

"I hope he's on our side," Callie wished.

"I dunno, this seems like a personal dispute," Marie replied.

"Where is she?!" The monster yelled as he continued thrashing Bob all over.

"I just wanted to borrow her for a sec," Bob yelled as he was being trashed about, "Stop throwing me around and I'll give her back in ten minutes. Promise,"

Korosensei tossed Bob against a wall and calmed down a little, indicated by his face color changing from black to red. A woman with long black hair ran into the room.

"Korosensei! Are you alright!? Did you find Yoko?!" She asked.

"Everything is fine for now, Hazama," Korosensei assured. While keeping his eyes on Bob, Korosensei used his tentacles to untie the Squid Sisters in the blink of an eye.

"Let me guess. You hitched a ride to this universe through Larry," Bob figured, "With Hazama as his boss, she has access to cross universe travel,"

"Quit changing the subject," Korosensei demanded. His face changed from red to his natural yellow color, "But if we're going to be guessing each other's intentions, I assume you took my daughter to use her old power just for a sick laugh,"

"That was the idea," Bob confirmed. He got up off the floor and walked over to the monitors overviewing the plain room. He engaged to microphone once more, "I apologise for the delay. Now for the main event. Behold, Yoko Yukimura!"

In the plain room, an American-looking little girl of about four years of age appeared in the center of the room. On the video feed in the security room, her image was censored.

"Why can't we see her?" Callie asked.

"You don't want to… not like this," Korosensei answered.

The moment everyone in the room gazed upon the little girl, they felt a sudden rush of adrenaline followed by a wave of paranoia.

"Somethings wrong, I can feel it," Orange muttered to herself as she looked around at the others in the room. In her mind, everyone seemed like they were out to get her and it was all because of the girl. Orange, and everyone else in the room, figured that the best way to tackle this situation would be to kill everyone else in the room. Only then could she get rid of the girl once and for all.

Just as Orange was about to make her first strike with her inkbrush, Lucas whacks her across the face with a stick. Just as this happened, the entire room erupted into a free-for-all brawl. Even those who were usually mild mannered were bloodthirsty savages. Azura used her lance to hold off Isabelle, who was charging at her like a rabid animal. Terry was beating the crap out of Pac-Man, Fox and Lucario were firing shots at each other while Zelda summoned a Phantom Guardian to deal with Yusuke's persona, Kamu Susano-o.

"Why did they all start fighting all of a sudden?" Callie asked.

"Yoko Yukimura, previously designated as SCP-053," Bob began.

"SCP?" Marie asked, "Is this like some Top Secret stuff?"

"Correct, the SCP Foundation contains literally thousands of anomalous items, people, creatures, and places," Bob answered, "What makes SCP-053 so special, is that if anyone older than her makes eye contact, touches her, or is even in the same room as her, they will go into a paranoid murderous rage. Then, they'll try killing everyone around them. Once this is accomplished, they'll go after SCP-053,"

"That's awful!" Callie exclaimed.

"So they go after the girl once they finish everyone else," Marie confirmed, "There has to be something else, otherwise this problem seems to solve itself,"

"Just watch," Bob said.

Back in the room, Orange tried her best to overcome Lucas's psychic powers. Her ink weapons gave her a decent chance, but after being burned, frozen, and electrocuted, she was on her last legs. Lucas slammed her against the wall and began to choke the last remaining life out of her. Just when all seemed lost for the Inkling, her phone rang. As her ringtone (_Calamari Inkantation_ as performed by the Squid Sister) went off, Lucas and Orange had a moment of clarity amidst the madness. Lucas was immediately horrified at what he was doing and released Orange's neck from his grip. Before they could assess the situation at hand, a crazed Yusuke cut the two of them down with his katana.

The bloodshed continued until only Terry remained. At this point, he was heavily wounded and the nine other fighters were dead and scattered all over the place. All he had left to deal with was little Yoko, who merely stood around and tried not to get in anyone's way during the fighting. In his altered state of mind, Terry used Buster Wolf on the little girl. He practically smashed her head in as she went flying toward the wall. Suddenly, the fighter felt a pain in his chest. He clenched the pain then fell to the ground. He didn't get up after that.

Yoko's head started to reshape itself. The bits of blood and brain matter came rushing back toward her and any burns or bruises she endured healed right away. Immediately after she was done regenerating, Bob disabled the anomalous effects that had her designated as an SCP in the first place and uncensored the footage.

"Alright, I'm done," Bob smiled, "She's-," Korosensei immediately zoomed out of the room at supersonic speeds leaving Bob, Hazama, and the Squid Sisters in the dust.

"That was awful," Callie cried.

Marie was more level-headed about the events that had just unfolded, but the sheer brutality still made her shudder. "To think that such a sweet looking little girl was cursed like that," She muttered to herself.

Korosensei zoomed back into the security room soon after that exchange with Yoko in his tentacles.

"Daddy, can I go home?" Yoko asked. She asked this of Korosensei so nonchalantly. It made the Squid Sisters wonder how many times she'd been the victim to similar attacks.

"Of course," Korosensei replied, "Anything for my daddy's little girl,"

"Let's find a broom closet or something so Larry can get us home," Hazama said, "The less I'm reminded of this game's existence, the better,"

Once those three left, Bob turned his attention toward Callie and Marie. "So, you two are going to be coming with me,"

"Why?" Callie demanded to know.

"Because Groundon really likes helium," Bob replied.

"Don't know what that has to do with us," Marie said, "But I guess we have no choice in the matter,"

"You really don't," Bob confirmed.

* * *

It had been about a week since the Inkopolis clean-up. Usually, it'd be about time for Bob to start the next session of Truth or Dare, but even he was a sucker for the holidays. Therefore, he decided to give the Smashers a reprieve from the games until after New Year's Day. During this time, they were still trapped in Smash Town, with the exception of Sans, who regularly 'takes shortcuts' between Smash Town and Grillby's to hang out with his pals back home. Even with the hostage situation still being in effect, it didn't stop many of the Smashers from celebrating.

Snowfall started to become a regular occurrence in the forecast. Many businesses decorated their storefronts accordingly. The younger ones, like the Ice Climbers and Atreus played in the snow, with Kirby regularly joining in, while everyone mostly stayed warm indoors. The Roost saw an uptick in customers during this time. A nice, hot cup of coffee was what most everyone needed during these times and it was just about worth it to face the cold to order a cup.

In the Roost, on an early Monday morning, Daniel and Isabelle were sitting at a table waiting for Brewster to brew their coffee. Isabelle was wearing her usual work attire, but wore her glasses as well. (She's nearsighted) She didn't usually wear them with her work attire, but when she arrived to Town Hall, Daniel was locking the front doors. When Daniel informed that she didn't need to work today, she decided that it would be okay to put them on.

"Are you sure we should take the week off?" Isabelle asked, "It just doesn't feel… right,"

"Isabelle, I've been trying to get you to take a day off ever since I became a mayor," Daniel said, "Just take it,"

"But what if a new Smasher arrives? Won't they need a place to stay? And what about-,"

"Isabelle, I promise everything will be alright," Daniel assured, "You worry too much, you know that?"

Brewster walked over with their coffee and set them down on the table. "Here you are… Enjoy… coo," He said before retreating behind the counter.

"Thank you, Brewster," Daniel replied.

They took a sip of their coffee. Isabelle liked her coffee with lots of milk and sugar. Daniel, on the other hand, liked the Blue Mountain brew with no milk or sugar. No matter how it tasted, it warmed their bodies on this cold, snowy day. As Daniel drank his cup, he started getting lost in thought. It had been a while since the young mayor could simply relax without having to worry about dying or accidentally killing people and it just felt strange to him. It was as though he was in the eye of the storm known as Bob's Truth or Dare and he couldn't help but wonder what horrific thing will happen to him this time.

"Daniel, are you alright?" Isabelle asked. She had noticed his expression slowly turning gloomy.

"Uh… yeah," Daniel replied, "I'm just…," He took a deep breath, "I just can't stop thinking about this dare stuff. I thought taking the week off would help clear my head, but that's not the case,"

"Yeah," Isabelle murmured, "I don't like it when they dare you. They always do something horrible to you,"

"They do something awful to everyone here and if they don't, they will eventually. I guess we just have to get used to it until it passes,"

The two sigh and look down into their coffee cups. "I hope Azura isn't mad about the other day," Isabelle muttered.

"If the cursed child thing is true, I'm sure she'll forgive you,"

"I hope so,"

They both quickly steered away from the sad conversation and onto more typical talking points, asking about each other's family, plans for their town once they get back, and funny stories involving their town's residents. Isabelle told a story about how she went ballistic on a resident for accidentally breaking a window in town hall.

"I've heard every now and again that you've been known to go off on others, but even now I find that hard to believe," Daniel smiled.

"It was during the time when the old mayor retired and before you arrived," Isabelle explained, "I was much busier than I usually was and I want to say that was approaching… I think day three of no sleep,"

"Three days?! Was it really that bad?"

"There were mountains of paperwork everywhere, I had to get Mr. Tortimer's retirement stuff in order, handle property disputes among the villagers, The Nooks split up their house building and general store business, the flowers hadn't been watered yet, and the last thing I needed was for Bill to throw a stinking baseball through the window," Isabelle was light-heartingly ranting about this, but her tone seemed to shift to be slightly frustrated by the end.

"Bet you were glad I came along, huh?"

"It was a massive weight off my shoulders," Isabelle finished up the last of her coffee, "You were the best thing to ever happen to Oakshire,"

Daniel was pretty flattered by this complement. "I think you're exaggerating a little bit,"

"C'mon, you've seen the town when you arrived. I'm not saying it was bad, but it felt like there could be more to Oakshire; things that differentiate it from other quaint towns,"

"The town sure did grow a lot… wait, doesn't that mean more paperwork for you?"

"Yeah, but we get K.K. Slider to perform at Club LOL every week. I'm happy with that tradeoff,"

"What if the window gets broken again?"

"I'll go Isabellistic, as Bill says,"

They both laughed and decided that it was about time to leave. They paid for their drinks and prepared themselves to face the cold once more. Once they opened the door, the cold breeze sent shivers down their spines and gave them goosebumps.

"Is it me or did it get colder while we were inside?" Isabelle asked.

"The wind certainly picked up," Daniel noted, "Wanna stop by my house? It's closer to the Roost than the Manor. That and I have something to give you,"

_He's never invited me to his house before? What's the deal?... Then again, I was always working… But he's admitted he has a crush on me… well, maybe not a crush. He just admitted to wanting to kiss me… THAT'S BASICALLY THE SAME THING!... right?..._

She was so lost in her internal monologue that, before she knew it, she found herself walking into Daniel's home. The house wasn't nearly as big as his home back in Oakshire, but it was certainly spacious yet cozy at the same time. The living room they walked into had a big red carpet that covered the entire floor and the wallpaper made it look like they were in a log cabin. It paired well with the fireplace that was installed as well the gorgeous red couch he had, as well as all the other furnishings Daniel had organized.

Daniel ran into the kitchen for a moment and came out with a present. "Happy Birthday!"

"Already?!" Isabelle exclaimed.

"December twentieth, right?" Daniel handed the present to Isabelle.

"That's right. But… you know you didn't have to get me anything. Toy Day is only a few days away,"

"So? I felt like I should give you something today. We'll worry about Toy Day when it gets here,"

Isabelle opened the present and inside was K.K. Slider's latest album. Isabelle would normally be excited by such a gift. He is her favorite music artist, afterall. However, she also knew that was true for Daniel and she picked a Toy Day gift for him accordingly.

"Is… something wrong?" Daniel asked.

"I sorta… got you the same thing for… Toy Day," Isabelle sheepishly replied.

Daniel couldn't help but laugh at the coincidence. "What are the odds?"

"I'm so sorry, Daniel,"

"So we got the same thing for each other. That's nothing to be sorry about,"

"You think so?"

"I think it's kinda… sweet… that we did this," Daniel blushed.

"Really?" Isabelle blushed. They two bashfully avoided each other's glances and awkwardly stood around for a few seconds before Daniel spoke up.

"So… do you want to stay here for a while... like, until it gets a bit warmer. If you want to, of course,"

"Oh! Yeah… That sounds nice,"

The two of them eventually got over their nervousness as they sat on the couch and stared into the fireplace while drinking hot chocolate and listening to the new album. The album was laid back for the most part, like the musician that made it.

"Hey Isabelle… I've…," He took a moment to collect himself, "I don't know if you remember what I said in Hyrule, but…I wanna know if-"

"If you want to date?! Get married?! Have a litter of puppies?! Grow old together?!"

"Uh?"

"...Did I say that out loud?"

Daniel chuckled. "It's fine, really. I just wanted to, like, after this dare stuff, maybe we could… try that,"

"A-are you sure? What about my work schedule?"

"You're the one who keeps coming into work when I keep telling you to take a day off. The town's done fine with the villagers self governing this long. I'm sure we can take days off for ourselves,"

"I mean… if you think it's okay… I'd really like that,"

Daniel took a breath of relief. "I'm glad. I'll be honest, I was nervous about asking you, but I think you were more panicked than I was,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be… I think it's cute,"

* * *

Samus hates winter. She's hated it ever since she was injected with Metroid DNA. While it did save her from being killed by the deadly X Parasite, it's left her with an extreme sensitivity to the cold. Normally in Smash Brothers, this would only be a problem if she were fighting in her zero suit on a cold stage or if she were hit by cold attacks like the Ice Climbers freezing powers or Lucas's PK freeze. Even then, she could tough it out until the match ended since they usually never ran any longer than five minutes anyway.

But with Bob keeping everyone around longer than they should be and the weather turning colder and colder, this has become a daily issue. Anything lower than thirty-two degrees fahrenheit was uncomfortable (more so than it would normally be for a woman like her) and anything zero and below was outright deadly if she stayed out for an extended period of time. She had no choice but to wear her Varia Suit anytime she planned on leaving the manor, which she made sure to keep to a minimal.

Unfortunately, she still needed to eat, so grocery runs were done while she fully donned the Varia Suit. It was basically a second skin to the bounty hunter at this point, but one of the many things she liked about Smash was that she got to have downtime where wearing the suit wasn't necessary. Even though it was a fighting tournament, it was a time to relax and take a break from saving the galaxy from some alien threat.

It wasn't all bad though. The manor had a modest gym that she could work with so she stayed fit. The woman had always been a bit of a loner, but during her years in Smash, she's learned to open up more. What better way to talk to people than to be stuck indoors where half of the roster resided anyway? As long as she stayed away from drafty windows, the heating in the manor was more than enough to make her feel comfortable. When she wasn't doing any kind of training, she could often be found sitting around reading books, working on her mediocre cooking skills, or falling asleep with Pikachu or Pichu nuzzled up with her.

* * *

In a far off universe, totally disconnected from Super Smash Brothers in just about every way, an old man in a lab coat was working on some strange sci-fi gadget in the garage of a seemingly normal suburban neighborhood. He had some kind of spaceship that looked like your typical UFO out in the front driveway while inside the garage were various other gadgets, gizmos, and sensors. Just as a fourteen-year-old boy opened the door to the garage, one of these sensors began to sound quite frantically. The old man turned around to address the blaring sensor that was going off.

"Oh shit!" The old man yelled.

"What's that beeping?" The boy asked.

"Morty, get the crystallized xanthenite from the cable box!" The old man yelled as he scrambled to gather the necessary tools needed to handle this unknown threat, "Quick! We don't have much time,"

"Oh jeez!" Morty exclaimed as he ran back into the house, through the kitchen and into the living room. While inside, he noticed that his family, who had been watching TV, seemed to be frozen in time. This was noticeably apparent because his clumsy father seemed to have spilled a bowl of popcorn when this time freeze happened, leaving the bowl and its contents floating in the air.

"Dammit Morty! Hurry up! If we don't get this we'll have to change universes again!" Morty quickly jumped back into action and grabbed the pinkish crystal that was affixed to the cable box and quickly ran back to the garage to find the old man in his spaceship and ready to take off. Morty quickly gets in the ship with the crystallized xanthenite as they take off into the sky to search for the source of the problem.

"What's happening Rick?" Morty frantically asked, "Why's time frozen?"

"Because Morty," Rick began with a burp, "Some idiot decided to take a very destructive shortcut for interdimensional travel. Basically we've been cut away from the rest of the Multiverse and the laws of reality are all out of wack,"

"Oh jeez!" Morty exclaimed, "But wait, why aren't we frozen like everyone else,"

"Because I embedded a chip in your spinal cord that makes you immune to this shit,"

"How many of your inventions have you put inside me,"

"You don't want to know the answer to that. I don't want you questioning your-," Just then, the beeping from the sensor became louder and the frequency increased," Alright, we're here. You got the crystal?"

"Yeah," Morty replied as he handed the pinkish crystal to Rick. Rick descended to a field in the middle of nowhere. As they landed, they noticed two teenagers, a boy with black hair and a girl with long orange hair, frozen in time after just having walked outside of a portal that looked like a tear in the very fabric of the universe. Rick inserted the crystal in a device that looked like some kind of handheld sewing machine and the two stepped out of the spaceship.

Rick quickly looked over the two teenagers and noticed a plastic knife in the girl's hands. Rick took the knife and inspected it. "Just as I suspected. An anomalous item that just so happens to create portals. Well, it's not anomalous to me, but what is anymore?" Rick approached the portal and grabbed the edges of it. He was able to pull the edges together and he used the sewing gun to stitch it together.

"Rick, I-I think I know who these two are!" Morty exclaimed.

"Dammit Morty! What did I tell you about taking my portal gun?!" Rick scolded as he continued sealing the portal.

"No Rick, I mean, I know them from a video game called Persona 5,"

"Interesting," Rick said sarcastically, "Does this game happen to have other shit that can tear holes in the universe?"

"No… the only thing they have are these, like, spirits or something, that fight alongside them,"

"Ugh, so they're Stand users," Rick concluded as he finished patching up the portal, "Word of advice, don't ever stab yourself with an arrow that'll give you powers like that. First of all, I think it would kill you, because you're a bitch, but on the off chance it doesn't, other wackjobs with similar powers will try to kill you on a weekly basis. It's like they're drawn to each other or something,"

"Okay," Morty replied, not knowing exactly what Rick was rambling about, "but is everything okay now?"

"It should be in three… two… one," After Rick's countdown, time in the universe resumed. Akira and Futaba's momentum continued, indicating that they were possibly running from something on the other side of the patched portal. They quickly realized that someone had intervened when Futaba noticed the knife was out of her hand and Akira noticed the portal was patched.

"I-It's over?" Akira muttered.

"We're… safe," Futaba began to cry.

"Not quite," Rick said. During this time, Rick had put away the portal sewing device and got out a stun gun, which he immediately used to shoot Futaba and Akira. Thousands of volts of electricity coursed through their bodies as they fell over each other and were knocked unconscious.

"Wha-What the hell Rick?!" Morty exclaimed, "Why'd you do that?"

"Because if I turn these brats in, along with this knife, we can get a nice reward," Rick explained as he dragged Akira to the spaceship, "Now grab the girl and take her to the car,"

The two stuffed the interdimensional travellers into the backseat and took off in their spaceship once more.

"Now, bad news," Rick began, "The crystalized xanthenite I used to patch that portal was depleted of its energy in the process, so no more interdimensional cable until I can get a new one,"

"Aw man," Morty whined.

"But, once we turn these guys in, Morty, we'll have so many fuckin' flurbos. We're gonna hit up Blips and Chitz after this, just you and me… maybe your sister,"

"How many flurbos do you think we'll get?"

"Like, thirty thousand flurbos, and you know what they just got? Roy Three, motherfucka!"

Morty quickly stopped caring so much about the fate of their captives as they flew off into the stars.

* * *

Back in Smash Town, Akira, Yusuke, and Morgana went with Ryuji to check out the new shop that had been advertised in the last session. Ryuji hadn't yet picked out a Christmas gift for Ann and with only three days until then, he wanted to get her something special. Despite Akira and Morgana insisting it was an awful idea to buy anomalous goods from the salesmen, Ryuji persisted and they decided to accompany him to keep him out of trouble.

The storefront was quite small, taking the place of an alleyway in between two established businesses. The sign above the door, which was the nicest looking part of the exterior, read 'The Bizarre Bazaar'.

"Alright, let's see what this place's got," Ryuji exclaimed.

"This is the last time I'm saying this," Akira sighed, "Just shop at the damn Emporium,"

"Surely Ann would appreciate a gift that you wouldn't have to risk life and limb to obtain," Yusuke spoke.

"Yeah," Morgana agreed, "If I were you, I'd get her only the finest, most beautiful clothes and perhaps some sweets to top it off. Like a box of chocolates or a-," Morgana was interrupted by the chiming of the doorbell as Ryuji and Yusuke entered the building.

"You were starting to come off a little too strong there," Akira warned.

"Let's just go inside," Morgana sighed. Akira walked into the shop with Morgana in tow and once he stepped in, the whole store opened up to him. For some inexplicable reason, the interior was much bigger than the exterior let on. The layout of the store was consistent to that of a thrift store, with items loosely organized and scattered about the place. The objects inside the shop didn't appear to stray far off from what would typically be found in such an establishment. To their right was a counter. On top of the counter was a cash register and a bowl of candy with a note attached saying 'take no more than two, please!'. As Ryuji took two candies from the bowl, Fernando rose from behind the counter with me in hand.

"Welcome to The Bizarre Bazaar! What can I interest you in today?" Fernando greeted, "We currently have a special on toasters such as myself," Fernando said while presenting me.

"Is there anything weird about me?" Morgana asked.

"No, I can toast bread perfectly fine," Fernando said, "In fact, I'm one of the finest toasters out there,"

"You both realize you are referring to me in the first-person, do you not?" Yusuke asked.

"So this is the weird thing about me?" Akira asked, "If so, I'm mildly annoying at best,"

"If you think I'm strange, you've seen nothing yet," Fernando said.

"Look I don't care about myself," Ryuji exclaimed, "I just want a good Christmas gift for my girlfriend,"

"Well, I suppose you wouldn't want me then," Fernando said, "Perhaps I could interest you in some of our more adult products?"

Morgana momentarily retreated into Akira's bag to scream into a small pillow that was inside before quickly popping back out.

"Like what…?" Ryuji inquired.

Fernando led the gang to the back of the store, which was cordoned off by a curtain. The first product Fernando introduced them to was contained in a glass cell. Akira was the first to make eye contact with the subject, which had been a disgusting, cronenberged mass of various extremities and orfacies and immediately began to shapeshift into Haru. This 'Haru' wore a dominatrix outfit and wielded a riding crop and stared at Akira seductively.

"This right here is a shapeshifting entity that morphs into your strongest sexual desire," Fernando explained.

The rest of the gang turned their heads to Akira. "Yep, sounds about right," He casually responded.

"Perhaps it has something to do with your incarceration," Yusuke guessed.

"I dunno, maybe," Akira shrugged.

"O-kay," Ryuji said, "Anyway, I was hoping for something a bit less… extreme,"

"I suppose we could try something else," Fernando led them to the opposite side of the room and toward a shelf filled with various adult themed objects. But Fernando picked up a small red container of nail polish "This nail polish has been known to increase sexual pleasure of both the user and their partner," Morgana momentarily retreated into the backpack yet again to scream into a pillow.

"What's the catch?" Ryuji commented.

"Uh… she's the dominant one," Fernando technically answered with the truth, "Oh, and lots of scratching,"

"Nah, I'm good," Ryuji said.

Fernando then led the group to a shelf full of accessories, like socks, brackets, and headbands. All of these accessories had a cartoon character of a ghostly, angel-like sperm cell with X's in its eyes. Just above this image were the words 'just DID'.

"Uh, what kind of brand is this?" Ryuji asked.

"This is the just DID line of contraceptive clothing. Just have your lady wear this, and pregnancy won't be a worry," Morgana retreated into the backpack yet again to scream into the pillow.

"Alright, that sounds too awesome to be true. What's the catch?" Ryuji accused.

"I mean… have you looked at the design," Fernando said, dodging the question.

"He's right, it is rather tacky," Yusuke agreed.

"True… but it's still pretty awesome," Ryuji said.

Morgana poked his head out of the backpack. "That's not a gift for her! You're thinking about yourself!"

"None of your business, cat!" Ryuji argued.

"He does have a point though," Akira chimed in.

"Fine…," Ryuji sighed.

"Eh… perhaps these products area but much," Fernando suggested, "I just thought of the perfect gift, one that'll be fit for a queen. Follow me back to my counter,"

The gang proceeded to do just that. Fernando got behind the counter and pulled out a small, silver hand bell.

"What's this do?" Ryuji asked.

"Allow me to show you," Fernando rang the bell. Moments later, a well dressed British man walked into the shop.

"You rang, Mr. Ortiz?" The man asked Fernando.

"Please introduce yourself," Fernando requested.

"Good afternoon gentlemen, I am Dr. Deeds," The man introduced, "I am a butler, of course, and if you have any requests, I will accomplish them to the best of my abilities,"

"You know, that's kinda cool," Ryuji said as he reached for his third piece of candy from the candy bowl. Once he picked up the piece of candy, his hands were instantly and cleanly severed at the wrists by an unknown force.

"My hands!" Ryuji screamed as blood spurted out of his wrists, "Holy fuck! My fucking hands! What the hell did you do to my hands?!" Akira and Yusuke frantically grabbed a separate arm and applied pressure at the wrists.

"I apologise, but I had nothing to do with your sudden amputation," Mr. Deeds said, "Shall I aquire some tourniquets to slow the bleeding?"

"Yes!" They all screamed. Mr. Deeds left the store momentarily.

Fernando sighed, "Did you take more than two candies from the candy dish? There's a note on it for a reason,"

"Well maybe you should of put a note up saying that it'll cut off your fucking hands!" Ryuji yelled.

Mr. Deeds returned with the tourniquets and senched them down around the middle of his forearms. This didn't stop the bleeding, but it bought Ryuji enough time to be taken to Dr. Mario's clinic.

Akira, Yusuke, and Morgana waited in the lobby while the doctor worked his magic. A few hours later, Ryuji and Dr. Mario emerged from the operating room with temporary prosthetics.

"This was strangest case of amputation I've ever seen," Dr. Mario commented, "The cut was perfect, which in theory would make reattachment easy, but it kept being rejected. He should be alright tomorrow morning, when all death and injuries reset,"

Ryuji sighed in defeat. "Let's see what T&T has,"

"This is what happens when you don't read warnings in a paranormal shop," Morgana sassed.

Ryuji pointed an artificial hand at Morgana. "If I had hands right now... I'd strangle you,"

"All's well that ends well," Akira smirked.

* * *

It was another cold day on Christmas Eve. It was later in the morning and yet, hardly anyone was awake. The lazy days of the holidays were in full swing. However, a last minute request by one of the reviewers sent Bob and Ted back to Smash Town to oversee his act of holiday cheer.

Everyone was instantly awoken and teleported to the Manor's foyer. Most everyone was groggy, lethargic, and in their pajamas. In Bob and Ted's company was a smiling young man wearing a santa costume and lugging a large sack over his shoulder.

"I thought you weren't going to bug us," Mario yawned.

"That was the plan, but Remnant here just had to do this," Ted announced in an irritated tone, "You know how long this chapter will be now?"

"That sounds wonderful," Remnant smiled.

"You're one of the reviewers?!" Pit realized, probably way later than everyone else.

"Yes I am!" Remnant grinned, "I'm the guy that made you take those devil deals with Ted and made you and Viridi play forty-nine minutes in heaven,"

"That was you?!" Viridi yelled

"Oh, shut up, you liked it," Tetra yawned.

"No I-," Viridi suddenly felt a surge of voltage shoot down her spine.

"Oh yeah, lying is still punishable by electrical shock," Bob reminded.

"Hear that Pit?" Palutena whispered to him.

"Have you asked her out yet?" Rosalina whispered.

"N-not yet… and stop being so interested in my love life,"

"Anyway, Remnant here would like to give away some Christmas gifts," Ted announced, "Take it away, dude,"

"Season greetings Smashers!" Remnant greeted, "I've got a lot of gifts to hand out today," He opened up the sack and started pulling out PlayStation 4's and televisions, "Come on up! Everyone gets a TV and a PS4, pre-loaded with the Dark Souls trilogy! These will always work, even if you come from a world without electrical outlets,"

"Woah! What year did that come out?" Ness exclaimed.

"End of 2013," Futaba quickly answered.

"That's a full decade ahead! Awesome!" Ness exclaimed as he claimed his gift.

"It's all a matter of perspective, kid," Samus said as she claimed her gift, "Because these belong in museums,"

Remnant continued to hand out PS4's and TVs until everyone had one. Then he moved onto the special gifts.

"Alright, now I have these fuzzy slippers for Mario," Remnant stated as he pulled a pair of gray fuzzy slippers. Mario took his gift and put them on. He had been barefoot in his pajamas and the heat wasn't on in the foyer, so these warm slippers were nice.

"Thank you," Mario said, "Just what I needed,"

"I'm glad you enjoy them," Remnant replied as he went into the bag again and pulled out a lightsaber, "Ness, this is for you,"

"Is that a lightsaber?" Ness asked.

"Why, of course!" Remnant answered.

Ness turned the lightsaber on and a hot pink beam of light appeared from the hilt.

"Ha, you got a pink one," Toony teased.

"I don't care, it's a fucking lightsaber!" Ness exclaimed.

Next, Remnant pulled out a body from the bag. This body looked exactly like Bob. "For you, Bob, a new body made of flesh and bone,"

"Wow! Really!?" Bob went over to the lifeless body and looked at it in awe, "Let's take this vessel for a spin," Bob placed his hand over the forehead of the body and with a flash of magic energy, Bob's mechanical body went limp and the organic body opened its eyes.

"How's it feel to truly be alive?" Remnant asked.

Bob, for the first time in a long time, began to feel tears form in his eyes. He sprang up and gave the reviewer a hug, "Thank you! This is the best Christmas ever!"

"I'm glad you like it," Remnant said as he eased his way out of the hug and moved on to give more gifts. His next gift was a seemingly normal bottle of ketchup, which he tossed to Sans.

"nice," Sans opened the bottle of ketchup and began chugging. He continued to chug the bottle for what seemed like forever, yet the flow of tomatoey goodness just kept flowing. Sans stopped drinking only so he could get some air, "how much is in here anyway?"

"It's an infinite bottle of ketchup," Remnant explained, "Oh, and you won't have to worry about Frisk resetting the timeline anymore. I took that ability away from her,"

Sans smiled. Frisk was a sweet little girl who wouldn't harm a fly, but he was aware that she had some kind of ability that allowed her to mess with time. While him, Toriel, Papyrus, and all her other friends did their best to look after and take care of her, he worried that one bad day would cause Frisk to throw this good life away. "i appreciate it,"

"Snake, you are now immortal and you can keep your shinigami eyes!" Remnant announced.

"No thanks," Snake declined.

"Your wel-... excuse me?"

"I'll be fine with getting my original life span back. I've already gotten comfortable with the fact that I'll die shortly after I leave this tournament,"

"Are… you sure?" Remnant asked.

"I'm sure," Snake answered, "Immortality seems to have problems of its own and I don't want them,"

"I guess,"

"Also, being able to tell when someone is going to die is… unsettling, to say the least," As he said this, he glanced over to the Hero of Time, whose countdown seemed to be much shorter than it should be for someone so young at just a few days over ten years.

"Well, I can't exactly take that away. Sorry," Remnant apologized. He quickly moved on however and went up to Rosalina and Palutena with the bag in tow, "Ladies, you can both pick something out of here. Any magic item I've collected through out my adventures in the multiverse,"

"I'm flattered by the offer, Remnant, but I can just whip up almost any magic item I want," Palutena informed him.

"Well, I'm sure there's something we could use here," Rosalina said as she pulled out what appeared to be a deck of fancy playing cards.

"That's the Deck of Many Things, a very wondrous item that is capable of so much, good and bad,"

"Eh… no thanks…," Rosalina said as she placed the deck back into the bag and grabbed a frying pan, "What does this do?"

"It makes any meal prepared with it taste wonderful," Remnant answered.

"See Palutena, we found a gift we could use,"

"Hooray…," Palutena said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm not a good cook either,"

"And before the final gift, I just want to let everyone know that therapy sessions are available for anyone who needs them. Like, with an actual therapist," Remnant passed business cards to Lucas and Orange before he moved back up to the front of the group, "But now, until the start of the next session, everyone gets to go home!" Everyone cheered as a portal opened up in the foyer.

"Alright, here's how this works," Ted butted in, "This portal will stay up until the next session. Until then, this portal will transport you to anywhere you want to go in the multiverse. You'll be able to travel to other parts of the multiverse in case you'd like to visit each other and your ages will be brought back to normal during this time. After New Year's, we're going to Tazmily Village,"

"Oh no," Lucas and Orange shuddered.

"Alright, peace out," Ted and Bob walked through the portal and disappeared from Smash Town.

"Merry Christmas!" Remnant shouted as he entered the portal.

* * *

Toony and Tetra found themselves on Outset Island after they entered the portal. They appeared in the middle of the village, amazing the villagers that happened to be standing nearby.

"Big Brother!" A girl's voice screamed from the top of a watchtower on the docks. The girl quickly climbed down the ladder and ran to Toony. It was Aryll, Toony's little sister, "Welcome back Big Brother!"

"Hey Aryll! How's everything been?"

"Nothing's really changed since you two left. Well… Zill learned to wipe his nose, but that's it,"

"Finally!" Toony exclaimed.

"I know, right!" Aryll agreed, "Wanna see Grandma?"

"Of course I do," Toony replied.

"I think she's taking a nap. I'll go wake her up," Aryll then ran off to their home to inform their grandmother of the good news. Toony and Tetra slowly followed. As they walked, they felt a dark presence looming over them, followed by a crunch. They looked behind them to find Ryuk just floating behind them and munching on an apple.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Toony asked.

"Just watching. Figured I'd follow everyone around for the holidays, see how every one's doing," The God of Death answered

"We don't want you around," Tetra said, "You'll give the old lady a heart attack,"

"She can't see me," Ryuk replied, "She hasn't touched the Death Note,"

"Yeah, but can she see that apple you're eating?" Toony asked.

Ryuk, who had just eaten the apple down to the core, looked at his snack and threw the rest of it into his mouth, "Now she can't," He replied as he chewed.

Just then, Link's grandmother stepped out of the house with Aryll and waved to Toony and Tetra. Ryuk's shinigami eyes could hardly make out his grandmother's exact remaining lifespan, but he figured she was close.

"Please, just go away," Toony sighed.

Ryuk chuckled. "Fine. There are more apples in the wild Hyrule anyway,"

* * *

The portal back to Tokyo opened up in the basement above Cafe Leblanc. The entire Phantom Thief gang stepped out of the portal and into the dusty, unused room. It was just as Akira left it when his probation ended and he returned to his home.

"It feels so good to be here," Akira breathed as he flopped on his old bed, "Even if it's only a few days,"

The owner of the establishment, Sojiro Sakura, heard Akira flopping on the mattress from down stairs and ran up to investigate. "Kids! You all here! Does that mean-?"

"That we stole his heart? Not even close," Ann sighed.

"To say the heist went horribly would be a severe understatement," Yusuke commented.

"We're going back after New Year's," Makoto sighed.

"To think a crazed, universe hopping maniac would be merciful enough to give you the holidays off," Sojiro commented.

"I wasn't his idea, that's for sure," Morgana said. Because of a ruling by Ted, Morgana's voice was able to be heard by anyone, including Sojiro.

"Did… did I just hear the cat talk?" Sojiro asked.

"That's right! Ted allowed everyone to hear Morgana a few weeks ago," Haru exclaimed, "I guess the changes he makes carry over,"

"Well, nice to finally be able to speak to you," Sojiro said, "By the way, I got coffee and curry in downstairs if anyone wants some,"

"Maybe later Boss," Ryuji said, "I gotta get home to mom. She's definitely worried,"

"I should probably head out too," Ann added.

"It's been forever since I've had good curry," Futaba whined, "You spoil me, Sojiro,"

Just then a birthday cake materialized on the desk in Akira's room, along with a card addressed to Haru. Haru hesitantly opened the card.

_Happy (late) Birthday Haru. You and Akira enjoy yourselves._

Then a coupon materialized in front of Akira's face. It floated down into his hand and read it. It was a coupon for a free night at a love hotel. Sojiro just happened to glance at the coupon too.

"Hoo boy,"

* * *

After a few days of being back in Inkopolis, Orange had decided to take the therapy session that had been offered to her. The therapist was in Smash Town, so she took the portal back to the mostly empty town. It didn't take much searching to find the place indicated on the card. It was one of the unused storefronts on Main Street, a place called Phantom Therapy. She took a deep breath as she stepped into the office.

The so called therapist was strange. He appeared to be an entity made of liquified television static that took on a human form and wore a trench coat. He greeted Orange kindly enough though and while she had her doubts, she decided to give it a shot.

She started her session just laying on the couch and talking about her problems. All of the things that bugged her from the strange nightmares, the flooding and rebuilding of Inkopolis, her future career in Ink Sports, her feelings about Lucas, and many more were brought up. The therapist listened but didn't offer any words of insight or take any notes during this time. While being able to just unload all of the things that had been stressing her all at once was cathartic, the phantom's lack of words concerned her.

"I'm sorry, but aren't you usually supposed to have something to tell me or something?"

"Oh, of course," Phantom replied, "Have you tried playing the Ukulele? It's a wonderful instrument,"

"Uh… what does that have to do with this?"

"It's my patented method of therapy. PhantomTehCasual's Humanistic Ukulele Therapy!" Phantom pulled out his Ukulele and started to play and sing _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_. However, his voice made nails on the chalkboard sound pleasant, the Ukulele was wildly out of tune, and he strummed the strings so hard that one of them broke, yet he kept playing as though nothing happened.

After about thirty seconds of being absolutely flabbergasted by such stupidity, the Inkling stormed out of the office. She suddenly felt all of that was for nothing. She was on her way back to the portal in the foyer of the manor when Lucas exited the manor.

"Orange!"

"Lucas! What are you doing here?"

"A couple of my friends back home said I should at least try to talk to that therapist," He answered, "But if I'm being honest, I don't really want to,"

"I mean, there's nothing wrong with therapy. But, if you want to go to this guy, just don't even bother,"

"Why?"

"His only advice was to play the ukulele for some reason… and he was terrible at it," Orange ranted.

"The ukulele, why?" Lucas wondered, "You know what, tell me more about this inside. I'll get started on making some coffee or something… I mean, if you don't mind,"

"Um… sure," Orange answered, "But I want hot chocolate,"

Lucas went into the kitchen and prepared two cups of hot chocolate while Orange tried to find the thermostat for the manor. After a few moments, the couple were sitting at the island counter in the kitchen with their beverages in a manor that was in the process of warming up. Orange told her story about her time with the therapist. She ended up disclosing some of the more obvious troubles that she was facing, but dodged around the relationship worries. Lucas knew she was going through hard times, he wasn't a stranger to such things, but hearing Orange yalk about it made his heart sink,"

"I wanted to give you a little bit of space after what happened in Inkopolis," Lucas explained, "Then that thing with the cursed kid happened and… I… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more,"

"No, it's fine," Orange said, "You didn't have to do anything, especially after what I was willing to do to your home,"

"I can't really be mad at you for that," Lucas said, "I get why you did it,"

"I know," Orange whined, "But I still feel terrible for choosing that option, especially after that video,"

"Yeah…," Lucas sighed, "But lately, I've been more bothered by strangling you back there than anything else. Just… the look of fear on your face… I just couldn't face you the next day,"

"I had some difficulty talking to you too. I had these dreams every night where you tell me off for the choice I made. Sometimes you'd throw me in the water if we were near some. I figured they were all bullshit dreams but I couldn't help but think about them,"

"I hope you know I'd never do that. I lo-" Lucas briefly hesitated. He remembered a time when Ness was telling him that he shouldn't drop the 'love bomb' too soon in a relationship. Then he pointed to Toony as an example. Toony had never been so offended by something he completely agreed with, "I really like you… a lot,"

Orange smirked and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I really like you a lot too,"

* * *

In Tazmily Village, it was the start of the New Year and the last free day before the game was back on. During the break, Lucas, and his dog Boney, mostly hung out at Osho Castle with Kumatora, Duster, and the various friendly ghosts that inhabited it. The castle, which was once abandoned, underwent some renovations after Kumatora started residing there. They weren't extensive and much more work could be done, but what could one expect with two adults, a child, and his dog working on it part-time?

He spent a few days with his dad, mostly out of obligation, as much as he'd hate to admit it. Flint was a man of few words and showed little emotion. More so after the aftermath of the dragon's awakening. During the three year gap between Hinawa's death and Lucas's adventure, Flint was searching far and wide for Claus, leaving Lucas alone with only Boney to talk to for months at a time. Even to this day, despite the progress that had been made in this regard, there was a bit of a rift between Lucas and his father. Lucas doesn't take his father's previous neglect personally, not anymore, but Duster and Kumatora had filled that gap. Therefore, he was naturally more inclined to stay with them.

Today, Lucas felt the urge to visit the graves of Claus and Hinawa. It had been a while since he had last done so and he wanted to do it before Bob came crashing down on the world so he decided to pay his respects with Boney in tow. Their graves were positioned by a cliff that was isolated from the main cemetery. As he walked to the area, on his right was a bed of sunflowers, Hinawa's favorite flower. There were two graves, of course. The one centered on the cliff was Hinawa's and a slightly smaller tombstone indicated Claus's.

"Hey," said a somewhat feminine voice from behind him. Lucas and Boney turned around to see a young woman with pink hair and an oversized purple hoodie had been trailing behind them. It was Kumatora, "You alright, buddy?"

"I'm fine," Lucas replied, "Just paying respects. That's all,"

"Yeah, I know," She replied, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Considering all the shit that happened to ya' the past few months,"

"Thanks Kuma, but I'm fine for now,"

"Woof! (At least until that guy gets here)," Boney barked. Lucas and Kumatora could understand the dog due to their ability to telepathically communicate with animals.

"Yeah…," Lucas sighed.

Just as Lucas turned around toward the graves, a metallic hand jutted out of the ground in front of Claus's tombstone. The three jumped at the shocking sight and prepared to battle, but were hesitant to do so considering where the hand came from. The hand receded back into the ground and after a short moment, the owner of that hand emerged from the ground, having dug out the soil from under the surface. He was dressed in a black jacket that was a bit tight on him and, minus the orange hair and mechanical arm, looked almost exactly like Lucas.

"Dammit…," The kid coughed up the dirt he had breathed in from his escape and took the time to breathe in the fresh winter air.

"Claus!" The three exclaimed (or in Boney's case, barked). Lucas and Boney immediately rushed over to pick Claus up from the ground. He wore his masked man uniform, but was the same age as Lucas was currently so the clothing was uncomfortably tight around him.

"Is that… really you?" Lucas asked while tearing up.

Claus looked back at his tombstone. "Who else would they bury here?"

Lucas broke out into tears of joy and hugged his recently revived brother. Boney joined in on this reunion while Kumatora sat back concerned. Obviously, this was the result of Bob and Ted's meddling and if things went south, Lucas would be bad off yet again. Deep down, Lucas knew this too, but he was too overrun by emotions to care about the implications at the moment.

"Why- why'd you have to… why'd you make me kill you!?" Lucas cried.

"It's okay. It's okay," Claus assured him, "Don't blame yourself for that. That was all me. It had to be done. There was no other way,"

"B-But-,"

"Lucas, I'm here now, aren't I? I don't know why, but… it's alright,"

"Woof! Woof! (So, what about Hinawa?)," Boney barked.

Lucas tried to hold back the waterworks just enough to comprehend Boney's question. "If… If this is Ted's doing… then she might-,"

"Shit! She's freaking out right now!" Claus exclaimed. Claus remembered how his mother would often comment on her unease in confined spaces. The only reason he was able to escape was because of his mechanical arm, so if she were alive, she would be in a panic, "We need to get her out of there!"

"Digging up a grave! Are you crazy!?" Kumatora shouted.

"If there's even a small chance that she woke up in there like I did, we have to try," Claus claimed.

"I… well… um…," Lucas stammered, "Okay… let's get shovels,"

"Alright. Boney, dig up what you can while we get the shovels!" Claus ordered.

"You're probably right," Lucas agreed, "But isn't this a little-,"

Claus took Lucas by the arm and ran down to the main graveyard in search for something to dig with. Kumatora merely shrugged and followed after them. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Just as this happened, Duster, a man in his mid-to-late twenties with a limp to him, was walking through the graveyard to get to Osho Castle. Then he saw Lucas, the Masked Man, and Kumatora running out of a shack with shovels in hand.

"Claus?...What's going on?" Duster asked Kumatora since she was the last one out.

Kumatora turned around briefly and quickly spit out a response, "Claus was revived by that guy and we think the same thing happened to his mom. Now we're going to dig her up!" Kumatora then continued on her current objective.

"Oh, okay… What the hell!?" Duster followed after them and when he arrived, Boney had made decent progress on digging up the grave. Sure enough, Claus was definitely alive and taking charge of the excavation. Duster was flabbergasted to say the least. Once it was explained that she was likely revived as well, Duster joined in the digging. They were soon able to hear Hinawa's occasional screams as they got closer to the coffin, confirming their belief that she was alive. With that spark of inspiration and the extra manpower, they were able to unearth the coffin relatively quickly.

The moment she was able, Hinawa burst out of the coffin, mostly distressed by the confined space initially. But all that anxiety was whisked away when her sons greeted her with a warm embrace. The reunion quickly devolved into a series of joy filled crying from all parties while Duster and Kumatora stood back and let them have their moment.

"This is the most wholesome grave robbing I've ever been apart of," Kumatora smiled.

"Yeah, but… you know what's going to happen next, right?" Duster reminded, knowing of the inevitable session.

"Maybe this one won't be so bad… I hope," Kumatora replied.

* * *

After finally getting their emotions in check, Lucas and Boney led Claus and Hinawa back to their home. Villagers who knew Hinawa before her death were struck with awe as the family made their way through the village. She would have been happy to chat with them, but she knew somebody else wanted to see her after all these years.

Flint had already been hard at work doing some repairs around the home. As he was installing the doorknob for the front door, the family appeared.

"Long time no see," Hinawa said. Flint turned around to see what he'd only see in his dreams at this point, his family together once again.

"Hinawa… Claus…," He muttered as he stood up from in front of the door. The surprise of the situation, followed by Flint standing up too quickly, caused him to faint.

"And we killed him," Claus joked.

"That's not funny, Claus. He just fainted from shock is all," Hinawa said.

Lucas tapped on his dad's shoulder while using Healing to bring him back from unconsciousness and after another heartfelt reunion, the family spent the rest of the day reminiscing about the days before the Pigmasks. Claus, who could finally recall his time as Commander without the cloud of brainwashing and mind control, shared some of the funnier stories from his military days.

"An Ultimate Chimera body pillow?" Lucas repeated.

"Yep," Claus confirmed. He was currently wearing a set of Lucas's clothes.

"Wait… what's an ultimate Chimera?" Flint asked.

"They have a replica of it in the tournament," Lucas said, "Basically it's an unstoppable monster that'll attack anything,"

"Why would that guy make a body pillow of something like that?" Hinawa asked.

"I dunno," Claus shrugged, "But I know he was the first to die when it broke containment," Claus chuckled to himself, "What an idiot," The family awkwardly looked at him as he said that last bit, "Oh, sorry… too dark?"

"A little bit," Hinawa pointed out.

"Sorry about that, but being in the Pigmasks army was a good chunk of my life, if you think about it. You know what, I'm sure you have more light-hearted stories, don't ya Lucas?"

"N-not really as of late," Lucas admitted.

"Is there something wrong, sweetie," Hinawa asked.

"Haven't you both wondered why you're back in the first place?" Lucas asked.

"I figured it had something to do with that insane guy," Flint theorized, "Makes sense all things considered,"

"Insane guy? What are you talking about?" Hinawa asked.

Lucas briefly explained the hostage situation going on in Smash Town.

"So, he brought us back because someone 'dared' it to happen?" Claus reiterated, "We're not going to go back after this is all said and done, right?"

"I think he mentioned that anyone brought back to life gets to stay that way, even after he decides to move on," Lucas answered.

"Well, that's good to hear at least," Flint replied.

"But this means that… Mom and Claus are in the game now,"

"Oh…," Hinawa sighed as she glanced toward Flint. After a brief moment of silence, Flint spoke up.

"Then I suppose I'll join too,"

"Honey, are you sure that's a good idea?" Hinawa asked.

"Hinawa, I've missed you everyday for the past six years. Now that the family's back together again, I don't wanna just be stuck here waiting for y'all to get back,"

"But Dad, these guys are evil!" Lucas warned.

"Are they brainwashing a nine-year-old evil? Claus asked.

"Yes!" Lucas answered, "They make people do lewd things with each other, they kill for fun, they destroyed and rebuilt my girlfriend's city as a prank!"

Flint sighed. "Lucas… I just want the family to be back together again. If that means literally going through hell and back, so be it. I'm a stubborn man, you won't change my mind,"

Lucas thought back to the days when he'd go searching for Claus. "Oh yeah, I know…,"

"So… am I not the only one who heard that Lucas has a girlfriend?" Claus pointed out, quickly changing the subject.

"Uh… um…," Lucas stammered

"Woof! (Ha! Busted)," Boney barked.

"You never mentioned this," Flint stated.

"Well, I mean… she is from another universe, like most Smashers," Lucas said. Lucas has neglected to mention Orange to his family and friends during the break. It wasn't because there was something wrong with Orange, he really liked her, but it was because he knew everyone would goad on him about it. That, and he was clueless on what to say if the topic of sex happened to be brought up. Then, of course, there is the fact that she was an evolved squid, which would be hard to explain.

"Aww! My little baby grew up so fast," Hinawa smiled, "What's she like?"

"She's… pretty cool. Very athletic and… outgoing,"

"Outgoing? That's nice," Hinawa said, "You need to surround yourself with people that'll drag you out of your comfort zone,"

"Trust me, I have no choice," Lucas joked, "All my friends in Smash are pretty much like that,"

"What's she look like?" Claus asked.

"Well, she's about the same height as I am right now and has orange… hair… and eyes. I'm… not really good at describing people,"

"What's her name?" Hinawa asked.

"She comes from a universe with a completely different language so… everyone just calls her… Orange,"

"Woof! Woof! (Are you sure she's real? Sounds kinda fake.),"

"Yes Boney! She's real!"

"Alright now, give the boy some space," Flint interrupted.

"I just can't wait to meet her though," Hinawa replied, "I bet you two make a cute couple,"

"You haven't even met the girl yet," Flint pointed out.

"Well… everyone from the tournament will be coming to the village tomorrow… we'll have to participate in the games… but she'll be there,"

"You should invite her to dinner after we're done with that," Hinawa suggested, "You did say we had a lot of free time in between sessions afterall,"

"A-alright," Lucas agreed.

"Then I'll make your favorite meal. You still like omelettes, don't you?"

Lucas nodded.

"Then it's settled!" Hinawa declared.

Claus leaned over to Lucas "So… how's Nana doing these days?"

"I think her and Fuel are a couple," Lucas answered.

"Dammit,"

"Claus! Language," Hinawa warned.

* * *

The next day, the family woke up and got ready for the events that were about to unfold. Lucas tried his best to warn them of the dangers that they were about to face, especially to Claus and Hinawa, who had received no updates on Lucas's time in Smash Town.

"I think you worry too much, bro," Claus dismissed as they walked the trail that led to the village square, "So we have the chance of dying, big deal. We've already done it once and we'll be brought back the next day. If it happens, it happens,"

"Is there a chip in your head that just makes you say messed up shit, boy?" Flint asked.

"Probably not," Claus replied, "If there was, I'm sure the lightning would have probably fried it,"

"Claus!" The family yelled.

"Alright, I'll stop,"

"I somehow doubt that," Hinawa replied.

At Tazmily Square, most of the Smashers were standing around and waiting for Bob and Ted to show up. Lucas was a bit of a nervous wreck. On top of worrying about his family's safety during the game, there was the matter of his girlfriend's identity. On top of the fact that he's never had to introduce a girl to his family, he was afraid that they wouldn't approve of him dating someone that's a completely different species.

"But I suppose Claus has a point," Hinawa said to Lucas as she looked at the crowd of colorful characters in front of her, "It's no use worrying so much about what will happen, all things considered. Now, where's your little girlfriend?"

"Mom!"

"I think I see her right there," Claus said as he pointed over at Futaba in the distance, "Orange hair, right?"

"That's not her and… her hair isn't exactly hair…," Lucas clarified.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Flint asked.

Just then, Orange ran over to Lucas. "Are they who I think they are?!" She asked, referring to his family, specifically Hinawa and Claus.

"Yeah… they were brought back yesterday," Lucas answered.

"Good for you. Good for all of ya'," She said.

"And… you are…," Flint began.

"Whoops, I forgot to introduce myself. Just call me Orange," She introduced as she held her hand out.

The family were a bit surprised as she introduced herself. On first glance, it almost seemed like she had to be wearing a costume. No person could possibly have such odd features. But as they got a better look at her, the black markings around her eyes were not a mask and those tentacles for hair were real. More subtle differences became apparent, such as her long, pointy ears and the canine tooth in the middle of the bottom set of teeth. Hinawa was the first to shake hands with the strange humanoid.

"Nice to meet you, Orange," Hinawa greeted. Hinawa, while surprised initially, was hardly fazed by the girl's slightly alien appearance. Although, Orange could tell something was off.

"I'm guessing by everyone's reaction. You didn't mention the fact that I'm a squid," Orange said with a smirk towards Lucas. Lucas reacted as she expected he would, being flustered and all.

"You're a squid?" Flint asked.

"She's… an evolved squid… that can shapeshift," Lucas tried to explain. Although he figured that explanation didn't help much.

Claus shrugged. "I've seen weirder things in the Chimera Lab… I'm not judging,"

"Claus, don't be rude," Hinawa scolded.

"Nah, he's fine," Orange dismissed, "I can see how it might be a little weird,"

"A little weird?" Flint repeated.

Hinawa elbowed Flint as subtly as she could. "There's nothing weird about it. It's love, and it's meant to be explored and discovered,"

After Hinawa's comment, Orange's face blushed with the same intensity as her boyfriend. She only wanted to mess with Lucas a little, but Hinawa unwittingly turned it back on her. Before the situation could get any more awkward, Ness, Toony, and Tetra showed up.

"Hey Orange! What's up?" Tetra greeted.

_Thank Cod_. "Hey! Tetra! Long time, no see! Have you met Lucas's folks?" Orange said in a desperate attempt to weasel her way out of the awkwardness that Hinawa set upon them.

"They're alive!?" The three exclaimed.

"I sure am!" Claus exclaimed.

Ness, Toony, and Tetra mingled with Lucas's family for a while. They always knew Lucas was a twin, but seeing them side by side was freaky. Besides the different hair color and the mechanical arm, they looked practically identical. Soon enough, Bob and Ted appeared in the town square.

"Welcome, everyone, to another session of Truth or Dare," Bob announced, "We got a lot of dares to go through, so let's not waste anytime. But first, a dare from Gabe2000, large Pikmin!"

With a puff of smoke, the three Pikmin that Olimar had with him, a red, yellow, and blue one, became as tall as Ganondorf and as buff as Aztec vampire gods of fitness.

"Awaken! My masters!" Ness, Toony, and Futaba yelled. Ness and Toony were forced to do it due to a dare, but Futaba shouted on her own initiative.

"Gotta get the Jojo references out of the way," Bob said, "Man… when are you gonna watch another anime, Ted?"

"Keep Your Hands off Eizouken is pretty good so far," Ted said.

"Whatever you say… weeb," Bob scoffed, "The next dares are from Tapu Cocoa. But first, I want to apologize to Corrin. Apparently he's bisexual and I forgot to shock him last session when he didn't raise his hand,"

"O-kay… you're forgiven?" Corrin shrugged.

"That being said, your weapon is now a giant ear of corn now," Bob finished. Corrin unsheathed his blade to find that the Yato was, indeed, a giant ear of corn.

"Ugh… as long as I get it back," Corrin groaned.

"Sure, sure," Bob dismissed, "Little Mac, you're going to be Giga Mac for the rest of the session,"

"But I don't wanna be a big idiot. I changed my final smash for a reason," Little Mac protested. However he soon grew and transformed into his Giga form, "Me! Giga Mac!" He screamed while pounding his chest.

"Incineroar, you're going to spend some time in a daycare," Bob moved on, "Your guest will be a Ditto. So… enjoy that,"

Incineroar looked a bit excited as he was transported away.

"Okay, now we'll be doing some dares from Remnant7," Bob announced, "Claus, Hinawa," The family jumped as their newly revived members were called by name. Bob gave them a wicked glare that overstayed its welcome by a few seconds then went back to normal, "How's it feel to be back from the dead… this isn't a dare, I'm just curious,"

"Uh… good," Hinawa answered, "I'm glad to see Lucas has grown to be a nice young man and that we're all back together again,"

"What she said," Claus answered.

"Fun fact, nothing can kill you except for natural causes, which means I can do this," Bob pulled out a handgun and fired a shot at Claus and Hinawa. Bob was expecting the bullets to deflect off of them or get crushed as they impacted their bodies. However, the bullets penetrated Hinawa's chest and Claus's neck and caused the usual amount of pain and discomfort getting shot would usually do.

Lucas and Flint jumped into action and helped heal their wounds. Lucas quickly cast Lifeup on his mother while Claus healed himself. Flint and Lucas were distraught by what appeared to be a near-death experience.

"Hinawa! Are you alright?" Flint asked.

"I'm better now," Hinawa smiled, "Those powers that our boys have sure are handy,"

"You idiot," Ted scoffed at Bob, "They are immune to death, not damage. Shooting them still hurts,"

"Whatever," Bob remarked.

"Even still, that scared me," Flint admitted, "Hell, I'm not even sure if I'm dreamin' or not… having you back,"

Hinawa embraced Flint and gave him a kiss. "I promise, you aren't dreaming,"

"Are you alright, Claus?" Lucas asked.

"Oh yeah," Claus confidently answered, "That wasn't too bad,"

"You were shot in the fucking neck," Tetra pointed out.

"So… I lost a fight with a drago," Claus smirked, "It puts things into perspective,"

"There you go, making light of tragedy again," Flint sighed.

"I thought that was a good thing," Claus said.

"I think you have to be a bit more… tactful about it," Lucas advised.

"Moving on!" Bob yelled, "Kratos, how was your holiday?"

"Is that meant to be a joke?" Kratos asked.

"we killed santa," Sans remarked.

"Santa's real?" Ness asked, "Also, why would you kill Santa?"

"hey, he killed me first," Sans defended, "but in all seriousness, that guy kidnapped kids after killing their families. toriel's watching over six extra kids now,"

"I hope they can find homes for them," Atreus stated.

"me too, kid,"

"Anyway, Kratos, you and your son now have the ability to summon anyone here on your future adventures," Bob announced.

"don't summon me, alright,"

"You wouldn't last long without growing exhausted," Kratos said with a faint smirk.

"i know,"

"Alright, now it's time for a fight between Sans and Bayonetta," Bob announced.

"welp… i'm boned," Sans said before making the hypothetical camera zoom in on him while he shrugs, "but seriously, she can dodge lightning and slow down time,"

"This will hardly be a brawl," Bayonetta said as she strutted over to Sans, "I've heard about your endurance and I'm not impressed,"

"let's get this over with," Sans sighed as he summoned Gaster blasters all around the Umbra witch. As expected, she dodged out of the way with elegance and entered witch time. In this state, time was practically at a standstill. She went up to Sans and summoned the leg of Madama Butterfly to kick Sans back. Once witch time ended, the skeleton almost flew out of town square.

Kratos and Atreus figured Sans would die from that blow. He had revealed after his fight with the Yule Man that a well placed blow would be enough to take him out of commission. So when the dust settled and Sans was still standing, Kratos and Atreus were surprised.

"I thought that would of killed him!" Atreus exclaimed.

"me too," Sans said, with no stress to his voice whatsoever.

"I may have buffed your hp just a little," Ted mentioned, "Now would you please take your fight somewhere else? We have too many dares to do,"

As Sans and Bayonetta left to duke it out in the cemetery, Bob moved onto his next dare. "Mario, Peach, still having some relationship issues,"

"If you're referring to what I think you're referring to," Peach began, "We've talked everything out and the issue has been settled,"

"Well, either way, you're pregnant," Bob said as he continued to flip through notecards.

"Uh… excuse me?" Mario said.

"Y'all did it like last week, right?" Bob asked, "Well, that's when conception happened. Remnant wanted the baby to be used to fix your relationship troubles, but it doesn't matter,"

"When does that ever work?" Daisy rolled her eyes.

"It worked with my parents," Ted chimed in.

"And look how that turned out," Daisy scoffed.

"We used protection!" The couple argued.

"Doesn't work if it's been dared," Bob shrugged, "Them's the rules,"

"And while I'm here, the gestation period is about a month long," Ted chimed in. Peach's eyes widened in horror.

"She's going to have a kid in a month!" Daisy exclaimed, "How the hell is that supposed to work?"

"Moving on," Bob said, ignoring Peach's friend, "Palutena and Rosalina, here is a spell book," A green book appeared in Rosalina's hands. "Casting the spell contained in it will allow you two to have a baby as well,"

Palutena and Rosalina simply stared blankly at Bob, then the book, then at each other.

"Looks like you might have a little brother or sister," Ness said to Pit.

"How many times do I have to say this? Lady Palutena isn't my mom," Pit argued.

"This next dare is from 14shiffna," Bob announced, "Viridi must eat three of her special cookies. Tetra can eat one to if she wants,"

A baking sheet full of cookies appeared in Tetra's hands. She smiled as she grabbed a cookie and ate it.

"Three? That's too much," Viridi protested as she grabbed her cookies.

"Yeah, you can hardly handle one," Tetra snickered.

"What kind of cookies are they?" Toony inquired as he eyed the cookie sheet.

"Why don't you try one?" Tetra offered.

Lucas, Ness, Toony, Pit, Orange, and Claus all grabbed a cookie from the baking sheet. Viridi internally panicked as she was munching on her As they ate them, they noted an oddly grassy, earthy taste to them. Nobody except for Ness had an idea of what this could be.

"What's so special about these?" Pit asked, "No offense Viridi, but these are terrible,"

"Well… you don't exactly eat them for the taste," Viridi explained.

Hinawa snagged a cookie, to Tetra's surprise, and took a bite from it. "Oh yeah, that's an edible,"

"I knew it!" Ness exclaimed.

"So that's why these suck so much," Toony realized.

"Did… did you just drug a bunch of teenagers?" Dr. Mario asked with concern.

"Drugs!?" Lucas exclaimed. His only experience with drugs was when they washed up on an island. With no supplies and hunger setting in, they had no choice but to eat these unusual mushrooms which made Lucas and his party trip balls, for lack of a better term.

"This… won't pick up on an ink test, will it?" Orange asked.

"I don't feel any different," Claus said.

"It usually takes about an hour for it to kick in," Hinawa explained. She held up her half-eaten cookie, "Flint, do you want the rest of this,"

"No thanks, I prefer to keep my wits about me," Flint replied.

"Oh… but we can't let things go to waste. Let's hope I don't regret this," Hinawa then ate the rest of the cookie.

Tetra starred at Hinawa in awe. She turned toward Lucas. "I never would of thought a nerd like you would have such a cool mom,"

"I don't really remember her like this, to be honest," Lucas said, "Did you always eat these… edibles, mom?"

"I haven't eaten something like this since before you and your brother were born," Hinawa admitted, "I always felt closer to nature when use cannabis, but once I found out I was pregnant, I figured I had to start being more responsible,"

"She was quite the free spirit, I tell ya' what," Flint chimed in, "And as much as I love that about her, someone had to watch over you kids,"

"That still didn't stop me from occasionally smoking a little bit," Hinawa admitted with a coy smile.

"I knew it!" Flint exclaimed.

"Oh c'mon, it was obvious," Hinawa teased, "It's not like I tried too hard to hide it,"

"Huh, never thought your mom would be the hippie type," Orange said.

"Me neither," Lucas replied.

"I mean, we were nine when she died," Claus shrugged, "It's not like we knew what to look for,"

"This is going to be good," Dark Pit smirked.

"What do you mean?" Pit asked.

"You'll probably freak out," Palutena chimed in.

"About what?! When!?" Pit said, freaking out.

"You'll be fine," Palutena assured.

Rosalina leaned over to Pit. "And I think a certain little goddess would be happy to chat with you," she whispered.

"You're not helping," Pit bluntly stated.

Ted looked up from his notepad and at the hypothetical camera. "I just want to inform you guys that I will definitely be skipping some dares. That being said, I'd like to move onto some dares from dcfer. He wants Bob to have a body that looks like Boomstick's from Death Battle. But, I think I'll be nice and give him a shotgun for a leg this session,"

Bob's left leg suddenly morphed into a shotgun. "What the hell! That was my favorite leg! Fuck you, Ted!" The shotgun suddenly fired, causing Bob to fall over from the knockback.

"Oh, and if you talk shit, it does that," Ted added.

Bob got up and dusted himself off. "Fine, fine. Next dare, Morgana gets to stay in his Metaverse form,"

Morgana suddenly popped out of Akira's backpack in the aforementioned form. "Hey… you don't happen to have any dares that'll make me human… do you?"

Bob started laughing in Morgana's face until the shotgun on his leg went off again. Bob lost balance and fell to the ground yet again. As Bob rose up he answered the original question. "No,"

"Maybe next time, Morgana," Ann comforted.

Encouraging words from his crush certainly cheered the cat up as Bob moved onto the next dare. "Alright, we're also giving everyone from Inkopolis a reverse Uno card. That includes all the cephalopods here," Bob passed out the cards to Orange, Three, Eight, Off the Hook, and the Squid Sisters.

"Sweet! I wonder what I should do with this," Callie smiled.

"Probably save it for an embarrassing dare," Marie suggested, "Then he'll have to do it,"

"So if I were to get mugged and I use this card, I'll be mugging them?" Pearl asked.

"Do you really need a magic card to do that?" Marina asked.

"Now for some dares from Kainovocaloidfan1," Bob moved on. He summoned a metroid and pointed toward Bowser. Bowser ran off as the Metroid chased after him, "With that out of the way, I'd like to bring in Nui Prime,"

Nui Prime appeared on the edge of the well. She was still in her sock puppet form and stuck on the little cactus. In front of her was the Holy Bible, opened up in front of her.

"How've you been Nui?" Bob asked, "How's the book?"

"Wonderful," Nui answered happily.

"Well that's… what?"

"This book… it's changed my entire outlook on life," Nui began, "Before, I used to scoff at the religious, back when I only wanted to aid Lady Ragyo. But now, in my darkest times, I think I've found hope,"

"Well that's fucking l-," Bob pasued himself, not wanting to set off his shotgun leg again, "lovely… How's the cactus?"

"I love him dearly, but… I wish I could speak to him. It gets lonely,"

"Well, you're in luck," Bob snapped his fingers and the cactus sprung to life with the soul of a familiar phallic friend.

"The fuck's goin' on here!?" Berry McCockinner the cactus yelled, "Why am I a cactus!? Why am I in a sock!?"

"It's alright, my love," Nui Prime assured him, "This is all part of God's plan,"

"The fuck you talkin' about?"

While Berry and Nui argued the basis of Christianity, Bob decided to move on. "Now for a contest I've been meaning to set up," Bob announced, "But first, let's introduce you folks to some previous subjects in this game I play. Meet Mako and Ira Gamagori!"

Suddenly, a stern man that seemed larger than life appeared alongside an absent-minded looking young woman. The man was obviously annoyed by the sudden summoning but the woman seemed lost in her own mind, not really concerned about the implications of the game.

"Hi Bob! Hi Ted! Hi Nui the sock puppet!" The woman, Mako, waved.

"Hello Mako," Nui Prime greeted.

"What do you want us for, Insaneguy!?" The man, Ira, yelled, though, it seemed as though that yelling was a usual tone of voice for him.

"Someone last chapter wanted you to cameo and I was wondering where I should feature you, until now," Bob explained, "You two will be helping judge the second ever Blowjob Contest!"

"This isn't even the first one?!" Some of the Smashers blurted.

Bob and Ted put on their announcer personas and began to explain the rules. As they did this, a private tent appeared, which was just big enough for a panel of three judges and space to perform.

"Alright folks," Ted introduced, "Welcome, to the second ever, Blowjob Contest! I am your host, Ted Insaneguy. With me, is Bob Insaneguy,"

"On the last Blowjob Contest, a surprising turn of events led to the clones of homosexual clones of Nagisa Shiota and Karma Akabane to take home the gold. Shocking everyone and satisfying the person who dared them into existence," Bob announced.

"Now we have more contestants and even more taboo romances," Ted continued, "Speaking of which, Orange, you gotta be in squid form when you do this,"

"Why!?" Lucas and Orange shouted.

"Because of a previous dare from last session," Bob answered, "Next time you were dared to have sex, she had to fuck you like you were in some crazy tentacle hentai,"

"Uh…," Lucas paused in embarrassment. He could not stand to glance at his family after that was just left out in the open. Flint was shocked and honestly a bit weirded out by that and while Hinawa was still supportive, she really didn't need to hear that.

"Owch," Viridi commented, "Good luck Lucas, squids are known for their razor sharp beaks… and they aren't usually that big,"

"Yeah… that's kinda why I was worried," Orange admitted.

"Oh no," Lucas sighed.

"You've met two of our judges, Mako and Ira Gamagori, now for our third guest," Ted continued, "The degenerate salesmen himself, Fernando!" Ted placed a box on the announcer's table and opened it up, revealing the owner of the anomalous items shop.

"Now to gather all the contestants," Bob declared, "Pretty much anyone who is a couple has to step right up. Speaking of which…," Bob snapped his fingers and teleported Kumatora and Duster, who had been hiding from the shenanigans back in Osho Castle.

"Well, fuck," Kumatora sighed.

"Hey Lucas, why were we summoned here now, of all times?" Duster asked.

"Kumatora's in a blowjob contest," Claus bluntly answered.

"Oh… nice," Duster replied.

"Keep your pants on," Kumatora sassed.

"Mako, got any words for our contestants?" Ted asked.

"I do!" She declared. Suddenly, the light around her seemed to dim and a spotlight suddenly shined down on her. How? We still aren't sure. Angelic voices sung the word "Hallelujah!" as she began her encouraging monologue.

"I know you were all forced to be in this game against your will," She began, while frantically jumping about making cartoonish poses that loosely related to the words she was saying, "But you just gotta make the best of it. Ladies! I believe you can all do a great job giving blowjobs. I give them to Ira all the time!"

"Uhh…," Ira muttered.

Mako continued. "Don't focus on the things that you think will bring you down," She slid over to Orange, "Like you, Squid Lady! So what if your mouth is super sharp. Open wide! Like, really wide! But if that doesn't work, maybe he'll like it anyway,"

"What the fuck are-," Orange stated before Mako ran off to end her speech.

"And for the rest of you, if all else fails, just get naked!" Mako ended dramatically.

"Alright, wonderful pep talk. Now, starting with Lucas and Orange, let the blowjobs commence!" Bob announced.

Lucas and Orange hesitantly walked into the tent and while the shapeshifting initially impressed Fernando's kinky nature, it was all set back and then some by Orange's lousy technique. If she weren't in squid form, she'd do better. However, her sharp beak harmed Lucas to the point where he had to continuously cast Lifeup and Shield to repair the scratches and ease the pain. The two walked out of the tent with Lucas being very careful with his movements and Orange feeling really awful about the situation.

The rest of the contestants were about average. Ann was a bit below average, but considering how Orange did, she did well enough. Some certainly rose above the rest. Tetra and Lucina were practically tied, with Azura falling just a few points short of them. Kumatora, despite her annoyance initially, won over the judges. As Kumatora and Duster walked out of the tent, everyone was ready to move on, but the tent still remained.

"Now, for our final contestant," Bob announced, "Hinawa and Flint,"

Lucas, Claus, and even Boney had to mentally do a double take of that before their real reactions set in. Needless to say, they were not thrilled that their parents were taking part in the same lewd contest that one of them had also participated in. Hinawa and Flint were shocked as well. Even with the warning they received, this was insane. However, not wanting to find out the consequences for refusing to participate encouraged them enough to walk into the tent. After a few minutes, they left and the judges followed behind them. Everyone noticed that Hinawa had puffy eyes and was very relaxed, more so than Flint, who had to admit that she 'still got it'.

"Alright, who won?" Ted asked.

"After careful consideration," Ira announced, "We had no choice but to have the winner be… Hinawa!"

Ness and the others couldn't help but laugh at the turn of events. The look and the Twins faces was priceless. It was a beautiful mix of shock, disgust, embarrassment, and sprinkles of other subtle emotions that made them look like they simply didn't want to be anywhere near anyone.

"This… is this a joke?" Lucas asked.

"I wish Porky installed an off button for my brain," Claus frowned.

Ness and the gang continued laughing. By this point, it was starting to get a little mean. However, it didn't even look like they were focusing on the twins anymore. Toony and Tetra were holding each other up by the shoulders and laughing about their time during the contest. Ness eventually stopped laughing so hard and grew this big dumb giggily grin on his face. Orange walked up to Lucas as she tried to get her bearings.

"Woah… are… are you feeling this, Lucas?" Orange asked.

Suddenly, their sober state of mind crumbled away, much like a cookie. At first, Lucas and Claus were a bit freaked out by this sudden mental shift, but Hinawa quickly explained to them that they were in no danger, all while giggling to herself. It was the cookies finally kicking in.

"I-I'm so sorry Lady Palutena!" Pit freaked out.

"Pit, you're fine. You're just high," Palutena assured.

"But that's the problem!"

"Dude, she said to chill out," Viridi chimed in, eyes glazed over and feeling the full brunt of the cookies. She went up behind Pit and hugged him, "So just calm down,"

"O-okay," Pit replied.

"Alright, now for some dares from Ac," Bob declared, "First and foremost, the Hero and Princess of the Wild will now be stuck in a smutty doujin.

The blue Zelda sighed. "Why am I even surprised by these dares anymore?" She turned to Link and noticed he was smirking, "You're such a pervert, you know that,"

"...a little," Link replied.

Bob pulled a blank comic book out of his pocket and opened it. The blue hero and princess were immediately sucked into the comic's pages. The cover of this comic was colored in with a picture of Zelda and Link holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. The comic would fill in as time went on, but Bob didn't care to view it. He had a show to run. He teleported the comic to someone more interested in viewing it.

"Tetra, you can't escape it now. You gotta wear the princess getup," Bob dared.

"Aw man…," Tetra complained, "Orange, can I borrow your Uno card?"

Orange burst out laughing. "Ahahaha! No! I wanna see you in a dress now!"

"No way!" Tetra protested, though she was doing so while high off her ass and laughing, "Why don't you wear a dress?"

"Because you can't play in Turf Wars with a dress. That's just silly," Orange giggled.

"I mean… so are pirates… … in dresses," Viridi replied, who was more spaced out than anyone else.

Bob snapped his fingers and Tetra finally looked like actual royalty for once. Many of the Smashers were blown away at how such a crude, tomboyish captain could even possibly look like a princess.

Toony was the most mesmerized by Tetra's change. He loved her pirate captain look, but she looked stunning.

"Woah…," Toony muttered.

"I may just be really high right now but, this… actually isn't too bad," Tetra remarked.

"It does look pretty on you," Hinawa agreed.

"If cool mom agrees, I can't argue," Tetra decided.

"Oh stop," Hinawa blushed.

"Yusuke, do the worm," Bob dared.

"The worm?" Yusuke asked.

"It's a dance move!" Pearl explained, "It looks like this," Pearl dropped the ground and flailed her body off up the ground like a worm a few times. Yusuke joined her and attempted to copy the little inkling. He couldn't do it with much flair like Pearl did, but he technically did the move, even if it did look awkward.

Futaba got out her phone and took a video of Yusuke's dancing. "This is gold," she giggled, "Thanks Inari,"

Yusuke and Pearl got up off the ground. "I hope that my performance was sufficient," He said.

"Oh no, it was terrible," Futaba informed him, "Very low tier,"

"You did alright for a dork," Pearl said.

"Okay Pit," Bob continued, "Now you gotta shove it inside of Viridi's mouth,"

"What is… 'it'?" Pit asked.

Bob shrugged. "I dunno,"

Pit, stoned out of his mind, looked at Viridi, who was staring off into space and not paying attention to anything. He really didn't want to bug her by shoving 'it' in her mouth. He still also didn't know what 'it' was. What if he got what 'it' was wrong and had to go to Super Hell? He didn't want to go to work today. Then what if 'it' was what he thought bit meant? He didn't want to do that, not in front of Lady Palutena.

Pit was thinking a bit too long for Bob's liking. "You got ten seconds Pit,"

Pit snapped into action as best as his slow brain could. In his state of mind, he decided that it'd be easier to just shove the last cookie on the baking sheet into Viridi's mouth. He grabbed the cookie and crammed it in there right before time was up. Viridi was surprised, to say the least, but she didn't resist too much. She ended up eating the cookie and only coughing a bit.

The little goddess chuckled to herself. "I'm so fucked up," She then nuzzled her way next to the angel. Pit was confused, but he glanced over to see Palutena and Rosalina giving him an encouraging thumbs up.

"Ann, lick Ryuji's neck and cheek," Bob dared.

"Ew!" Ann protested, "Why?"

"Yeah, that's pretty damn weird," Ryuji agreed.

"Fuck if I know," Bob lied. When he glanced over at Morgana, who looked down in the dumps, he could see it all come together.

As Ann did the lick, which ended up looking unintentionally erotic, Akira dropped his bag by his cat's side. He knew what the cat needed to do. Morgana climbed into the backpack and screamed into the pillow that sat inside.

After the dare was completed, Bob moved on. He donned a dentist outfit and passed the notecards off to Ted.

"I got a little appointment with Mario. Mind if you cover for me Ted?"

"What appointment?" Mario asked with obvious concern.

"Don't worry about it," Bob warned.

"Fine… lazy asshole," Ted scoffed. Bob teleported Mario and himself away from the area, "Our next dares are from Jetman615. Rosalina must do a shooting star meme,"

"What's that?" Rosalina asked.

"Walk over here and I'll show you," Bob offered. Rosalina made her way over to the host. Whether it be through manipulation or fate, Rosalina happened to trip on some if the cobblestone that covered the Square and began to fall. However, instead of hitting the ground, the song _Shooting Stars _by Bag Raiders played as the celestial sorceress flew into the air. As she flew, she was in a state of falling from the trip and rewinding to the beat of the music. As Rosalina faded from view, so too did the music.

"Man… I kinda liked that song," Ness commented. His friends nodded in agreement.

"Uh… Where is she going?" Palutena asked.

"She's going on an adventure throughout the cosmos. She will see galaxies form and and stars die as she explores the infinite universe," Ted explained with grandiose.

"I get that you're trying to make this sound amazing," Palutena said, "But that's what she normally does,"

"True, but it had to be done," Ted said, "Now for Toony to turn into a little chibi plushie for Tetra to snuggle with,"

Toony wasn't sure what Ted meant by chibi plushie, but he heard the words 'snuggle with Tetra' and was curious. Ted snapped his fingers and Toony turned into a foot tall little plushie that appeared in Tetra's arms.

"I bet you see this a total win, don't you," Tetra said in a cutesy voice before hugging the plushie tight. He sure did.

"Now for some species swapping," Ted declared. In a puff of magic smoke, Lucas became an Inkling and Orange became human. Being human, Orange's resemblance to Futaba Sakura was even more obvious.

"I feel so… stiff," Orange said as she tried to move around, "I don't feel, like, as bendy as I used to be,"

"Sis, you just have bones now," Three informed her.

"Ooooh," Orange replied, still stoned.

"Your girlfriend don't even got bones?" Flint asked Lucas, who was swaying from side to side.

"Nope," Lucas replied. He was much more interested in this swaying motion he got himself into. Being high as an Inkling made it feel almost as though he was a plate of Jello, wobbling around.

"I think he shoulda waited a bit longer till he did that stuff," Flint said.

"C'mon Flint, the boys are fine," Hinawa said, "Don't be a stick in the mud. You used to be young and have fun too,"

"I'm not that-," Flint was about to say he wasn't that old, but his knees and back said otherwise. Flint chuckled, "Good to have the ol' lady back,"

"But I'm younger than you," Hinawa protested.

"By two years,"

"You two sure got the fighting like a married couple thing down pretty good," Kumatora commented.

"Pit, Viridi, you'll be going on a double date with Off the-," Ted glanced over to see that the two had drifted off to sleep from the cookie's effects.

"We'll tell them later," Marina said, "It'll be fun,"

"Yeah!" Pearl agreed, "I vote for drinks and karaoke!"

"We got some other dares that could be done some time later but for now, we'll end off Jetman's dares with a question for Sans," Ted declared. He looked for Sans in the crowd but couldn't see him, "Where is he?"

Just then, Sans came flying across the square and crashed into the side of the well. Bayonetta quickly followed after him and delivered a few more combos in Witch Time before stopping momentarily. Sans was beyond tired. He ran out of magic ages ago and his dodging wasn't enough to dodge Bayonetta lighting fast attacks. But, despite being a punching bag for the past few minutes, he showed no signs of danage.

"How much did you beef up this sack of bones?" Bayonetta asked.

"i wanna know too," Sans wheezed.

"I gave him infinite HP," Ted said.

"Now why would you go and do that?" Bayonetta asked.

"It was supposed to teach you mercy… or something like that,"

"You do realize that isn't in my job description?"

"obviously…,"

"Well, we tried… Sans, think you can answer a question?"

Sans leaned up against the well not willing to move away from his point of impact. "shoot,"

"Can karmic retribution be reversed? Like what if I decided to rob a bank, then give that money to the poor? Would your magic still be as effective as if I just robbed that bank?" Ted asked.

"i don't really know…," Sans huffed, "...karmic retribution is really just a secret weapon for when things get really bad… like a monster genocide or something,"

"Fair enough,"

Bob and Mario returned from wherever they went off to. Bob had what appeared to be a small jar full of teeth and Mario was zoned out and bleeding profusely from the mouth, even with his mouth stuffed with gauze.

"Mario!" Peach called out, "What'd he do to you!?"

"Hmmm hummm hy heeee hum," Mario mumbled over the gauze.

"Translation," Bob chimed while shaking the jar, "He pulled out all of these,"

Peach was beginning to tear up. Her hero's gone through so much in this game already. Even without the baby's birth looming over her head, she really had no choice but to stand down. She wanted to tell him off, kinda like how Daisy would, but it would only make matters worse. So, she instead comforted her mustached boyfriend as best she could.

"Alright, so you're back," Ted said to Bob, "Can you take over again?"

Bob yawned. "I dunno man, I'm tired,"

"Tired? You don't even exist outside of this story! What about me? I got life to deal with! I gotta balance my time between work, family, writing this story, and managing my alcoholism!" Ted ranted. He calmed down and sighed, "Whatever man… let's just speed through these next few dares and call it a day. Again, I apologize if I skip over massive portions of your dares, readers. I'm just…,"

"Dumping all your personal problems on your readers," Falco sassed.

Ted materialized a handgun into his hands and fired the entire clip into the anthomaphic bird.

"What the hell!?" Fox protested, "Wasn't that a bit too much!?"

"I'd argue it wasn't enough," Ted sighed.

"Well… bye," Bob said before he disappeared. Probably to go drink at The Underworld. Who knows?

"Jesus Christ," Ted sighed, "Okay, this next dare is from smasher5," Ted used telekinesis to lift Orange off the ground. Once he moved her above the well, she started to freak out. Ted dropped her in and shortly after the sound of splashing and screaming could be heard.

Lucas ran over to the well's edge. "Orange! Hold on!" He lowered down the bucket that hung above the well in hopes that he could pull her up to safety. Orange, who was desperately trying to keep her head above water, managed to grab onto the bucket as soon as she felt it and soon after, Orange was hoisted to safety.

She hugged her temporarily Inkling boyfriend. "You are a lifesaver. Thank you,"

"Hold on," Flint interrupted, "I know falling down in their ain't fun or anything, but what was with all the panic? You're basically a giant sea creature, aren't ya'?

"We can't swim though. We dissolve and die if we fall into water,"

Lucas's family simply stared at her, "But you're a squid!"

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard this before,"

"Next dare is from a guest named Gl_tchy," Ted announced, "Whenever a dare involves Marth, Lucina's gotta do it too, and vice versa. Also," Ted pulled out a skimpy dominatrix suit, "And Orange, wear this and do some things with your tentacle hair once you two are back to normal,"

Orange's face turned beat red again and Lucas could only respond by hiding his shameful face in his hands. Although that didn't stop the family from shooting the couple strange looks.

"It's okay Lucas," Kumatora comforted, "Nothing wrong with being a little kinky,"

"But I'm not kinky," Lucas whined.

"No offense or anything, but I think dating squid people falls into that category," Duster chimed in.

"It doesn't mean we're kinky though," Orange protested.

"I'll be the judge of that!" Shouted a man with a hood obscuring most of his face, with the exception of a wide grin. He wielded a scythe in one hand and the previously mentioned magic doujin in the other.

"Ac? What the hell are you doing here?" Ted asked.

"Just here to do a cameo," Ac casually answered, "With my filthy perversion powers, I can detect fetishes with a swipe of my hand,"

"...How about you keep your hands away from us," Kumatora suggested.

"I don't care to read yours, What's-your-face, I'm just here to mess with Lucas," Ac grinned.

"Haven't you guys embarrassed him enough?" Orange argued.

"No," Ted answered bluntly.

Ac waved his hand in front of Orange's face. With this simple movement, he was able to see deep within Orange's subconscious. "So you like spankings and being choked. Interesting,"

"But- wh- how did you-," Orange muttered, face turning red again.

Three walked up to Orange while chuckling. "Guess he was right, huh?"

Orange pushed her away. "Shut up!" She whined.

"Don't go too hard on my sis. Got it, Dweeb?" Three told Lucas.

"Now for Lucas!" Ac declared.

"Fantastic…," Lucas sighed.

Ac waved his hand in front of Lucas's head. "Hmm, you seem to prefer Inkling women to human women,"

Ness glanced over to notice all the other anthropomorphic cephalopods, all of whom just happen to be women. "Lucky you, dude," He smiled.

"Ness, please stop… my family's here," Lucas begged.

"And he has a foot fetish," Ac briefly finished.

Ness, Tetra, and Three laughed out loud. (Toony would have too if he wasn't a plushie) Lucas's friends and family were in various states of bewilderment or laughter. Lucas buried his face into his hands yet again.

"I wanna die…," Lucas whined.

"Well, I'm off," Ac announced. He read through a couple of new doujin panels that had appeared during this time and remembered something. "Hey Zelda!" He called out to the Smasher, "I know you got the Hylian royal ass. It's all over the internet!" Ac then disappeared from Tazmily Village.

"Why'd he have to drop that out of the blue?" Zelda said blushing.

"You really do," Sheik told her, "Kinda wish I had the Hylian royal ass,"

"You say it like it's an actual thing," Tetra commented.

"Sorta," Sheik confirmed, "Historically, it's a relatively common trait in the royal family, believe it or not,"

"Never read that in any history book," Young Link commented.

"You don't strike me as the studious type," Sheik said.

"I would be if there were more fun facts like that,"

"No you wouldn't," Navi chimed in.

"Yeah, you're right,"

"Alright, let's do a couple dares from KirbyPwnz1234," Ted announced, "First off, more reverse Uno cards for our victims. Including Soma's entire universe from and the alternate version of Tazmily Village. Don't worry reviewers, the universes are all intact and no one remembers a thing. But more importantly, Ryuji and Akira gotta watch this,"

A giant spectral screen appeared above the crowd as the image began to play a Youtube video that claimed if Persona 5 was realistic. It parodied the introduction of the game up till the encounter with Kamoshida's shadow. While Ann was a bit offended by her depiction as a simple minded idiot willing to get inside Kamoshida's Pedomobile, Akira and Ryuji were cracking up. From the sloppy animation to the depictions of Kamoshida and other minor characters, it was a mostly enjoyable experience.

"Hahahaha! Sojiro really does dress like a pimp," Futaba laughed.

"Is Ms. Kawakami really a prostitute?" Ann asked.

"That's… a complicated question," Akira stated.

"How would you know?" Haru inquired. Akira could sense the hint of jealousy that she projected.

"I get it, it sounds wrong," Akira stated in his defense, "But she needed money and the attic is always dusty,"

"What was she? Like a maid or something?" Ryuji asked.

"She was actually the one we hired that one time before you and Mishima ran off," Akira answered.

"For real?!" Ryuji blurted.

"Perverts," Ann scoffed. Akira merely shrugged.

"Nothing happened though,"

"I think it was the thought that mattered," Makoto told him.

Ted looked over his notes. "About over two months and just over two thousand words… yeah… we need to wrap this up. Groudon wants me to inflate the Roy, Palutena, and the Squid Sisters with helium. Lucina, Robin, and Marth, sing can you feel the love tonight,"

Roy, Palutena, and the squid sisters began to float in the air while they protested in high pitched voices. While Lucina and Robin sung a wonderful duet, with Marth singing along with Lucina's parts.

"So… many… dares…," Ted said as he flipped through note cards frantically, "Again readers, I apologise. Last dares are from ZygardeFusion. Snake, did you kill Jeffery Epstein?"

"Epstein's dead?" Snake asked.

"Well, in my world," Ted clarified, "He was in prison awaiting trial for his many sex trafficking crimes. He supposedly killed himself while on suicide watch when two gaurds should of been watching him,"

"Let me guess, the possibility of him revealing his connections to important, powerful people was so great that one of them decided to assassinate him before he could tell the truth," Snake proposed.

"Yeah, pretty much," Ted answered, "Now it's a meme. Moving on… Piranha plant, who do you hate most of all?

"I have to pick just one?!" The plant complained.

"Yes,"

"But… I just hate everyone, man. It'd be easier to tell you who I don't hate so much. Viridi, being the goddess of plants n' shit, probably has my back. Ryuk is a god of death, that I can respect,"

"I'm flattered," Ryuk grinned.

"Just keep doin' what cha doin' man," Piranha Plant replied.

"Uh… who is that plant talking to?" Hinawa asked. As she asked this Ryuk moved closer to Hinawa, positioning himself face to face in front of her. Just then, Ted snapped his fingers and suddenly, Ryuk was visible to those who hadn't already touched a Death Note. Ryuk's frightening appearance came as a shock to the stoned Hinawa.

"Holy shit!" Hinawa screamed as she fell backwards to get away from it.

Claus, while concerned for his mother, couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think I ever heard you swear before,"

"Well I think there was thi-," Lucas began.

"No more dares, we're done!" Ted declared.

"Seriously?!" The Smashers asked.

"Yeah. I know to you guys it seems like New Year's just happened… but I accidentally slowed time to the point where it's now almost March…,"

"How the hell do you do that?" Wolf asked.

"Drinking and negative thoughts… they don't go well together," Ted said, "Am I rushing the chapter? Yes. But I am going to keep delaying this if I don't finish now so it's gotta be this way,"

"...so… can we go back to the manor?" Luigi asked.

"You guys stay overnight," Ted decided, "You got room in Osho Castle, right Kumatora?"

"I mean technically-,"

"Great, I'm calling it a day," Ted yawned, "Readers, be sure to read the revised rules at the end. The dares got to be a bit more than I could handle this time,"

* * *

"Ahhh," Orange let out as she dipped her human body into the hot spring, "This feels sooo nice. I get why Lucas and Pit love these things,"

"Who's Pit again? There's just so many of you here, I can hardly keep track," Hinawa asked as she sat in the hot spring. Upon hearing that Orange's normal body would dissolve in water, Hinawa made it her mission to show the girl the wonders of hot springs. She figured it'd be a good way to get to know her too. When they had arrived, Kumatora, Bayonetta, and Palutena were already in the hot spring chatting amongst each other.

"I think he's the angel dude," Kumatora answered.

"And such an adorable one at that," Palutena chimed in, who was on her forth martini, "Did you see how he looked passed out with Viridi? It's so cute,"

"You sure are dead set on pairing the two together," Bayonetta noted, "Don't you think the boy can handle that his own?"

"Nah, he needs divine intervention whenever he can get it," Orange smiled.

"If I recall correctly, wasn't your relationship with Lucas caused by outsider meddling?" Bayonetta asked.

"I mean… yeah," Orange admitted, "But I would of asked him out eventually,"

"I always imagined Lucas getting together with a girl who was a bit bolder than him," Hinawa said, "It just seems like a good match,"

"Bet you never imagined the whole squid thing," Orange stated.

"No," Hinawa admitted, "But I don't mind. You seem like a sweet girl overall,"

"And apparently he likes squid girls anyway, so that's a bonus," Kumatora added.

Orange raised a foot from above the water. "Yeah…,"

The rest of the women in the hot spring laughed. "I think we all learned a bit too much about each other today," Hinawa said.

"Think of it this way Orange," Palutena suggested, "Foot massages. Anytime you want one,"

Kumatora continued to laugh while Hinawa and Bayonetta nodded in agreement. "And so what if he likes feet. Just be sure the boy sweeps you off them every once and awhile," Bayonetta said.

The girls continued to chat about a multitude of topics ranging from their adventures to funny stories involving them or the people they knew. Just as Palutena was thinking about calling it a night, a familiar tune from earlier could be heard from the sky. As it got louder, the girls looked to find Rosalina, still tripping through the air. Rosalina's trip finally ended once she ended up in the middle of the hot spring.

She rose up from the water in front of the other women and noticed that all of them, with the exception of Orange, weren't wearing swimsuits.

"This isn't what I wished for," Rosalina commented, "But I'm not complaining,"

The girls all talked a while longer before everyone except Orange and Hinawa left. They had just changed back into their normal clothes and were ready to head back.

"You know, you're welcome to stay at our home while you're here," Hinawa offered.

"I appreciate the dinner earlier ma'am, but I think we'll be heading to the castle, besides you only have two beds," Orange answered.

"We'll?" Hmmm," Hinawa stated.

"Oh… dammit," Orange muttered to herself.

Hinawa chuckled. "I was young once too. It's fine,"

"You are… surprisingly cool with the thing between me and Lucas, why's that?"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a squid," Orange clarified why holding up her strands of hair, forgetting that they weren't tentacles, "Well, not now, but you know,"

"Well… it just doesn't seem like an issue, if I'm being honest. If Lucas is happy, you are happy, and you both love each other, who would I be to go against that?"

"Such a hippie answer," Orange chuckled.

"I don't know what a 'hippie answer' means," Hinawa replied, "But that's the truth,"

"Huh… you really are cool,"

"This old lady… nah!" Hinawa playfully denied.

"You're not that old!"

"C'mon, I'm almost in my forties," She said, "I need to start thinking about what I'll do to keep up with my grandbabies… speaking of which,"

"Heh… you're gonna have to bug Claus for that," Orange blushed, "We aren't exactly… compatible in that department,"

Hinawa looked disappointed initially. "Wonder if I can give one of those dares?"

"You wouldn't dare!" Orange shouted.

"Kidding, I'm kidding,"

* * *

A few days after the session, Isabelle was spending her day in Town Hall dusting off various surfaces. New fighters don't come in too much and the only work she was to do is routing work orders for the homes and apartments in Smash Town. There really isn't much work to do and despite Daniel telling her that she can take a day off, she refuses to do so. That being said, she does get bored of dusting and those work orders don't come around often. Maybe she should take a day off.

Just as she was thinking that, two people walked into the building. A man and a woman, both with light green hair in somewhat similar, but obviously gendered attire. Isabelle jumps up and runs behind the counter to serve their needs.

"Welcome to Smash Town's Town Hall!" Isabelle greeted, "How may I help you?"

The two place their Smash invitations on the counter. "We were invited to the tournament," said the man.

"Oh, you don't want to be here," Isabelle worried, "He'll keep you here. Probably forever!"

"Who?" The woman asked.

"That'd be me!" Bob announced as he barged into the town hall building, "Welcome Byleth and Byleth to the game I'm hosting,"

"You're hosting the tournament?" The male Byleth asked.

"Not the tournament… something else," Bob said, "Oh! By the way, what house did you two teach?"

"Blue Lions," They both answered in unison.

"Welp… I haven't played that route yet," Bob sighed. He manifested a shotgun and promptly fired some slugs at the two Byleths, killing them and leaving Isabelle mortified.

"W-why'd you do that!?" Isabelled cried.

"Like I said, I haven't played the Blue Lions route. I only did Crimson Flower and Verdant Wind routes," Bob reiterated, "You know what… I think I'll go pick them up right now. You got the mess in here?"

Isabelle began to break down in tears.

"I'll take that as a yes," Bob created a portal and hopped into the branching multiverse of Fire Emblem: Three Houses.

Meanwhile, in the city of Enbarr, capital of the Adrestian Empire. The empress, Edelgard von Hresvelg, and her lovely tactician and former professor, Byleth (who was a woman with blue hair), where walking about in the castle's garden. They had just recently defeated Those Who Slither in the Dark and the two were reflecting on the path they had taken to get where they are now.

"Profess- I mean, Byleth," Edelgard misspoke, "It still feels strange calling you by your name,"

Byleth smiled. "I'm sure you'll get used to it eventually,"

The two shared a moment of silence as they stared out at the lively flora that decorated the castle's garden.

Edelgard took a breath. She just had to get his off her chest. But before she could muster up the words to speak, Byleth inquired. "Having second thoughts?"

"Is it that obvious?" Edelgard commented, "I try, but my poker face simply doesn't compare to yours,"

"But really El, what's on your mind?"

"I always dump my worries onto you," Edelgard sighed.

"I don't mind," Byleth assured, "It's what we're supposed to do,"

"Sometimes… I stay up at night wondering if we did everything right. I still believe that what we did was right, but… did we have to kill our former classmates? I keep telling myself it's all part of the ebb and flow of history… but I've been having doubts,"

"It had to be done,"

"I know but… why did you join me? All those years ago,"

"I believed you were right. I've felt the Church was up to something too," Byleth then hugged her from behind, "And… I hate to admit it, but I may have been falling for you even back then,"

"That's hardly a professional relationship," Said a stern voice. The two turn around to see Hubert standing behind them. He was only wearing dark clothing with the exception of an embroidered flower pinned to his collar.

"How long were you listening in, Hubert?" Edelgard asked.

"Long enough to assure you that any doubts about your actions were necessary evils,"

"I don't think that helps," Byleth chimed in.

"I do apologize for interrupting your moment of confidence, Lady Edelgard, but your presence is needed in the throne room. Members of the other houses have important matters to discuss with you,"

Byleth gave Edelgard a kiss on the cheek. "We'll talk later,"

Just then, Bob appeared out of nowhere with a shotgun in one hand and half a bottle of liquor in the other. "Hey, Byleth, you're being kidnapped. Let's go,"

"If it weren't for the fact that you teleported here, I'd almost treat this drunken threat to Her Majesty as a joke," Hubert scoffed as he prepared to cast a spell at Bob. The drunk host replied by grazing his arm with a shotgun blast, "W-what kind of magic is this?!"

"It's the legendary boomstick," Bob answered, "And I don't want Bernadetta to cry when I have to kill you, so back away," Bob grabbed Byleth by the arm, opened a portal, and threw her inside with him. Edelgard, without hesitation followed after her just before the portal closed, leaving Hubert injured with Her Majesty and her fiancee missing.

Meanwhile, in an alternate version of Fodlan, where the Leicester Alliance won the war and united the land as one kingdom, everyone was gathered in the cathedral of Garreg Mach Monastery. It was the green haired male Byleth's wedding and Claude was his best man. Lady Rhea acted as the officiant.

"You nervous Teach?" Claude whispered to him.

"More than I should be," Byleth replied, "Don't really know why,"

"It's a big day for you, Byleth," Rhea whispered, "A little nervousness is understandable,"

Just then, the music began to play and the bride walked into the cathedral. It was the day Dorothea dreamed of and it was better than anything she could have imagined. She never imagined her wedding taking place in Garreg Mach. Her wedding dress was beautiful as she walked down the aisle. This day couldn't be any better.

But it can certainly get worse.

Bob, Edelgard, and the female Byleth were all thrown out of a portal just as Dorothea got up to her husband to be.

"Man… I gotta stop dimension hopping while drinking," Bob muttered as he picked himself up off the ground.

"Ahhh!" Bernadetta screamed, "She's come back from the dead for revenge!" She then immediately ran out of the cathedral. Raphael ran after her to assure her that it probably wasn't the case… probably.

"Edie!?" Dorothea blurted, "You're alive!?"

"I died?" Edelgard responded in confusion, "And Claude, you're alive?"

"I died!?" Claude blurted, "And… is Teach a woman?"

"Is that me as a guy?" The female Byleth blurted.

"Guys, guys, I can explain everything," Bob announced.

"Yes," Rhea stated, "What makes you think you can show up and ruin this couple's special day? With an enemy of the Church, no less,"

"I'm getting there, hold up," Bob assured, "So basically, Edelgard and this genderbent Byleth come from an alternate universe where she teaches the Black Eagles, joins the fight against the Church, kills Claude, kills a bunch of other students, kills Rhea. And she probably did all of this just so she could fingerblast Edelgard,"

While Edelgard and the female Byleth were taken aback by Bob's crude, but accurate remarks, the rest of the monastery was still trying to get ahold of the situation at hand. Claude, however, was less serious than he should be.

"Huh, didn't think Edelgard would swing that way," He commented, "And with girl Teach,"

"What do you want?" The male Byleth asked.

"Uh… I'm kidnapping you, basically," Bob said.

"Brave words to say for someone within casting distance," Lysithea threatened as she prepared Hades Omega.

"Fair enough," Bob conceded, "But I'm just gonna warn y'all that I can basically make kill anyone I want to before you can touch me. And as proof, I just killed the gatekeeper while we were talking,"

Everyone in the cathedral turns to where the gatekeeper was. This was one of the few days where he got to be off duty and dress up for a fancy occasion but now all that was left of him were his fancy clothes and a pile of ash.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" The Byleths shout, "That was the gatekeeper!"

"Yeah… even I kinda felt bad," Bob admitted, "But I'll bring him back if your Byleth comes with me. I promise he'll be back safe and sound... and I may remove a crest from Lysithea,"

"Do it Professor! Do it! Do it! DO IT!" Lysithea chanted.

"Lysithea!" Hilda scolded.

"I mean… don't?" Lysithea replied, "What do you want me to say Hilda?"

Byleth looked toward Bob and the portal, then at everyone else. Dorothea could tell from the look in his eyes that he was going to go ahead and go with him if it meant saving everyone from Bob's wrath, which was shown off in the most casual way possible, while extremely drunk.

"Byleth, please don't go," Dorothea begged.

The male Byleth sighed. "If I want any chance at saving the gatekeeper or Lysithea, I must. I'm sorry this had to be during the wedding. I'll-,"

Dorothea kissed her fiance. "I know there's no stopping you… Are we married now Rhea?"

Rhea didn't think the wedding was still in progress. "Uh… I pronounce you man and wife…," Nobody could really celebrate given the circumstances.

Bob took a drink straight from his bottle. "Alright look. This may be the booze talking… but I'll let you guys finish your wedding and stuff, have your reception. I'll even erase your memories of me momentarily so that you can enjoy yourselves. But I'm taking Dorothea and Claude along too,"

"Why are you taking Claude?!" Hilda yelled.

"Because Claude's the coolest class leader," Bob slurred.

"I guess that's the most flattering reason to be kidnapped," Claude commented.

Bob, Edelgard, and the female Byleth went back into the portal. As they left, everything reverted back to how it was before the interruption, with Lysithea's second crest being gone, and the wedding went along as if nothing happened. Once the festivities were over, they'd remember and Bob would take them away.

The three then appeared in the Town Hall of Smash Town. They arrived to see Isabelle and Daniel dragging the dead lady Byleth out of the building, after having just disposed of the male. Blood stained the carpet where the two Byleths were slain.

"Was that… me?"

"Yeah," Bob replied, "She joined Blue Lions… then I killed her," Bob took another drink from his bottle, "So after she's done getting rid of the corpse, Isabelle will help you two settle in. Feel free to mingle with the other fighters. I gotta go," Bob opened up a portal and jumped in, closing it behind him. The lady Byleth and Edelgard were simply dumbfounded at everything that had happened.

**Hello everyone, Ted here. I know I'm still fucking up. But I gotta be honest, the quantity of dares are getting out of hand. Ten for each person seems like a lot when there are about ten or so people leaving dares. So I'll just say this. I will only do at least five dares from each request. Maybe I'll do more if the story calls for it or I find it funny, but yeah, at least five. Twenty thousand word chapters are crazy.**

**Also, I've seen dares that, while they are good, seem to be better bonus chapter material (like last chapter with Sans and Kratos). Off the top of my head, I'm thinking of Mario and Sonic reacting to the new Sonic movie MST3K style, The Smashers in the infinate Ikea (may be it's own story), and Agents 3 and 8 going through an Aperture Science testing course. This will allow me to put out updates more frequently since I don't need to write so much at one time. So please keep submitting your crazier ideas, you never know what'll turn into it's own chapter.**


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